I felt Jake's hands on my shoulders, turning me slowly. I looked up into his eyes, they were filled with tears too. I suppose we had both reached our braking points. And I had finally broken him in a way by denying him again.
I squeezed my eyes shut letting big droplets of tears fall.
He asked again slowly, "Do you love him, Bells?"
I nodded and a sob worked its way through my body. But that answer wasn't good enough for him. Again he asked. "Do you love him?" I could hear the tightness in his voice.
"I think so," I sniffled.
"Not good enough Bells."
But it was true, I still had some feeling that held me to Edward. There was definitely something there. But . . .
"How about this, do you love me too?" I could hear the hope and longing in his voice. I could feel that same hope and longing inside me as well.
...
Finally I opened my eyes looking into his deep brown eyes, seeing the genuine love that he radiated. At that moment I wanted to say yes. I realized that it was undoubtedly true. I did love him too.
And than as if the fates had it out against me I remember the Volturi. I remember the promise we had to make. And the danger that would bring to everyone around me if that promise wasn't met.
Everyone I held dear would be in danger and I couldn't have that.
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach and began to churn uncomfortably. My head began to pound behind my eyes.
"Oh, Jake," I whispered , reaching up to caress his cheek. He melted at my touch placing his hand over mine and holding against him. "It's just not that simple."
I hated that I was hurting him. It was because his pain hurt me, to. Jacob had become a part of me, and there was no changing that now.
"It can be," he said hopefully. Gathering both my small hands in his own larger ones and bring them up and kissing them softly. "Please, if you feel anything no matter how small or Insignificant you might think it is, please. Let me know."
I bowed my head, unable to betray my feelings even to protect him from what was sure to came. He should at least have this little bit from me. Right?
"So, Do-" He pause licking his lips, not sure if he should ask again. "Do you love me, Bells?"
Just as I was about to answer his question I began to feel sick. The feeling I had been pushing away for a couple of day caught up with me. This time a wave of dizziness came over me and I swayed. Jake was fast to put his hand around me holding me to him.
"Bells, are you okay?" He asked, I could hear the worry in his voice.
"I haven't been feeling to great lately. I don't know maybe it's stress?"
Again the wave hit me and I felt like I was going to hurl. I tried pushing at Jake so it wouldn't be on him but he picked me up carrying me to the bike. I felt so weak all of a sudden. My body ached and my head spun. It was weird. How had I gotten this sick this fast.
"Do you think you can hold on to me?" He asked quickly. I nodded slowly, but he didn't seem to believe that I could. Jake sat me in front of him facing him on the bike. He wrapped my legs around him and I wrapped my arms around him. I began to shiver though I felt so overheated.
Later I felt myself lifted again. I didn't remember the ride over, had I fallen asleep. I opened my eyes to see Jacob worriedly carrying my into his home. The door slammed rather loudly.
" Hey son where hav- What's happened? Is that Bella?" Billy's voice came in a rush.
"I don't know. A-a fever? Dad she's burning up bad."
"Well you holding her like that probably ain't helping, Put her on your sisters bed and go into the kitchen get a bowl with cold water. Get some ice in it, not to much and a few wash rags."
"Dad,"
"Go son! Now." I heard steps quickly disappear down the small hall. A few minutes I heard Jake come back in. "We need to break that fever."
"Shouldn't we take her to the clinic?" Jake asked, He was worried making me want to reach out and comfort, to let him know I was fine.
I woke again to Jake trying to get me to drink something. No doubt a homemade herbal tonic that was popular with the elders of the tribe. "Please, come on baby you have to drink this." He said holding to my lips. "It'll make you feel better."
I was so tired, what I needed was sleep. But I cooperated as best as could. Again I felt the cold rag against my head and my neck. It felt like such a relief.
I was awoken to drink something and I heard Billy ask how I was doing.
"The fever seems to have broken," Jake sighed.
"That's good. She should be fine for awhile. In the mean time you should get some sleep, son. You've been up for awhile now."
"No, I'm okay. I wanna stay here with her."
"Son. You need your rest to. You can't care for someone if your not at 100% yourself."
"I-" He was about to object again. But Billy insisted he go to his room and sleep. Reluctantly Jacob agreed.
I could feel a gentle shake of my arms and drowsily I look up into Jacobs worried face. "Hey," he smiled that smiled I so loved. "How are you feeling?"
I nodded my head a little, "Hey, I'm gonna get some sleep for a bit. But if you need anything I'll be right in my room. Call me and I'll come to you, Okay?"
I was going to answer, but I was so tired that before my could my eyes fluttered and sleep came to pulled me back into the darkest confines of my dreams. They where so real. All around was blood. I looked about and could see the Cullen's in pieces, and Wolves fighting the Volturi. All this because of me. Every time I woke I was relieved, but when I was dragged back into sleep it picked up where it left off.
The battle was so real, I saw Jake's wolf running into the fight and I screamed out in horror of what might happen to him. He shouldn't be there! I saw Jane walked into the field and set her sight on Jacob, I knew what she would do. I couldn't allow it. I ran to him pushing my self as fast as I could. Jake crumbled and wraith on the ground. I screamed and the Jane's red eyes filled with such Hatred turned to me. But I was immune to her gifts. So than it was back to Jacob. Strong arms grabbed at me pulling me away from the fight. I turned my head to see Edward, he was taking me away from Jake and Jake needed me. I needed to protect him! . . .
Finally I was able to open my eyes. I gasped clutching the sheets in my hand. trying to ground myself and remember were I was. I had been crying in my sleep. But it must have been silent because the wolf in the other room would have surely woken me up.
I sat slowly, looking around the dark room. A little light came in from under the seam of the door. The bath room light must have been on. Sniffling and wiping my eyes I made my way to Jake's room. I had to see him. He had to be okay.
As I made my way to his room I noticed all my layers had been removed. I was now in my camisole and boy shorts. He must have taken them off to get me cooled down.
His door was open, and I could see his Silhouette in what little the light afforded me. He was there but that wasn't enough for my overly active imagination. I lightly stepped into the room closing the distance between us and knelt in front of his bed.
He wasn't wearing a shirt and I looked closer at his chest and saw it rise and fall lightly with every breath he took, he looked so much younger while he slept, like there was no worries for him. It mad me feel sad. He had to grow up to fast. I hadn't realized that I was holding my breath until I let it out in a Woosh of relief.
Jake heard me and opened his eyes looking into mine. It took a second for the fog of sleep to clear before smiled and than remembered I was supposed to be sick.
"Bells what are you doing?" he asked leaning up on his right arm and feeling for the fever with the other. I sniffled and wiped my eyes again. "Oh, Bells are you okay? Why where you crying?"
