"Night on the Roof"
Seifer found Selphie lying in the field, eyes closed. She heard him walk up, but said nothing, instead continuing to enjoy the morning sun. Seifer nudged her with the toe of his boot. She grumbled an incoherent mess and heard him sigh.
"Day one of planting flowers for the new year and you're already done? Hyne, why'd you buy all these flowers then, Selphie?" Seifer complained.
She opened one eye. "I'm just taking a break. Sshhhh." She closed the eye.
"It's been thirty minutes."
A tiny smile appeared on her face. "I thought flowers and plants all went away and then came back!"
"We're only replanting the annuals and older perennials," Seifer said.
Selphie's eyes opened and she sat up. "Oh ho ho, that's fancy flower talk! You learn that from Amma?"
Seifer gave her a dry look. "It's one of the most basic things, only beat by 'plants need water and sunlight.'" He started walking away, but Selphie wouldn't let him escape so easily.
"Right, right. Any other basic things I should know, Mr. Plant Lover?" she asked, hopping to her feet and walking alongside him.
"You're the one who bought the Hyne-damned flower fields, Tilmitt," he insisted.
"And you're the one who gets a glow in his eye when you're doing gardeny shit," she insisted right back.
"Hyne, you're insufferable," he exclaimed.
They stopped walking and faced each other.
"Just leave the flowers to me, okay?" he said.
Selphie laughed and wagged a finger. "Ha! I'm not giving up that easily. Who do you think you're talking to? Did you forget it was unforgettable me?"
Seifer put his hands on his hips. "It's a big field," he said.
"I can handle it," she snapped back, waving her whole hand in the air now. "It'll go 50% faster with me here."
"Thirty!" he shot back.
Selphie's face screwed up. "Thirty-five."
They again stared at each other, Seifer with his narrowed eyes and folded arms, and Selphie with a challenging smile. Eventually, Seifer gave in and said, "Fine, thirty-five. But no breaks until you've actually planted some fucking bulbs and seeds."
"All right, all right," Selphie said, putting her hands up. "Teach me, Sir Flower."
Seifer looked like he wanted to argue the name, but he just gave a dejected sigh and then motioned with a hand for her to continue following him. "Lady Sunshine." That had her giggling the whole way.
Surprisingly, they managed to get a full quarter of the plants done that needed replanting by the time they took their break at noon. Selphie made lemonade while Seifer sizzled up some eggs and sausage. They sat at the table outside, Boko under it with his tail on Selphie's feet and his snout on Seifer's, fast asleep.
"Do you think we should re-subscribe to the local newspaper?" Selphie mused as she twirled her fork in the air, watching the grease fall from the sausage onto her plate.
The fork was halfway to Seifer's mouth when he stopped and gave her a look that screamed "Are you fucking kidding me?" Instead, he calmly said, "Yeah, maybe when we're eighty."
"Ha, we gonna be roomies at eighty still?" she joked and then put the sausage in her mouth.
Seifer just shook his head and continued eating, but what had been a joke now took serious root in Selphie's mind. Obviously, they wouldn't still be roomies at eighty, but when exactly would they finally go their separate ways? She watched Seifer eat, her lips pursed, eyes unsure. It had only been about half a year, them being in February, and Selphie had enjoyed every minute. Being with Seifer was both difficult and easy at the same time, but she wouldn't have it any other way, because when it was difficult, it wasn't a bad difficult.
"Tilmitt, stop watching me. You're freaking me out," Seifer muttered on the other side of the table.
"Huh? Oh, ha, sorry." She gazed down at her expertly-cooked food, moving another sausage link around on her plate.
There was the clink of silverware on Seifer's plate and then he asked, "What?"
She looked up sharply, noticed he had stopped eating and was giving her an intense look. "Huh?" she said again.
"What's wrong?" he asked bluntly.
"Oh, nothing's wrong. Today's a good day," she said, and it was no lie at all.
Seifer glanced down. "If the food sucks, just tell me."
"What—" She shut her mouth. "No, the food is . . ." Her eyes and voice softened. "The food is great."
He gave her a wary look.
Selphie stuffed the rest of the eggs and sausage into her mouth at once and gave him a thumbs up. Through a full mouth, she said, "See?"
"Hyne," Seifer muttered. "Drink some water before you choke to death."
They went back to the fields shortly after and finished another quarter before calling it a day. Selphie went straight to the main room and took a three hour nap on the couch. She woke up with a blanket draped over her. It was dark out and both Boko and Seifer weren't inside. Keeping the blanket wrapped around her body, Selphie wandered outside and called for Boko. He barked from the front of the house and she found him on the porch, right under the legs of Seifer, who was sitting on the roof. She climbed the ladder he had propped up against the side of the house and took a seat next to him.
"Thanks for the blanket," she said.
Seifer gave her the tiniest of glances. "It wasn't me, it was Boko."
Selphie rolled her eyes, but said nothing. She swung her legs back and forth and gazed at the stars, thinking of all the nights she had done something similar at Trabia. Back then, she'd had Luna and Mira on her side. It was sad to think now she'd never have either on her side. Despite the waves Sanctus had made, gaining partially what it had wanted, Mira was still in prison. So was Raijin. And though Selphie had no personal part in his actions, she still felt the full ferocity of the blame for putting him there.
She'd never talked to Seifer about Fujin and Raijin, and he'd never even mentioned them. Enough time had passed that it should have been okay to talk about it. It would never be painless, of course, but eventually, putting it off too long would have no effect. It would be so far behind that it wouldn't mean anything to their relationship, and Selphie didn't want that. She wanted to stay Seifer's good friend, she wanted to have with him what no one else had. It was a selfish thing to think, to want, but after so many years of doing hardly anything for herself, for not really wanting anything for herself, she thought maybe she deserved at least this one selfish thing.
Maybe right then wasn't the best moment, but the night was quiet, and they were sober and calm. Most of all, it was pressing against her chest harder the more she thought about it.
Seifer hated "talking." She knew that from the start, and especially after the orphanage when they worked together to hunt down Sanctus. At least this time she wouldn't be crying. She'd gotten most of that out of the way; she was better now. They both were. So this "talk" would be different in all the best ways.
Selphie hugged the blanket tighter around her. "Seifer?"
He tilted his head towards her ever so slightly.
"About Fujin . . ."
Now that she was actually saying it, the words were doing their best to stay inside. Selphie had to pry them from her mind, force them into the air. She saw Seifer tense in the corner of her eye, but he said nothing to stop her from continuing her line of thought. "Maybe it's too late to say that I'm sorry. And maybe I shouldn't have to, because I did . . . what I had to. And yet, knowing that doesn't make it any better. I may have saved Garden, but I hurt you. There was nothing I could have done in that moment to save both Garden and stop anything from hurting you. I hate that. I hate that I was forced to . . ." She sighed a little angrily. "Not sacrifice one of you, but . . ."
Do you know what I mean? Does any of this make sense? Or do you just wish I would stop?
Selphie looked over at him so she would no longer have to rely on her peripherals. The man was still tense, most of the tension held in his face. He was glaring out at the darkness, mouth twisted in a pained frown.
She continued in a quiet voice. "I couldn't see you for awhile after it happened. I don't know how you could come and see me before you left. I mean, I'm glad you did. If you hadn't lent me the jacket . . . I honestly might not have gone back to Winhill."
Seifer's glaring eyes shifted downwards to where Boko was running in circles chasing firebugs. The glare softened a little, but that frown was still there.
Selphie's grip on the blanket faltered just enough for it to slip down over her shoulders and pool around her hips. She made no attempt to bring it back up. Her trembling wasn't a shiver from the cold.
"I . . ." She made another angry sound as the words failed, and her fist came up near her chest. "I want to know that you forgive me!" she half-shouted. "Because I can't . . . I've tried to forgive myself but I can't . . . Not until I know that . . . that what I did . . ." She stopped and this time let the words stay trapped in her mind. She'd said enough—at least, what she had really wanted to say.
After a moment of silence, Selphie forced herself to look over at Seifer. He still wasn't looking at her, and as frustrating as it was, she let it be. He needed to deal with her words in the way that was best for him.
Asking his forgiveness wasn't one of her silly jokes this time. She had been scared to ask, and now after she finally had, she was even more terrified because now he was there to actually answer.
Eventually, he did speak, his eyes still following Boko. His voice was more matter-of-fact than the nervousness or anger she was expecting. "It wasn't you I had to forgive. You did something for me back there that I dunno if I can ever repay. If you hadn't, you wouldn't be here right now. Neither of us would be."
Selphie flinched, but her terror was gone, wiped away with his words. Instead, she was almost baffled that he hadn't even thought of it as something he had to forgive her for. Though he hadn't said who it was he did have to forgive, Selphie suspected he was talking about Fujin.
And he had seen Selphie's action as, What . . . ? Something that he can never repay? Why? Because he didn't have to stop Fujin himself? Her lips rounded. If he had killed Fujin instead of me, where would he be now?
I don't want to think about it. Seifer's here now. So am I. Everything turned out . . . Everything turned out okay, didn't it? Yeah.
"You made the right choice," Seifer said. "And Fujin and Raijin made their own, right or wrong."
Just like you did when you left with Edea that day in Timber.
At least Raijin had made it out alive. Though he still had nine more years on his sentence, stuck in the D-District prison, he was alive. And after he was out, he could make another life for himself. He would be free of his attachment to Fujin and Seifer completely. There was something exciting and terrifying about that newfound freedom, and Selphie almost envied it.
Still, he was unwillingly put in that position because of Selphie and Seifer—and of course from his own choice, but she and Seifer had directly put him there.
"I didn't expect to see you again," Seifer admitted, pulling Selphie from her thoughts. His eyes were almost wistful now, but the frown was gone. He finally looked over at her and the look in his eyes was entirely disarming—Selphie almost leaned away. "I'm glad I was wrong."
Selphie's cheeks warmed, and the blue lump in her stomach squirmed joyfully. "Oh. That's nice."
Seifer shook his head a little and looked away again much to her disappointment. "Look, Tilmitt, I've put up with your shit for months now, but we gotta get something clear."
The blump lump stopped squirming in alarm. "What?"
"Sometimes you go too far. You need to think things through. At this point, I'm glad you bought the house, okay, but . . ." He sighed. "You need to consult me. You don't live by yourself."
Oh. She brought her shoulders in. Well, he's right.
"Right. No more shenanigans," Selphie promised.
Again, Seifer sighed. "No, that's not what I meant." He put out a gesturing hand. "Just consult me before you go through with some of them. You'll know which ones; you're smart."
Selphie chuckled a little. "I guess I have a little too much fun. But it's my last few months being twenty-something. Maybe I'm trying to get it all out before thirty hits."
"Hey," Seifer complained, "thirty doesn't mean you're dead."
She bit her lip to keep back another laugh. "Okay, okay, you're right. It means I'll be almost dead." Seifer's smile had the blue lump in her stomach squirming again and she smiled out at the stars herself. "I'll talk to you. Consult with you. We should make decisions together."
The blanket seemed to magically move up over her shoulders again, until she turned just as Seifer was retracting his hand. She pulled the blanket tight like it was when she first got on the roof. "Thanks," she said. "I assume Boko told you to do that."
"He did."
"Ha. Right." She vigorously swung her legs some more then stopped them abruptly. "So, keeping my promise here, do you mind if lay my head on your shoulder?"
Seifer tried to give her an annoyed look, but it fell away almost instantly when he met her eyes. Then he just rolled his. "Fine."
Selphie scooted over and lay her head against his arm. A moment later, his arm moved away and she was about to complain, but then he put the arm around her. Her cheeks grew even warmer this time, but luckily he wasn't looking at her. So she just smiled to herself in surprise and looked out at the stars.
Huh.
