A/N: So I know I pretty much suck for taking so long on this chapter, I've actually had this chapter done for a while now, but I've been hesitant about posting it. But after editing and reading it a thousand and one times I'm finally proud of it. So please read, review and let me know what you think. Specifics are always amazing and help me so much!

I'm going out of town till Wednesday but I'm taking my journal with me so I can write while I'm gone. I promise, to make up for my slackerness, the next chapter will be up by Wednesday night, Thursday morning at the latest. If it's not up by Thursday you can send out the search and rescue to look for me. :)

This chapter is dedicated to Rockergirluntil4ever. You're amazing ideas and review totally got me out of my writers block. So thanks! And thanks to everyone else who reviewed, you all give me motivation to write and help me with ideas!

Just fyi, this chapters name is from the song Memory by Sugarcult.

All right, now..Happy reading!

Chapter 7: Holding On to Feel the Same

Jude yawned, and shrugged off her dream. She had had that one with the wedding again; it didn't seem to be going away. As she slumped her way downstairs she found Sadie sitting at the kitchen counter drinking her coffee and reading the tabloids. When Jude entered, Sadie glanced up, smiled and returned to reading.

"Good morning to you too." Jude said sarcastically.

"Oh I'm sorry," Sadie responded, with just as much sarcasm, "did you want a parade with 16 trombones to welcome you into the waking world?"

Jude rolled her eyes, and Sadie smiled. She had missed her little sister, she loved having someone to bicker with, light heartily of coarse.

Jude would never admit it, but she too had missed this; Sadie's harsh remarks given with a smile, their morning bickering, it was home. Jude returned the smile and poured her own coffee. She downed it quickly and returned to the coffee pot to pour herself another.

"You okay there?" Sadie asked, she had clearly noticed Jude's quick refill.

"Yeah. Rough night."

"Really? I would have thought bumping into your ex and sharing a very heart felt, and rather awkward, moment over a song would have been very relaxing."

Jude sighed, "Lay off the sarcasm already." Jude looked at her sister, seriousness filling her features, causing Sadie to stiffen. "Yeah, that was hard and weird and apparently noticeable." She raised her eyebrows at her sister. "So were you just watching me like a hawk or did we really scream for that much attention?"

Sadie paused, "Well, I was watching you more than others, simply because I am your older sister and it is my job, but when ever you and Tommy share one of your looks, the whole world tends to notice. I mean, all that tension is kind of hard to miss." She paused again, thinking. "So..What was that about anyways?"

Jude hesitated, picking her words carefully. "I really don't know. It's just that song. It's our song. And it just caught me, well us, off guard. And the next thing I knew, we were staring into each others eyes and every emotion I had put away came flying back into my face and there it was. If you were to ask me then, I would have told you how much I loved him and that nothing could stand in my way, but after the song...his face...it was so conflicted. And that brought Sasha back into the picture, and I just don't think I can cause someone else that kind of pain. Especially when I'm the reason we aren't together. You know?"

"Yeah, I know. But, Jude, this is Tommy. I learned long ago that nothing could keep you apart. Jamie couldn't, I couldn't, Spiederman couldn't, his mistakes couldn't and neither can yours."

Jude gave a half-smile at this thought. It was true, no matter what had happened, they always found their way back to each other. But that was then, when nothing big stood in the way; when it was only them and their problems it had always worked, but now there was a new girl, and she wasn't just some chick he picked up, she was his fiancé and that added all sorts of distance between their relationship. They had never had this much between them and she wasn't sure it was possible to find away around it.

Sadie was about to add something else, but decided against it. Feeling her point had been made, she left her sister to think and ran upstairs to get ready.

--

Forty minutes later, Sadie was running though the house yelling how late she was for her date and how lost her keys were. Jude looked up from her guitar and journal-which was still empty-and grabbed Sadie's keys from the coffee table tossing them to her panicked sister. Sadie quickly thanked her and ran out of the house.

A few minutes later, Jude heard a knocking at the door. She ran to the door and swung it open, "Man Sadie, did you forget your house key too?" Jude had been laughing but when the door fully opened she stopped. Tommy.

He smirked, "Well, it's not the first time I've been called a girl." They both sat silent for a minute, Jude in shock and Tommy reminiscing over all the times Jude had called him a girl for his hair products and clean and 'manicured' appearance. She really enjoyed calling him a girl. Or at least she used to. Tommy had found himself thinking of the past a lot lately, and it scared him. He couldn't think about her, he couldn't like thinking about her, it would only cause problems. And yet he couldn't not think about her. She was Jude after all.

"Hey." Jude squeaked out, quietly. Is this what Tommy felt like when I showed up at his door? Jude thought, then inwardly laughed, Well at least I don't have coffee down my shirt.

"Hey. So, last night..." He paused, "Last night, it showed me something."

"Oh?" Jude asked, truly intrigued now but also terribly horrified at the possible rejection she faced.

"Yeah, it showed me we can't..."

Be friends... Jude mentally finished, prepping herself for the tragedy she faced.

"We can't keep tiptoeing around each other as if you never came back. Cause you did. And now we have to deal with it."

"Deal with it how, exactly?" Jude was somewhat relieved he hadn't said they couldn't see each other, but still feared what his solution was.

"Well, I was hoping...we could be friends?" He had meant it as a statement, but it came out as more of a question.

Jude was stunned. She had never expected this, not in a million years. Yes, she had hoped for it, but never expected it. After a moment Jude realized Tommy was squirming, waiting for her answer. Oh crap. Jude thought, as she realized she never answered him.

"Yes...yes of coarse." Jude said, her smile growing.

Tommy let out a sigh of relief. "Good." His smile grew too.

"So, what now?"

"Well, what do friends do?"

Jude thought for a moment, before her face lit up. "I have an idea. She grabbed her jacket off it's hook and slipped her shoes on.

"Let's go."

Jude was half way to his viper when she realized he wasn't behind her. Looking around she spotted him still standing on the porch looking amused. "Coming?" Jude asked, wondering what he thought was so funny, as Tommy started to laugh. "What?"

"Jude." He paused, regaining his composer, "Pajamas? Really?"

Jude looked down and gasped, realizing she was still in her pajamas, which consisted of a white tank top and dark blue flannel bottoms. "Right." She blushed, as she ran inside and up the stairs, yelling behind her, "Make your self comfortable."

Tommy walked in and shut the door behind him. He stood there for a moment, before walking into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and perused the contents. Finally settling on one of Sadie's breakfast burritos that she had obviously made for Jude.

"Hey Tomm-" Jude stopped short, half shocked and half amused. "Are you eating my burrito?" She let out a chuckle.

"Well you did say make yourself comfortable. And I couldn't possibly be comfortable when I'm sooo hungry." He rubbed his stomach and pouted his lip for effect.

Jude rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Did you at least save me some?" Tommy held up a second burrito. "She made two."

Jude laughed and snatched it from his hands and popped it into the microwave. "Your just lucky its still early, otherwise I might have had to kick your butt, Quincy."

"Really? Well then I guess I am lucky, wouldn't want to anger little old Jude Harrison." He put his hands up in surrender and widened his eyes in mock fear. "Never"

They both just laughed and began eating.

--

A breakfast burrito and two coffees later, Jude now sat next to Tommy in the viper.

"Can't you just tell me where to go? I hate being given directions. Especially when I don't know the destination." Tommy whined, for the third time.

"Can't you just let me drive?" Jude matched him, whine for whine.

Tommy glanced at her, finally admitting defeat. "Fine. Whatever, don't tell me where we're going."

"Kay." Jude said, grinning contently. She loved having the power.

"Turn left here." She said, pointing to a street ahead. "Ooh! I love this song!" Jude cranked the radio and began to rock out.

Tommy couldn't help but laugh as he watched her. She was quite the site, playing air guitar, throwing in drums occasionally and singing along.

Noticing that she was being watched, Jude smacked Tommy's arm and insisted he sing along. "Oh c'mon you know you want to!"

Tommy finally gave in and began singing along. He played the drums on the steering wheel and sang back up while she played air guitar. They laughed until it hurt and sang until the song ended. Tommy hit one final drum beat to end the song and Jude clapped, clearly pleased. "Who knew 'lil Tommy Q was so instrumentally versatile.." She said, nudging him with her elbow. "I mean the drums? Really? Guitar maybe, maybe. But drums?"

Tommy acted offended, "Hey! I play guitar better than you! And I can do anything, I'm that amazing!"

"Clearly modest too."

"Oh, yeah. You know me."

"And just for the record, there is no way you play guitar better than me! I could school you any day!"

Tommy just scoffed. "Really?"

Jude nodded confidently.

"Prove it. After this mystery destination I'm declaring a guitar duel."

Jude laughed, "I'm sorry, did you just use the word 'duel'? What is this?"

Tommy just rolled his eyes, "Sure, make fun. You know your scared."

"Yeah. uh-huh. Sure."

They sat laughing for a minute longer, while Jude continued directing Tommy.

--

"This is where we're going? Your brilliant idea?" Tommy looked out the Viper's window at the arcade that sat across the street. It looked slightly run down and relatively empty.

"Yup. Sadie and I used to come here all the time when we were younger." Jude opened the car door and hopped out. Running across the street, motioning Tommy to join her. "Quincy, get your butt over here! You're gonna miss all the fun!"

Tommy opened his door, "Well we can't have that, can we?"

Jude just shook her head and watched as he ran to join her. They linked arms and walked in.

They spent the rest of the morning playing and bickering (with sarcasm, or coarse) and challenging each other to every game they found. By the time they left, Jude was holding a crown and Tommy a giant teddy bear, they had won with their tickets. Jude placed the crown on her head, declaring herself 'Queen of the Arcade'.

Tommy just scoffed, "More like drama queen." A smile spread on his lips as he caught a glimpse of Jude, her face offended but her eyes amused. She smacked his arm and they both laughed. "My apologies, your majesty." He bowed, causing Jude to laugh even harder, then handed her the teddy bear, "Consider this my apology." Jude just smiled and happily accepted it, but paused looking into his eyes, and it was there that she found the true love behind the gesture. Causing her to smile to go bigger.

"You know, now that I am Queen and all, I think I should drive."

Tommy just stared at her, jaw dropped and then looked at his Viper. "After your sixteenth birthday incident? Unlikely."

"It was one dog and I didn't even hit it. I stopped a good two feet away." Jude defended.

"Yeah, but there was also the jogger, the mailbox the sidewalk and the four stop signs that you narrowly missed. Like I said, unlikely."

Jude bowed her head slightly in defeat, stuck out her lip and put on her best puppy dog eyes.

Tommy looked away, knowing he couldn't resist those eyes, and shook his head while increasing his speed to the car. He got in and looked straight ahead, not giving Jude the chance to change his mind. But that didn't stop her from trying. "No." He said, serious. "No, no, no, no, no." His voice getting a little weaker with each 'no', his defenses falling. He had to start driving or he'd give in. Jude knew it was working. Tommy put the keys in the ignition and was about to turn when he heard Jude yell.

"What is that?" She pointed through his window and when he turned she snatched the keys out of the ignition, laughing evilly when he returned his gaze to her. She shook the keys in the air and proceeded to laugh. Tommy paused, then, with a small smile, stared into her eyes. Jude's biggest weakness. He put all his energy into that look and soon Jude was lost in it. He took the opportunity and snatched the keys back, leaving Jude shocked.

"Nice try Harrison. Now if I recall we have a duel to get to." He smiled and started the car.

Jude slumped down in her seat and stuck her lip out. "No fair."

Tommy just laughed and turned up the music. "Oh C'mon, I'll tell you what. If you win the guitar duel I'll let you drive it for a whole day. A solid 24 hours. Deal?"

Jude lit up immediately and shook the hand he held out. "Deal."

--

As they drove, Tommy looked at Jude, who was still clinging to the bear. "So this bear, it needs a name."

Jude looked up surprised, but highly amused. "Yes, yes it does. Alright, Mr. 'Im so good at everything', you name it."

"Well, we could name it after something random you love." He paused, and Jude waited, "Like Waffles."

"Hmm...Waffles. I like it. But I was thinking that since you won it, we should call him Little Q. and get him some parachute pants." Jude laughed, pretty proud of herself.

Tommy pretended to consider it, stroking his chin for effect, "Yes, I like it. Although, since you are queen and all, maybe we should name it after you. We could get it a star ring, or bracelet, and some designer jeans. Of coarse," he paused, "it won't have your beautiful eyes but it'll be close enough."

Jude stared at him, they had come to a red light and he was now staring into her eyes. Beautiful? Jude thought. All doubts left her mind as his eyes filled hers, this-in her mind-felt perfect. What Jude didn't know was that it felt that way to Tommy too. They slowly leaned closer, she could feel the kiss coming. They grew closer and closer together and were nearly together now. Jude closed her eyes and started to lean closer. Closer. She waited. She could feel his breath on her lips as he too grew closer. They moved the final distance and were just about to kiss when a loud noise forced them apart.

HONK!

Jude's eyes flew open, the light was now green and the car behind them was growing impatient. It honked again, this time bringing Tommy fully back to reality. He hit the gas, gripped the steering wheel, and stared straight forward. His mind going crazy.

What was I thinking? I'm engaged! I can't be kissing Jude. Oh, kissing Jude.

His mind paused on those words as the urge to kiss her filled his body. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel until his knuckles went white and focused entirely too hard on the road.

Jude finally found the courage to look at Tommy. Out of the corner of her eye she could see his troubled expression, his focused eyes and his knuckles growing whiter by the second. Clearly this had affected him too. Jude sighed quietly and leaned back, her grip tightening on the door handle, until her knuckles too were white. Being around him was going to be harder than she thought.

--

It was when they came to another stop light that Tommy finally broke the silence. "Where do you want to go?"

Jude looked up at him, his eyes still on the road, and thought over what the best option would be. Maybe if I act like it didn't happen we can continue our friend day. A friend Tommy is better than no Tommy. She considered it once more before answering with a smile, "Well I do believe we have a duel to get too."

Tommy glanced at her, surprised. He saw the look in her eyes and immediately knew her plan. Act like it didn't happen, and we'll go on with our day. He nodded, and smiled. "Why, yes, Queen Harrison I do believe we do. But before we get there, I do believe this bear needs a name. So we have it down to Waffles and Little Q. So I guess the question is-Is it a boy or a girl?"

Jude picked up the bear and examined it. Taking into account it's warm light brown fur and the spiked hair that poofed up between it's ears, she came to a conclusion. "It's definitely a boy. See it's spiked hair, he clearly uses hair gel, and it's light brown fur-he clearly has been outside a lot to get that kind of a tan. Lets see...hair gel and tan skin..who does that remind you of?" She pretended to be thinking while she looked at Tommy. "Hmmm.. I feel like the answer is right in front of me."

Tommy rolled his eyes, and she laughed. "Alright," he said, "Little Q. it is. But the next one is gonna be Waffles. I happen to like the name."

Jude looked up, surprised, "Next one?"

"Well yeah, I have to win back the title of 'King of the Arcade'." He said matter-of-factly. He raised his eye brows and laughed, "Unless you think you can defend it?"

Jude laughed at the challenge, "Fine. But be warned Quincy, I never loose."

Tommy once again laughed, and pointed to G-Major, "Well get use to it Harrison, cause your about to start loosing now."

Jude was thrown off, she hadn't even noticed it when they'd parked in front of her old label. She didn't know how she felt about going in and hesitated greatly before opening her car door, as memories of a failed album and the end of her contract came flooding back

Tommy noticed her hesitation and opened her door for her, he leaned down and crouched in front of her. "It'll be fine. Trust me. Just remember the fun, the late nights, the coffee, the sandwiches."

"Oh! The sandwiches. Is Kwest here?"

Tommy laughed, stood up and offered his hand to help her up. She took it and they began to walk in. "I see how it is, it's all about the food is it?"

"I'm sorry Tommy, but your nothing compared to Kwest's sandwiches. It's just the way it its." She nudged him with her elbow and shrugged. Laughing when he pretended to pout. They were both laughing when they finally made it through the doors.

Heads turned at the sound of the loud laughter, and people stood shocked at the source. Jude was looking at Tommy and he looked at her. Each making an effort to stop laughing, but the sight of the other's red face kept them going. When they finally calmed down, they noticed the looks they were being given.

"Sheesh, who died?" Jude asked.

No one made an effort to hide their shock or explain it. They just stood staring.

"I swear the way they're looking at us, you'd think they'd thought you'd died instead of just leaving the country." Tommy laughed.

"Lets go to studio B." Jude said, as she spotted its door above all the shocked employees. "Away from the shock and awe. I think they need a minute to recover."

They both laughed as they walked into the studio. Tommy grabbed two acoustic guitars and gave Jude her pick. They got comfortable in the chairs and tuned each one.

Once they were both ready, Tommy lowered his voice so that it seemed more serious-even though laughter still seeped in. "Let the duel begin." He nodded to Jude to begin.

She played a series of chords and then nodded to Tommy. He replayed it to perfection and then played his own series of notes. It went on like that for quite some time. Nothing less than perfection from each person. After a half an hour it stood at a tie.

Their fingers ached and their throats hurt from the laughing.

"What do you say we take a break, get a drink and let our fingers recover."

Tommy happily accepted Jude's suggestion and stood to get them some drinks. All right, be right back.

When Tommy returned with two coffees in hand, he spotted Jude leaning over her journal with a pen in hand and a scowl on her face.

"I swear girl, do you ever leave home with out that thing?"

Jude jumped at the sound of his voice, she had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't heard him enter the room. "Well," she blushed and lowered her head, "I've had writers block and couldn't risk getting inspired and not having it."

"Jude Harrison has writers block? I never thought I'd see the day."

"Hey. I've had it before, it's just you've always-"

Tommy nodded, he'd always been the one to pull her out of it.

"Alright then, lets see it." He reached out his hand.

Jude shook her head and held it up, "See? Nothing. Just a blank page. That's how blocked I am. I can't even get one line out."

Tommy laughed, "Man, you've so lost it." He was totally teasing and knew he'd get a reaction.

Jude knew what he was playing at, but gave in none the less, "Yeah, I know. It's a real shame. Maybe it's cause I had a crappy producer for all those years. He just sucked it all out of me."

Tommy looked shocked, but fought back laughter, "Oh. Yeah. I heard about him. Rough guy. I did hear he was terribly good looking, though, and amazing at his job."

Jude tried to respond, but her laughter won out and soon Tommy's laughter broke through too. They sat like that for a while, laughing, drinking coffee and joking around.

Jude was in the middle of making fun of Tommy for his boy band days when Sadie poked her head in. "Hey guys. Didn't see you come in." She looked from Jude to Tommy and back at Jude, with a surprised expression on her face.

Jude and Tommy both turned to face her, and Jude responded, "Well, it's hard to see anything when you're lost in Kwest's eyes."

She then began making kissing noises toward her and soon Tommy joined. Sadie grabbed a marker from the shelf inside the door and threw it at them before leaving. Laughing as she made her way back to Kwest.

Jude looked at Tommy, surprised to see a black line across his forehead. He looked so pitiful. He looked up at her, and with a lip jutted out, said, "I can't believe she threw a marker at me. And one that didn't even have the lid on all the way."

Jude about fell off her chair laughing. "In her defense, I think the lid got caught on your hair gel."

"Ha. Ha. Real funny." He had meant it sarcastically, but the tone had gotten lost in his laugh.

Jude laughed harder at his failed attempt at sarcasm, causing Tommy to seek revenge. He picked up the marker and when Jude was looking down trying to catch her breath, drew a straight line across her forehead. "Ha!"

Jude looked shocked, before shrugging it off. "Well at least we match. Maybe we'll start a new trend."

Tommy just shrugged and they went back to laughing.

Ten minutes later Sadie poked her head in and asked Jude if she needed a ride. Jude accepted, grabbed her bear and left.

Tommy finally calmed himself down, getting all the laughter out of his system before he went to see Kwest.

They talked for a while, mostly about his improving relationship with Sadie, and slightly about Tommy's friendship day with Jude.

After a while, Darius came by and shot them a look that said, 'Get to work', before once again mumbling something about them being a bunch of girls.

Tommy and Kwest chuckled and went back to work.

When Tommy reentered Studio B later that night to get his coat he spotted something brown out of the corner of his eye. He did a double take and realized it was Jude's journal. He picked it up and was about to open the cover when he stopped himself.

I can't read this. That would totally be wrong. But she did have writers block. Maybe I could look at her old stuff and help.

He deliberated over it for a few minutes before finally making a choice.

He flipped open the cover and turned the pages to where her London writing began. His eyes grew wider with every song. Songs of love, regret, do overs, and apologies.

Every song was about him.