Author's Notes: Hello dear and wonderful readers!
Not a very long chapter, but I thought I needed to write a little something. I've been falling behind lately, but I assure you that I am not giving up on any of my stories, and I hope you stick around for the long run!
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Alright, I should let you all enjoy the chapter now. Lol.
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XOXO-SharaMoon
It has been three years since I had that horrific dream. It was one that wouldn't just go away. I wouldn't let it go away. Almost every night, before I would close my eyes for sleep, it would pop into my mind. The girl that looked so much like me, the one with the intelligent eyes always came back. I never had the same dream again over the course of these years, but it was like she was always there. I could always see her when I closed my eyes.
I wasn't afraid of that anymore. It became regular routine for me, so much that I knew that when I closed my eyes for bed that her face would surface behind my lids. It…just became a part of me, I guess. I should be afraid of that, that I thought about a dream being part of who I was. That was crazy…maybe delusional.
I felt like I was losing a part of myself though. Ever since that night I never felt exactly the same. I felt…lonely. It was as if when I looked in the mirror, I wasn't seeing all there was to see. I was like a shadow, an outline of a painting that had not been finished. It was the only way I could describe the feeling.
It wasn't only that. Eric, he had become distant. Of course, he was still around over the three years, but he wouldn't ever meet my glances when I tried to get his attention and believe me, I've tried. The little things that we once shared seemed to disappear so suddenly, so rapidly that it made my head spin. Whenever I did catch his attention, for a brief moment I could always see some form of guilt in his eyes, but it vanished before I could ever ask him what was wrong.
I tried not to think about it, because whenever I did, it would hurt so much. I cared about him and he wasn't acting the way my Eric normally would. He used to be the type of person that always made sure I was doing alright, asked me about my day when he thought I was upset. Now, he tries to avoid it. Maybe he knows something I don't know, I have no idea. It was almost as if he was…timid when he came around me. He never got too close, like if he did, something would happen.
I missed the nights where he would come into my room and lay at my side. I missed pushing my arm around him and holding him tightly as I fell asleep. He has always been my security blanket and that had been ripped right from under me. I felt exposed…in some way.
"You seem deep in thought."
I jumped at the sound of his voice. I turned around suddenly, flashing him a narrowed eyed glance as I did so. Putting my hands on my hips, I huffed a sigh.
"I usually am." I allowed. "What are you doing here? You know I have work tonight."
"I came to take you there." Eric leaned against my wall, farthest away from where I was standing, by my closet.
The distance thing really hurt me. I didn't understand it, I still couldn't. Why would he change out of nowhere toward me? I tried to meet his eyes and there it was, once again. He wouldn't meet my gazes. I watched as his eyes flicked to mine and then down at the floor.
I sighed. "I think I am perfectly able to head to Merlotte's myself, Eric. I've done it before."
"There are a lot of vampires prowling tonight, Sookie. I think it would be best…"
"Nope. I've seen a bunch of vampires, Eric. It's not like I can't handle myself." I crossed my arms.
"Sookie…" There was his bitten tone.
"Eric." I mocked.
Finally, he sighed. "You have no idea what is out there, Sookie. There are more than just vampires…more than your little eyes can see. Not all vampires are like me, not all of them are nice."
"You? Nice?" I scoffed playfully, but he didn't seem to be having that. "Eric, I have yet to meet a bad vampire. This is Bon Temps were talking about."
"Even better for a vampire. A small town with a bunch of land to hide bodies when they drain them dry."
"You aren't going to give up are you?" I sighed.
"I never give up."
"Yeah you do." I whispered and my eyes widened. I…didn't mean to say that.
"What did you say?" Eric asked, as astonished as me, but there was a difference. He seemed pissed off.
"Nothing, Eric." I shook my head and turned around to the closet.
"No, I want to know what you meant by that, Sookie."
"Forget, alright?"
"Tell me." He nearly growled. "I don't like when you play these silly ass games and you know it. If you have something to say, then say it."
I closed my eyes and bit my tongue. "What bothers me is that you don't think I can do things for myself, Eric. That I am some poor little girl that needs some sort of saving. I think I should make it clear, here and now. I am not a little girl anymore. I am twenty-one years old and I don't need some vampire trying to take me to work."
"One, I haven't thought about you as a little girl for a few years now and Two, yes you do need someone to watch out for you. Everyone does. Sookie, this world is not something to take lightly. You have no idea…"
"Oh yes, Eric. I really do understand. Don't insult my intelligence. I've seen what bad vampires can do on TV all the time. What I don't need is you coming and going as you do, when it pleases you to do so. That is what I mean." Something inside of me lurched angrily, it was nearly painful, but I didn't think anything of it. Three years of pent up frustration and it was all coming out tonight. "I don't need some half ass 'protector' when it is convenient for you. I'm nothing special. I may have a mental ability to read minds, but who the hell would want that?"
"You have no idea what the hell you are talking about, Sookie." He said angrily.
"I don't? Then, please, fill me in." I turned around to see that he had moved ever so closer to me. I watched as he opened his mouth and said nothing, like he does a million times when we get into it. "Exactly. You never have anything to say about it once we get this far into a conversation." I blinked rapidly. "I don't know what is up from down with you anymore, Eric. You push me away, but you always keep me in arms reach and you never tell me why. I'm so confused about this…thing we have between us." I motioned back and forth. "What are we to one another? I can't even see a reason why you are still here after so many years, but again, you won't tell me anything. You won't even come near me anymore."
"Sookie…" There seemed to be an edge of sadness now.
"No," But I wasn't having that. "I'm not doing this anymore. I'm old enough now to where I don't need you to come check on me every night, even if you promised 'someone that knew my Gran' to watch over her, Jason and I-even if you always just come bug me and not them." I was fuming, I knew that I was. Something inside of burned with a different kind of anger though. It was as if directed toward me. Self-hatred for what I was saying? My conscience? I didn't give a damn, I could hate myself later.
"You don't understand..." He tried.
"Of course I don't understand! You never, ever let me in to understand." I took a deep breath and calmed myself the best I could. I was still shaking. "I want you to leave, for right now. I'm tired of being pulled in every direction with you and it hurts because I once had confided in you with everything, but we have become too distant. You've changed and I…" I paused. I knew it was true, but I didn't want to say it. "I've changed, Eric. I want different things. I want to find out who I am and I can't do that with you breathing down my neck."
His eyes seemed to grow dull as he finally met my gaze. For the first time in a long time, he looked at me deeply. "There is so much I wish I could tell you, Sookie, but I can't."
"That doesn't help me, Eric. Please…just go."
He blinked once before casting his eyes back to the window. He turned quickly and jumped out the way he had come. Something in my mind told me to go after him, to give him more time that he will open up sooner or later about things I don't understand, but I didn't move from where I stood. My mind screamed, the self-hatred I must be feeling boiled up until it almost suffocated me, but still I didn't go after him because I wanted to make myself believe that I didn't need Eric Northman to be my hero for hidden ghouls and demons that wanted nothing to do with me in the first place.
'Go after him! Give him time!' I could physically hear my own voice shouting at me, so much anger hidden in those words.
"I've given him years of time." I whispered in the darkened room.
It was time that I let go of my silly crush on him because even if he cares for me, he wasn't going to show me.
