The Us-Them Complex, Chapter Seven

Pairings: NarutoSai

Side pairings now include KakashiIruka, ChoujiIno

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Notes:

This is a double first-person point of view story. In other words, some of it is told by Naruto, and some of it is told by Sai.

Naruto

Sai

All—

Thanks for your reviews! I am happy to say that Chapter 319 of NARUTO is out. I'll post the link to a site you can use for downloading the manga if y'all would like.

There's more art up, as usual. To see my drawings, please go to my profile page, and follow the link to my deviantArt page. Most of my drawings are of Naruto and/or Sai, and there are Haku drawings near the back of the gallery.

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I awoke alone in my bed to the sounds of water drops pattering against the floor of my shower. Turning over in my sleep, I squinted at my bathroom, the sight of steam and light confusing my tired mind. I felt comfortable, though, and not threatened, and the reason dawned on me.

It was Sai in my shower.

I turned onto my back and rubbed my tired eyes, memories of the night before running through my mind. I'd woken during the night to find myself alone, and I'd thought that maybe that was normal…Sai and I weren't really anything to each other, or at least I had to tell myself that, until we could establish something firmer between us. I knew that we'd both enjoyed ourselves yesterday, and that I'd managed to do a little more for him…the sounds he'd made, his pleas, the sight of Sai flustered and wanton, were proof of my effort. And I have to admit that it hadn't been so bad, but…I hadn't gone all that far with him. There were still many things that I wasn't ready for, even if I could get over a few basic biological similarities between our bodies that I wasn't used to dealing with during sex.

The shower water turned off, and I suddenly wanted to see Sai agan. My feet hit the carpet right before I heard the shower door slide open, and I paused, not wanting to barge in on him while he dried off. So I sat back down on the bed and pulled the blanket over my lap to hide my nudity.

Sai opened the shower door and I looked up to meet his eyes. He stared back at me and turned off the bathroom light before walking towards me. Something like familiarity set in and he smiled a little, tying his bathrobe shut before stopping in front of me, his legs between mine. My boss looked down at me, his black eyes soft, and his pale hands found their way to my face.

More than at any other time of his life, Sai looked happy.

He leaned down and I closed my eyes for the soft kiss he gave me. I was suddenly glad that he hadn't left during the night…though I didn't understand how I could have awaken by myself. Maybe he'd been in the bathroom?

I decided that that must have been it. Sai didn't usually try to sneak out during the night and I don't know why he would have started on that night in particular.

When he pulled away, he laughed and wiped his face with his bathrobe. "You need to shave," he said softly.

His little comment pulled me out of my revelry and I grabbed his hips jokingly, pulling them towards me with no real intention. I gave him an irritated smile and gritted out, "You're bitching at me like that because you don't grow facial hair?"

"I used too," Sai said, touching my face again, running his hands over the stubble I've never let him see before, "but I had electrolysis. Danzou said he didn't want me to become the rough-looking type."

I frowned a little at the mention of Sai's dad's name. I'd met the guy a few times before, and he always yapped at Sai about this and that like a total control freak. I know that Sai sends him money all the time, and from what I've heard the guy's a genius or something but he started to lose it a few years ago. Kind of sad in some people's eyes, but that shit happens to everyone when they get older and everyone can deal with it how they want.

Sai saw it as a non-issue, though, giving in to whatever Danzou told him to do.

He gave me another soft look before leaning down. His hands moved from my face to my hair and I closed my eyes as Sai started to massage my scalp lovingly. He dropped his face a little lower before stopping all movement and freezing.

"What?" I asked, my mouth close to his ear.

Sai stood up and gave me a weak smile. "I'm going to run to my room and get a few things while you take that shower you need so badly," he said, taking a few steps backward. I frowned at him, once again surprised by the sudden change of mood, and threw a pillow at him. He caught it and set in on a chair on his way to my door.

When his hand found the door knob, I called after him, "Don't get seen, okay?"

Sai turned back and nodded. "I know, I know," he said before opening the door and leaving. The door began to shut, and I watched it until Sai's head popped back in. I was a little taken aback when he suddenly blew me a kiss, sending little shivers down my spine before leaving.

I threw the sheet off my body and leaned forward for a moment, thinking about what was going on between us. Maybe it just didn't have a name.

When I got in the shower, I noticed that Sai had used my shampoo, as well as the entire little bottle of conditioner the hotel gave out. I didn't mind too much, since I don't use conditioner anyway, but I thought the idea of Sai using cheap hotel stuff was pretty funny.

I heard my door open and shut again, and about a minute later a dull roaring noise played over the sound of my shower. I shrugged it off at first, but then I began to smell something chemical and sweet. My curiosity got the better of me and I peeked outside the shower door to see Sai standing in front of my sink, styling his hair, a blower-dryer in one hand, a brush in the other, and an array of bottles and tubes on my sink.

I watched in a sort of perverse fascination. Some of my old girlfriends, from back in my college days, had made themselves up after we spent the night together, and seeing Sai doing the same thing made me feel nostalgic. I'd watched the first couple of girls do stuff like that too, because I'd never seen girls go from looking like normal people to looking like the kind of girls I'd want to sleep with. I was sometimes a little surprised when I saw the girl I'd slept with get out of the shower, or just out of my bed, because she'd look so different from the person whose pants I'd gotten into the night before. Sai hadn't looked so different, though…his hair had been wet, sure, but I hadn't noticed anything more than that.

It must have been because he didn't USUALLY wear makeup. I seriously wouldn't put it past Sai.

So I couldn't help but watch Sai work on his hair, pulling his white bathrobe in place. He looked nice in it, maybe because it wasn't black, maybe because it was soft, and it showed his chest in a neat triangle down the center. He went about his hair-styling mechanically, and I realized that he probably did the same thing to his hair every morning. He had the same look in his eyes as most of those girls had when they put on makeup…calculating, judging.

Maybe Sasuke spent that much time on his hair, too?

I shuddered, the thought of my old best friend primping himself in front of a mirror too horrible to take. I wanted to remember my old days with Sasuke with some amount of dignity.

Sai suddenly looked at me over his shoulder and I froze again when he smiled. The hair dryer stopped roaring for a moment and I tried to think of something smooth to say, but Sai broke the silence first.

"Pervert."

My mouth shot open to protest but Sai turned back to face the mirror. The hair dryer began roaring again and that bastard just kept right on going, the only difference from how he'd been before he'd discovered my scrutiny and how he looked afterwards was the happy little smile on his face.

I glared at him and yanked the shower door shut, causing it to slam dully against the metal plating it was meant to nestle against. I grabbed my bottle of shampoo and squirted some into my hand, determined to get on with my shower activities and to not watch my boss go through with his morning routine any longer.

At the same time, though, I found myself thinking about the way he'd looked the night before, and as I shut my eyes to keep the shampoo out I saw Sai's face again his mouth open and his cheeks flushed, and I heard him gasp and whine as I took him where he'd asked to be taken.

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I banged my head against one of the tables in the back room of Chouji's restaurant. It seemed as though a few people had seen Sai around Konoha, and a group of reporters had shown up at Chouji's restaurant. Sai dealt with them in his usual way: smiling, smiling, smiling a little more, and then looking at me helplessly. I'd given out a few fake business cards I keep in reserve for those situations before carting the dumbass off to the room where Shikamaru waited.

A few reporters were buzzing around the restaurant, or so Chouji said when he came to check up on us. Sai gave him a sad smile and apologized.

"I'm sorry for the negative attention your restaurant has acquired due to my presence," Sai said, standing to bow.

When he rose, Chouji shrugged. "It's okay," he said, laughing a little. "To be honest, some of them have brought a crowd and I'm getting a little business today…I've also had to call in a few more waitresses! Ino even put on a uniform and started handing out drinks…" he laughed again uneasily.

I snickered. Ino as a waitress? Maybe her time with Sai had rubbed off…or maybe she had a costume fetish. Yeah, models like wearing weird clothing, right?

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Shitheads. Don't they have anything better to do?"

Chouji glanced back into the other room. A small look of panic overtook his chubby face and he came inside, shutting the door and locking it. Fists started to beat on the door and I heard a few people calling inside, "Is Sai there?" and "Is he having a secret love affair?"

I almost choked on my beer. Yes and yes.

Sai bowed again. "I'll repay your for any repairs done to the restaurant," he added, bowing a little more deeply.

Chouji waved his hands in the air. "No, no, the reporters are mostly a well-behaved bunch…" he chuckled, and then turned serious. "Now that I think about it, though, I saw a few pictures of you in the tabloids this morning…" The reporters continued to beat on the door as Chouji thought. "…I think I saw one of you and some guy in a car. I couldn't see his face but I BET it was just Naruto…" he said, trying to put into fact that if I had been with Sai, then he hadn't been up to anything newsworthy.

Sai glanced back at me and I shook my head on impulse. He smiled softly and turned back to Chouji as guilt overtook me.

"The press likes to blow up every little thing I do," he told Chouji. "But they'll forget about it soon enough. I do hope that your restaurant gets a little more attention as a result of my visits, though, Mr. Akimichi."

A lump formed in my throat and I set my head back down onto the table. I heard Chouji wrestle his way out the door and lock it behind him, and Sai began to chat up Shikamaru again when the three of us were alone. I closed my eyes and listened to Sai talk about fit and form and I wondered if I should have spoken up.

It would be just the four of us that would have known, anyway. No big deal…right?

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Sai and I managed to leave later that evening. A few reporters followed us quietly back to the rental, and I noticed two of them standing outside our damn car! I thought that they'd crossed the line so I stomped over to them, walking ahead of Sai, and one of the reporters started to look more like someone I knew and I realized he wasn't a reporter at all.

I stopped in my tracks when I recognized his spiky dark hair and his smirk. "Sasuke?" I asked, looking between him and the Caucasian woman standing next to him.

Sasuke nodded and me, ignoring Sai as he strode over. There was a piece of paper in his hand and I realized that it was a page from a popular tabloid when he shoved it in my face, his smirk turning into a frown. The headline read, "SAI Visits His SECRET LOVER in Konoha Again—Who Is This MYSTERY MAN?" Beneath the title was a long column and a photograph of Sai (and myself, though I was covered by text in the picture) walking out of the hotel we were staying in.

I snatched it away and balled it up. When I'd let the paper hit the cement, I looked back into Sasuke's dark eyes.

"When were you going to tell me you were back in Konoha?" he asked me.

I sighed. That was exactly what I'd wanted to avoid! "I came here on business," I answered. I knew that that answer wasn't enough for Sasuke but it was the truth…I didn't want to stir anything up. My own little boxed-in life was too much of a mess to throw everyone else into the mix.

Sai caught up and smiled at Sasuke. "So, you've found us, huh? That makes us it. Now you can go hide and we'll find you," he joked.

Sasuke gave him a look and motioned to the woman beside him, ignoring Sai's comment. "This is Heran," he said to me and me only. The Caucasian woman came forward and bowed to me formally before saying, "It's nice to meet you." in a nice, clean voice, speaking in the way that foreigners pronounce Japanese.

Sasuke motioned to me. "This is Uzumaki Naruto," he said, turning to Heran. I bowed and said, "It's nice to meet you," without thinking. I stayed bent over for a moment before standing up straight and turning to Sasuke. "Hey, wait!" I said, confusion taking over. "Who is this…?"

Heran took another step forward, giving Sai a nod of her head as if to say, 'One of us may be ignoring you but I still know you're here.' and then turned to me. "I'm Sasuke's personal assistant. I came from New York three years ago and I am still a little new to Japan. I've heard that you're Sasuke's best friend and as I am honored to work for him, I'd be honored to be in your favor."

I stiffened a little. I'd never heard anyone speak Japanese with that level of strictness.

Sasuke glanced at the reporters over Sai's and my shoulders before nodding at me. "I'd like it if you and Heran could get along," he said, once again not saying shit about Sai (who was looking at Heran with interest) adding, "since I'm planning on staying in Konoha until the Deathnote audition."

I took a step back. "What? What the hell for?" Had I lost it? Didn't famous people have anything better to do?

Sasuke gave Sai a look before leaning towards me and whispering, "Well, I've wanted to talk to you for a while and I haven't had much time, even with the reunion. What's wrong with seeing old friends anyway, Naruto?" When he pulled back he smiled at me warmly.

"…nothing," I said quietly.

Sai finally opened his mouth as if to say something to Heran, but she side-stepped him and walked past our little group. I turned around and watched her talk to the reporters that had tailed me and Sai earlier. Some of them had their cameras out and were taking pictures of the four of us. Heran didn't seem to like that, though, so she took their cameras, pulled out the film, and smashed their lenses against the cement.

Sasuke nodded coolly and I shuddered. I'd never seen such efficiency before.

When I turned back to Sasuke, he leaned back as if to nullify the intensity he'd shown me in the last few minutes. "Say, Naruto," he said conversationally. I heard his personal assistant shooing the reporters away.

"…yeah?" I asked, a little taken aback by the entire scene.

He smiled again and crossed his arms. After giving Sai a glance he turned back to me and asked, "You haven't forgotten about that date you promised Hinata, have you?"

My eyes widened and I found myself glancing at Sai, wanting to see his reaction. He looked back at me coolly, but I could see Sasuke gritting his teeth out of the corner of my eye, almost as if Sai had barged in to ask what I was doing screwing around with other people.

I tried to work my mouth to answer but I had no reply. Heran's flat shoes padded softly on the cement as she returned to Sasuke's side, unruffled and ten times more stable than I felt right then.

"I…"

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Naruto gripped the steering wheel a little too hard on the drive to Sasuke's hotel. I'd let Sasuke take the front seat so that they could talk to each other freely…and moreover, I didn't want to miss the show.

I looked at Heran out of the corner of my eye and I couldn't quite place what was amiss with her. Something was wrong, though I didn't know what it was. Her Japanese was fine, and she wasn't ugly…she was actually rather pretty, by Western standards, with large brown eyes and well-kept brown hair. My first impression was that she was smooth, but something…was wrong.

"You know how much she liked you in high school, right?" Sasuke asked my assistant. I glanced at Heran again…what was it?

Naruto's knuckles turned white, and the next bend he turned around felt far too sharp. Heran clutched her door handle and swallowed but kept silent. Heran? Heran? Why didn't that sound right?

"No, I don't," Naruto admitted. "She never said anything, so…"

"She's a stunt director now," Sasuke interrupted over the music playing on the radio. It was hip-hop…m-flo, I think was the artist's name. I might have had that wrong. I couldn't make it out over the sounds of their conversation, though, as Sasuke assaulted Naruto with various bits and pieces of some woman's…Hinata's…biography and Naruto responded in varying states of discomfort. "Hinata was one of the best fighters in our class, remember?" Sasuke added.

Naruto frowned and struggled with a reply. It was then that I realized what was wrong with Heran.

I turned to her and said, "Your name is Helen, isn't it?"

Her eyes widened and she glanced at Sasuke nervously. "Y-yes, it is…" she replied.

The previous conversation ended as Sasuke turned around in his passenger seat. Naruto sighed and his shoulders slumped when the focus fell from him to the other closest personal assistant. A frown taking over his face, Sasuke asked, "Your name is Helen? Why did you tell me it was Heran?"

She looked around nervously. "I…I…"

I leaned across Helen to cut the poor woman off from Sasuke's interrogation. "She probably didn't think you could pronounce the letter 'L'," I told him with a smile.

He stared at me, and then pushed me away to look at his assistant. She backed away into her car seat, trying to avoid him as he asked, "You didn't think I could pronounce the letter 'L'?" with incredulity. I bit back a laugh as he continued. "I'm auditioning for the part of a character named 'L'. Did you think I couldn't speak English correctly?"

Helen bowed in apology. "I'm sorry, I'm just used to speaking Japanese…and most people from Japan can't pronounce my name correctly, so…"

Sasuke opened his mouth to speak again but Naruto glanced towards the backseat suddenly and growled, "Okay, then, so you two can pronounce her name. There's nothing wrong, and…I think we learned something today."

His sudden curtness caught me off guard and I watched the back of his shoulders and head as he drove. That other side of him, the side that comes out when he needs it, shone through and Sasuke stared at him with as much surprise as the rest of us felt before turning around to face the front and crossing his arms like an angry child. Helen folded her arms, too, though it seemed as though she did so to protect herself more than to project frustration. I brought my gaze back to Naruto and smiled a little. He could be so entertaining.

A thought came across my mind and I leaned forward in my seat. When my mouth was close enough to Naruto's ear for me to whisper, I asked him as softly as I could, "Naruto, you can't pronounce the letter 'L', can you?"

He frowned without looking at me, and I saw Sasuke turn towards us out of the corner of my eye. I ignored him and waited as Naruto opened his mouth.

"Aru."

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Even though it pissed me off, I couldn't stop my foot from tapping when I sat down with Sasuke in the main room of his hotel room. I still didn't feel comfortable being there, or even just seeing him right then, and it certainly didn't help that he kept yammering on and on about Hinata.

I'd forgotten about her for almost two days…forgotten as in, I had no plans to go out with her, or at least I wasn't excited about it enough to think 'Oh, I gotta make a good impression!' or anything to that effect. My thoughts had been filled with someone else.

When Heran walked into the room, Sasuke turned from me for a moment to tell her to call someone about something important, and while he was issuing orders in a humorless voice I felt Sai's hand on my knee. I almost spazzed out but when I looked at him, he just smiled and pulled his hand back before anyone else could see it. I took a breath and as soon as I'd released it, my foot decided that maybe, just maybe, it was okay to settle on the floor for a few minutes. Sai looked away then, resting his chin on one hand and gazing at nothing in particular.

Sasuke faced me again and smiled. He looked totally relaxed, but I felt uneasy listening him try to push the Hinata Date Plan on me over and over.

"Neji's one of the highest-ranked fighters in the country," he said, as if he was starting a new conversation. I nodded and took another breath when Sasuke waited for me to reply.

"I've heard that," was all I could manage before the awkward silence was drawn out too long. "He was pretty scary back in high school too."

I started to tap my fingers against my leg and the thought of Sai putting his hand over mine in front of Sasuke, and Sasuke's most likely reaction, stilled my nervous hands for a few minutes.

Sasuke nodded and leaned back against his sofa, putting one arm behind the back of the sofa. "And Hinata was pretty strong back then too. She must still be pretty strong, if you think about it. She's really pretty too, isn't she?"

I shrugged and I couldn't bite back a lame attempt at a joke. "Well, when a guy looks like me then every girl around him looks good enough to be out of my league, you know?" I asked, cracking a big smile.

I was more than remotely disturbed when Sai and Sasuke both sat forward and argued, at the same time and in damn near the same voice, "But you're not ugly Naruto!"

I looked from Sasuke to Sai (who was smiling) and back, trying to keep my focus on Sasuke. "Well…" I said uneasily. Sasuke seemed to feel just as uncomfortable as I did right then because he cleared his throat and settled back against his sofa in his 'King of This Room' pose, looking anyway but at me and Sai.

Next to me, Sai turned away again and stared at nothing. I was pretty sure that he hadn't been weirded out by that little moment at all…maybe he'd done it on purpose?

"It's getting late," Sasuke said suddenly. I glanced at my watch…almost midnight. Not too late, or maybe I was just too used to Sai's 'late nights' ending when the sun came up.

I saw Sasuke send Sai a little glare and I almost rolled my eyes. The glare lasted for a few seconds, and when it was over Sasuke turned his dark eyes my way and fixed me with a different look.

What was that?

Sai stretched next to me on the couch, and without any warning he pulled his feet off the floor and stretched out on our couch into a laying position. To avoid his feet and legs, I hopped off the couch and stared at him. He shot me a little smile before turning around so that Sasuke and I could only see his back and calling, "Good night," over his shoulder.

I stared at him, lost for words. Why had he…

My shoulder slumped forward and I smacked myself on the forehead. I had the feeling that someone was playing with my life. It was a feeling I'd known many times before, though I hadn't felt it so often in the past few days, but I guess that Sai was still Sai.

Maybe nothing had changed, for anyone.

I heard Sasuke move on the other couch, and when I turned around I saw that he'd shifted to the other side and was patting the place where he'd sat. "Sit down," he said seriously.

I almost sat…I mean, why not? I felt like sitting, and as soon as my seat was taken another was provided. But something in the look on Sasuke's face, and the way he'd acted that night…the glares he'd given Sasuke, and the looks he'd given me, like…like something I'd thought before…

Please, Sasuke, Sakura, call me tonight. I'm so lonely…I need to talk to you…no one likes me and I need you! I need you!

…before I folded, I thought about where those times had taken me. My hard feelings, projected onto other people but really for myself, had taken me to a desperate place, to a newspaper ad, to something new.

I rubbed the back of my head and laughed, trying to brush off the fact that the man I proudly called my ex-best friend because I was SURE that he had other friends then, new friends, people he was close to, people he cared about, even if the only person in his desperate eyes right then was me, had given me a command like a dog. "Yeah, you were right," I said, glancing at Sai. "It's time for him and me to get going. I'll call a taxi or something; don't worry about us."

Sasuke suddenly frowned and pointed at Sai. "He's asleep. You're going to wake him up to take him home?" he asked, as if he knew the answer and no other answer was correct.

I just smiled back and walked back to the couch I'd been sitting on, and I did one of the few things that I knew would make Sai 'wake up'; I ruffled his hair in as grand and masculine a fashion as I could. Sai immediately batted my hands away and sat up to fix his hair, his rouse in ashes. I turned back to Sasuke and jerked my thumb back at Sai, explaining, "This bastard sleeps about two hours a night. There's no way he'd fall asleep right now."

I resisted the urge to look at Sai. I didn't want to answer any questions he had; I knew that I probably wasn't making much sense to anyone, but that's what happens when you're trying to get what you want without telling anyone why you want it.

I couldn't stand to tell Sasuke that I needed to be far, far away from him right then.

"You're tired, right?" Sasuke argued.

I shrugged. "Not really. I usually stay up later than this."

Sasuke frowned, and once he'd had time to search for something else to say he blurted out, "You can sleep on my couch."

I took a step towards him, my control beginning to flee. "I have my own bed somewhere else," I said.

Although I'd meant to hold back, all of my feelings went into that statement. I had my own bed, my own apartment, even if I never used it, my own life, my own feelings, and my own life. I didn't have to borrow from Sasuke and Sakura anymore. I didn't have to worry about pleasing Sasuke to keep him on my good side.

I admitted it to myself right then: sometimes, Sasuke really acted like a child.

He stared up at me, his mouth open and ready to argue as the feelings I'd tried to conceal hit him full-force. His expression suddenly turned from frustrated to angry, and he looked away, his eyes dark and completely finished with filling themselves with images of me, Naruto, former best friend and lap dog.

I'd always seen it a little like that, I guess. I hadn't thought I could be anything else.

Naruto, try this on. Shut up, dumbass; the color looks good on you.

Hey, Dead-Last, go get me a soda.

Naruto, I need you to call Gaara for me. Yeah, he's irritable, who isn't in the morning. And be ready to go to the studio in an hour so I can get makeup done.

"Do what you want," Sasuke muttered.

I stood like that for a moment, the shock of what just happened coming over me. Maybe I'd done something that I'd wanted to for a long time. Maybe I'd fucked up and cut all the things between myself and Sasuke.

When Sasuke turned away from me a little further that night, though, I knew that I wasn't about to get any answers. I waved Sai in my direction and he followed me out the door in silence. I didn't glance back at any of it; Sasuke, Helen, Sai.

And when I waited outside with Sai, who had kept his distance to give me some thinking room, I guess, I sighed. My heart began to slow and I knew that the thing that changed was probably nothing at all.

"Naruto?"

I turned around, a little surprised that Sai had chosen to speak. I stopped trying to hail a cab and waited for him to say something, anything. Even though I knew that I'd probably let a little something of my true, ugly feelings get through to Sasuke, I hoped that Sai hadn't seen it. I couldn't leave him because I wasn't comfortable with him, and I didn't want to, either. If Sai had seen it then I wanted to talk to him about it, because, even if we weren't anything to each other, or if we didn't call each other anything, I still felt closer to him. The proximity was honest, unlike my old friendships with Sasuke and Sakura.

Sai looked paler than usual against the night sky. It was a little cold that night, so he'd drawn his collar up around his neck and I thought that he might have liked it if I'd come closer to him to warm him up. I could have, but something bit into my conscience and the thought left my mind.

Hinata.

I realized that he was waiting for a response, so I asked him, "What?" My voice was still a little rough from my argument with Sasuke, and I knew that he heard it.

Sai frowned. "Is something wrong?" he asked me. He sounded concerned, though his voice was still light like usual, as though he wanted to say to me, 'I'll understand if you don't tell me.'

I took a step towards him to keep our conversation private. I didn't know how to talk to him about Hinata. I'd barely started a quasi-relationship with Sai and now I needed to…stop it.

It would have been wrong for me to go on a date with Hinata if I was still fooling around with Sai. And I'd promised, and I keep my promises, even if it's hard sometimes.

I chewed on the inside of my lip as I watched Sai's face. He was still like a doll, as though the time it took for me to answer didn't matter; he could wait forever, but he wanted to hear me all the same. I took a breath and sighed, trying to clear my lungs of the tension that had seeped into my body.

And I realized that it was Sai, and, for some reason, I didn't need to worry about him. Well, I did need to worry, but I felt like I could tell him what was bothering me. I've always felt so raw around him, like I was unable to put up a front. Hell, I didn't want to most of the time, because he always tore it down with his teasing and joking and I responded however I really, really wanted to, even if I pushed him or got angry with him, even if I didn't act the way I wanted other people to see me.

I'd shown him a side of myself that wasn't likeable at all, and I'd shown it to him for years and he still liked it. I had no reason to hide.

"Trust me, Naruto, I'm up for whatever you want. I'll wait…for whatever you have to give me, and I'll give you any I can with my body."

So I realized that Sai was still waiting, and I decided to trust him with myself.

"Sai," I started. We were on an empty street late at night, and I knew that no one could hear us. It was just the two of us; I could talk to him. I leaned a little closer and he leaned in too, watching, waiting.

I licked my lips and whispered, "I need to talk to you about something."

Sai nodded calmly. "What is it, Naruto?"

Before I said anything, I leaned in and took a kiss from his soft lips. We were in public but I wasn't scared. It was probably still the 'Sasuke adrenaline' in my blood that gave me that temporary Devil-May-Care attitude but I didn't mind applying it to Sai too much right then. When I pulled back, he looked a little surprised, his black eyes widening and his lips opening ever so slightly.

I stood a step back and raised a hand to touch the side of his face, trying to hold onto something for a little while longer, to enjoy the company of a person I'd really come to care about, even if I wouldn't be able to touch him for much longer. Silence lingered for another moment and I pulled my hand away before telling him what I needed to tell him, no matter what.

"I need to stop…" I searched for the right word, but I couldn't find it so I blurted out, "screwing around with you."

Sai blinked back at me, and I wasn't sure if he was confused or not. "Why?" he asked, his voice clear of emotion. I'd been afraid that he would react with some amount of sadness but when his reaction was colorless I decided to continue.

I held up my hands to try to show him that I needed to talk without interruption. "I promised this girl…er…woman…from my old high school that I'd go out with her in a few weeks," I said.

"That 'Hinata' that Sasuke 'mentioned'?" Sai asked, smiling a little at his own word choice.

I nodded. "And, when I'm going out with her, I can't be with you." I swallowed and added, "I can't do anything else with you until then either. It wouldn't be fair to her…I want to go out with her on a serious date, her and me, like I promised."

I let that hang in the air, waiting for Sai to react in some way. He stared back at me, blinking every few seconds, and a taxi actually passed us while we stared at each other but the moment was too heavy to be interrupted by something as insignificant as the act of catching a ride home.

"…is that all?" he asked as if he'd expected something more.

I nodded. It seemed like he'd taken it well, but I thought that he'd at least be a little concerned. To check, I asked him, "Is that alright with you? I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I still need to…do this."

Sai smiled at me then, and I felt like I'd been rather foolish to think that he'd get pissy over anything. Something about him was unmovable, though I didn't know what it was.

"Of course it's alright," he said softly. "You're an adult, aren't you? I can't tell you what to do."

I blushed and rubbed the back of my head, a scowl spreading my lips thin. "Well, yeah," I said gruffly, a little offended by the fact that he'd implied that I couldn't make my own decisions.

I turned away, a little ashamed, and I tried to hail a taxi again. I half-expected him to completely ignore what we'd just talked about, wrap his arms around me, and whisper something cute and annoying in my ear, but when I looked back over my should I saw him standing where he'd been standing before, watching the road for cabs.

I wished right then that I understood Sai a little better. I'd always brushed his behavior off as 'crazy' or 'annoying' or 'he loves to be a pain in the ass' because he was so hard to see through. A million possibilities lay behind his black eyes.

But that's the difference between people. I think that it's impossible to ever completely understand other people, no matter how badly you care about them.

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When Sai and I got back to the hotel that night, I walked right over to my own door. I pulled out my key but I couldn't run it through the scanner right then. I swallowed as I turned to watch Sai stop at his own door, pull out his key, and unlock his hotel room.

"Good night," I choked out.

He turned to me and smiled. Once he'd opened his door, I unlocked mine and entered before closing and dead-bolting the door behind me.

I fell down on a couch and let my head fall into my hands as I sat in the dark. My heart pounded and a part of me wanted to call the whole thing off, to tell Hinata that I was with someone, though I hadn't expected to be, and that I couldn't go out with her. It wasn't like she was some demon queen or a total bitch or anything…from what I remember of Hinata, and it's not much, she was very sweet and very, very tame when it came to personality. The only time I ever saw Hinata show the world who Number One was, was during the Karate Club fights. Even then, she'd apologize to any opponent who took their defeat badly, or she'd say things like, 'That kick almost got me!' or 'Good job, let's fight again!'.

So she probably wouldn't have minded if I'd called her and cancelled it.

I brewed over it for a little while, telling myself that I could tell Hinata I was with someone, that I could call it off, that it wouldn't be a big deal. No one would get hurt. I could go back to doing whatever it was I'd been doing with Sai, and we'd both be happy. We'd all be happy.

But she'd hugged me. She'd said she was happy to see me.

My frustration started to grow around three that morning. Out of desperation more than anything, I rescued Hinata's business card from my wallet, flipped open my phone, and did a trial run: I ran my fingers over the numbers and pretended that I'd called her office. Once I'd waited long enough for a normal phone to ring, I said, "Hey, Hinata, it's Naruto."

I felt so completely retarded talking to myself in the dark right then. Sai germs, can't get away from them.

I frowned and plowed on. "I wanted to talk to you about that date we were going to go on."

Not-actually-there Hinata nodded and listened silently.

"Um…you see, when I said I'd go on a date with you I wasn't seeing anybody, but I'm seeing someone now, so I wanted to see if I could cancel. Because, you know, I don't want to cheat on him." My frown deepened and I decided to just keeping digging the ugly little hole I'd made until it got bigger and bigger. "Oh, yeah, it's a guy. Maybe I'm gay now? Well, probably not. I don't know, really, but yeah, I'm basically screwing around with a guy right now. Oh, no, we're not really dating, or I don't think we are, but them's the breaks."

I glanced at my reflection in the TV. Yep, I'm crazy.

"So, I can't go out with you. I still like you as a person, and I think you're great and all, but I…"

And then, I had nothing to say. What was keeping me from going out with Hinata? Was it Sai? He'd said he didn't have a problem with it…that I was old enough to be the one to decide these things…did he really not mind? Was that just who Sai was?

What else was keeping me from seeing Hinata? It wasn't Sasuke, that was for sure. He'd never pushed a girl onto me like that before, and the way he'd acted that night had gotten to me.

Sakura? Well, seeing as she had nothing to do with any of this and my boyhood crush on her had changed into something radically different, I doubted that was it.

So I realized what it was that was keeping me from wanting to see Hinata.

"Hey, Hinata, are you still there?" I asked. Of course she wasn't. "Hey, um, I'm basically just being a shit head right now. I'd love to go see Neji fight with you. You two were always important to each other, right? And…I just couldn't miss one of his fights over some stupid thing. And I'm glad that you want to go out with me. I didn't think that anyone would, seeing as, like I said, I'm a shit head and all. Oh, and that guy, don't worry about him. I probably shouldn't worry too much either."

I sighed and Not-Actually-There Hinata nodded on the other end of the line.

"Well, glad that we got that cleared up," I said, leaning back into the couch. "Okay, it's a date."

I shut my phone and set it next to the business card on the living room table before going off to my own bed. I'd call her in the morning to finalize it.

I thought that I'd stopped being afraid of those little things, but I guess that I still needed a little kick in the pants to get things going.

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I took the day of the fight off. Sai told me that he had plans for the day, too, though I didn't know what they were. I almost asked him about his plans, too, but then I realized that maybe Sai wanted more space. Maybe, when he'd said that I was an adult, he'd meant that about himself too.

Hinata and I arrived at the arena about two hours before the fight. She'd told me it was black-tie, which had amazed me (we were going to watch a fight, right?) but I rented a suit anyway since I'd left all of mine back in Tokyo. She'd worn a black dress and a white trench coat, and I had to admit that she looked pretty good, and if Sai hadn't been in the back of my mind I probably would have had some mind-blowing realization that Hinata was the kind of woman for me or something. I almost wish that I could have focused on her that much at the beginning of our date.

We walked through one of the halls that led to the inner parts of the building…you know, where the fighters prepare and whatnot. Hinata got us to Neji's dressing room with a pass handed out to family members, and when she giggled at me as we walked past the guy guarding the entrance I started to get the feel of our little date and I put my arm through hers. She pulled it closer and we were off.

"You haven't see Neji in ten years, have you?" she asked softly as we walked arm-in-arm.

I shook my head. "Nah, not since high school when he came to your graduation. But he's been training all of this time, right?"

Hinata nodded. "He's really strong now, and when he has time off he trains at home with me. What we do these days is really different, but sometimes it's nice training like we did in the old days, going back to my fights with Neji."

She smiled and looked away then, and I realized that maybe all of us felt nostalgic. I put my arm around her, which I thought she'd like, but as soon as I opened my mouth to say something Hinata blushed bright pink and a deep voice down the hall boomed out, "Uzumaki! What are you doing to my cousin!"

I looked up in time to see a taller, better built, and very pissed-off Hyuuga Neji walking toward me at a comfortably brisk pace. He was wearing one of those robes that martial artists wear before fights, but even that did little to soften the frightening image that became larger and larger with every second that I didn't run the hell away.

"Neji!" Hinata cried out when he was a few feet away from us. He stopped in his tracks and listened patiently. He still glared at me, though.

"What is it, Hinata?" Neji asked in a much softer voice.

She laughed a little when I took a step backward. "I'm on a date with Naruto! Isn't it good to see him?"

"…hi," was all I managed to say.

Neji looked from me to Hinata and back, giving me one last scowl before sighing. The aggression I'd felt coming from him suddenly subsided and he rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"So that's what it is…" Neji muttered.

I laughed nervously. "Good to see you too," I said.

Neji and I really, really didn't get along back in school. He was a genius, both in academics and in a range of martial arts, and I was an idiot kid one year behind him who depended on his friends to keep from failing and got by in karate because he was the stubborn type who 'didn't know how to give up'.

That's not something I made up; Neji TOLD me that once. It was during my first month in the Karate Club, and Neji had been assigned as my senior trainer. Basically, he had to watch out for me, make sure I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, and to train me however he saw fit.

He didn't like me right off the bat.

"Uzumaki Naruto?" he'd asked. I nodded, rubbing the back of my head and looking around the training room for Sakura.

When I'd looked back, Neji frowned at me. "What kind of training do you have?" he'd asked.

I shrugged. "There's this guy who comes to my house and trains me…he's pretty good…that's about it…" I looked for Sakura again.

Neji didn't say anything for a minute, so when I looked back at him I was surprised to see his eye twitching. "So, you don't have any formal training?" he'd asked.

"Nope," I'd said.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I met Hyuuga Neji. I guess that I would have made a better impression on him but I had Sakura on the brain back then so that was the best I could do.

"Do you have to prepare for the fight?" Hinata asked him, bringing me back to the present.

Neji nodded. "I don't have any time to chat right now but I'll see you after the match." he said, eyeing me again. I smiled back.

"Do your best," Hinata said. Neji bowed and walked away, and though he didn't say anything or give me another look I think that he wanted me to be on my best behavior.

There were a few people sitting for the match by then, but I didn't want to sit around for two hours and I don't think that Hinata did either, because after we'd talked to Neji Hinata and I walked around the 'behind the scenes' parts of the building to pass the time.

"So," I said after a few moments of silence. Hinata had told me about one of the movies she was working on right now, something really stylized with Yakuza and a hero, something old school.

I looked at Hinata and I realized that I didn't know much about her. She'd always been the quiet type, and if Sasuke hadn't tried to drill it into my head over and over the day before I wouldn't have thought that she liked me. Hinata is beautiful and talented, just like another girl I used to like a long time ago. I thought that she was totally out of my league in high school; I didn't know her at all back then, except that she was Neji's cousin, she was pretty, and she was the first seat for our year in the Karate Club Girl's Team.

"So," I repeated, "you liked me back in high school, huh?"

I'd meant to kid around with her. I mean, I liked Sakura back in high school and I wasn't into her anymore. I'd thought that I little playing around would loosen things up, you know?

Well, instead of laughing or joking around, Hinata let go of my arm, stared at me, and walked over to the nearest staircase. She sat down on one of the steps and, just when I thought I'd triggered a nervous breakdown, she waved me over.

I walked towards her slowly, not sure of what my little comment had just done. She smiled at me, though, and patted the step next to her.

"Sit down if you want me to answer you," she said when I just stood there like an idiot.

So I sat down. Hinata sighed, and I waited in silence for her to answer.

"I…I liked you since elementary school," Hinata told me quietly as she looked me right in the face. I stared at her as her words hit me…elementary school? Jesus Christ! That was as long as I'd liked Sakura for!

She continued. "You were always…so bright and strong. You didn't care if teachers yelled at you, and when other kids bullied you you'd fight back. I couldn't do those things…when I failed, I'd failed. When other kids were mean to me…when Neji was cold to me…I just thought I'd deserved it. But seeing you…believe in yourself…"

"You think I believed in myself?" I interrupted her.

Hinata looked up. "Well, didn't you?" she asked me, her voice a little choked up. "I always thought you did…you stood up for yourself, and I…wanted to be like that…"

I held up my hands. "No, you did not want to be like me. Hinata, I just fought everyone because nothing turned out right for me."

I searched my memory for my younger years, back when I had no real friends. I remember feeling pain in my chest every day, but for someone to see it differently…

"It didn't turn out right for me either," Hinata said. She'd started to cry, and I thought it was because I was arguing with her but she took a breath and said, "But I didn't do anything about it. When I was little, I just…hated myself. I wished that I hadn't been born because my father didn't approve of me. I was a late bloomer when it came to martial arts…my little sister was stronger than I was. She still is, and she runs the dojo back home too, but…the thing is, Naruto…I didn't do anything about the things that happened to me, when I was little."

"So what did I do?" I asked her. I wanted to know what she'd seen. Maybe, I wasn't what I thought I was. What good had she seen in a little boy who never listened to anyone?

Hinata laughed. "Everything! Anything! You struggled when you were supposed to! You never listened to other people when they told you who you were! And when you looked like you should have been lonely, or when I thought you should have been lonely, because I would have been if I had thrown away all the people who'd said bad things to me, you smiled. And when I looked at you, you smiled, and there were a few times when I sat next to you, and I just…felt alright."

"Do you feel alright now?" I asked. She smiled softly and nodded.

"And…when we got older, I thought that you were really…good-looking." Hinata looked away then, her face red.

I didn't feel guilty, for some reason, sitting next to Hinata then on the staircase. I didn't see what could be wrong with what we were doing.

"Thanks," I said quietly.

"You still are," Hinata whispered. "And you're still such a good person. I'm…glad that you came out with me."

I just smiled at her. "No problem," I said.

She smiled back. "Naruto…do you remember the time that you confessed to Sakura?"

My heart nearly stopped and I said, "Of course! I mean, I was there, and I…"

"And you knew that she'd probably turn you down?"

I nodded.

Hinata smiled at me and turned away, looking down the stairs. "I wanted to be the next to confess." She laughed a little, and she started to cry again but she kept talking. "I didn't see why not, but I was still the same person I'd been up until that point. I was too scared to tell you that I liked you, although I really wanted to…and I just never worked up the nerve."

I suddenly understood. I'd practically run up to Sakura the day that I'd confessed, because I knew it was my turn. And it had been Hinata's turn next, because Sasuke had been brave enough to come out of the closet, and Sakura and I had been brave enough to confess when we knew that we'd probably get turned down, and it had been up to Hinata to step out of her comfort zone to tell me…to talk to me…

I grabbed Hinata and hugged her, and she settled against my chest and cried a little more. We stayed like that for a few minutes and the same pain she felt then, I'd felt once before. I'd run from Sakura after my confession, because she'd denied me, and I didn't want Hinata to do the same because she'd revealed her feelings for me.

"I like you," she whispered.

I nodded and whispered back, "I'm sorry."

Hinata sat up and smiled. "Well, that only took eighteen years, didn't it?" she asked.

I laughed and I almost wished that I hadn't, but Hinata laughed with me and hugged me back. No one else could ever see us like that on the staircase, and no one ever would. We talked about Neji's fight for a few minutes to give us time to close ourselves up again inside, and when Hinata's tears had dried we walked back out to the arena, and I couldn't stop smiling.

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"Where are we going?" I asked.

Sasuke shrugged as he sat in the passenger seat of his rental car. "Who knows," he said. I glanced at Helen who was driving; she said nothing, as was expected of Sasuke's personal assistant.

I looked out the window and thought about my situation. Naruto had broken off our relationship a week and a half before the day of my trip in Sasuke's car, and we'd spent that time working as professionally as possible. As a consequence, I'd spent most of my time working with Nara or in my bedroom, sketching clothing designs. My Deathnote audition script had also received a little attention, because the date of the audition was approaching. I wanted to ask Naruto to take the part of Raito while I practiced but I wasn't sure of what kinds of interactions were appropriate for Naruto and myself at that time, so I'd decided to practice alone.

My boredom had led me to accept an invitation for a day outing from Sasuke, thus explaining my presence in the car. Something that had piqued my curiosity, though, or perhaps my caution, was the fact that I did not know where we were going, though we'd been going there for about forty-five minutes before I asked.

"Oh," I said softly. I caught Sasuke's smirk in the rearview mirror and because I didn't like that smile, I turned to look out the passenger side window. I kept my face still and calm, but I was beginning to wonder what Sasuke's intentions could have been.

"I should thank you so much for taking me out," I said after a few minutes of silence, smiling a little because I expected Sasuke to glance back at me. "I've been quite bored in Konoha lately. Shikamaru seems to have caught on to what we were talking about before, and I haven't been to a party in ages."

It was the truth, actually. A part of me had been bored in my last few weeks of 'vacation', and I appreciated that my employee's former classmate and best friend had decided to show me kindness by taking me back out into the world.

"A party?" Helen asked from the driver's seat. She glanced at Sasuke, and he smirked again.

I was taught to control my facial expressions in acting school. I'd learned to do so even before those days, when I'd trained with Danzou in the theatre company and at home. I sometimes let go of that control, mostly at times when I was able to enjoy myself. Naruto had always been an outlet for that; I've shown him things that I've never shown to anyone else, and all of my smiles for him are real.

So I thought of my training when I studied the smirk on Sasuke's face, and I wondered what parts of Sasuke were real and which parts of Sasuke were art.

"You could call it a party," he answered. I looked out the window again and saw two teenagers, a boy and a girl, walking down the street together. The car stopped and I watched them pass us by. If the boy had looked, he would have seen her reach for his hand nervously, but he didn't look, and they crossed the street with their hands in their pockets.

There are many things I can see, but few things I understand when I look at other people. If I was her, I would have taken his hand.

What if she'd been afraid that he would pull away? That he didn't want the attention?

If he pushed my hand away, I would have acted like I understood, to get along. But since I didn't understand, I would have waited for him to take mine later, to breach whatever nervousness or anxiety had kept our hands apart before.

But then again, maybe that wouldn't be the best way to go about it. It's the only way I know, though, and I'll believe in it.

"Sai, do you think you know him?" Sasuke asked suddenly. The car began to move again.

"Who?" I asked, knowing full well who he was talking about.

Sasuke grimaced, then looked at me through the rearview mirror with a vicious smile on his face. I know he's used that look before in movies, when he had the part of a misunderstood (and of course impossibly attractive…who writes these stories?) suicidal bomber. I've looked through his work, though only briefly.

So with that smile on his face, he said, "You've known him for a few years, but I know that a guy like you wouldn't really have tried to learn anything about him. I know why you've kept him by you and I don't like it. But I'm going to be really nice to you, Sai, and I'm going to teach you something about Uzumaki Naruto tonight."

His words ran by me like a script I've heard before, lines I couldn't believe in but that I managed to break through trained lips, and I nodded once I'd pulled those words apart. He continued to look back at me, and I smiled for lack of a better reaction.

"Thank you," I said after a moment, "I would really like…to get to know him better."

Once again, I only spoke the truth. I never expected that I would have the opportunity to become close to Naruto, not after our second meeting; I never thought that I'd see the real person again, the one I'd met during acting school. There was much about his past that I didn't understand, but even if I couldn't understand all of my characters' motivations, or why I always drew bad reactions from people I was close to, I wanted to see a little more about him.

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