Rule 61: When plotting anything with the twins, make sure you know who the intended victim is.
(So, let's just say that the twins ask you to help with a prank….)
(And, before you even ask yourself who is getting pranked, you agree.)
(Oh! And you don't even bother to find out during the course of plotting and setting up said prank.)
(Then imagine, the next day when the prank is executed with such precision that no officer believed it was the twins, that the mechs all think it was YOU.)
(Now throw in that the victim of this prank was Ratchet…)
(All these ingredients make for something I like to call 'Slagged Soup'.)
(Fraggin twins will pay!)
~.~
Rule 62: When squishing spiders, don't look whatever mech is in the room in the optic and calmly state "This is what humans look like when stepped on…" (By: szynka2496)
(Eh… *cough, cough* Yeah...)
(Stepped on a spider… stated that in a calmly demented voice… in the rec-room at shift change…)
(Looked Smokescreen in the optics as I said it…)
(Heh… I kinda forgot that he is the resident therapist…)
(I now visit him twice a week at three o'clock sharp…)
(It was a JOKE.)
~.~
Rule 63: When sitting through the yearly security lecture, don't start taking random notes and then, when asked what you are doing, don't look Red Alert in the optics and tell him flat out that you are making a list of things that have changed for the 'cons.
(Ehem…. Don't do it if you want to live to see the next day.)
(I was lucky that Jazz was sitting beside me…)
(We had both skipped the first lecture… so we were both in the 'make-up' lecture.)
(Or as we called it… the make-up torture session.)
(Anyway, Jazz scooped me up really quick to avoid the laser blast that was aimed my way and we both high-tailed it to the med-bay where Jazz hid behind a pissed off Prowl and I cowered behind Ratchet.)
(Prowl was pissed because Jazz had seen my comment coming and hadn't stopped it.)
(And Jazz informed Prowl that if he still wanted a best friend to play chess with, he needed to stop Red Alert who had just charged into the room in full out glitch mode.)
(Ratchet was the one who stopped Red Alert with a well-placed sedative…)
(And then we—Jazz and I—had to explain what had happened.)
(In detail.)
(By the end of the explanation Ratchet was laughing his aft off and Prowl was trying to hold back laughter.)
(And then they informed me that, though it was an amusing comment to the security director, I was going to have to write a two page essay on why you don't say such things to a glitched security director.)
(It took me one hour, and I didn't repeat any sentences or have any sentences less than seven words long.)
(Prowl read it and I heard his laughter from across the base.)
(What can I say… Red Alert is way too fun to mess with.)
~.~
Rule 64: Don't ask the twins if they have ever pranked Optimus.
(They will think about it for days… realize that they haven't… and ask you for help.)
(When you refuse they will use something akin to the 'puppy dog pout' on you…)
(That and start with the 'unsuspecting kisses' again.)
(Until you agree to help them.)
(Dad wasn't appreciative of the redecorated quarters, office, or the new paint job…)
(I thought it looked nice… the pink, purple, and powder blue went well together…)
( XD )
~.~
Rule 65: Wearing a fake mustache is not a good idea.
(I wanted to kill Sunstreaker for the comments he made…)
("So are you finally accepting your male side?")
("Are you sure you're female… I thought only males grew facial hair.")
("Oh, hello Mr. Pax, I didn't see you there…")
(The worst part… it was a prank that Sideswipe had played on me…)
(The mustache was super glued on my face!)
(It was all fun and games to Sunstreaker until he onlined the next day.)
(And he was hot pink.)
("So, Are you still Sunstreaker, or should I call you by a more… feminine name?")
("That color totally looks good on you girlfriend!")
("Whooo! Look-it here mechs, that's a good looking femme there!" Thank you Sideswipe… even if you did get pummeled after the comment.)
(The best part, I bribed Ratchet with some of MY home brewed high-grade to say he didn't have any more paint remover… and hid all of Sunstreaker's.)
(And my home brew is stronger than the twins' AND tastes better than the stuff they could buy.)
(So Ratchet stated he didn't have any paint remover for a week… and I got to make fun of Sunstreaker.)
(Best revenge ever.)
~.~
Rule 66: Try not to get caught by the 'cons and then have said 'cons play 'hot potato with the human' using you as the hot potato… the twins are rather protective of what's 'theirs' and will pummel the one responsible.
(So… I was in the wrong place… at the wrong time… again…)
(Meaning I was in the middle of a battle.)
(On the 'cons side of the fraggin line.)
(Note to self: Find out how I keep doing that.)
(Anyway, Thundercracker spots me trying to flee to the other side of the line in order to get to the Autobots…)
(Recognizes me as the 'Pet of the Twins')
(And decides to pick me up and toss me over to Skywarp…)
(Who warped me to Starscream…)
(Who takes me strait to Megatron…)
(Who hands me to Shockwave…)
(Who then decides that I am not 'worthy enough' to be held by him…)
(And hands me to Soundwave…)
(By that time I had already shouted 'let's NOT play hot potato with a human'.)
(And gained the Twins' attention…)
(Soundwave was smart and sat me on the ground next to Ravage, who shouldered me onto his back and took me over to the Autobots.)
(Of course, Soundwave also sent the Twins the name of the mech that picked me up to begin with…)
(They then proceeded to inform Thundercracker exactly how I was not to be touched because I was theirs.)
(And they also pulverized the seeker so that he would 'learn not to touch something that doesn't belong to him.')
(After which I informed them that I wasn't a possession and that under no circumstances were they to infer that I was…)
(And then they stated that when they say that I am theirs they only mean that no Decepticon mech needs to touch the third part to their spark…)
(Let's just say I couldn't stay mad at them.)
(… I love those two.)
~.~
Rule 67: Don't leave your diary where the twins can find it.
(Okay… most people would do this anyway…)
(But I had a slightly more important reason to keep my diary from them…)
(You see… I tend to rant about everything in that notebook…)
(Including how fraggin HOT I think they are…)
(Heh… they found those parts…)
(And then also noted what all I have ranted about when it comes to the officers…)
(Example: Prowl is such a fraggin pain in the aft! He needs to lighten up, seriously… maybe he should just go get laid! It might help him RELAX a bit… etc.)
(… yeah… not going into the conversation they actually started with me because of that specific rant…)
(Including their takes on what would happen when he did…)
(Not going there… ever again.)
~.~
Rule 68: When discussing battle tactics with the twins, make sure Prowl is not in the room.
(Hehe… yeah...)
(Just don't.)
(You won't like how Prowl shoots down every idea you make…)
(Or how you discover how good at planning Sideswipe actually is…)
(He rivals Prowls battle computer, and he doesn't even have one!)
(Scary.)
~.~
Rule 69: Be careful where and how you state that an idea is 'complete idiocy.'
(If you are in the rec-room or med-bay, its alright to flat out tell the twins that.)
(If you somehow get caught on the battlefield—again, still not sure what that's about, I must have a sign on me somewhere saying 'have a random battle with me directly in the middle of it' somewhere on my person… seriously—it's not such a good idea.)
(The twins do not appreciate being told that you have no desire to 'make a run for it' even if they are 'giving you cover fire.')
(Yeah, I told them that the 'cons would most likely find it amusing and have a game of 'human target' with me.)
(And then informed them that their plan was made of complete idiocy.)
(After which they told me that I could find a way off the battle field myself.)
(And left me there so they could go play 'jet judo.')
(Fraggers.)
(So, I ended up calling Jazz, who got me out of there pretty quick.)
(Without me 'making a run for it.')
(He agreed with me that the twins had come up with 'the stupidest plan he had ever heard.')
(Heh, they got a lecture from Jazz.)
~.~
Rule 70: Don't immediately assume that you can give the twins the 'silent treatment' in order to get them to apologize.
(Yeah… that worked out great.)
(I didn't speak to them for two hours, and then they somehow got me to laugh at them.)
(Best silent treatment ever.)
(Primus, I'm so pathetic.)
~.~ ~.~
There we go, after quite a while of no posts, I have posted a new set of guidelines! I've been busy with work, school, and every day life. As it was put by another author recently, there were four choices that I could choose from… and only have three of those choices.
1. Good Grades
2. Sleep
3. Going to Work and Getting a Paycheck
4. Posting New Chapters Regularly
I chose 1, 2, and 3. So sorry guys, my posts are going to be few and far between for a while. Good news is that I have good grades, adequate amounts of sleep, and a regular paycheck though! Huzzah!
And I'm not replying to reviews this time. I was trying to get this posted instead. I might just PM those who review.
Until all are one,
Chistarpax
