After a long game, where Lily tried to keep up with James playing chaser while Fess played Keeper, ended in James only beating her by 2 points, they decided to call it a day and head back up to the castle. For only a couple of hours they had no worries about anything, no worries about what would happen when they all went back up to the castle and talked to Sirius and Johanna. It was nice, if only for a while.
The best part was they were able to just have fun. Lily, for once, didn't worry about it being James that she was having a great time with, she didn't mind. She was having a great time. James didn't worry about trying to impress her, he only cared about getting his mind off of things. It was one of the best times he had had in a long time.
They walked up to the castle laughing. They were all the muddiest they had ever been, and even left a trail all the way through the castle back up to the Head Dorms. They burst through the portrait hole laughing and making fun of each other.
"What the hell happened to you three?" Remus asked, seeing their appearance. This brought them back to reality. On the couch was Peter, Sirius, and Johanna, while Remus sat in the armchair further away from them.
"Nothing, just a quick game of quidditch" Fess said sitting at the table beside the door. Sirius dodged her eyes, while Johanna looked at her with loathing.
James decided to act cool, and walked over to Johanna. "Hey, babe. Miss me at dinner?" he asked pecking her lips.
Sirius seemed to take this as Fess hadn't told him what had happened, he breathed a sigh of relief.
"Hey, Pete, mind getting up for me so I can sit there?" James said to Peter, who scurried out of the seat beside Johanna. James sat down and laid his arm on the couch behind Johanna. Lily looked at him curiously. James caught her eye and gave her a wink.
"Padfoot, you never told me where you were at dinner" Remus said, looking up from his book.
"Padfoot? Miss dinner? Do you have a fever, man? You sure you feelin' well? The only time you ever miss dinner is if you're getting' some. Who was it this time?" James said reaching over to feel Sirius's head for a fever.
Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "I was doing homework guys, I'm way behind" he said.
"No way. You don't do homework until the last minute, and even then, you don't do it until after midnight" Remus said.
"I was doing homework guys! Why is this such a big deal?" Sirius said jumping up.
"Somebody's touchy today" Fess said.
Sirius glared at her, he knew she knew precisely where he was. She raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips.
"I'm gone, I'll see you guys in the morning. You coming, Wormtail? Moony?" Sirius said before walking out of the portrait hole. Remus raised his eyebrows at James and took a deep breath before following him and Peter out.
Anger crept back into Fess's mind. Getting up without saying anything, she followed the boys out of the portrait. Sirius had waited on Remus and Peter and was stepping away from the wall when he saw her come through the door.
"Oh, great, what are you going to do? Tell me off?" he responded automatically.
"No, just ask when you're planning on telling James about you and Johanna" she said walking beside him.
"If I can help it, never. I don't want something this stupid to come between me and him" he said gloomily.
"Then why did you do it in the first place?" she inquired.
"She came onto me one day after dinner, and I just couldn't stop her. And it's just continued" he said softly, almost whispering in shame.
"Black, why do you continue to do it if you know how much it would hurt James?"
Sirius just looked at her, "Do you really want to ask me that?"
"Oh, right. You hadn't been getting very much good sex this year, so she is the best you can do right now. Black, you can do better than that. Sneaking around behind your best friend's back isn't exactly the best way to get sex" Fess thought for a moment. "Wait, wait, I get it. It's the thrill isn't it? The thrill that you could get caught at any moment makes it even better. Tell me, did you get enough of that thrill today?"
"Dammit Fess! I don't like what I'm doing! Cant you tell I feel bad enough already? No, I didn't like being caught today, especially by you" he added quietly.
"Why not me? Because you know I'm going to give you hell about it?" she asked.
"No, I just- cant we drop this? I'm going to talk to James tomorrow, ok? That make you happy? I don't want to hurt his feelings, or get hit in the face, or not talk to him ever again. What is your interest in this? Why are you so upset anyway?"
This caught Fess off-guard. "Be-because, because, let's just forget it Black. I'll see you at breakfast" she stuttered out, quickening her pace ahead of him. He grabbed her arm and made her face him. She couldn't look at him, couldn't let him see her jealousy.
"Fess, look at me, please" he whispered reaching up to her face. He cupped her face and caressed her cheek softly. He chuckled.
"Now, who's the vulnerable one?" he asked smiling. She looked up and smiled at him, hitting him playfully in the stomach.
"Shut up!" she said laughing.
"Ow, woman! That was more than just a small punch! That really hurt!" he said turning over in pain.
"Oh, would you like me to kiss it and make it better?" she said in a baby voice.
Sirius laughed, then tackled her, attempting to tickle her. "Black, stop! Please stop! No! Please!" Fess said with hysterical laughter. He had her against the wall tickling her when he looked at her face. He had never seen her more beautiful than in that moment. It was then that he had the sudden urge to kiss her, and that's what he did.
He caught her off-guard, yet again. She never expected a tickling war to end with this, and had hardly had time to catch her breath. Giving in, Fess dropped her arms and practically melted beneath him. Sensing her weakness, entwined his hands through hers and held tight. Picking up strength, Fess deepened the kiss, letting go of one of his hands and cupping the back of his head, entwining her fingers in his hair. Sirius pushed them even further into the wall, wrapping his free hand around the small of her back, pushing her hips against him.
/~/~/
James let out a sigh of relief as Johanna finally left the dorm. He would be glad to be rid of her, though he didn't want to make a big scene of it. Turning around from the door, he saw Lily smirking as she glanced up at him from the farthest desk.
"What are you smirking at?" he asked, ruffling his hair.
"Nothing. When are you going to ask her about it? Or ask Sirius?" she said simply, not taking her eyes off of her work she had in front of her.
"I don't know. I'm hoping Sirius will tell me, he usually cant hide things from me" James said as he sat down at the chair across from her.
Lily nodded her head silently.
"Are you still working on the Halloween stuff?" he asked picking up a flyer.
"Yeah, me and Fess got everything we need in Hogsmeade today, but I'm still having trouble organizing. I think I'm going to call it a day though. I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow" Lily said yawning and standing up. James also stood up.
"We have quidditch practice in the morning, not that me and Fess really need it after today" he said smiling. Lily laughed.
"Yeah. Goodnight James" she said turning to walk up the stairs.
"Night Lily" James said before sitting back down at the desk.
Lily woke up the next morning, unusually early. She had planned on sleeping until lunch, but she kept tossing and turning in her sleep and finally gave up around 7:30. Stretching, she slipped into the bathroom where she splashed water on her face and automatically brushed her teeth. Instead of trying to go back to sleep, she decided to try to do leisurely reading. She looked around for a book by one of her favorite authors, Pride and Prejudice.
'Crap, I left it downstairs yesterday' she thought before trotting out of her room and descending down the stairs. She walked over to the mantle above the fireplace and reached for her book. Turning to go back upstairs, she heard a noise coming from the corner. Unconsciously, she started smiling.
James had fallen asleep at the desk the night before, obviously attempting to do some of the organizing for the carnival. Lily slowly tip-toed up to him and watched him sleep for a moment.
'He actually looks peaceful, and amazingly, doesn't snore. What was he up doing all night?' she thought to herself. Some of the papers were still lying underneath him, while some had been stacked in two piles on the table. He had apparently knocked some of them over in his sleep because one pile had a few of its pages scattered in the opposite chair and on the floor.
Lily carefully picked up the fallen papers and looked at them. They were daily schedules that had been made out down to the minute. He had thought about how long each event would take, and calculated the exact time it should be done, plus 15-30 minutes in between games incase of one overlapping the other. He even had scrap paper with his calculations to prove it.
'Whoa, who knew he was this good at math?' she thought looking at the calculations. James stirred, letting out a deep breath and letting his left hand fall off of the table, scattering a few more papers. He still had on his glasses, but it looked like he had almost broken them during his sleep. Lily reached to him, took his glasses gently off of his head, repaired them, and laid them beside him on the papers.
As Lily turned to retreat up the stairs, something on the floor caught her eye. Turning back, she bent to pick up a paper that had been hidden under a Halloween Ball flyer. It was another drawing of her, no it was mini-drawings of her. These however, did not only have her in the picture, he was in it. It was a simple drawing, perhaps it resembled all he wanted, all he needed from her. They were laughing. She was leaning her head on his shoulder. He was kissing her forehead. They were laying in each others' arms. And finally, their hands were drawn together in the middle, each finger entwining with the others. She had been studying it for so long that she did not notice James open his eyes and fumble for his glasses to see what exactly Lily was doing in front of him.
Putting on his glasses, he saw what she had in her hands. He sat up, trying to pretend that he did not notice the particular paper she was studying.
"Lily? I thought you were sleeping in today?" he said with a stretch. The sudden movement brought her back to reality. She blinked, making sure she was awake and not dreaming.
"James! Oh, sorry, yeah I was, but I couldn't so I came down here to get my book. Well, here it is! I'll just be going now" she said quickly and started up the stairs.
"Lily? Lily!" James said calling after her. She continued to climb the stairs. Going into her room, she shut the door quietly, unsure of what she was feeling at the moment. She put her back against the door and slid down it, finally falling to the floor, holding her knees into her chest. She closed her eyes and began to breathe in one deep breath after another, hoping to find some realization in them.
It was then that a low tap came through her door, almost as if he was scared of the response he would get on the other side. Breathing in one last time, Lily stood up and slowly opened her door.
James looked as if he had murdered someone, he was so nervous of what Lily was feeling. He didn't know whether she would be angry, disappointed, or something completely different. He was prepared for the slap that he had gotten so many times, but once again, Lily surprised him.
She just looked at him, waiting for him to say something. Instinctively, his hand rushed to his hair. He always played with his hair when he was nervous.
"Um, Lily, do you have my drawing that I guess had fallen to the floor?" he asked quietly.
Lily extended her arm with the paper she had in her hand, silently. She was at a loss for words. She didn't want to open her mouth and say something to hurt his feelings, as she did so many times without knowing it. Trembling, she held it out for him to take. She didn't want to meet his eyes, she didn't know how they would read.
Seeing her shaking hand, James took the paper from her. He wondered why she didn't look at him, why she wouldn't say anything. It made him extremely nervous.
"Right, well, I guess I'll see you at lunch then" he whispered, a hand still in his hair. He looked at her one last time, trying to figure out her emotions, then walked to his room, where he threw himself on his bed. He tried to imagine every possible explanation for as to why she was acting like this, but none of them seemed logical. He finally decided on the theory that she was so angry with him that she couldn't bear to look or even speak to him. With this depressing theory, he got into the shower, trying to drown himself in misery.
/~/~/
Lily walked down to lunch early. She was hoping to eat and be back in her room before the Gryffindor quidditch team finished practice. Lily sighed in relief when she walked in the door and did not see any of them. 'Maybe my plan is actually working. Now to quickly grab some food and go back to my dorm' she thought to herself. She was just reaching the table when she felt someone jump on her back. Instinctively she jumped and pulled out her wand, until she realized who it was.
"But I don't care what they say! I'm in love with you, they try to pull me away, but they don't know the truth. My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing. You cut me open and IIIIIII" Fess sang as she jumped onto Lily's back and then jumped immediately back off of her. Lily turned around to say something to her when Fess continued to sing:
"I keep bleedin, keep keep bleedin love! Keep bleedin, keep keep bleedin love!" Fess was trying to get Lily to sing. Though Lily's intentions were to scold her for jumping on her, she couldn't help but laugh. The song was their new favorite. Fess was motioning to Lily to join in. She was at the 2nd verse by now, and on her knees singing. 'Typical Fess' Lily thought.
"Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud. Their piercing sounds fill my ears, try to fill me with doubt. Yet I know the goal is to keep me from falllleeeennnn!" Fess sang to Lily on her knees, she loved to make a show out of her singing.
"But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace. And in this world of loneliness I see your face. Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm goin craazzyyy, maybe, maybe. But I don't care what they say! I'm in love with you! They try to pull me away, but they dont know the truth! My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing!" Lily finally gave in, putting on just as much of a show as Fess.
Lily's singing was not exactly the most pleasant thing to hear, especially when singing this particular song. Her voice squeaked and rang throughout the hall, a few people covering their ears from the noise. Lily didn't care, she felt like letting go, of everything.
It was only after they had finished their song that James proceeded to walk to the table to sit with the rest of the marauders. After helping himself to pancakes, he looked at Sirius. He had been quiet all morning, which was extremely unusual.
"Hey, Padfoot, what's-"
"Hi darling!" Johanna said before sitting beside James and kissing him hard. James had actually forgotten all about his girlfriend, and about the day before. All of the memories came rushing back to him in that moment.
"What is wrong, Jamie?" Johanna asked as she pulled away, for he had not kissed her back.
"Sorry, you caught me off-guard. Still thinking about practice" he replied simply.
"Well, let me bring you back to reality then" she said swift fully before engulfing him in a long passionate kiss.
"Ahem, some of us are trying to eat here" Remus said loudly.
Johanna pulled away from James and glared at Moony. James was still in a daze, and not from the kiss, he could have cared less about that. He was still trying to remember everything that happened yesterday, then his mind came back to that morning. He groaned and slapped his head into his hands.
"Johanna, could you give me a minute with the guys, please? I need to talk to them. I'll meet you after breakfast" he said to her. Glaring at him, she left the table and returned to the Hufflepuff table.
"Padfoot, what's wrong, you've been sulking all morning" James asked him.
"It's nothing mate, women trouble" he said plainly.
"Ah, which women? They all find out about each other?" Remus asked, smiling.
"Not really, but then yes kind of, and then its just like wham, and where has this girl been hiding, and then shame, and annoyance, and then paradise" Sirius said in short but non-comprehendible phrases.
"Yeah, didn't understand any of that mate. Care to try again?" James asked him.
"Its like, I'm with one girl, thinking this has to be the best thing ever, then another girl comes along and as annoying and hateful and untouchable as I try to make out to be in my mind, she's amazing. Oh, this is a disaster" Sirius said, throwing his head in his hands, trying to explain more carefully.
James laughed and patted his best friend on the back. "It's ok mate, I think I know how you feel"
Fess was now on the floor laughing from Lily's singing, she knew how bad it was. "Wow, do you know how badly you sing? I mean honestly!" Fess said between catching her breath.
Lily huffed, putting her hands on her hips, trying to pretend to be mad at Fess: she was failing miserably. Her frown faltered as soon as she looked around to the teachers' table. Professor McGonagall was trying to keep herself composed, a smile playing at the ends of her lips, while Professor Dumbledore roared with laughter. He paused only for a moment to raise his goblet to Lily, as if saluting her for the best laugh he had had in a while.
Lily smiled. Who cared if she couldn't sing? Looking down to the rest of the tables, she caught James's eye. Sadly, the smile he had had on his face faltered, turning into nervousness as he immediately rushed his hand to his hair. A sudden feeling of guilt swept over Lily, she knew she had made him feel that way that morning. She continued to look at him, hoping to catch his eye again, but he never looked back up from his lunch.
Fess was pulling herself up off of the floor onto the bench to eat. Giving up on trying to get James's attention, Lily looked away and settled down beside Fess.
"So how was practice?" Lily asked.
"A bit boring actually. Until Mac hit a bludger towards James and knocked him off of his broom" Fess put her finger to her chin, "it was honestly the funniest thing I have seen in a few weeks, now that I look back on it. Oh well. So how was your morning? Sneak into Hogsmeade or do anything exciting?" Fess asked getting a mischievous glint in her eyes.
"No. Did some reading, though" Lily said packing her plate with broccoli.
"Ahh. Pride and Prejudice, I presume? "
"Of course. Why aren't there guys like Mr. Darcy?" Lily asked.
"There are. You just have to realize who the real ones are and strike out the posers"
Lily pondered over this for a moment while she chewed on a slice of apple. It was then she felt eyes on her. Glancing carefully, she swore she saw James looking her way. 'Flicker of the light on his glasses,' she thought. She didn't blame him if he hated her after this morning. She had acted completely….blank. Giving him no inclination as to how she felt about him. She had never been blank before when it came to words or feelings. She was always sure about how she felt in every moment. Not now. It wasn't like her to have to second guess her actions or thoughts. Dammit, Potter! How did he do this to her! She only remembered one other time when she had completely lost all knowledge of her surroundings…. 'Oh no,' Lily thought.
"Fess, I think I'm going to see Madam Pomfrey, sudden….. Nausea" Lily said quickly before pushing her plate away from her and scrambling away from the table as fast as she could.
"Lils? You ok? Whats-" Fess started, but Lily had already walked off. "Ok, I guess I'll just sit here and talk to myself for the remainder of my lunch" she said under her breath.
Remus scooted closer to Fess after watching Lily leave so abruptly.
"She ok?" he asked.
"No idea. We were talking about Pride and Prejudice when she all of sudden got a sudden whim and left. Said she was going to see Pomfrey" Fess said picking at her remaining vegetables on her plate.
"Pride and Prejudice? That's not really a nauseating subject" he said thoughtfully.
"That's what I thought. She had just asked why there weren't any guys in the world like Mr. Darcy and - Oh no" Fess said pausing.
"What? You too?" Remus said disbelievingly.
"No! I'm fine. It's…. complicated" Fess said shoving her plate away from her and looking around the Great Hall.
"Looking for someone?" he asked, bewildered by her suddenness.
"Kind of. Look, I'll try to explain later. See you in the Common Room?" Fess asked as she got up from her lunch and left without waiting for an answer.
