What if Bella threw a concert for Christmas?
How could Charlie do this to me? Of course, I was glad to be with Cathy again, but send me away to Phoenix for the holidays?
If I was away from Forks, how could I be sure that he even existed?
Even though we'd been over it so many times, I can never be sure. I feel as if I've been asleep, dreaming. As if I wasn't right now. Maybe I was in a coma somewhere.
If I was, I wish I would just wake up already.
"'Love Story' is on the top shelf?" I asked, trying to sound interested.
I'd been practicing very hard to make my voice sound a little animated, to try and play the charade again. But no matter how hard I tried, it stayed dead, monotonous.
"Yes, it's the most popular CD in the store. Online, and right here."
"Wow…" I couldn't help but feel a little surprised… I guess. No spark, no heartbeat.
How could I be sure I was even alive?
I put down the cardboard box on top of the counter and pulled out the trimmings. I stood up on the stool and hung it on top of the door.
Christmas. I don't recall ever being excited for this day. The very last time I ever was… was about five years ago. I mean, how could you be thrilled by Christmas if Christmas meant –for your abusive parents –more ill-treatment?
"Bella?" Cathy restarted the conversation after a good five minutes.
"Yes?"
"There's been a lot of feedback on your music. A lot of people like it, and…"
"And?"
"For Christmas, your fans are wondering if you could throw a concert."
"What?" I turned around stridently.
"C'mon, Bella! Please? I already booked a place and everything! Please? For me?"
Oh no. Not the pout.
I sighed. "Why not?"
"Thank you, Bella!"
"Besides, how many people could possibly be there?"
"Two hundred."
My eyes widened. Two. Hundred. People.
This Christmas would definitely be different.
**
I walked to the microphone stand. Two hundred people, just like Cathy promised. The auditorium was nearly full.
Like I cared. I just wanted to get over with this as soon as possible.
"Merry Christmas everyone," I said. It sounded flat. But it would be the only opening remark I would make before I started.
Surprisingly, as each song finished, the crowd always cheered at the top of their lungs, wanting more. I guess they really were fans.
Whatever.
The next song played.
No sir
Well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore
It's your turn to take a seat
We're settling the final score
And why do we like to hurt so much?
I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why, all the possibilities
Well I was wrong
That's what you get when you let your heart win, woah
That's what you get when you let your heart win, woah
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, woah
I wonder
How am I supposed to feel when you're not here?
Cause I've burned every bridge I ever built
When you were here
I still try
Holding on to silly things, I never learn
Oh why, all the possibilities
I'm sure you've heard
I looked out into the audience. They seemed to be enjoying. Just then, someone sitting in the front row caught my eye.
Pale skin, bronze hair… He looked like…
That's what you get when you let your heart win, woah
That's what you get when you let your heart win, woah
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, woah
Strangely I was drawn to this boy. I wanted very much to take a closer look. I walked to the side of the stage, to the staircase. Even then, I wanted to be closer still.
I guess I could be selfish, just this once.
Pain, make your way to me, to me
I began to walk his way. He looked even more and more like…
And I'll always be just so inviting
I was in front of him now, and the crowd's cheer grew louder. I was going to be selfish. I reached for his hand, and he –more than willingly –took mine. It was cold, just like… I looked into his eyes, and he stared back.
If I ever start to think straight
This heart will start a riot in me
Let's start, start - hey!
I let go and began to make my way back to the stage. It couldn't have been. No. Impossible. I finished the song, a little shaken.
What if Alice made Edward go to Bella's concert?
"Edward?"
I ignored the girl who was my lab partner. It didn't matter; she was a little shy herself. She never usually started a conversation with me.
"Merry Christmas," she said.
Christmas. Right. Of course.
Has it really been so long?
I nodded slightly in her direction and went back to staring down at the table. She was used to me being silent, everyone was. I never talked unless necessary.
"My friends and I are getting together at my place."
So? Why was Kamryn telling me this? And why should it matter to me what her plans for the holidays was?
"I was wondering, if maybe, you would like to come along."
I scanned her thoughts. She was… concerned. For me.
"Thank you," I told her, "But I'd rather not."
"C'mon," she encouraged, "You should come. Have fun."
I just shook my head.
"You're always so serious… Why…"
Before she could ask her question, the teacher came in. A mercy that. I wasn't going to give an answer. It was too painful.
School passed, and ended. I waited in the car, impatiently, for my siblings. They just couldn't seem to come fast enough.
When they did, nothing was said. I just drove out of the parking lot and to our house. Nothing new… except…
"Hey, Edward," Alice called.
"What?" I asked with a tad curt.
"I'm going to a concert this weekend. Come with me?"
Why did people keep inviting me to places? Even after the way I've been acting? It didn't make any sense whatsoever.
But I guess I could be a bit generous. I mean, that was the spirit of Christmas, wasn't it? Giving?
"Whatever," I shrugged.
"Excellent."
I tried seeing into her thoughts. She was hiding something… And strangely, so were the rest. But I couldn't care less what they would want to hide from me.
**
Curse Alice, for tricking me into coming here. And curse Emmett, for preventing my escape.
"Emmett, let go, or I will tear off your arm," the threat slid beneath clenched teeth.
"C'mon, Edward, it's for your own good," Alice said.
My eye narrowed. Were they trying to get me to kill myself?
If Emmett would let go, I could do it right this very minute. I'd run all the way to Italy myself if necessary.
"Merry Christmas everyone."
My head turned sharply to the stage. There she was. I couldn't help but stare.
Beautiful, as always.
I ignored the fact that Emmett was hovering over me ridiculously like a bodyguard. I ignored the fact that the songs were indirectly inspired by me. I ignored the fact that Alice had deceived me into this.
After all, when would I ever be given a chance to look at her one last time again?
Her voice was beautiful, and I was so engrossed. I just stared and watched in silence. She looked… sad, though.
Suddenly…
Pain, make your way to me, to me
I only then noticed that she was off the stage. She was walking towards me. Had she been able to recognize me in the crowd?
Yes.
And I'll always be just so inviting
She was in front of me. She extended her hand out to me, and I took it immediately. When would I ever get the chance to touch her again? She looked into my eyes, and I looked into hers… I could swear that I could see into her memories…
She didn't recognize me at all.
And too abruptly, she let go, and returned to her place on stage.
Even after I'd promised that I'd never interfere again… I broke my promise…
No, she didn't recognize me. The promise didn't have to be broken.
Savor the memory, Edward. It'll be your last.
Thank you, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie… Kamryn. Thank you.
Credit to: vampirechick123 for the idea! Thanks to Paramore for making the perfect song!
