He kept expecting his demonic father to creep out from around the next corner, make some threat or plea. But it never happened. And strangely that worried him. Where was the son of a bitch if not guarding his special site? It made no sense.
He was, of course, being watched. But not by the yellow eyed demon. By a lieutenant of sorts. From outside the boundaries of both sites, from the shadows. Watching, and remembering. Every last detail was to be reported back. Oh but his master was good. Every move so far had been predicted down to the littlest detail. From the times to what gravestones Sam would stoop to look at. As if this was all scripted, and he was watching a play.
Sam finished each site with pictures. Filling several memory cards with images before returning to Dean's kitchen with the cameras, tape recorders, he hadn't listened to the tapes yet. Figured there would be time to do that later. TheEMF findings had been recorded in exacting detail.
He sat things down on the counter. "Oh hey. Pizza. Good. " Sam said grabbing a couple of pieces and heading into the living room.
Dean saw Sam, and glanced at Kevin quickly. "Hey." He said to his brother. "Get it all?" He said as Kevin started to positively fidget with his plate and his soda.
"Yeah." Sam said suddenly distracted. "It's on the counter... Why do you have a black eye?" He asked his son directly. This couldn't bode well. Especially when Kevin was home long before school was out.
Kevin looked for all the world like a deer caught in headlights. "I..um...gotinafightbutitwasn'tmyfault." He said in a rush, and Sam asked him repeat it. "I got in a fight." He said simply this time.
Sam set his plate down and reached for a beer instead. "Okay... You got in a fight... I am guessing the rest of that gush was something about not being your fault or the other guy deserved it... So why don't you give me the details?" He said staring at his oldest boy. He was not at all pleased with this latest development. Fighting usually meant that there was something else wrong. He knew. He had been there enough.
Kevin sighed. At least Mary wasn't home yet so he didn't have to hedge his words. So he started from the beginning, which was right before homeroom. Then overhearing Joey saying Mary was a freak, up to where Dean came to get him. Leaving out Dean's mouth in the principal's office of course. "What was I supposed to do? Ask him very nicely to shut his mouth?"
Sam sighed. "It's what your supposed to do... Unfortunately what you are supposed to do and what really works are two different things in cases like this." He shook his head. "You know I can't just let you off the hook for this?"
"You could. If you really wanted to." Kevin said. "I'm suspended for two weeks from school." He said dejectedly, waiting for the rest of it.
"Which works out perfect, for when we have to pull them out to deal with our little situation anyway. I can fudge Mary, it's just the rest of them we have to think up excuses for." Dean said. "And no, he cannot work off his debt to society in my shop." Because Kevin and cars didn't mix.
"Oh no... I wouldn't do that to you." He shook his head. "The idiot actually said Mary was a freak?" He sighed. "Okay... You realize that your mom isn't going to let you off the hook even if I were going to?"
Kevin slumped. "Yeah, I know." Kevin said. "Wasn't like I'm going around bullying people though."
"And I got Regan on retainer just in case they decide to sue." Dean said.
"Because people are stupid." Bobby added. "Back in my day, hell back in your days too, no one sued over a school fight."
"Yeah I know. I think we are going to need to work out some of that anger you and Simon have before I stick you in a lock down situation with a thin skinned Demon." Sam said. "So I think the three of us are going camping before the family vacation."
"Dad, I'm fine with Ben." Kevin said. He still had issues, but he thought he was remarkably mature in dealing with them. "I'm not the one that shot him."
"No, but you are the one that just pounded someone into the pavement for calling someone names."
"No, I pounded him into the lockers." Kevin said with a sigh. "I'm sure there's a difference. I was defending her. Now if anyone calls her a freak just because she has some scars, they know they have to deal with me. Thought families stood up for each other?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"They do. Question is do you want to go camping with Me and Simon, or do you want to stay home for the next three days and deal with your mother's ideas on things? You know... the social worker who is pretty much a pacifist at heart unless its an evil demon or a spider."
"Then I'm definitely going camping." Kevin said.
"This is why I have girls. If Mary gets in a fight, I get an ego boost out of the fact that she doesn't really hit too much like a girl." Dean said with a laugh. "What are you going to do when Mark starts fighting?" He asked Jack.
"Probably depends on why he started fighting. Kaylie isn't as much of a pacifist as Rachel thankfully. " Jack said with a laugh. "And she kills her own spiders."
"Kaylie is definitely not a pacifist." Dean said laughing. "Sam, I ever tell you what happened when we were in Hong Kong?" He said, still chuckling at the memory of it. "So I'm tied to a chair, right, and this goon is threatening me, yammering on, then he drops. Because Kaylie broke a vase over his head."
"That's my girl." Jack said with a broad smile. "She ripped Ben off to get the funds to get out there to come after me too. I was impressed. "
Sam laughed. "You know... somehow that doesn't surprise me." He said. "So how did the visit with the demonic plastic surgeon go?" He asked.
"It went so well Mary's at the mall right now with Kaylie racking up charges on my credit card." Dean said. "Remember the days when we didn't worry about paying off the balances of whatever credit card we were using at the time?"
"Yeah . I do. Of course we were also worried about the feds on our tail, and the psycho hunters that wanted my head. I'm thinking its a good trade. Then again.. I have sons."
Bobby laughed. "Don't get into that argument over what is better, daughters or sons. Because Jack automatically wins." Bobby said, seeing as Jack had a daughter and two sons.
"Having daughters gives you a reason to keep your sharpshooting skills nice and intact." Dean said with a grin.
"I've never been threatened with getting shot." Kevin said. On the whole two dates he'd been on in his life.
"That's because you date girls whose fathers live in the every day normal world. If you dated a hunter's daughter... you would be threatened with being shot, trust me. If you ever have a sister... I will threaten to shoot her dates."
"Nice." Kevin said.
"So what are you going to do when Abby's old enough to date?" Bobby asked Jack, amused by the conversation. He'd never had kids, not really. He was an adopted uncle, and had taken care of Dean and Sam single handedly before when they were kids, but he was never really a parent.
"Any boy willing to date a girl that will have a black belt by 12, plays with fire for fun... definitely has to be shot before he spends any time alone with my daughter."
Dean laughed. "Yeah, because that means he'll probably be an incarnation of ME." He said as he leafed through some books and records, still doing research idly. Not a moment to waste after all. "So I was thinking big family vacation at one of those resorts that has everything. Amusement parks, bars, even a massage table for pregnant women."
"I can get behind that idea." Jack said with a nod.
"So can my old joints." Bobby added with a laugh. "Sothe boys get to go camping with their father before going on vacation. If Sam is anything like his father, he is going to need that vacation when they get back. That and a bottle of scotch."
"Yeah I remember those camping trips." Dean said with a laugh. "Put me off camping for a very long time."
"So maybe I should stay with Rachel then?" Kevin asked worriedly.
"Miss out on some heavy duty training just to do extra chores ?" Sam asked. "I might let you. After all I know how much you love doing chores. What sort of father would I be to keep you from such a beloved activity?"
"Man... You're still evil. " Jack teased.
"He inherited that directly from Dad." Dean said. "We'll see how you are when Mark hits sixteen, I'm not so sure it's all environmental." He didn't know how Ben was when Jack was sixteen after all. For all he knew, Ben was worse!
"Fine." Kevin said, laughing. "I'll go camping! Sheesh, love the reverse psychology."
"On the bright side, I am not going to take you to the middle of the woods, drop you off with a compass and bed roll and tell you to meet me back at base camp in three days." Sam said. "Although to be fair Dad had that spirit chasing him and figured we would be safer out in the woods alone than with him. Do you remember that trip, Dean?"
"Which one was that? The one where you kept waking me up because you were afraid of the trees?" Dean asked. "Or the one where you sprained your ankle running away from a rabbit?"
"That was the same camping trip. Cut me some slack... I was 8 for crying out loud. And you kept telling me scary stories as we were walking, what did you expect me to do?" He asked with a grin. "I had nightmares for a week."
"Yeah I know." Bobby said. "You had them at my house." He grumbled, suppressing a grin as he remembered John's response to Dean's antics. The boy had spent a good deal of time out there helping Bobby work on cars instead of running off to play. John didn't like his sleep disturbed. Especially not when it meant one of his boys was scared.
"Anyway," Dean said, laughing at the memory of it all, "I'm sure your camping trip will go much better. And our vacation will be nothing like that."
"I should hope so." Jack said with a chuckle. "Did he really ditch you guys in the woods at 12 and 8 years old?"
"Dean knew what he was doing, Dad had placed stashes of food and water out there for us to find so we wouldn't have to carry it all, and well... There was something after him that would have torn us apart and had us for lunch. Not that I understood that until years later when we found his old journals. He didn't bother to tell us that, so of course I resented the hell out of it."
"Dad wasn't really known for explaining his reasons for, well, just about anything." Dean admitted. "But it turned out well. I did know what I was doing. Including the stories, distracted the hell out of him. So how long you guys going to be out in the middle of nowhere?"
"Two... Three days. Want to make sure to get some of Simon's aggression dealt with and a little more training in for Kevin before... Well... Before." While he had the chance.
Bobby nodded gravely. He understood. Everyone in the room understood in fact. "Well, I've got some of my supplies if Simon needs to borrow them. Not like I'll be using them. Me and the cold ground don't get along so well anymore."
"That would be great. I haven't had a chance to get him any camping gear. " He said with a nod. "So if you are through celebrating assault and battery, let's go get everything ready to go. We leave first thing in the morning."
"First thing?" Kevin said. That didn't sound pleasant.
"Oh come on, Sam. Remember the first big fight you got in? With someone other than me, that is." Dean said. "Dad took us out to dinner, and you got your first shot of tequila. At least we kept him sober!"
"Yeah... Well... Dad and I aren't as much alike as people like to think. And it was because I got jumped if you remember correctly. I didn't start it... I sure as hell finished it though." He said with a grin.
"But remember, that smile on your dad's face isn't saying that fighting is okay, or even an ego booster." Bobby said, giving Kevin a wink. "Fighting is very bad, even if he is still grinning like an idiot over the memory."
"Yeah... And my dad made sure I understood that too the first time I ever started a fight." Sam pointed out. "Well, first one that didn't involve Dean. We went camping." He said.
"Don't look at me. I put food in his mouth after Dad disappeared by winning bar fights." Dean said with a laugh. "He didn't complain about it then."
"No, you put food on the table by sharking pool, and winning the bar fights it brought on was purely for fun." Sam said.
"You two are scary, you know that?" Jack said. "The only time I have gotten into fights outside of competition was some creep hitting on Kaylie. Not counting the whole magically drugged out phase."
"Oh that whole magically drugged out phase when you took me on." Dean said with a laugh. "And lost by the way."
"Yeah, I had to be drugged to lose, and distracted by Kaylie." He added. "But hey, I'm going home, and explain that it would be a bad thing for Mark to go camping too." He laughed.
Dean laughed. "Winning's winning." He said. "I'll send Kaylie on home once she and my daughter are finished spending all my money."
"And mine." Jack said as he picked up his son. "I'll swing by after the kids are in bed to see what Sam found out at the sites. Right now I have to go pick up Abby."
"Bye Benji!" Dean called out with a wave as he read the book he was reading, flipping through pages. "So anything interesting Sam? Which one do you think it is? Gut feeling."
"Gut feeling they both made my skin crawl." He said as he got out his lap top and started todown loadthe pictures from the camera. " And I was being watched in both locations." He said.
"Nice." Dean said as he took out his own laptop to down load the audio files onto. "Well, we should have expected that, to say the least. OKay, loading all the sound files up,running them through the filter. Anything interesting in your pictures? Naked girls?"
"No naked girls. You know, youreally should get over your pervert stage at some point." Sam said as he connected the printer to his computer and started to print out the pictures to the first site so that he could lay it out on the dining room table.
"Why would I do that?" Dean said with a smirk. "Okay, almost done filtering." He looked at the pictures. "Wow, look at those orbs around the gates."
"Yeah I know." Sam said as he lay the pictures out to give a panoramic view of the grave yard. "Usually grave yards are quiet places. This one isa hot spot for orbs and streaks, fog moving the wrong way. "
Bobby looked at the pictures. "Come on over here, Kevin. Might as well learn to do this." He said as he picked up one photo, then another, his eyes not being what they once were. He needed to hold them not too far away from his nose to focus on them. "Sections of light in both of them. Seem to be near these crypts or mausoleums. What's in those?"
"In both locations." Sam said. "They have an ornate locking mechanism. Looks like it was designed to keep the bad guys out."
"And they want in." Dean said with a shake of his head. "Okay, loading up the EVP." There wasn't much on it that they could make out. Moaning for the most part, some screams. "Well, that should keep the little ones up."
"The dead are restless around there, probably because of all the demonic activity... all the trying to get in. I couldn't tell exactly what was blocking it in New Orleans, but this one seems to be surrounded by rail road tracks... a lot of cold iron..."
"Iron would definitely keep the demons out." Dean said.
"All the holy artifacts would keep them out of the other one." Bobby said, circling different things on the pictures of New Orleans. "When Hurricane Katrina swept through some twenty odd years ago, this cemetery was untouched. Not evena gravestone toppled."
"That's pretty powerful mojo." Sam said. "So we have to sort out what exactly is in there that the demon is after. I know he is after something from both locations... but if we can narrow the what down... correspond it with the local legends and all maybe we can figure out his hot spot and lure him there."
"New Orleans has too many legends and myths to go through in one lifetime." Bobby said. "You name it, it's there. It's a mystical and spiritual hotspot for just about everything. The other one..." He grabbed books and leafed through them. "A cemetary founded by Samuel Colt, yes that Colt."
Sam swore. "Why does that sound like way too much of a coincidence?" He said. "Regardless we are going to have to go back there and sort out what's going on."
"Yeah." Dean said. "But first we have to deal with the demon. So let's sort through which one he'd hit first. Samuel Colt designed the Colt, which is the only man made weapon that can kill him. But New Orleans is full of such...stuff...so much, that we'd never get through it."
"I know." Sam said with a sigh and took a seat. "Question is how. The colt wasn't made for him in specific. At least not as far as we can tell. It was a weapon made for a demon hunter. It may have absolutely nothing to do with him over all."
"Which means it might just be a distraction. The whole Colt connection." Dean said. "Okay, we'll hit New Orleans first, it's closer anyway."
"Okay then. I go camping for the weekend. We take the family out on vacation, then we are off to New Orleans. " Sam said with a nod. "Well... I need to get the camping gear together. I'm gonna need the vacation after this weekend."
"YeahI bet." Dean said. "We gotta think of something to do for Kaylie and Rachel, them being pregnant and all.So think of that while you got Kevin here chopping wood."
"Yeah, I know." Sam said. "I'll get the boys thinking about it too. That should be entertaining at least"
"Hey!" Kevin exclaimed.
Sam chuckled. "We will see you guys in a few days. Come on, let's go pick up your brother and let Rachel know what's going on."
"See ya." Dean said with a laugh as he and Bobby hit the books again.
Rachel had taken half the day off, and went shopping. For little baby things. Nothing too extreme, like a crib or anything. It was too early for that. But little toys, little bibs, cute little outfits, everything was so little.
Sam dialed her cell phone number as they sat waiting for Simon to join them in the truck. He really didn't want to punish either boy. It was more father son time. He wanted them to have something to remember just in case things went south. Sure he was going to train them hard and work them hard, but he would make sure there was fun had as well.
Rachel answered her phone, recognizing the number. "Don't tell me your brother cut you loose for the day." She said with a chuckle. "Is he feeling all right?"
"Yeah, they took care of Mary's scars today and we have a location now... so we are getting prepared for that. But while I was out investigating demonic cemeteries, our eldest son was getting into his first knock down drag out fight... because of Mary's boyfriend calling her a freak. Can't say I blame him but he is suspended."
"What? He got in a fight? Is he okay?" Rachel asked. "Is the other boy all right? Sam, you can't be okay with this. He started a fight! Over words! What's next? Him packing heat to school in case someone cuts in front of him in the lunch line?"
"I'm not okay with it... " he said with a sigh. "But at the same time, the jerk treated her badly. " He told her. "Look... My dad used to take Dean and I camping when we would get out of control. A lot of chopping wood and hard core training to work out the aggressions. So the boys and I are going camping before the family vacation."
Rachel sighed. "I just don't get the whole pull to violence thing." She said, playing with the anti possession charm around her neck. "But okay, camping sounds fun. I'll sit at home, nice and warm, and think of you fondly." She teased.
Sam laughed. "You better." He said. "I love you. " He couldn't believe he was this lucky. To find this sort of love twice in his life, was an amazing blessing.
"And I love you more." Rachel said. "Just be careful, all right? I know how you camp, you've told me the stories."
"We'll be careful, I promise." He said. "Don't forget to salt the doors when you lock them, same with the windows." They had central heat and air for a reason. Meant that the windows stayed closed and the salt stayed in place, but sometimes it would get broken up in the cleaning process.
"Absolutely." Rachel said. "Any other honey do's?" She teased affectionately.
"Oh just...Make sure you have the time off for thevacation and go shoppingfor what ever it is you need before we go..." He didn't begin to understand the need for all new things for a vacation. Then again, Sam didn't really comprehend an honest to God vacation.
"I'll get everything we need, don't worry." Rachel said with a laugh. "I'll even have everything packed nice and neat for everyone before you even get back from your camping trip."
"How did I ever get so lucky as to find a woman like you?" He asked motioning Simon to join them in the truck. "I'll see you when we get back. My camping gear is at Dean's so we will be heading out from there."
"See you when you get back." Rachel said as Simon got in the truck.
"What's up?" He asked. They looked...expectant...almost.
Sam said his good byes, and turned to his youngest son. "We're going camping. Don't get too excited... It's more training and a chance to work out some aggression before thefamily vacation..." He said.
"Yeah, and who's going to take that Ben camping to work out its aggression?" Simon asked, as his hopes of a nice relaxing camping trip were dashed. That slipped out before he could stop himself.
"And this is why we are going to be training all weekend." Sam said with a nod. "Well... Along with a little fishing and probably some marshmallows... But ... Mostly training. Look... I know what you saw... And I don't doubt that you saw it. But trust me... Visions aren't always what they appear to be. "
"Yeah, and sometimes they are!" Simon said as his brother smacked him upside the head. Kevin had spent a lot of time pounding it into Simon's head that Sam and his brothers needed to face down their own personal literal demon, and that they all had to be safe while they did that. And the safest place for them to be was under Ben's protection.
"And wecan deal with that once this entiremess is over. For nowBen is the only one that is going to be able to keep anyone safe while we are out fighting something a good deal bigger. I know you don't like it. But you are going to have to suckit up and deal with it."
Simon slouched down in his seat at that repimand. He didn't like it at all. But somehow he knew that Sam wasn't budging on that subject, and Kevin (no big fan of Ben's himself) was shooting him death glares. "Fine. Whatever. So where are we going camping?"
Sam sighed and told him where they were going, wondering if this was how his father had felt all the time he was growing up. "Simon... I don't want to fight this trip, okay?" He said. "I know we have to agree to disagree about this until after the yellow eyed demon is taken care of. Then we can talk about it more and see what we can come up with, all right? I need you boys to be ready for anything while I am gone. That means I have to cram a lot of training into you in a short period of time. It's not so much punishment as it's going to feel like. I just need you focused and ready." Maybe he should be the one to take a deep breath and explain from time to time. Might soften a few sharp edges between him and his youngest son.
"I know." Simon said. "I'll keep quiet on the Ben subject. Promise." Kevin smiled and teasingly ruffled his hair, as Simon batted away his hand and tried to smooth his hair down.
ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF
Ben had put this off too long. He'd meant to do it before. Really, he had, but things came up. Nothing important, he realized in retrospect, but things. He should have made more of an effort at least after Mark was born.
But he hadn't.
That was his own fault.
But now, traveling through shadows, across planes most demons didn't even know existed, to a forgotten place, he finally did come. And stood before a woman who had more than enough reason to hate him. Luckily she couldn't kill him. He had brought her to a place where he was more powerful than her, so she couldn't even delay him. But he had to do this at least.
"Going to try and punch me if I say hi?" He asked with a quick quirk of a grin.
Maggie's eyes narrowed. "What do you want?" She asked, forcing herself into a completely human form. It was easier tocommunicate that way. Felt more natural anyway.
"Can't an old friend stop by and say hi?" Ben asked, sitting down on a make shift seat. "Come on, Maggie. You can't be that mad at me. You were the one that made me, of all people me, promise to keep Jack safe. No matter what. Remember?"
"You didn't bring me here to keep Jack safe, you brought me here to keep John and his other sons safe." She pointed out. "You trapped me in nothingness. Why shouldn't I be angry with you?"
"Because I did take care of Jack. Or are you still so far gone that he doesn't really matter? That he's more of a possession that was taken from you? I was hoping some nothingness would give you some perspective. Now, humans, would have driven them nuts. But people like us? Gives us time to think and re evaluate."
She sighed. "Didn't say I wasn't grateful." She told him. "Just said I have reason to be angry. Not like I have jumped at the chance to attack you." She pointed out. Years alone had done nothing toher people skills.
"Still charming." Ben said. "Guess I shouldn't tell you how long it's been, should I?" He said, though he had brought a small photo album. "Come on, pull up a chair. Got a few surprises for you."
She pulled over a chair. "How is he?" She asked, not as angry at him for taking her son as she had been long ago. She had processed that and dealt with it. Solitude however she wasn't quite ready to forgive him for. Neither was she willing to chase away the first person she had been able to talk to in what seemed an eternity.
"He's good. I did a great job, if I do say so myself." Ben said with a grin. "He's thirty eight now." Ben said as he opened the album. "You're a grandmother. Fourth one due any moment. Family day is always interesting. What with the eight year old the spitting image of her mother, with the last name Hsiao. Oh yeah, I killed your father by the way. Would love to tell you it wasn't fun, but, well, it was."
"What did he do?" She asked, looking at the photos. Knowing Ben the man had deserved it. It had only been her attempts to remain human that had kept her from doing it herself in years past.
"Kidnapped Jack, poisoned him, then tried to hold him prisoner." Ben said. "I told you I'd look out for the kid. So that's Kaylie, his wife. Mark, oldest, then Abby, then Benji. She's about eight months pregnant right now."
She smiled as she looked over the pictures. "They are beautiful children. Is he as happy as he looks?" She asked, finding the images of her only child striking. He was such a strong looking man, with kind eyes. A rare combination.
"He is." Ben said. "Absurdly normal. Who would have thought a child of you and John Winchester, raised by me, would turn out so freaking normal. Not average, just normal. Job, house, kids, wife..."
"Good. I'm glad. John and I couldn't have given him that. Not even under the best of circumstances. What does he do? Has he had any more trouble from the accident?"
"He's a paramedic. His wife teaches kindergarten. I told you, absurdly normal." Ben said with a laugh. "John died, when he was twenty. They never met again. He told Sam and Dean about Jack before he died. Fine mess, those two brought with them. But Jack loves them."
"The younger one... You have to watch out for him... He is like me. Could hurt Jack so easily, whether he intends to or not."
"They already shoved a nice clean shiny soul back into him. And let me tell you, that hurt like hell." Ben said. "They're going after someone bigger now."
"They have gottenhim into hunting, haven't they?" She said and shook her head with a growl "Not what I wanted for him. The sons of bitches find out about me they will start hunting him down too... Just like before."
"They roped him into this because it involves him. Through John." Ben said, skirting around the rest of it. "The demon ran down Dean's daughter. Only a matter of time before he comes after Jack's kids. And they're younger than Mary. Speaking of Dean...they're fighting this on all the fronts they can get. Sam and his little abilities. Jack was roped into magic by your loving father. But what did you want with Dean?"
"Ah... The real reason for this visit atlast." She said with a sigh. "John performed a ritual on the boy when he was young. Far too young. Shortly after I brought Jack to you the first time." She started. "Bound him to a totem spirit. Bear. Just as Sam's blood is tainted by the darkness, Dean's is tainted by the light. It's potent, powerful. Blood magick is tied to thepower of life and the more pure, the more full of life that blood is, the more powerful it is. Bear is a creature of healing and protection and well... Life. His blood is pure, in many wayspurer metaphysically than virgin blood. He is the ultimate white goat."
"Good." Ben said. "Because I want Jack to come out of this. If Dean has to bleed himself dry, well, Jack will feel bad for a while, maybe a long time, but he'll be alive. Like I said, I want every weapon available at Jack's disposal. There's no time limit on how long I will look after the kid, you know. After all, compared to me, he'll always be a kid. Even when he's in a nursing home."
"Good, then I chose well." Maggie said with a nod. Jack would be protected. That was what mattered. It had always mattered even when she had reached her darkest point. "The demon won't allow it, you know. His sort ... They have a good deal more forewarning about things. Particularly where their children are concerned. "
"I still think they can do this." Ben said. "It's not going to be painless, and the outcome is going to messy for the family I suppose. I don't know how, just a feeling I have, really down deep where I don't actually like to feel. Hell, for all I know, they might manage to kill me some how."
"Finally find something worth living for again?" She asked him, raising an eyebrow. The Ben she remembered would have given everything he had to be wiped out of existence.
"I'd put it as something worth not dying for. I'm not saying I'll get out of the way if I think something's going to kill me, but I'm not actively seeking it out." Ben said. "Lost track of that as soon as Jack became a teenager and started sneaking out to meet girls."
"Sneaking out huh," She said with a smile. "He has a bit of the imp in him then... Comes by that naturally." She said, knowing a side of John that most didn't.
"Everyone said it was my influence. Then I saw him and Dean together goofing off." Ben said with a shrug. "Do you think you'll be able to eventually return? Honestly. Because you know if you aren't, and I take you back, I'll take you right back here. If that day ever comes."
"I will." She said. "But not until my other father is dead as well." Which wasn't likely to happen any time soon. She knew that she was weak where his influence was concerned.
"All right then." Ben said with a nod. "You get to stay. You can keep the photos if you want."
"Thank you." She said as she continued looking through the photos. "Tell him... Tell him when it's not going to cause him too much distraction... Tell him that I love him."
"I will." Ben said. "Guess I should get back. Lucky me, I get to babysit."
"You love it." She said looking up at him. "You know you do. It suits you... This protector image you have with them."
Ben nodded a bit. "I guess I do. Big change from about two hundred years ago, I'll grant you. But they're good kids. Your granddaughter worships the ground I walk on, so that helps."
"It tells me you spoil them." She said. "Perhaps one day I can see them... perhaps."
"Maybe." Ben said, making no hint of a promise. After all, her demonic father was still out there. And the sight of her would send Dean on the warpath, he was sure. And while part of him would find that entertaining, it would be a bad scene for all. "But that's a pretty inclusive book up until about last week I think. If you can get over Dean and Sam in it." For they were Jack's brothers. And as grown men, so closely, yet differently, resembled their father.
"They are part of his life. I can deal with it." The three of them, each seemed to have different aspects of John Winchester. Together they might measure up to him as men in her estimation. John... when she didn't hate him with all of her being, was on a very high pedestal.
"Jack never met him again. It still eats at him. He hides it, but I know." Ben said. "He killed himself. Not all that clear on it, they don't like to talk about it, but he traded himself for Dean at one point."
"Sounds like John." She said. "Doubtful with that sort of sacrifice that he has found peace."
"Some priest convinced them it was a loophole. Sacrificing himself for his child meant he could escape hell." Ben said. "We both know that's not true. At best he's split between the two, half in heaven, half in hell. And in some ways, that's worse."
"Very much so. Priest was looking to comfort them over something they could do nothing about." She said with a frown. Strange thoughts going through her head. Wondering about redemption...and what it would take to drag John Winchester out of hell.
Ben sighed. "I know that look. Don't think I've forgotten it. I don't forget anything." He said. "And you...you're thinking. Big kink in whatever plansyou're making though...I'd have to let you go first."
"Hell is eternity." She said looking at Ben. "There is time I suppose. And of course I would have to be sent there myself first in order to accomplish anything."
"Though Dean would rejoice, I think Jack would be pretty pissed at me if I let his mommy go to hell for the dad who never acknowledged him." Ben pointed out.
"And who says Dean or Jack ever need to find out? John is dead, it isn't as though he is going to rejoin them and tell the tale. " She pointed out.
"Why do you still love him?" Ben asked. "This is the man who researched how to destroy you. Didn't so much as glance at your son. He's the ultimate reason you're right here, he sold you out, Maggie."
"He had his reasons." She said. "After all, I had kidnapped his sons, can't really expect that he wouldn't exact revenge... as for Jack... I don't know if that was to protect Jack or himself. More likely himself really. In the end, Jack wound up with a much better father figure in his life than John would have been."
"Well, if you ask Dean, John Winchester just about walked on water. While carrying a sawed off shot gun of course." Ben said, rolling his eyes. "Your son grew up in a strip club, being baby sat by surgically enhanced strippers. Then there's my weekly poker games. The only thing he didn't do was hunt when he was a kid."
"He lived in one house, went to the same school, wasn't drug all over the country on a quest that wasn't his own. He was baby sat. Unlike John's boys that took care of themselves. He was a good man... and a loving father... but he wasn't the sort of father that was best for Jack. "
Ben shrugged. "I kept him safe." He allowed. And still did as much as he could. It was a bit harder now, what with Jack being a grown man that knew his own mind, but he still tried. Jack was Ben's responsibility, as far as Ben was concerned, until the day Jack died. Which hopefully wouldn't be any time soon.
"For which I am grateful." She said. "But think about it... finding a non Winchester to send me to hell. Once I crawl out again you can bring me back here if you think you need to."
"I'll ask some sources I have." Ben said. "Chances are, you'll go there alive. No idea if you'll stay that way. Instead you'd be dead, and trapped in hell. Is it really worth it?"
"I have the strangest feeling... especially if my dreams are to be trusted... that it's necessary." She said.
"Necessary?" Ben said. "This whole thing is ridiculous. Those three taking on a fallen angel, I have to babysit two pregnant women, a cranky old man and a gaggle of kids, and you actually want to go to hell."
"Yes..." She said locking gazes with him. "Make it happen Ben... a lot more is riding on it than John Winchester's eternal torment."
Ben shook his head. "I'll see what I can do." He said. "No promises. The demon population is locking down around their various sectors. Most of the ones that can get into hell, they're not talking to me. Either they owe me too much money, or they're just not happy with me. I'm not sure I could persuade an angel to do it either. But I'll try."
Maggie returned her attention to the photo album. She wanted to burn the images into her mind, knowing she wouldnt have the chance to see them again if Ben managed to do as she asked. And she had a feeling that failure might have farther reaching ripples than Ben realized.
"That's Benji." Ben said, as Maggie paused over a page. "The only one of the kids so far that looks pretty much like Jack. All those Caucasian genes interfering and all. Mark's a dead ringer for Dean at that age, Abby for Kaylie. Jack says if this next one looks like Sam, he's building a cabin in Montana."
She laughed softly. "It's possible that it will. There is a lot of John in Sam's features. As much as in Dean's really, just different features." She looked at her youngest grandson. "Yes... he does look like Jack. Very much like him at that age."
"Well, if this next kid is a girl, I feel sorry for her." Ben said. Sam didn't have features that would translate very well into a girl. "He does." He had met Jack around Benji's age, and his memory was better than most. "Did you bind Jack, magically, in some way?" He asked suddenly.
"Yes... to keep him off my father's radar... and the hunters'." When she had been raising her son, there had been far too many people hunting them down to kill them. She couldn't afford to have him accidentally set off alarms. There was no use of magic in a normal life anyway.
"Okay." Ben said, not mentioning that Teneke had tracked him down anyway. "How do you unbind him? Or bind him in the first place? Because Benji, he's doing all sorts of light tricks now."
She gave him the details of the spell she used. She also gave the directions on how to undo it. "I had planned to undo the spell on Jack when he was old enough to understand secrets a little better. "
"I'm not blaming you. I get it." Ben said. "I wouldn't have been much help, witches as a group tend to not really trust demons, so I wouldn't have been able to help him." As she well knew. When her own heritage came out, her own father cast her aside and disowned her.
"We both did all that we could for him... given our limitations. Raising a human child as a demon... you should be proud of what you managed with him. If he is half the man you have shown me here... thank you."
"I'm proud of him." Ben said. And he had made sure Jack knew that too. "He's probably the most stable out of all of us, surprisingly. It's a miracle and a half, really. I don't know, he's an amazing kid. I can't take all the credit for it."
"He always was an amazing kid." She said and closed the book. "You should go... They are going to need you. If the other side knows what they are up to... they will keep attacking."
"I know." Ben said. "Keep the book, it's got the highlights from everything in there." Graduations, tournaments, weddings, she could see Jack's life since Ben took him. "I'll be back." He said as he flamed back out, taking the long way in case she was sneaky, and finally returning home.
ITNOTFITNOTFITNOTF
Sam finished pounding the tent stakes into the ground and then leaned back on his heels to watch the boys sort out how they were going to set up the camp fire. It all brought back so many memories.
Kevin had been camping before with Sam. So he was teaching Simon how to make that perfect pyramid of sticks over dried grass and brush, and where to put the waterproof match once it was lit.
"We're getting it easy. Uncle Dean likes to talk about the last time he and Sam went camping. He had a bag of peanut M&Ms and a bag full of weapons." Kevin said with a laugh.
"We were hunting a wendigo." Sam said as he came over to the edge of the camp fire. "Unless you mean when we were teenagers. Then it was an angry spirit." He said. "Although Dean always has a bag of M&Ms and a bag full of weapons. Seriously... check out the garage you will find them there."
"At least you packed real food for us." Kevin said with a laugh as he gave Simon the match to light and toss onto the sticks to start a fire. Not that it got cold enough here to really warrant one.
"Yep, real food and marshmallows." Sam said with a laugh. "Seriously though. Let's relax tonight and tomorrow we can start on the hard core training.,, so... how you guys feel about the new baby coming?" He asked, worried about how they would take him having a child that was genetically his.
"I'm fine. Still not doing diapers though." Kevin said with a laugh. He had no fears in that department really.
Simon thought. "I don't know. It's a stupid question though. Not like we have a say in it, right?"
"No... you can't say you don't want the baby around and have us get rid of it... but if there are issues... we should work through them before the kid gets here, don't you think?"
"I don't see why." Simon said as he poked at the fire. "The baby is your bio kid." He said, already picking up on the adoption lingo. Bio kids, bio parents, etc. "Baby could turn around and say it wants us gone, and what do you do then? I mean, not like we're your 'real' kids."
"Okay... I know how the perception is... and that some people put up this huge barrier between adopted children, step children and so called real children. You are my sons. Nothing is going to change that. Not now, not ever. " Sam said and meant it. He wouldn't give up his sons.
"Hey, if he was going to give you back, he would have done so after you shot Ben." Kevin said with a chuckle. "He's got this serious no firearms shooting off in the house rule after all. Though I think Rachel made him put that one in order."
"Yeah, maybe." Simon said. He knew it wasn't a too closely guarded secret that Ben, and probably even Jack, wanted him gone after that.
"No maybe. You're a Winchester now. Yeah there are gonna be bumps along the way, but that happens in all families. Natural born or not. Trust me... Natural is no guarantee of smooth sailing, My dad and I were prime examples of that. But you don't give up on family just cause something happens or things change. You are my family."
"Yeah, well, you say Ben is your family too. And he's NOT my family." Simon said. This was a time to be honest, right?
"I know." Sam said. "And I get that. I do. You don't have to like him. I'm not going to make you call him Uncle Ben. Not going to make you go over to his house. The only time you have to be around him is while your uncles and I are off fighting this demon. " Sam told him. "But you need to understand... Ben not only raised Jack... he took care of Dean when I... well while I was forced to stay away by the demon we are going to kill. He saved our lives when we were kids... when another demon had Dean and I locked away in a shadow world that our dad couldn't get to. Ben has earned my trust. I know he hasn't earned yours. I can accept that. "
"How are we supposed to protect Rachel if you can't even make a dent in him?" Simon asked. Sam asked the boys to be honest and open after all. And it was weighing on his mind something heavy. When they were all stuck together, how did they protect Rachel? Because he knew what he saw.
"I don't know." Sam said honestly. "But if he does, you call me. I can get there in an instant." He knew that probably weirded his sons out but it was a fact of life. Something he had tried to bury tried to block out of his life but he wasn't allowed that peace yet. Not really.
Simon nodded. It had taken a lot of faith on his part, and a lot of explanation from Sam and some priests in the know, but he'd accepted what Sam was. Sam could go into a church, take communion, all that without a wince. That was something, right?
"Keep your phone on then." Simon said. Because he was sure it was going to happen.
"I will." He said. "You boys... our family... is more important than anything. It's why we have to do this. " He didn't think it would happen unless some demon some where had figured out how to possess another demon. Ben would never just attack one of the family. Not someone that Jack's family cared about. He didn't have any thought that it had anything to do with him or Dean individually. It was Jack that made the demon willing to accept them and their extended family. But he trusted in it none the less.
"Great." Kevin said. He wasn't as comfortable with heart to hearts as Sam was. Maybe because he'd always kept himself a little guarded. It was how he stayed sane after what happened to his bio family. It was how he was going to stay sane if anything happened to this family. "So where are the marshmallows?"
Sam laughed. "In the food bag in the main room of the tent. Bring out the hot dogs too. So we can at least pretend we had real food first. "
Kevin grabbed the food and opened it all, skewering the hotdogs on sticks to hold them over the fire, passing one to Sam, one to Simon. "Hot dogs count as real food? Man, and I liked them too."
"They count as real food in a purely guy setting. So does pizza, hot wings and, when you are older, beer. When there is a woman around... that entire criteria changes. " Sam pointed out. He had lived with more than one woman in his life after all.
Kevin laughed at that. "That's really not incentive to thrust myself into the dating world you know." He said. And even Simon cracked a smile.
"Dating isn▓t the same thing as getting serious. Not that I want you out there imitating Dean." He said with a grin. "You have plenty of time to worry about hiding your junk food habit from a well meaning spouse type object. That▓s usually reserved for us middle aged types."
"You think Jack has bad habits he hides from Kaylie?" Simon asked. He knew, both of them knew, that Sam wasn't around for Dean's late wife.
"I am sure there are little ones he keeps. Like junk food or something like that. Can't imagine anything bigger. Jack is the squeaky clean member of the family." Sam said with a grin. "Besides... I think she can beat him up if she wanted to. "
"Really?" Simon said around his hot dog, laughing at the mental image of it all.
"Really." Kevin assured him. "When she gets moody, EVERYONE walks on egg shells. Including Dad."
"She is quite the little scrapper. Was really cute when we were all younger. Now... not so cute... definitely scary."
Simon laughed. "She's five feet tall." He said, shaking his head.
"Yeah." Kevin said. "Five feet tall, spoiled, protective, and grew up on a ranch. I think I'd let her win arguments. Then again, I'm a sucker and would anyway. I let Mary win, and I could definitely take her."
"Okay... definitely need to work on your not being a push over where girls are concerned. The trick is to not let them bait you into an argument. Once you start arguing -even if they start it... you are suddenly the Jerk... even if you are right." Sam said.
Kevin chuckled. "Yeah, dating sounds like something I should be doing. Sounds like walking through a minefield blindfolded. I'll get there, Dad. I know. I just need time."
"That's about the size of it." He said with a faint laugh. "Although standing up for Mary today will do a lot for your reputation I think."
"Really?" Kevin said with a grin. "So other than the grounding, and the suspension, what's the downside to fighting in school? I mean, I shut the guy up, and I might impress some girls with it."
"The fact that if there was anything less than an impressive reason to do it and you might find out how unacceptable it is, even to me." Sam said pointedly. "And then there is the whole bully reputation to down play. Just cause something worked out for the good once, doesn't mean it will a second time."
"I still don't have an anger problem. I've put up with a lot from all of them. I mean, they make fun of me cause I'm not the tallest kid, or the biggest kid, or the smartest kid. Bunch of jocks even tried spreading around that I was gay, because that's the biggest 'insult' they could come up with." Kevin said. "And I've never snapped on my own behalf. I could have started to beat them all down in the eighth grade if I was really like that."
"I know... and trust me... they would pick on you no matter what. I was the tallest and smartest in my class and that was what they picked on me about. Of course I was always the new kid too, so that opened that one up big time." Sam shared. "But you two have each other. Don't forget that... don't let anything come between you. "
"Like you have Uncle Dean?" Simon asked. "Did he get picked on too?"
"Yeah... he got picked on too. He was short when we were younger. Always the new kid. Always stuck taking care of his mutant little brother." He added with a grin.
Kevin laughed. "Don't go there, Simon." He said. "My part of this trip is to learn that fighting in school is bad, remember?" He'd already heard from Dean how John was constantly being called to the school because Dean had gotten into yet another fight. Either over himself or Sam.
"The guys that throw words at you... don't worry about them. Let it go. They don't understand and nothing you can say or do will ever change that. Now if someone ever starts a physical fight... you have my permission to finish it. Just remember that you two are being trained to take on demons and creatures that are much stronger... you are being trained to kill things. You have to be careful. Because you could seriously hurt someone without meaning to."
The boys nodded. They knew that, Kevin definitely did. He had to pull himself back when he was beating on Mary's ex boyfriend. He had no idea how lucky he got off, really.
"The words hurt worse than a punch though." Simon said as he poked at the fire.
"I know they do." Sam said sincerely. "I know it's not easy. I know it's easy as an adult to say it's nothing but words, just blow them off cause they don't change a thing. I also know it sounds like a cop out to say it. But in the end... the words only last so long as you dwell on them. But that's not gonna really work until you figure out who you are and are secure in that."
Simon rolled his eyes. THAT should take a while at least. "Do you know who you are and are you secure in that?" He asked.
"As much as anyone can be. I've gotten to the point that strangers' opinions don't matter to me really. The opinion of my family matters... the people I respect at church... so yeah... I know who I am. Sometimes I don't like all the details of that... but I know who I am."
"Well, your family thinks I'm broken." Simon muttered as he dug for the marshmallows. Because children always heard things they weren't supposed to hear. Most of all, Simon was sneaky, he was bound to hear it.
Sam sighed. Boy they were going to have to start being careful. "Simon... you witnessed your family being murdered... there is no way that doesn't have an effect on someone. Dean saw our mom... he was four. He was broken growing up... trust me... very broken. Our father never recovered. It's a poor choice of words but ... hunters aren't always the most sensitive people in the world. Especially when talking amongst themselves. I'm sorry you heard it that way."
Simon scowled. "Yeah, and I shot Ben." Simon said. "I promise not to shoot him while you're away, all right?" He'd just stay in his corner and glare at the thing 'babysitting' him.
"I know. I trust you, Simon. I do. And when this is over we will figure out what is going on with your visions. What it is that you are seeing... where they are coming from. Okay?"
Simon nodded and Kevin chuckled. "I know how Uncle Dean feels now." He said. "What with the freak little brother and all." He teased Simon, and Simon at least knew he was teasing.
"Yeah... but there is nothing wrong with being a freak. Comes in handy from time to time." Sam said with a grin then broke out the bag of marshmallows.
ITNOTFITNOTFITNOTF
Ben left Maggie, and stopped by Dean's garage. He certainly wasn't going to tell Dean where he came upon this information, but he trusted it. So he told Dean.
And Dean already knew. With resignation, he knew.
"I know." He said. "I'm not coming home from this, I realize that." He looked down at the tools he was inventorying, a new shipment. "What can I say? Gotta go out sometime, right? At least most of us."
"What the hell?" Jack demanded as he came the rest of the way into the garage. "No... you are not going to just give up like that. You do not get to suicide to get rid of a demon."
"Who's giving up?" Dean responded. "I'm not going out without a fight, and I'm certainly not laying down at his feet. Jack, don't make a big deal out of this."
"Don't make a big deal out of over hearing you say you aren't coming back... that you are going to pretty much bleed out for the cause? Damn it Dean... No... this is definitely something to make a big deal about."
"No, Jack. It's not. Because you didn't over hear anything." Dean said firmly as he shut the cases. "You got me? You didn't over hear shit!"
"Yes I did, and you are going to have to deal with this conversation whether you want to or not."
"There's nothing to deal with." Dean said, giving his brother a dark look. As far as he was concerned, there really wasn't anything to deal with. It was a done deal. It wasn't up to Jack to accept. "Look, we're doing this. Any way we can."
"The idea is to survive it to enjoy being free of the son of a bitch, not die because of him." Jack said. "What... have you told Sam that you are doing this? That the man he was willing to sell his soul to keep alive is going to just slit his wrists and bleed out?"
"No, and neither are you." Dean said vehemently. "Sam does NOT know about this, got it? Cause he'll do something incredibly stupid. Look, this bastard killed my mother, killed our father, killed Jessica, threatened Kaylie, had my daughter run over, and nearly caused Sam to lose his soul, which is a fate worse than death. I am doing whatever it fucking takes to end this. But this is the only thing I can bring to the table."
"You seriously need to figure out this self image problem of yours." Jack said with a scowl. "Sam isn't stupid. You start bleeding during the ritual, and he is gonna know what you are up to ."
"Sam will be a little busy. So will you. Which is why I wasn't going to tell anyone, because we don't need the distraction, okay?" Dean said defensively. "This isn't a self image problem. This is the truth. Cold, hard truth. There's something in my blood that will help end this."
"Yeah well, let's hold on to the fact that maybe... just maybe a little will go a long way." Jack said. "That is the only way you are going to do this. I am not going to let you suicide. One of those in this family is enough. "
"Dad wasn't suicide." Dean said. "He was a sacrifice. There is a difference. And I've read the ritual. Backwards and forwards and sideways. Tried inside out, but my eyes started crossing. It's not one of those a little goes a long way...why are we discussing this? I said it wasn't up for discussion."
"Because you have family you are planning to leave behind. Because your life matters more than this damned demon."
"Jack. He tried to kill my daughter. And you think I'm not going to do everything possible to finally stop him? He's only going to keep amping up his game. TimeI amped up mine."
"Your game is going to cost you your life... it's going to cost us your life." Jack insisted, not sure how to deal with this. His brother was going to die. This was all insane. Completely insane.
"So what do you suggest I do?" Dean asked, folding his arms over his chest and trying not to glare at his youngest brother. "Back down? Not do everything I can? Hey, maybe we can all live on the run, on the road, like Sam and I used to. Think Kaylie will mind delivering and raising kids in the back of a car?"
"Damn it, Dean, don't you be mad at me for not wanting to lose you." Jack said. "You don't get to ask that. No... there has to be another way."
"You honestly think I haven't looked?" Dean scoffed. "Jack, I've known about my part in this for the better of ten years. If you hadn't happened to come around the corner when you did, you'd still never know. I've had Bobby researching for other ways, even Ben. All they're coming up with is confirmation of what they don't think I already know."
"Damn it... " he swore. "I am not going to lose you." Jack said. He couldn't handle that. He had lost too much in his life. They thought he was the normal one. That he had a stable, simple life in comparison. He had lost his parents too. They had walked away in their own ways. Even his mother. She had taken that dark path and left him behind just as surely as John had turned his back. From the outside it was nothing compared to watching their parents die, but to him it was a nightmare. And he didn't want to go through that again.
"Jack, I don't know what to say to make you accept this. I probably can't. But I need to do this. Dad died for me. So I wouldn't die. I thought it was because of Sam. But what if he knew? What if he knew what exactly he had drug me into all those years ago? That makes this pretty much my purpose." If he could get past the knife. That alone, a knife sliding across his flesh so he'd bleed, brought up enough terrifying memories for him. But what Maggie had put him through, it was an unspoken subject between Dean and Jack. Because when push came to shove, Maggie was still Jack's mom.
"If he knew... that was a hell of a thing to do to a small child." Jack said. "Look... no one has one single purpose in life. You aren't a tool. You're a man. A father, a brother, a frigging human being. You have a choice."
"I do. And I made it." Dean said. "It's all right. I'll be fine.Ben's got the instructions to salt and burn me. Look, you did fine twenty years without me, right? You'll be fine. Even Sam will be fine, without this hanging over his head all the time. Finally be able to move on with his life. And you, you can put this whole nightmare behind you."
"Yeah... what about the girls? How is Tessa going to deal with losing yet another daddy?" Mary would pull through in pure Winchester fashion. She would be hell on wheels for the rest of her life but she would make it. Tessa... well that was another story.
Dean shook his head. "Don't go there. You don't get to go there." He said roughly. "I am giving them a chance at a life free of this. You have no idea. You pointed it out once, we come at demons from different sides of the fence. Ben protected you, let you see the demons that don't necessarily hurt people maliciously. Me? I've been afraid of this demon, hating this demon, and hunting this demon since I was four years old. You don't get to guilt me with them, because I'm doing this for them."
"Yeah... how did that thought process go over when Dad died for you?" He said. "How well did it go over when Sam's soul was slowly being eaten away ... for you. " Jack said.
"Jack, I'm being nice and logical right now. Right now, I'm still calm. Don't think I won't lay you out." Dean said. "It's different. Dad died for me, Sam almost gave up his soul...just so I could breathe. I'm offering them freedom from this. From all the paranoia. The weight. It stops with our generation. I am NOT passing this son of a bitch off to my kids!"
"Yeah. I get that." He said. "Just think you are over looking what you are taking away from them. " How could he explain it? He loved Ben, loved the life he had been given by growing up with Ben. But he very keenly felt the absence of John Winchester. To protect him, his mother had given her soul to protect him and he missed her more than he could say. "You are going to do it no matter what any one says, no matter what it does to anyone else because you know best. " He said the last sarcastically.
"You're acting like this is an easy choice or something!" Dean shot back. "You have no idea. I'm facing leaving my kids orphans. Not to mention having to go through with it in the first place. You have no idea what your mother put me through last time she had me, because you're my brother, I won't tell you. But don't go acting like I just woke up and decided to do this."
"Oh I'm sure you have been thinking about it for a long time, but how am I supposed to react to this? Hey man, thanks, gonna miss you. Now where did we put that socket wrench?"
"Top drawer to the left." Dean replied automatically. "But this is why I wasn't planning on telling anyone. Hell, you guys could have thought it was an accident or something. I'm not looking forward to this. And if you come up with a better way, then I'd love to hear it."
"Believe me... I'm going to be looking. Don't know if it will do any good but I am not giving up. I can't. I'm the one that gets to live with the aftermath. Not you... I get to look Sam in the face and tell him I knew. I'm the one that has to be strong for the girls because Sam is going to fall apart in a big way. And then I get to pretend that I'm okay."
"You hate when I do that." Dean pointed out. "At least you didn't say you were going to pretend to be fine. Chavi's favorite anagram." He said with a chuckle. "Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional."
"I won't have to pretend that." Jack said honestly and sighed, his eyes misting over. "Damn it Dean... just tell me you won't give up, okay?"
"I'm not giving up. If I see a chance to make it out of this, I'm taking it." Just right now, he didn't see a way. "I'm not laying down and dying. Not my style."
Jack didn't know if he believed that or not. Self sacrifice was very much Dean's style but if that was what he had to say and make himself believe to look the last few weeks of life in the face, so be it. But it was eating Jack alive, and he didn't think it would ever stop. "Okay."
Dean sighed. "This is why I wasn't going to tell you. For one, you're a bad secret keeper." And Sam couldn't know. Ever. Jack wasn't even supposed to know. "You raised him to be a bad secret keeper." He said to Ben.
"Hey, keep me out of this." Ben said.
"And you raised Sam to be neurotically attached to you. Welcome to the dysfunctional Winchesters." Jack said. "I won't tell him. Not because you asked me, but because I don't want to be the one to break his heart for him. "
"Hey, I was four." Dean said. "You can't hold that against me. And Dad did a lot more raising than Sam gives him credit for. Sam will be fine. Eventually."
"Yeah. Okay." Ben said with a roll of his eyes. "I'll keep looking for something else, all right?" He said, more for Jack's benefit than Dean's, honestly.
Jack nodded and looked at Ben gratefully. If anyone could find a solution, it would be Ben. He wasn't so sure about Sam. The bond between his brothers wasn't normal by a long shot. One of them dying would just about take the other with him.
Ben shook his head. "Come on." He said to Jack. "Let's get some coffee." Before going home, the kid needed to calm down and decompress. "See you later, Dean."
"Yeah, okay." Jack said, very much needing his daddy in that moment. Even at his age, this was something that he couldn't handle on his own. "I'll see you later. Kaylie is... ahm... Kaylie says she took care of all the vacation stuff Mary should need. So don't let her fool you later."
"I won't." Dean said as he watched his youngest brother's foster father lead him out of the garage. Ben walked in silence for a moment, looking at Jack.
"So..." he said. "Leave it to Dean to cause the upset, right?"
"Leave it to Dean to find a new way to try and kill himself." Jack said in response. He knew that it wasn't a cry for help or attention on Dean's part. If it had been, he would have decked him, and told Sam everything. This was Dean trying to take the weight on his shoulders, trying to save everyone else but himself. Didn't make it any easier to take.
"That's your brother." Ben said as they stopped to get coffee from a vendor, Ben putting the coffee in Jack's hand. "I'll look for another way, I promise. But Dean knows his blood will seal the deal."
"If he even gives you time to try and find something else." Jack shook his head. "I can't imagine not having him around, what it will do to the kids... to Sam..."
Ben sighed. "I know. Everything will be...quieter." He said. Probably not quiet in a good way, Dean brought a certain energy into any given room. But this certainly explained why Dean was hell-bent on getting his affairs completely in order before going on this hunt.
"Mary and Tessa... god..." He shook his head. "I don't know that I can deal with this." He could handle accidents. He could handle injuries in a hunt, or diseases. He couldn't handle the sacrifice. The quiet acceptance of death in his brother's eyes.
Ben put a sympathetic hand on the back of Jack's neck. "I know." Ben said. And he did. He was doomed to outlive every single person he could care about after all.And he wanted to punch Dean in the face for putting Jack through this.
"Not going to have a choice but ... keeping this to myself. Is that even fair... not just because it's going to eat me alive, but is that fair to Sam? To not have a chance to say good bye or delve into the research himself?"
"You could tell him." Ben said. He'd be blunt with Jack, because he was always blunt and honest. "He'd delve into the research, forget the task at hand...and Dean would end up carving out his own heart if the two of you aren't up to the job."
"I know... " Jack said. "Or Sam would refuse to do it at all and he is the only one that can speak the name. Which leads us to the end of the world. " He hated it. Hated every stupid bit of it.
"Well,I can say it. Just doesn't have the same effect if I do it." Ben said with a chuckle. Ben wouldn't and couldn't do an exorcism of any kind. "You've got some time." He said. "Things could be different tomorrow, you never know. Your brother feels he has to do this, and if John were here, I'd beat the shit out of him right about now."
"Take a number." Jack said with a tone and expression that made it all too clear that he was genetically John Winchester's son.
Ben chuckled at the tone. He'd heard that tone straight from John Winchester himself before and sat down on a bench, turning toward Jack. "I don't think John knew what he was doing. He was in the moment, looking to keep Dean and Sam safe for the moment, especially knowing what Sam really was. He messed with some rituals he really had no business messing with."
"And because Dean is the man he is... with the blood that he has... he is gonna spill it all over the place on one demon. When we all know it isn't going to stop there. There will be other fallen coming after Sam. After the family because that's what they do. "
"It isn't even about the demons, is it, Jack?" Ben asked gently as he drank his coffee. "It's all right. He's your brother. Your only oldest brother. And he's incredibly stupid, and unselfish, yet inconsiderate, and arrogant, pain in the ass..."
"It's because it isn't going to solve anything. It's like killing himself to bail a bucket of water out of a sinking ship. " Jack said. He knew that it was the fallen angels' destiny to bring about eventual inevitable armageddon. How could there not be more? "It's giving up because he figures if he doesn't, Sam and I can't manage to survive the ritual. And yes he is all those things and more and ... this is just all too much to expect me to take in stride and move on with my life."
Ben nodded. Jack just needed to decompress. He wasn't about to stop him. He wasn't exactly fond of his own position either, babysitting Mary and Tessa, knowing full well their father had no intention of coming back from this. "The future isn't written in stone. Just remember that, okay?"
"Oh believe me if there is anything that will keep Dean alive through this ...it's on my to do list." Jack said. " This is all so insane. Why is it when I get involved in this side of things the entire world ceases to make sense?"
"Because they don't make sense. Not to humans." For demons, it had a kind of symmetry, but he'd never point that out. "Had I known your brothers were going to become permanent fixture in your life, I might have prepared you for it when you were a kid."
"Don't know that anything could prepare me for him going off and sacrificing himself like this." Jack said with a sigh. "All those times we've almost lost him... were nothing compared to this."
Ben had always seen it coming. From when Dean had crossed the wasteland as a child to go after his father, to throwing himself in harm's way so his brothers didn't have to take it. He'd known something like this was eventually going to happen. He just didn't know it would be planned like this. "He's the most unselfishly selfish bastard I've ever met." So he didn't have to live without his brothers, he was going to make them live without him. So his children wouldn't be hurt, he was going to kill himself. He was going to save the world so the rest of them could be safe.
Jack chuckled then and wiped at his face. "Yeah that's Dean in a nutshell, the most unselfishly selfish bastard around." He took a deep breath. "You know what... tonight... I think I am going to piss my wife off and come to the club and drink myself silly. Coffee just isn't cutting it."
Ben laughed. "I didn't think it would. But I was waiting for you." He said. "I'll cover with Kaylie. But if you want to skip the lap dance part, go to the sports bar." Usually Kaylie didn't have too much of a problem with it. But she usually wasn't eight months pregnant either!
"Probably a good idea. Last thing I need is a lap dance right now. " He chuckled.
"Hey, her mood swings...they're your fault you know." Ben teased him. "The rest of us didn't knock her up. Again."
"Yeah but I'm laying my mood swings right on Dean's shoulders this time. You know we have to make sure he gets in all the fun he can while on vacation. Make some good memories for the girls."
"We will, count on that. But just in case, you should do the same. I can't protect you out there." Because he'd be stuck inside a salt circle protecting the children.
"I know... but don't worry. I don't have a suicidal, sacrificial bone in my body." Not entirely true, but close enough to truth. He would lay down his life for the people he loved, but he was more of a man to risk his life willingly to ensure everyone was okay. Himself included in that if possible.
Ben had to laugh at that. "You get that from me, kiddo." He said. Certainly not John or Maggie.
"You mean the desire to live? I think you are right about that one. " He looked thoughtful. "I need you to help me get something... a portable fridge... medical quality."
"I meant the non sacrificial part." Ben said. There was a big difference between having a desire to live and having no way to die after all. Though he was doing a lot better now, forty years later. "Medical quality? What are you planning now?"
"Dean wants to bleed himself out, I can put it back in." Jack said with a shrug. "He will be weak enoughthat he can't really fight me on it either. Unconsciousness comes long before death."
"Never would have thought of that." Ben said. "Okay, I'll call up some people I know, see what they've got." There were sects of vampires that raided blood banks instead of humans after all.
"Thanks... I appreciate it. It's the only thing I can think of to save his hide. " It might not even work depending on how things played out but he wanted ... no... needed to be prepared.
Ben nodded and once they got to the club, handed Jack the whole bottle instead of a shot glass. He was glad, on one hand, that his brothers had come into the family late in his life. He wasn't as co dependent on them. On the other hand, it left Jack with a constant feeling of 'not enough time.'
Jack tool a long slow draw on the bottle and tilted his head back for a moment before letting his breath out slowly. Not enough time didn't cover it. Didn't even begin to cover it. There was never enough time. Always something that needed to be done, needed to be said, needed to be fixed. Jack was angry. Right then he was angry with his parents, for the situation they had created. If John hadn▓t bound him to the spirit... if his mother hadn't tried to use Dean's blood none of this would be happening.
If Dean could think of himself for once. Or perhaps not think about his fear of being the survivor once again.
Jack would be mad at God if he believed in him. But he didn't. He didn't think that there was some all powerful all knowing being up there that ran the show. Didn't believe that Demons could have ever once been Angels. Just some myth that people invented to make the world make sense. to explain away their sorrow and fear and take comfort that it was for some greater good. Nothing but a frigging crutch. Ben sat next to his foster son. He really wished there was more he could do, but there wasn't. So he put out feelers for a portable medical quality fridge. Left messages for some of the blood banks that could be bought off easily enough. And just sat there, drinking with him.
If anyone had ever asked him about his reluctance to let the Winchesters meet Jack in the first place, this was what he would have told them. It wasn't any possessiveness or jealousy on his part. It was that he was convinced Winchesters brought death, destruction and despair wherever they went. Even if it was only to themselves.
"I'll be alright." He said after about a third of the bottle was gone. "We'll make sure it works out... he isn't going to die. I won't let it happen." He couldn't handle it. If he couldn't handle it, he wasn't going to let it happen. Not that he had John's extreme notions on the subject, or Sam's for that matter. But he was going to try and foil Dean's plans as much as he could.
"We'll figure something out." Ben agreed. "At the very least we get to make sure you all have some fun. Don't forget that part either, Jack."
"I have to pull it together before Sam gets back." Jack said. "And be able to pretend I don't know. Yeah... we'll have fun. I'll make sure of it. Don't worry."
"Good, because this is a vacation for all of us remember. It's not just show Dean a good time. He's more than capable of entertaining himself." Ben said with a chuckle.
"I know. I won't screw that up. I know it's just as likely I could die out there as him. I think that is more the reason for Sam taking the boys camping than punishment. Although I think there is a good deal of that too. Sam is... a strange man when it comes to raising those boys. "
"Sam raises those boys like he were John. John if he wasn't as hell bent on his mission, without sticking Dean aka Kevin with the raising of Sam aka Simon." Ben said. "This is probably how John would have been, had he been allowed to settle in one place and surround himself with family. No idea where you got your child raising abilities from though." Ben said with a laugh. "I mean, your kids are more than happy to take you to Job Day."
Jack laughed. "My job doesn't involve killing things that most people don't think exists. Let's face it, Dean and Sam are hunters who fix cars to pay for their ammo. No matter how much they try and convince themselves it's otherwise. Me... I'm a paramedic that takes out the occasional threat to humanity." He didn't see himself as a hunter, and never would.
"You never took me to Job Day." Ben said with a fake pout.
"My teachers suggested against it... what with the naked women, drinking and all." He said with a laugh. "Some how they objected to that."
Ben laughed. "Yeah, that was probably it. Mark wants to take me to career day though." He said with a grin. "Unfortunately I had to decline. What with his English teacher being a former employee of mine."
"Yeah. It's bad enough she tells him stories of how she used to baby sit me while she was... working her way through college. But hey... she didn't have any student loans and I was the envy of every man on the block."
Ben laughed. "Lucky you. I got grief for it!" He said with a grin. "All those naked women babysitting you. People forget they were only naked for cash. And not babysitting cash either." He said, then sobered. "Jack, I saw your mom today."
He chocked on the whiskey. "What?" He managed to rasp out. "How? She isn't coming after them again too, is she? " He cleared his throat. "Is she... is she sane?"
"She's still where I put her." Ben said. "I went to her. I had some questions. She's better. For her. And she's not going anywhere unless I go get her. No fear on that part, okay? She told me, however, that she bound you. And you're still partially bound. I can undo it, now that I know. Or actually, have someone undo it."
He thought about it a moment and nodded. "Okay... let's do it. " The added fire power he could bring to the party might keep them all alive. ALL of them alive.
Ben nodded. "All right." He said and made a call. She was in the area, the witch he called. More of a priestess, but she came and performed the ritual. Basically chanting under her breath and waving about Jack for about ten seconds. "Wow, I thought there would be more to it." He said with a laugh when it was finished.
"Yeah... me too. Thanks... Now I need to practice this thing before...well you know. Good thing my grandfather didn't realize I was bound rather than thinking it was my mixed parentage."
"He was a little too busy manipulating you." Ben said. "You know, you can bind Benji until he's old enough to make a choice."
"I'll talk to Kaylie tonight about it. Gonna blame my binge on you talking to mom." He said with a faint smile. "Easier than coming up with something that didn't happen. I'm a lousy liar." He said with a faint slur to his voice. Ben laughed. "Thanks." He said. "Come on, slugger, let's get you home before you're totally sloshed."
Jack nodded. "Probably a good idea." He said as he got slowly to his feet and let Ben lead the way. He just hoped he could keep his mouth shut.
"Just don't worry about Kaylie and the kids, okay?" Ben said as they walked. Would help Jack sober up a bit. "You called me a tank before. Nothing's getting past me."
"I know. It's the only reason any of us can risk going... cause you'll be there protecting the people that matter the most to us. Can't imagine anyone else I would trust that much... tank or not."
"You all grew on me, what can I say?" Ben said with a chuckle. It would be far too easy just to brush it off as an extension of a promise he'd made thirty years ago.
"I love you too." Jack said in a gentle tone. He knew it was more than a promise. He suspected it had been even before he had been taken by Ben to safety.
"Besides," Ben said with a wicked grin, slinging a paternal arm around Jack, "if Idon't stick around, who's going to buy Abby those fire batons?"
"God help us." He said playfully. "You know if you do that Kaylie will find a way to kill you. " He laughed.
"I'll just tell her it was fire batons for Abby or strippers for Mark." Ben said with a grin. "She'll get over it. Besides, Abby reminds me of you as a child. Obnoxiously stubborn."
"I suppose so." He said with a laugh. "She definitely knows what she wants when she wants it. I always thought she got that from her mother. That woman is no slouch in the back bone department."
Ben laughed. "Yeah, I've noticed." Ben said. "I'm surrounded by obnoxiously stubborn humans, the whole lot of you. Keep spawning and you'll be able to start your own soccer team soon."
"Spawning... yeah I guess now that Rachel is pregnant we have all managed to spawn as you call it. Unfortunately they won't all be of an age to play soccer or baseball for a long while."
"It passes fast. Trust me." Ben said with a chuckle. "Seems like yesterday your mother was dropping you off and I was asking her if you were potty trained."
"Yeah I suppose it does. Although to me that time seems an eternity ago. I have to struggle to remember Sam and Dean as boys. I do remember Abby though. But I saw more of her I suppose."
"You always did." Ben said. He still, even now, had pictures of Abby displayed in his house. It made him feel better to have them around. "Truthfully, I tried to get out of watching you. She talked me into it, having you around made her feel young again."
"I'm glad she did." Jack told him. "I wouldn't trade my childhood for anything. Wouldn't have minded more of Sam and Dean but that's just ... I don't know... probably would have complicated things beyond belief because that would have meant more of John as well."
"I still think John didn't quite believe you were truly real for a long time." Ben said. "That you were just an illusion brought up by Maggie to get to him. The way she was then, I wouldn't have put it past her to try if she didn't in fact have you."
"Yeah, I guess." He said. "Never really know what happened. He did what he did or didn't do and that's just how it was. " He shrugged. It didn't hurt as much as it used to. It was ancient history. At least consciously. Subconsciously it had a lot to do with the way he dealt with people.
"Well, it all worked out for the best, right?" Ben asked. He knew John's rejection then absence was a big gaping hole, and he tried his best to fill that as much as he could for Jack.
"Yes it did. I wouldn't be the same person I am now if John had raised me. I wouldn't have you, or Kaylie or my family. God knows where I would have fit in with Sam and Dean and their relationship if things had gone differently."
"Exactly. So no blame either way." Ben said with a nod. "Can't change the past, believe me, there are things I'd change if I could. But we can't, so the 'what ifs' aren't even worth bothering over."
"I don't really... what ifs are for regrets. I don't have any. It's sad that I never got to know John, but it isn't a regret. "
"That's my boy." Ben said with a chuckle as they reached Jack's house. "Though I'm starting to regret not getting you a bigger house. One more kid and you'll need an addition."
"We're fine. If we need an addition, we can manage. If we need a new house, we can sell this one to pay off most of the new one." He didn't want to take advantage of Ben's generosity. The man didn't seem to know how much money he had...or rather what the numbers really meant.
"It's my money, I can spend it however I like." Ben said, airily. It was an old argument between the two of them. Jack had a lot of pride, and Ben tried to spoil Jack. But it was that pride that kept Jack from being a spoiled brat.
Jack laughed. "Yeah... and you are going to be spending a lot of it on a family vacation for us all. So don't worry... you will have plenty of opportunity to spoil the kids. All the kids."
"You're still a kid." Ben said with a laugh. "And yes, I'm working on being nice to Simon."
"Thanks." Jack said. "I know it means a lot to Sam that you are still trying. He really doesn't approve of what the kid did, you know."
"Doesn't change the fact I got shot." Ben said with a shrug as he opened the door. "Anyone home? Found a stray wandering, hoping you could keep him."
"Is there anything that could change that really?" Jack asked and let himself be led inside. He took a seat on the sofa and waited for his wife. He knew she wasn't going to be exactly pleased. He hadn't called home first.
"Why do I always get stuck with the strays?" Kaylie asked. "The kids are asleep." It was late. "I told them you had a call." The best she could come up with, and believable at that. "Though for all I knew, you were lying in a ditch somewhere."
"I saw his mom today." Ben said with a shrug. "Then I took him out on a bender. You know me, I don't know how to break news like that gently."
"I'm sorry, Baby, you're right I should have called. I wasn't thinking clearly." He wasn't. He still wasn't. Everything after setting up the transfusion supplies was pure emotion, not thinking.
Kaylie shook her head and sat next to her husband on the couch. "Are you okay? Ben, what did you give him to drink?"
"Whisky. I figured once he was over the age of twenty one he could drink what he wanted." Ben said.
"I'm okay. I'm just drunk." He said. "Hey... could be worse, Dean could have found out he spoke with Mom... we would have both gotten drunk. It wouldn't have been pretty."
"I don't know that I have enough alcohol for that." Ben said with a laugh. "I'll see you tomorrow kid. Got some inquiries to look into."
"Thanks. See you then." He said and sighed. "Wanna help me make some coffee for now? " He asked his wife.
"You are so lucky I'm already pregnant." She said with a chuckle as she stood up and headed for the kitchen. "You're unbearably cute when you're drunk, and what's worse, you keep forgetting that!"
He grinned at her, looking very much like the teenaged boy she used to date so long ago. "I'll take your word for that. Don't think I want to face the mirror right now." He said blushing faintly.
"You'd probably see at least two of you anyway." She teased him and kissed him before starting the coffee. "So Mark's at a sleep over with a kid from his dojo. One less kid to shake out of bed in the morning..."
"Wouldn't you know it's the quiet one?" He said with a laugh. Not that he would trade the other two for the world. "So how much is Dean gonna grumble at me when he gets his credit card bill?"
"Grumble's not the word." Kaylie said with a grin. "What can I say? He gave his credit card to a teenager, what did he expect? However, on our credit card is a goal for myself. High school reunion in three months, bought a dress I hope I fit in by then."
"Oh god has it been that long already? " He groaned. He didn't care about the dress even if she didn't fit into it, which she probably would because she didn't gain much of anything really over the years in spite of three children. It was the high school reunion that floored him.
"Twenty years." Kaylie said with a grin. "I can't wait to see who got bald, and who got fat." She said with a laugh. "Come on, it'll be fun. You know it will. And don't even try to use this excuse of a demon hunt to get out of it!"
"Yeah. I'll be sure to tell the boys not to plan this major demonic battle for that night." He said witha grin. Figuring it would all be over and done with by then anyway. They wanted to move fast on this.
"Good! Because I'm not going alone." She said with a chuckle. "Besides, I ran into Missy Petersen who saw Bianca McBride last month. She married the oh so cool quarterback," the one that Jack had beaten up in her defense in high school, "and he's really really not at his fighting weight from what I hear. I definitely have the cuter husband."
Jack laughed. "Always good to hear. Builds the cuter husband's ego." He told her as he moved toward the fridge in slightly wobbly steps to get something to eat.
She watched him, amused as he tried to walk straight to the fridge. "It'll be fun." And completely normal. Unlike, oh say, taking on a fallen angel. That still scared her.
"Oh yeah... fun... listening to all of them still acting like high school kids trying to out do each other." He said as he grabbed the fixings for a turkey sandwich. "But I'll go anyway."
Kaylie laughed. "We'll do the same thing we did in high school. Which islaugh at them and make out in a corner." She said as she found the mayo for him.
"You just want to make out in public again." He said with a grin. Not finding that a problem in the slightest.
ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF ITNOTF
Dean finished up at the garage. Tessa and Mary were with Rachel for a bit, seeing as her men had 'abandoned' her for the great out doors for the weekend. So he stared at the phone for a few moments and picked it up.
He could not believe he was breaking up with a girl over the phone.
It rang four times, then the machine picked up, and he winced. He couldn't believe he was about to break up with a woman's machine.
"Hey, it's me." He said. "Uh, look. I don't think that us seeing each other is a good idea anymore. So, yeah..."
Caitlin had been coming through the door at the end of a double shift just as the answering machine kicked in. "Oh, I know he just didn't..." she shook her head and headed back out the door and into her car. She was too tired to deal with it any other way.
It was 10 minutes later when she pulled up in front of his house and walked up to the door.
Dean sighed at the insistent pounding at his door. He could only hope it was Jack, back for round two. But he went to answer it anyway. "Hi." He said, uncomfortable. "Did the machine cut me off?"
"No. I walked in as the message played. Although I might consider cutting something off if you don't tell me what the hell brought all this on. Not that I thought this was going to be a committed for life relationship or anything but I did figureI ranked a little higher than dumping my answering machine."
"Okay, threats of violence and mutilation, guess I earned that." He said with a wince. "Look, it's just something I had to do, okay? Just...don't question me about it. Believe me, at the end of the day, I'm not the kind of guy a girl really wants in her life."
"So that's your excuse? Not the kind of guy ... bullshit." She said, part of her wondering why she had come there in the first place. But she was too tired to worry about tact or ramifications. After all he had dumped her, right? Wasn't like she could ruin their relationship "A moment of conscience about what? The fact that you hunt? The fact that you were on death row? What? You know... I have put up with a lot, but now not only did you disrespect me, you just insulted my intelligence."
Dean groaned in frustration. THIS was why relationships were bad. When he needed to pull away...to be fair to her...he came out looking like shit. Feeling like shit too. "I'm not the guy who can even give a false promise of happy ever after." Or even happy next month for that matter. "Trust me, there's a lot you don't know. Just leave it."
"Well, I have two days off in a row. But you better talk fast before I fall asleep on you." She said going straight for the coffee. "And for the record... I didn't ask for happily ever after. "
Dean watched her go in utter amazement as she brushed past him and entered his house, confiscating his coffee. He could only shake his head at that. "I didn't realize there was anything to talk about." He said as he followed her into his kitchen and grabbed a beer.
"Yeah well ... there is." She said as she poured it black and left it that way. Not bothering with her usual cream and sugar. This was for caffeine not for enjoyment. "You don't break up with a woman's answering machine and not expect her to demand a few answers. Especially not after a double shift. Women had been known to do far worse in cases like this... to things that really matter to a guy... like his car or his computer ... so be thankful I'm just the drinking your coffee and demanding explanations type."
"Touching my car? The only way my behavior would rate is if I ditched you at the altar because I was too busy screwing your sister. Your mother. Cousins and a handful of aunts. Then maybe I'd say that rated." Dean said. "Look, you wouldn't understand, okay? Your life is blissfully normal, or was. And I'm the jack ass that nearly messed it up."
"Blissfully normal? I worked for five years in the ED. Normal doesn't apply after that. Okay so you showed me what's really out there. So you hunt those things down. I get that. Tell me this isn't because you are going off on some nasty hunt and you think this is going to spare me some sort of heart break or danger. Cause... that only works in novels and romantic adventure movies."
Dean's eyes shifted at that as he got up. Distracting himself with making a sandwich. He was not going to answer that one directly. "Five years in the ED still makes you normal." He said as he pulled out the supplies to make a sandwich.
"Depends on your definition of normal." She said. Things she had seen just from what humanity would do to one another took her understanding of the world beyond normal. "For all of that... you are normal too Dean. You just have a very abnormal job. Doesn't make you any less a man with normal emotions and reactions. Just means you have a lot more to deal with." She said and sighed finding herself leaning toward sympathetic. "So tell me the truth. Why did you take the cowards way out to dump me when you can face down things that would putmost men in the psych ward in a hug me jacket?"
"Because they haven't found a straight jacket I can get out of. Believe me, I think they've tried." Dean said. "Caitlin, just leave it alone. Okay? Just leave it be. You are better off not knowing what's going on in this crazy head of mine."
"Who gave you the right to make decisions on what is best for me?" She asked. "I choose what is best for me in my life, not you. You are not my husband or my father." She told him bluntly.
"I know that." Dean said as he clenched his jaw and worked on carefully spreading the mayo. Then the mustard. Carefully and precisely layering the lettuce, tomatoes, cheese and deli meat. "But it's in my head. Not yours. That makes it mine."
"Might make it your secret to keep or reveal but it doesn't make it your choice. You want to break up with me, that's fine. But don't tell me it's for my own good and leave it. "
"Or you could just respect my decision." Dean said. "The thought process behind it doesn't matter. Just believe me, you're better off."
"Yeah... cause you showed so much respect in your method." She shook her head and drained her coffee, hoping that would be enough to get her home again. She rinsed out her cup. "You know... you are a real jack ass. " She told him as she headed for the door. "Call me when you get your head out of your ass."
"Won't happen." Dean said. Not in a tone that he thought he'd always be a jack ass. But in an empty, haunting tone that said more clearly than he wanted to, that he wouldn't get to that day. Because he wouldn't be walking the earth. But hey, if she hated him, far easier for her.
She paused at the door. "Dean... I can't change your mind. Only you can do that. But... you're in trouble. I can see that. What ever it is... pushing me away isn't going to change anything. "
"Like I said. It's better for you." Dean said. "I hope you hate me." Though he really didn't, not really.
"If that was your plan... it failed." She said. "What ever happens to you... breaking up with me isn't going to change how it affects me. And if you think you are protecting me... you better hope you are better at hiding things from the bad guy than you are from me... because...you take transparent to a whole new level. "
"What are you talking about? I am perfectly opaque." Dean said with a scowl. "You don't know the inner reasoning that would surely get me a custom made hug me jacket after all."
She turned to face him once more and closed the door behind her. "Do I have to know the reasoning? It has something to do with a hunt. That is a given. If it's got that look on your face it has to do with THE demon. " She stepped closer. "The one that killed your parents, tortured you and tried to kill your daughter. Doesn't take a mind reader to figure that out. You don't want me hurt ... or you think that maybe if you make me hate you, I won't be hurt when you die or disappear or whatever else it is you have going on. So you pull this bone headed stunt knowing that it would piss me off, figuring with my temper I would just call it a day and move on. Because you are a lunk head who doesn't realize people really do care about you."
Dammit. He'd have to work on that opaque business after all. "Fine. We're going after THE demon, and I'm not coming back from it. I'm going to bleed out, intentionally, to seal his ass off this world. Happy?"
"No." She said quietly as she stepped closer to him, and caressed his face. "Do you really want to be alone right now?" She asked in return. Of all the damned fool things to plan. Of all the stupid, suicidal, sacrificial things to do. No she wasn't happy. Didn't want to see him die this way. But she couldn't bring herself to punish him for it either.
"No." He finally admitted. He never 'wanted' to be alone. Big flaw on his part, he supposed. "But it's easier if it's the ex boyfriend that dies in the car accident." He already had it worked out with Ben to cover up the real reason. Plus suicide negated his life insurance.
"You really are clueless, aren't you?" She said gently. "That's okay... that's what you have me around for. Now come on... tuck me into bed before I fall asleep on you." She said kissing him gently.
"Oh, so you're NOT going to kick my ass now?" Dean said with a chuckle. "That really didn't work according to plan."
"That's because you're clueless. Just accept it and go with it." Caitlin said. "If you understood women as well as you do demons... you might have had a chance."
"Clueless. Nice." Dean said with a shake of his head. "Come on, let's get you to bed before you pass out. I thought you just weren't home, forgot your double was today and not tomorrow."
"Now you are getting the idea." She said slipping an arm around his waist. She knew she would have to deal with the time bomb he had just dropped in her lap but that would have to wait until she was better equipped to handle the crisis. Right now... all she could manage to do was hold on to him.
"Eventually I catch on." Dean said with a laugh as they headed up the stairs. "So did we or didn't we break up? Cause make up sex is hot you know."
"Oh you definitely broke up with me. I just talked you out of it." She said with a grin. "So long as you realize this is make up sex and not break upsex, cause that can be hot too."
Dean laughed. "I'll break up with you next week just to test that little theory." Dean said with a grin.
"Yeah, but only if we make up again. I'm not that easy to get rid of...and all my brothers shoot as well as you do." She teased.
"Will doesn't." Dean said and laughed. "My father, if he had a grave, would be rolling in it right now. I'm dating a woman from a family full of cops."
