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Scene 7: Spaghetti Therapy

or

"Loud Water"

She could hear Undyne's voice from some distance off… which was encouraging, really. If Undyne was yelling, then she was doing something, right? And that meant there was something she was trying to accomplish… and that meant she was moving ahead with her life!

The voice came more into focus as Alphys skittered across the stone bridges toward the plaza. "Hup! Hup! Hup! Put some jerk into those knees! Okay, okay, HALT! I've got an idea. Let's set up a plank under some weights… and see if you can BREAK it!"

"Yes ma'am!" replied a young, enthusiastic voice.

"Did I say you could stop?! Keep hupping!"

As Alphys arrived in the yard, the little voice was piping away: "Hup, hup, hup, hup!" It was a little lizard monster, about her own size and oranger than herself, clearly just a kid. Alphys thought she might have seen him around before—in Snowdin, maybe? He didn't seem to have any arms under his striped, paint-stained shirt, but he was making up for it by energetically thrusting up his knees in turn, head rocking back with each "Hup!" Meanwhile, Undyne was busy hammering together sawhorses with nails and a stone. What was she making? Her house's dramatic face, in the shape of a fish's head, was smeared with light blue paint in the form of the word "WHY?" Over and over, in every size, at every angle.

She looked up and saw Alphys, and her expression of toothy rage changed to an expression of toothy, friendly rage. "Alphys! Come over here!"

Alphys found herself suddenly unsure she wanted to come over there, even though there was where she'd been running to. Instead, she stopped short and took in the scene. The lizard kid looked at her, but didn't stop 'hup'-ing.

"Come here! I want to give you something."

Okay, well, that didn't sound so bad. Alphys picked up her feet again and ran to Undyne, slowing at the end to catch her breath. "Wh-what did you want to give me?"

But the answer was quickly apparent. Strong, dense arms engulfed Alphys and lifted her up. She squealed reflexively and paddled her feet, afraid something terrible was going to happen. But no… this was just a hug, wasn't it?

"I wanted to give you a hug!" roared Undyne. "For being still alive!"

That was somewhat reassuring! Alphys couldn't hug back, since Undyne was pinning her arms to her body, but she did manage to loosen her muscles and stop struggling—it felt like Undyne appreciated that. "Oh, Undyne! Y-you don't have to—"

"I really appreciate how you're still here and didn't let the human murder you," cooed Undyne. "Thanks for that!"

Alphys's feet swung. "Um… you're welcome?"

With one last squeeze, Undyne set her down hard. "I mean it. I was worried! When the human got past me, I knew it was headed your way, and I thought that maybe…" She blinked and faced Alphys with puzzlement. "You did hear about the human, right?"

Hear about? This probably wasn't the time to admit she'd actually engaged in an elaborate conspiracy to get the human to befriend her, until her co-conspirator had betrayed her and spoiled everything. "Uhh… I might have heard a few things."

The look Undyne gave her was deeply concerned… even sad. "Did you hear what it did?" It always unnerved Alphys when Undyne spoke softly.

"Um… yes. It killed the king. And, uh… now his wife has come back from wherever she was to be the queen!"

"SHE'S NOT THE QUEEN!" countered Undyne, smashing the apparatus she'd been working on… if it even had been work, rather than just nailing random things together. The little lizard monster stopped jogging in mid-hup, one knee frozen in horror.

"She… she's not?"

"WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO DESERVE BEING THE QUEEN? Even if she was Asgore's wife, which I'm not convinced she was, she's not the queen anymore! She gave that up the moment she left the kingdom and all its problems in his lap! As far as I'm concerned, she's a usurper!"

"Um…" Well, Alphys had to admit it would be convenient if Toriel turned out not to be the rightful ruler. Then she wouldn't have the power to make her come clean about the amalgamates, would she? "But.. someone has to rule, don't they? Why… why not her?"

"WHY NOT HER?!" shouted Undyne. She raised a sawhorse over her head and smashed it dramatically, causing both Alphys and the kid to leap back. "WHY NOT NOT HER? Have you met her? Does she seem tough to you? Huh?"

"Uh… yes, I guess I did meet her, and… well, she did seem a little tough…"

"SHE'S A PUSHOVER! She's a soft fluffy pushover. Do you think she'll be able to lead us to the destruction of humankind?! Not even close! She'll probably try to negotiate with the humans! NEGOTIATE!"

"The, uh… the destruction of…" This agenda seemed more than a little drastic to Alphys. "But Undyne! What if there are good humans? We can't just destroy them all!"

"There are no good humans." The warrior said this directly into Alphys's face, her eye wild and teeth gritted tightly. "If there were, would they have let a human like that one survive? Would they have let it go free?"

"It… it honestly didn't seem that bad to me," said Alphys, forgetting her story of just having heard about it.

"IT KILLED PAPYRUS!" wailed Undyne. She raised her arms to the sky, moaning, then started tearing chunks out of the earth and hurling each one away with a scream. One caught the edge of the lizard kid, but he didn't run—it just made his shirt even messier. "It killed him for NO REASON! It could have made friends with him. It could have spared him! But it KILLED him, and for WHAT? For what, Alphys?" She gestured toward the house, with its multitude of silent "WHY?"s, almost as if it were an amalgamate itself.

"I… I don't know!" Truthfully, she'd been pretty horrified when she'd seen the human turn the skeleton guard to dust. At the time, she hadn't quite put together that he was her friend CoolSkeleton95 from the Undernet, the guy that Undyne had been personally training. Not to mention that he… might have been Gaster's grandson? She wasn't sure—Gaster had never talked about his family.

"For NOTHING!" She stamped the ground, splintering a piece of wood. "It was for absolutely nothing! And then… and then, when I confronted it, the human had the gall to run away! It wouldn't let me fight it for real! It ran straight into Hotland, where the heat SUCKS and I don't know how you can live there, and when I collapsed on the bridge… it brought me water!" She sank to the ground and pulled her ears. "It brought me water to humiliate me, Alphys! It wouldn't let me earn justice… and it wouldn't kill me, Alphys. IT WOULDN'T KILL ME!"

Alphys was horrified. There was a child present! "Undyne! It didn't kill you, a-and… I'm glad it didn't. Because I… I don't know how I would have lived with myself if…"

"We need to destroy them." Undyne wiped her face clean with one hand, leaving a mask of determination. It was so clear in her, now that Alphys knew to look for it. "We need to break the barrier, get to the surface, and wipe out every single human on the planet. There won't be any justice anywhere until we do!"

"Undyne… I don't think that's a good idea." Actually, Alphys couldn't express how much she hated the idea of wiping out another sapient species. "Humans and monsters shared the earth i-in harmony once, right? I'm sure if we give it enough effort, we can… we can do that again!" The truth was, she wasn't sure of that at all… but what they needed right now was hope, right?

"We can NEVER do that!" roared Undyne, looking helpless with nothing left at hand to smash. Well, except for Alphys, but it didn't look like she was quite that far gone. "It was all an act. Don't you understand? All an evil act! There was never good in them! They just pretended to be good, to fool us… until they could strike, and lock us down here forever." She sagged to the ground, exhaling heavily.

"So, uh, yo, is my lesson over?" called the orange kid. He'd dared to set his foot down and seemed pretty shaken up.

"Yeah," growled Undyne. "You did great, kid. Same time tomorrow?"

"Sure! Cool. I'll be here!" He waited for Undyne to answer, but when she didn't, he simply raced off. Alphys watched him go.

"He's no Papyrus," Undyne grunted.

Alphys overcame her trepidation to step over the wreckage of the sawhorse monstrosity and hug Undyne. This was her dear friend, not to mention crush, even if she was a little terrifying right now. "I'm sorry," she said.

"Yeah," said Undyne.

"I—I know you were close to both Asgore and P-Papyrus. This must be hurting you more than anyone else."

Undyne nodded a little, still not looking up.

"But I'm still here. That… that must count for something, right?"

Finally, Undyne faced her with something other than rage. "I hugged you, didn't I?"

"Yeah." Alphys steadied her arms around her friend. "And now I'm hugging you. So… not everything is ruined, right?"

It was a while before Undyne answered. "No. Not everything."

Alphys looked at the house, with its hundred identical questions in light blue.. "Do you want help… painting over… that?"

Undyne sighed. "No. That can stay. I still want to know why."

"W-Well then… is it okay if we just go inside for a while? I came over b-because I felt like I needed someone to be there for me… but if you need someone to be there for you, too… well, I can… I can do that."

Undyne suddenly squeezed Alphys tightly, treating her to a precious, white grin. "Oh, we can definitely go inside! I'll cook for you!"

"Oh! Uh… okay!" Alphys brightened. "A-and I can eat what you cook!"

"Great idea!" said Undyne. She walked inside, not bothering to put Alphys down until they reached the kitchen table.

The inside of the house was a wreck—things toppled and spilled everywhere. The table was covered in cornflakes with the word "WHY" written in them. Dishes were scattered all over the counter, some broken. A pan of uncooked spaghetti sat on the stove, with the spaghetti box also upended in the pan. A huge sword stood plunged into the center of the floor.

Alphys blanched. "I—I like what you've done with the place?"

Undyne ignored her. "Soda?"

She smiled uneasily. "Oh, uh, sure. Soda sounds good."

Her hostess strode to the fridge and poured an overgenerous portion of yellow soda into a giant stein, which she plopped in the middle of the cornflakes with a sloshy crunch. "Here ya go."

"Thanks." Alphys took the vessel in both hands and drank. It was fizzy… just how she liked it.

Undyne sat down at the piano, but regarded the thing with perplexity, like she couldn't tell if it was friend or enemy. After a while, she sighed roughly and started to play. Her chords were cutting and strong, but not strong enough to break the keys. She crossed her hands over each over and played, and played, and while the tune wasn't pleasant, or structured, somehow it was still a tune. Alphys sat tensely, sipping her soda and not daring to breathe too deeply. It was good for her to hear this.

Undyne finally broke down into cacophonous crashes and bent her head over the piano. She sighed again, loudly. It seemed like she was beyond tears, beyond yelling.

Alphys hopped down and went over to put her hand on Undyne's shoulder. Undyne looked slowly at it, at her.

"Are you… planning to train that lizard boy to join the guard?" asked Alphys.

Undyne chortled. "Sure. Why not. He thinks I'm the bee's knees, so I might as well. Plus, if I train him, then maybe he won't get in the way next time I've got a human to chase down."

Alphys remember seeing that with her cameras. "That's good of you. I'm glad you've got a new friend."

This was met with a soft grunt of a sigh.

"But… are you sure you're going to be able to keep up with your work?"

This brought a scowl back to Undyne's face; she crashed both arms on the piano. "I'm supposed to be interviewing monsters to figure out if this 'Toriel' is the real Queen Toriel!"

"…Um… and you don't want to?"

"No! I don't care if she is! I don't want her to be! I just want her to go away."

"B-but, then who'll lead us?"

"I don't care! It doesn't matter."

"I… thought you wanted a strong leader. Someone who could f-fight the humans," hazarded Alphys.

Undyne began to play again, two very low notes in ominous alternation. "I do."

"Th-then it does matter?"

Undyne scowled, her ears shivering. "I've got that dog couple interviewing the spider queen. Looking for discrepancies. Anything in her story that doesn't add up. I talked to that music jockey ghost this morning, and it was like squeezing lemon juice from a grapefruit."

"S-so they were sour, but the wrong kind of sour?" joked Alphys.

"Just really depressed," Undyne corrected. "I mean, I'm depressed right now, but I think they're like that all the time! Plus, they just apologize when you punch them and your fist goes straight through!"

"Oh. Um. Do you n-need any help?"

Undyne shook her head. "Still got to figure out who that Snowdin sentry is, but that can't be too hard. We haven't got all that many sentries in the forest, and the so-called queen says she doesn't think it was one of the dogs. She says she used to talk to someone through the door who can vouch for her."

"Huh! How odd!"

"Said they swapped jokes together, and that was about it. Not sure how that's supposed to back up her story, but." She shrugged. "I've got a sinking feeling I know who it is, though."

Alphys did, too. "Pap's brother?" The human had interacted with him on their way through Snowdin.

Undyne nodded and sighed again.

"He shouldn't be too hard to find, then, right? Didn't they share a house in Snowdin?"

Undyne nodded. "He's not there now, though. They checked."

"Oh." Alphys knew how that guy could get around. "Well, I hope they find him soon."

"I don't. I don't GIVE. A. HOOT." Undyne stood up—nearly knocking Alphys over—and strode to the stove. "What do you say to some spaghetti, Alphys? A big plate of super-deluxe spaghetti, a la Papyrus!"

Alphys hurried back to the table. "Uh, okay! That sounds pretty good."

So Undyne got to work. She turned on multiple burners even when she was only using one; she laid the spaghetti over the top of the pan and smashed it in with the edge of her hand; she made sauce with gusto, cleaning peppers carefully and then tossing all the seeds in anyway. She worked with what Alphys might have called 'meticulous chaos'.

"L-looking good over there!" Alphys ventured.

"Thanks! I'm doing my best! Hard to believe we'll never have the real stuff again, isn't it?"

Alphys had actually never tried Papyrus's spaghetti, but she'd seen his outlandish creations in pictures on the Undernet, always proudly presented with a smile. She really was starting to feel the loss. "Yeah. H-hard to believe."

Clang clang clang, went a spoon. -Fooosh-, went the burners. Alphys relaxed and enjoyed the performance, knowing that it, the blue 'WHY's, and the piano were all allotropes of the same element, so to speak. They were all outlets for Undyne. Alphys wondered how many more outlets her friend would need, and whether they would ever be enough.

"Voila! Spaghetti Grandiose, a la Papyrus!" announced Undyne, sweeping hundreds of corn flakes off the table and dropping a huge plate of luxuriantly decorated spaghetti in their place. It was dripping with scent and goodness, even though Alphys could tell it was both under- and overcooked. There were giant matzo balls rolling back and forth almost like they were alive. Undyne had stuck two colossal forks into the dish, and she gestured to one. "Eat up!"

Alphys was reminded of the giant gordita. Did everyone have to make food with tremendous portions these days? Was that their way of coping? "It smells really good," she offered.

"It ought to! Either that or really, really bad!" Undyne twirled one of the big forks and slurped up a sizable portion, not waiting for Alphys.

Alphys tried it. It was… a mess, but a wonderful mess. It was spaghetti with personality. "I found a whole artichoke."

"Oh yeah, I threw that in just for fun. It should be cooked pretty good!"

Alphys peeled back one of the leaves and enjoyed it. "Yeah, it's fine," she said. "Good job! You really do know how to do a lot of things."

"Me? Look who's talking! Miss I'll-just-put-an-ejection-button-in-your-shower-because-why-not!"

Alphys blushed. "Well, the principles behind the spring loader are surprisingly simple…"

"Spare me! It's better if it's a mystery. My point is, you're really amazing, Alphys, and I like you that way."

This actually was starting to cheer her up. If Undyne respected her, maybe Alphys could actually start facing her fears. She popped a matzo ball into her mouth and smiled.

"Why'd you come over here, anyway?" Undyne asked. "I know I've been kind of an attention hog."

"It's all right, Undyne! I don't mind." After all, Undyne had a lot more to mourn than Alphys did, and Alphys was genuinely glad she got to be here for part of it.

"Even so. I want to be a good friend. So tell me! What's on your mind?"

Now that she had the chance, Alphys suddenly didn't know what to say. There was a lot on her mind, but what could she tell Undyne? She'd struck out this way with the vague idea that maybe she could reveal the truth about the amalgamates, but that seemed like a terrible idea now, with Undyne so fragile herself. She didn't think mentioning the missing golden flower would go well, either. Revealing that anime wasn't real after all? No, that would go even worse. And she certainly couldn't tell Undyne about her role in 'helping' the human child through Hotland. Even now, Alphys had a hard time believing she'd really done that. The mental distance probably kept her from having to work through the guilt—which was good, since she had plenty of guilt swimming in her already. So what did that leave?

"So… I mentioned meeting the queen, right? The alleged queen?"

Undyne looked up ruefully from her spaghetti. "Yeah?"

"Well.. She invited me to dinner… and she asked me about my projects. It actually… made me a little nervous."

The fish warrior leaned in. "Yeah? Was she being nosy?"

"Well…" Alphys considered how to put it. "She was just asking the questions she had to ask, really. But I didn't think she'd know so much, or all the right questions to ask! She's read Asgore's diary. Did you know that?"

Undyne crashed her silverware to the table, dislodging another several dozen cornflakes. "No!"

"And, uh… well, she asked me to start working on a new machine. A… a soul detector, basically. Something that can tell if there are any human souls in the air… lingering… like they do. Just in case the six we had aren't really gone, after all."

"Really?" Undyne scrunched her face in thought. "That's actually a pretty good idea. Is it something you can do?"

"I… I'm not sure. I haven't really given it a lot of thought yet. Normally, when I have a big new project like this, I start an electronic diary of my own, and I brainstorm, and go for walks at the dump… it's a whole process! But I haven't even begun that yet, because I'm worried about whether I should do it in the first place!"

"Because you're not sure if she's the real queen."

Because my life is about to fall apart because of all my terrible mistakes? No, let's go with what she said. "R-right! I'm not sure if I can trust her with something so important. Not to mention all the questions she's been asking about my research…"

Undyne slurped down a prodigiously long strand of spaghetti, much longer than it should have been possible for any of them to be. "Well, you know what? I've got your back. So screw her! You don't have to tell that lady anything! Just say your lips are sealed until she's earned your trust. Which she probably never will!"

Alphys nodded nervously. "I basically did that. I mean, I tried not to be mean about it, but… I told her I had to hold off until we've proven her identity."

"Right! And even then! Even if she is the queen, who says she's earned our trust? Hell, she walked out on us once! Who's to say she won't do it again?"

"B-but… if I don't tell her about my research even then, she could fire me," Alphys pointed out.

"So what? Everyone else knows you're still the royal scientist. Everyone else knows you're the one who knows all the nerdy science stuff. So who cares what some crummy queen thinks?"

Alphys did. She didn't know why, exactly, but she cared. "Well, I mean," she stammered. "The monsters might start to follow her."

Undyne shook her head slowly. "We don't need to let that happen. We can nip it in the bud before it starts. You think the people will follow a queen if the royal guard isn't even on her side? She won't have any power!"

Alphys swallowed. "And… you don't think the guard will be on her side?"

Undyne planted a caring hand on Alphys's back. "Listen, Alph. If you're worried about what this queen might find out, then I'll make sure she never has an ounce of power. If that's what you need to be happy, that's what you'll get! You know why?"

Alphys grinned nervously. "Wh-why?"

Undyne's grin was bigger. "Because friends are here to help friends!"

Alphys tried to suppress the huge spaghetti-tangle of nerves inside her. "Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Damn right I will. Alphys, you mean a lot more to me than some queen who walked on out Asgore hundreds of years ago and left him to fend for himself. A hell of a lot more."

Alphys blushed. She could feel her heart beating harder. "I don't know if I want the whole Underground turned upside-down just for my sake."

Undyne smiled reassuringly. "Oh, don't worry. That human's the one who shook things up. And this so-called Toriel's the one trying to turn things upside-down! We're just going to keep things right-side-up, like they belong."

Alphys had never known what relief and dread felt like mixed together until now—they usually happened to her separately. "A-all right. Just let me know how I can help."

Undyne got to her feet and leaned over the table to pick Alphys up, trailing spaghetti. "You kidding? Alphys, you've already helped a ton! So glad you came over."

This would be the perfect moment to kiss, she reflected. "You're welcome! Thanks for the music and the spaghetti… and the support. It means a lot to me."

"It's nothing," said Undyne. "But we've wasted enough time, am I right? Back to work, scientist! You've got a soul detector to build! And if you don't want to make reports to the queen, that's fine. You can report to me! Write all the reports you want—I might even read them!"

Alphys laughed. "I m-may just do that. Thanks!"

Undyne carried her to the door and set her down with a reassuring pat. "Remember, Alph. We're in this together. From here to the end."

"For as long as it takes," Alphys answered, echoing an exchange from an anime she and Undyne had watched together.

"To the end of the world," finished Undyne.

It really did feel good to have someone as loyal as Undyne behind her, even if it was for some of the wrong reasons. Alphys turned around, saw the warrior's giant pointy grin, and thought, To hell with it. She stepped forward on tiptoes and kissed Undyne on the chin.

Undyne stared and chuckled. "Aww, you." Her strong arms wrapped momentarily around Alphys and squeezed. "Now get to work!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Alphys hurried away, but looked back on her way out and tripped on a broken piece of wood. Well, if her exit were completely graceful, she wouldn't be herself, would she?

She paced back over the quiet waters to her lab, mind whirling. What was going to come of this? The royal guard, turning against the queen? Was that really what she'd just set in motion?

She swallowed. If only it were the worst thing she'd done that week, it might have upset her a little.

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A/N: The monster kid's gender isn't given in the game, but he's male in my mind, so I'm making him male in this story. His name is Eggy!