A/N: Keep reading, y'all!
Chapter 7: My Day to Find You
Today isn't my day to find you
Shying away
I'm coming for your love, okay?
Take on me, take me on
I'll be gone in a day or two
"Take On Me", A-Ha
"You've got to be kidding me." I said, staring at the building in front of me, "Who had the brilliant fucking idea to give my babies to BANE?"
"I mean, he's almost like my brother and the Joker trusted him enough to do it." Bruce said.
We were standing at a small, basically dilapidated building on the lower east side of Gotham, not known to be an area one wants to walk alone in at night. Bruce had on his full getup, bat-belt and everything, and I had managed to cobble together a newer version of my costume: high-waisted red and black pants with a high neck red tank top and my hair in pigtails, black and red mask. It would just have to do for now. In a weird way, it felt nice to be Harley Quinn again, the costumed vigilante.
Bruce looked at me, "You going to be ok?"
"I'm fine. I just want to get this over with. It's not like he can't be reasoned with. I mean, he's kind of a huge veiny monster with incomprehensible speech but he's alright at his core."
"High praise." Remarked Bruce dryly.
"Don't get sassy."
"You first."
I stuck my tongue out in response, a clearly mature gesture from a class-act lady, I know.
Bruce and I found an abandoned boarded-up entrance in the back of the building, and Bruce easily kicked it in, splintering the boards. Show off. He gestured for me to go in, "Ladies first."
"Not in this case." I hissed, and pushed him inside.
I followed him closely along a dank, dark corridor with assorted boxes and broken objects lying about. I was so not ok with the amount of small rodents that scurried alongside us, one going over my foot, causing me to whimper like a little girl.
Bruce rolled his eyes, "Harley, get it together."
"I refuse to do that."
We finally saw a light at the end of the hallway and blinked to adjust our eyes to the (albeit dim) light of the lobby. It looked like it had been an apartment building at one time, maybe built in the 20's or 30's. It had the ornate gilded ceilings with windows that had had the stained glass punched out of them, probably in some riot. It broke my heart a little to see something so beautiful torn down, but we had to move on. I trailed Bruce to the elevator, and he glanced down at his phone.
"What's up?" I asked quietly.
"Oh, just checking Bane's old text to me. I need to remember what floor he's on."
"Oh, gee, how nice." I shook my head with derision. I pressed the button to open the elevator doors, and it revealed an empty socket with a few wires hanging down.
Bruce and I peered up into the elevator shaft.
"I bet we could climb it." Bruce suggested.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me."
"I'll throw one of my grappling hooks up there and we can hang on to it. It's pretty sturdy. He says he's only on the third floor and the staircases have long since been in disrepair. This is the better option." He then pulled out a hook from his belt and threw it up into the shaft, the hook clanging as it grasped onto the third floor edge.
"Where the hell do you get grappling hooks, Ninjas 'R' Us?" I asked, half in astonishment, half in actual curiosity.
"I have my ways." He smiled.
I leaned in and kissed him. It was so familiar, the smell of the leather from his mask along with his manly cologne he wore; I noted that it was the same one I used to buy him.
"You still have some of that cologne left?"
He looked surprised, "Uh, yeah, I tried to save the bottle. I really liked it." It was cute when he got flustered like that.
"Well, that's sweet of you." I grabbed onto him, "Now let's go to Bane."
"Yes'm." he said in agreement.
He clutched the wire firmly and pressed the button to hoist us up. It was a little slow going, but it worked like a charm. He climbed onto the floor, pulling me up with him. We brushed ourselves off and stood up.
"Now if I were a homicidal manic, where would I be?" Bruce wondered aloud.
I pointed at the slightly propped-open door a few feet away, "It's worth checking out."
As we got closer, the question was answered because my hyenas came bolting out of the doorway and tackled me to the ground, licking my face.
"MY BABIES!" I exclaimed, almost crying from pure joy.
A man came running out to see what the commotion was, and stopped when he saw Bruce standing there. Bruce probably had a foot and 60 pounds on him, so he didn't look like he wanted to mess with him.
"What the hell is going on here?" the man asked, holding his hands up in a show of submission.
"I've come to collect these hyenas." I got to my feet, and Bud and Lou started whining, "Hush now. Mommy's talking."
They immediately sat on my side, silent as the grave.
"I've never seen them take orders from anyone." The man said in amazement, "I take it you're the original owner?"
"Yup, that's me. Who are you?"
"I'm Lenny, Bane's assistant. He's resting right now. What do you two want from him?"
Lenny. What a wimpy name.
"Well, mostly I wanted them back." I gestured at my boys, "If you could just let him know we came to retrieve them, you would be a peach. I think we'll head out now."
He stepped in front of me, and the hyenas both started growling.
"I wouldn't get in my way if I were you. They'll bite your fucking leg off if I command them to." I said, nonchalantly inspecting my fingernails.
"How do I know that he's authorized this? He never mentioned you guys coming." Lenny stood back as Bud's ears went down in defense and his teeth were bared.
"I think he'll be fine with it." Bruce interjected, "I'm Batman."
"Yeah, I can see that." Lenny said, clearly unimpressed.
He had some spine, I'll give him that.
"Well then, wake him up if you're so concerned. We have all the time in the world." I shrugged.
"You taking the hyenas is going to get me in less trouble than waking him up." Lenny said, eyes widening, "He's not exactly pleasant when you surprise him."
"I think we'll be on our way then." I said, "Tell him to give Batman a call if there's any confusion. Do you have their leashes?"
Lenny raised an eyebrow, "Leashes?"
I turned to Bruce, "You gave Bane their harnesses and leashes, didn't you?"
"Yeah, pretty sure I did."
"Ok, then fetch them." I said, shooing Lenny back inside the open door. I peered inside as he was rummaging through some desk drawers. It was a small apartment, with a living room and kitchenette, with two bedrooms and a bathroom off to the side. I assumed Bane must have been sleeping in there.
"Find 'em yet?" I asked.
"I'm looking, I'm looking." He said hurriedly.
"They're cheetah print, I imagine not too hard to find." I rolled my eyes. My boys had very fabulous leashes, and Mr. J hadn't been a fan of me feminizing them by buying them pink and animal print stuff, but they were my pets, goddamn it.
He held them up, "These what you're looking for?"
I crossed the room, grabbing them from him, "Yes, thanks for your help. Hope I never see you again. Buh-bye."
I then stalked out, my hyenas not far behind me. I got out in the hall, and Bruce was standing there with his fists clenched.
"What's up, bro?" I asked.
"He was staring at your ass."
"And?"
"I'm going to jack him in the face." He started past me, and I grabbed his shoulder.
"Hold on, hold on. I thought we weren't doing this jealous thing."
"Please let me punch that weasel."
"I mean, yes, he is a weasel but staring at my God-given beautiful badonkadonk is no excuse to punch a man."
He gave me a dead-pan look, "Can we tone down the sarcasm?"
"I wasn't being sarcastic. I have a nice ass." I said matter-of-factly, "But if it'll make you feel better, go land a punch, but it'd better be a good one."
"My pleasure." He said, and he went into the room and landed one to Lenny's nose with a nice 'crack' sound attached. He walked out of the room, shaking his fist.
"Feel better?"
"Yes, much better, thanks." He grunted.
Ok, to be honest, I was more than a lot turned on at that moment, so I started pulling his arm toward the elevator shaft, "We have to go."
After somehow maneuvering ourselves to get the hyenas down (they were none too pleased about that), we got out to the car which was parked in the back alley. Bud and Lou stood guard in the front seats – I mean, who is going to approach a car with hyenas in it? – while Bruce and I had hot costumed vigilante sex in the back seat. We didn't take off the masks, either.
…
We drove back to the Wayne compound and once we had parked the Batmobile in the cave, Bruce sat there, quiet.
"What's up?" I asked.
"Um…where the fuck are we going to put the hyenas?"
"I didn't think that one through." I admitted.
"Well, I think for now we'll just have to put them in the backyard and we'll fence them in. We can't have them in the house."
"Why not?"
He turned to face me with an air of disbelief and extreme concern, "Um, I have this thing. It's called a BABY."
"Oh, they won't hurt Edward. They only hurt people who they feel threatened by or people they can sense I don't like." I shrugged, "Edward doesn't fall into that category."
"Yes, but Selina does."
"They won't attack unless I say so." I said, purposely inspecting my fingernails.
"Somehow your tone doesn't convince me." Bruce said wryly.
"I'm such a trustworthy person. I'm surprised you don't believe me."
He merely gave me a dead-pan look.
"Ok, fine, they can stay in the backyard for a while. At least it's not super cold here right now." I looked back at the boys, panting in the backseat, "Mama has to take good care of her little men!"
Bud gave a low howl, and I hugged him around the neck, "I'm so happy right now."
"You're insane."
"Shut up."
I walked the hyenas into the backyard and into the penned area in the back, usually utilized for Alfred's gardening of tomatoes and other herbs. I don't think Alfred was going to be happy about this recent development but he wasn't going to argue with me. I'm very persuasive. I tied their leashes to the posts at the front of the garden, and told them to sit still because I was sure they were hungry and needed something to snack on.
"DOGGY!" I heard a voice say behind me, and I turned around to see Selina standing there with Edward in her arms.
Edward was pointing at the hyenas excitedly, "Mommy, doggy!" he said again.
"Yes, doggy." Selina narrowed her eyes, "Why may I ask are these creatures here? Where have you two been?"
"We went to rescue them from Bane. It was uneventful because he was sleeping. But Bruce got to punch someone, so he felt better." I shrugged, and pushed past her.
She followed me diligently, pressing, "Um, that doesn't answer why you brought them here. We have a child."
"They won't attack him." I said firmly, "They only attack people that threaten me. It's what I trained them to do."
"Ugh, this is ridiculous." Selina groaned audibly, "Now Edward is going to think we have dogs and want to play with them."
"And he can play with them all they want." I said curtly, making a beeline for the back of the house.
She shifted Edward to her other shoulder, "Harley, come on! You expect me to be ok with these beasts back here?"
"Yes, I do!" I swirled around to face her, stopping her in her tracks, "I think you should just keep your fucking mouth shut and deal with it! I am going in the house now and going to bed. We have to meet with the lawyer tomorrow morning."
She groaned, "God, why did I even bother coming here? I'm so going to prison."
"Well, just pray you're not. You're the only one who will be praying for that outcome." I snapped, and went into the house. She didn't follow me this time.
I went into my bedroom and slammed the door behind me. Leave it to Selina to ruin the one actually good evening I've had since I left Italy. I changed into my pajamas, and flopped onto my bed.
The door opened, and I saw Bruce walk in, "Jesus Christ, why must you antagonize her?"
"She's an adult, she can handle it. I don't know why she feels the need to snitch on me every time I say something negative."
He rolled his eyes, "I must be mentally ill to put up with all this."
"Yeah, maybe." I huffed, and dug my face into my pillow, "Go away, I have to sleep."
"I'll see you in the morning." He closed the door behind him.
…
After we got everyone together and dressed up for the lawyer (which took a lot longer than you'd think for five adults), Bruce drove us into the city to meet with Justin.
Justin opened the door when we got there, and his eyes widened when he saw Selina standing there, all slinky in a black dress and heels. She had that kind of effect on men.
"You must be Selina Kyle." He said matter-of-factly.
"The one and only." She stepped past him, "Let's get this over with."
We all filed in, and Selina and Angela sat in the chairs in front of Justin while the rest of us stood. Justin sat down and folded his hands on his desk, "So, Ms. Kyle, I appreciate you risking your safety to be here today. You must really care for Ms. Isley."
"We were married, you know." Selina crossed her leg in her usual sultry fashion.
"Yes, I did know that. And you still aren't divorced from the looks of it." He said, checking his file.
"No, we are not. We own property together so we felt that we didn't want to deal with that. I don't think either of us are getting re-married anytime soon." She said snidely.
"Yes, I suspect not." He answered with equal dry humor.
If Selina was not attached, I bet that guy would have jumped her in front of us, the sexual tension was that high. As I said, I admired the effect she had on men in that way. Well, not admired. More like marveled at the manipulative qualities she had. I just would never have the confidence to be like her.
"Anyway, what is the deal you're going to make me here?" Selina said, shifting in her seat, "I know what terms I want, but I prefer you would make me an offer first so I can inevitably counter."
"You're very direct." He commented, and looked at his notes, "Well, here's what I can do for you. You can testify in court and we can arrange something with the judge ahead of time to suspend any charges in exchange for you telling your side of the story. However, there could be some negative consequences. Since you will likely be admitting to some crimes during the testimony, there could be reason to indict you. So, we'd have to either really work around what you say in court, or you're going to have to risk it and then as soon as the trial is complete, you'd have to – and don't tell anyone I'm saying this, but – you'd have to just run. I don't care how and I can pretend I didn't know, but you have to find a way out."
Selina listened carefully to his statement and finally said, "Ok, I think I can agree to those terms. I prefer that we find a way for me to not get arrested, obviously, but I think that's fair. I do appreciate you being so understanding of the situation."
"Well, you're going to be a key witness either way, so it's really imperative that we can get you to be there. I think that Pam would likely feel better if you're there, don't you agree?" he asked.
She hesitated, "Yes, I believe so. Pam and I have a complicated relationship, but it's generally positive. I can't guarantee that I won't punch Barbara Gordon in the tits, though."
"I can't guarantee that, either." I interjected.
Bruce elbowed me to shut me up, and I glared at him.
"Let's not punch anyone in the tits, shall we?" Justin exhaled sharply, "This is not going to be easy, you know. I've taken on criminal trials, but none so complicated or with such longevity either. Pamela Isley found many ways to get around the law."
"That's our girl." Angela muttered with a mix of pride and disdain.
"Now, Selina, I do not suggest you go to see Ms. Isley in prison. Leave that to the rest of these people. If you need to communicate something to her, tell them. We cannot have interference during the trial. We all have to agree on what's happening and when. Do you understand?"
"Yes." She said firmly.
"Alright. Well, the rest of you can leave the room. I need to discuss more details with Selina, and that would compromise our confidentiality agreement." Justin said, looking at me and Bruce.
"Yeah, I get it." I said, casting a side-eyed glance at the both of them as we walked out. I didn't trust Selina with young, impressionable men. Especially men who were in charge of her future.
We all walked out, and I leaned over to Bruce, "She's going to blow him."
"She is not, Harleen." He said, looking startled.
"She will. The end." I said, and walked away to get a water bottle from the vending machine. Stress made me dehydrated.
After about another half an hour, Selina emerged from the office, "We can go home now."
"Let's go get some brunch, I'm fucking starved." I said.
"I agree." Angela affirmed, and Mike nodded.
We walked down the hallway to the elevator, and I turned to Selina, who was texting on her phone, "Justin's pretty cute, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess, in that puppy dog way." She said dismissively, "Why?"
"Just commenting."
She slowed her steps, and leveled her eyes, "What are you implying?"
"Nothing." I said quickly.
"You're such an ass-hole, Harley. I have a boyfriend. I am texting him right now, in fact." She shoved her phone in my face, and I was met with a plethora and smiley face and heart emojis on the screen, "And also, he is 100 times hotter than that lawyer, and not a dickhead."
"Gee, sorry, didn't know you found the perfect guy. Does this perfect guy even know why you're here? That you were married to a woman, and that woman is in prison?" I shot at her.
She narrowed her eyes at me, "Ok, fine, you got me. No. He thinks Pam is my friend from college who got arrested and I'm helping bail her out. And I would prefer he doesn't know anything more than that, for his happiness and mine."
"I see. Just checking." I said smugly, and moved quickly to catch up with Bruce.
