ChloeFan: May'st thou elaborate upon to how I can improve of mine story? A bland "It could be better." Does not explain to me how my story might be to your dissatisfaction. Can you explain a little further how I can improve my writing?
…..
It was a quiet, peaceful dinner. Marinette was munching happily on the plate of Tartiflette, she could almost die happily as she felt the first fork full of the Cheesy onions and potatoes warm up her mouth. The soft fruity taste of the reblochon cheese made the potatoes, that were both soft and firm, feel like walkable clouds. But as she swallowed the mouthful had the powerful nutty aftertaste of the cheese arose like a grand symphony of flavour!
"Oh my gosh dad!" she nearly yelled, "This is one of the best Tartiflette yet!" Marinette felt like there was a little mini her dancing inside her chest. Her father chuckled a deep heavy rumble.
"I would take that compliment happily, were it not for the fact that your mother made it this time!" He chortled.
"Well then …" she stood up and changed her voice to a posh tone "I deeply apologize sir, but there seems to have been a misunderstanding."She paused for a second "My deepest apologies sir." she sped through, trying to forced down a chuckle "But it seems that the madame has surpassed you this day. Again, my apologies."
She stopped and burst out laughing along with her parents.
She loved these calm moments with the family. Marinette calmed her laughter down, sitting in silence for a few seconds she thinks of something to say. As she opens her mouth to say it a loud clap of thunder smashes the air, shaking the house softly.
Sabine squeals in fear at the sudden sound. As the thunder faded away a loud torrent of water smacks down on the ceiling, startling the three even more.
"Wow! It's a good thing that we're in here." Sabine sighed and pressed and hand to her chest, she felt her heart racing in her chest.
"You bet," Tom glanced to the silent Marinette, lost in thought with a serious face. "Hey Honey, does Marinette seem to be… Thunder the weather?" He sent a big smile to the way of his daughter. She slowly turned to face him with a big over exaggerated grimace.
"Did you just pun?" She tried to keep the face, barely holding back the smile. "How dare you betray me?" She called out in mock anguish.
"I did dare!" He called laughing. Sabine watched with an amused twinkle within her eyes.
Marinette though, was thinking 'How could I bond so well to these people? They aren't my real parents I know this… So why is it so easy to bond to them?' but instead of voicing her thoughts, she called dramatically to the room "Ah! My faith in family! Besmirched by my own blood! What cruel fate hath I met?!"
She fake swooned onto her chair with a flourish. Her mother chuckled softly behind her hand, whereas her father's boisterous laughter could challenge that of the raging storm outside.
A lightning bolt flashed across the sky, and with the split second of clarity she could see a form walking in the rain.
A wave rushed through her, was that a wish?
She stood up out of her chair and raced to the door, much to the confusion of her parents.
She slammed face first into the door, 'Ouch, too much momentum!' she rubs her nose as she opens the door. As soon as the door is open a fraction the wind rips it open the rest of the way.
"Hey! Sir! Come on in here!"" She called to him, she waved her arms and called to him.
She heard her father run next to her, only for him to run around and go somewhere.
She continued to call to the guy until it seemed that he finally heard her over the roar of the rain. He turned to her and started trying to cross the street, the wind blowing him back as far as he tried to walk.
A quiver went through her again. Another wish, if only she could tell what it was.
She ran to her room to grab her raincoat. Tikki flew to her as she was tossing it over her head.
"Use the rope for when your dad had to fix the shingles! It's long enough!" She called desperately in her high voice.
Marinette ran to the box in the back that had said rope and strewn it around her waist. Knotting it tightly she ran down the hallway.
"Grab the end of the rope!" She called to her parents as they watched the desperate man's struggles in the torrent.
She ran out to him and grabbed his arm, head and hood down to fight against the whipping wind and rain.
"Follow me!" She called over the rain, which seemed to sound even louder since she was in it.
She tugged on the rope and waved to her parents.
Turning to the man, she called over the rain "They're going to help drag us in, just hold on!" And with that, both Marinette and her father helped pull the two from the storm, while Sabine ran to get towels to dry off the mystery guest.
He unzipped his jacket and set it on the coat rack, he rubbed at his sopping hair with a towel from Marionette's mother. Marinette heard another ping fall from the glass jar, the man must have made a wish or something.
"Thanks for pulling me out of the rain back there, it's pouring cats and dogs, I was hoping someone would help me, I got stuck from the winds."
She looked up at the familiar voice and gasped. Looking down at her was none other than!
