Chapter 7

Fire. Her veins were on fire, a burning sensation running up along her arms and deep into her elbows. Her eyes remained squeezed shut, her teeth clenched. This has to be what hell feels like, she thought to herself. There was nothing other than the searing pain, so it made sense. Finally, it had happened. It was over. No resuscitation, or costly project. Just nothing, she was dead. If she wasn't in so much pain, Kayla would be have been relieved.


Black boots scuffed the white floor slightly, as two legs swung back and forth softly from a chair. Miranda sat at a desk, a datapad in front of her as she swiped through it thoughtfully. Dark circles laid beneath her eyes, and her hair was a little ragged. But she was still her usual beautiful self. Her eyes wandered away from the datapad for a moment, looking around the room she had gotten accustomed to over the past few days.

It was one of the private room's in the Huerta. Supposedly it was the same one Shepard was placed in for her first round of surgery. It wasn't the coziest room Miranda had ever been in, but the technology it provided her with made up for it. Spinning around in her desk chair, she noticed a man posed in the doorway of the room. He was leaning up against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his body casually.

"Oh hey, didn't see you there." Miranda stood up, crossing the room.

"Yeah, just thought I'd check up on you guys." Kaidan scratched his stubble. "You need anything?"

Miranda bit her lip, looking back behind her. "Actually... I'm starving. Wanna grab a bite to eat?"

"That's not the cafeteria maybe? I know how much you guys are probably loving their food."

The two burst out into laughter, before flashing over to the hospital bed and turning quiet. Kaidan whispered to Miranda, "I'll wait for you outside. See if he wants anything." He silently left the room and went to lean on the wall across the hallway.

Tip-toeing to the hospital bed, Miranda stood at the end of it. She watched Shepard for a moment, eyeing the tubes that extended from her wrists and elbows and the somewhat peaceful look on her face as she slept. Glancing over to the side, she looked at the man toppled over himself on the chair next to the bed. "Vega?" She asked softly. No reply. She reached over, tapping his shoulder. "Vega?"

With a startled breathe he woke, his eyes flashing open. "Yeah?" He asked, blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

"Sorry. We were just going to go get some dinner." She pointed to Kaidan through the glass, "Do you want me to bring you something back?"

James shook his head, his eyes not leaving his hands that were folded in his lap.

"Vega, you have to eat something. When's the last time you actually ate?" Miranda asked, concern showing on her face.

"I'm fine Miranda. Just go." Again, he didn't look away from his hands.

Usually, she would argue with him, he was starting to worry everyone with his behaviour. But she didn't feel like wasting her breath today. "Okay. Call me if anything happens." The sound of her heels clicking away echoed throughout the room.

Standing up, James pushed the plastic rolling chair he had been sitting on away from him. He stretched his muscular arms up over his head and yawned. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he crossed to the table at the foot of the bed, snatching the coffee cup that sat on it. He raised it to his lips, as he flipped through the clipboard that was left there. He scanned the charts and numbers that didn't make any sense to him as he took a swig. "Ugh." James pursed his lips in disgust as he finished swallowing the cold coffee. He had forgotten how old it was. Wiping his lips on the back of his hand, James looked behind him and noticed that the blinds to the room were open.

Biting his lip, James sat on the very edge of the bed, trying to take up as little space as possible. He slumped over again, putting his elbows on his knees and he stared at Shepard's slumbering face. With a sigh, he opened his mouth to speak before hesitating. It made him feel silly - talking to no one. But a part of him hoped that she could still somehow hear him, or that the sound of his voice would wake her up prematurely. It was childish, but it was all he had.

"Come on Lola. You can't keep doing this to me." He reached across, his hand floating over her. "Wake up. Please. For me." He pushed the hair falling on her face gently away, tucking it behind her ear. She didn't do anything. No flutter of lashes, or a deeper breath - she just remained in her stasis. With another sigh, he got up from the bed - the weight shifting dramatically. Grabbing the clipboard again, he moved back onto his plastic chair, wheeling himself closer to the bed. Crinkling his nose, James did his best to understand the data, running his finger along the lines to keep his focus.

"Is this real?"

James' heart stopped, the clipboard slipping off of his lap clanking onto the floor. He stared at the scattered pages that laid at his feet, before looking up - his eyes met a pair of blue ones.

"James, is this real?" Her teeth were clenched together, her eyes watering.

"Yeah." He finally breathed, nodding to her. "Of course, it's real."

Kayla rolled her head onto her shoulder, letting out a sigh of relief. A hot tear rolled down her cheek and over her smiling lips. Sliding her hand out from under the tight white sheet, she stretched her fingers out to James. He took them in his hand, rubbing her knuckles. "Did you wait this whole time?"

He didn't speak. He just nodded, continuing to hold her hand.

"I could tell. I felt you there." She closed her eyes, smiling wider. "I know that probably sounds weird but -"

"No. No, it doesn't." James let out a happy sound. "I hoped you would." He squeezed her hand. "How do you feel?"

Kayla took a deep breath. "Normalish, for once." She propped herself up on her elbows. "Do you think I could sit up?"

"Yeah sure." James got out of his seat, and with one hand he grabbed her elbow, the other supporting her back. Carefully moving her up, Kayla swung her legs out from under the covers and over the side of the bed. "You ok?" James apprehensively asked as he slowly let go of her.

"Mhmm." She smiled to reassure him. She swung her feet from side to side a bit, wiggling her toes. "What did they do to me this time?"

"Umm," James rubbed his mouth, shifting his feet as he remained standing in front of her. "Miranda called you in for an emergency surgery as soon as we landed on the Citadel. During the operation, they removed your implants, recalibrated and redesigned everything, blood transfusions, some bone replacement - then they put your implants back in. It's like you're a new you."

"Miranda? Well, third times a charm right." Kayla grimaced. "I feel good, though. A lot better than I have in years."

There was a moment of silence between the two as James hovered over her. She reached her hands up, placing them on his muscular chest, craning her neck to look up at the monstrously big man. Wrapping his fingers around her delicate wrists, their eyes locked.

"James, I need to tell you someth-" But she trailed off, distracted by something she saw out of the corner of her eye. Twisting her back, she looked to the door just in time to see two figures walk in.

"Shepard!" Someone exclaimed.

James instantly let go of Kayla's wrists, his hands falling awkwardly to his side. He bit his lip as he stepped back, not wanting to be in the way.

Miranda's heels clicked as she ran over to the bed, facing Shepard. "When did you wake up? You shouldn't be sitting up! Are you ok? James, why didn't you tell me she woke up?" She was going a million miles a minute, her speech so fast they could barely understand.

"Whoa, ok slow down." Kayla laughed. "One question at a time."

"Are you ok? Are you in any pain?" Miranda asked, grabbing onto Kayla's knee gently as she eyed the machines that she was hooked up to.

"I'm fine. Actually, I'm great. I haven't felt this good in ages." She smiled for reassurance. "I swear."

"Okay." Miranda nodded, but still she turned to the machines watching their results as she changed the settings.

Kaidan had followed Miranda in, his hands carrying a tray of coffees and a brown bag. He placed them down on the table before reaching over a rubbing Shepard's shoulder.

"Kaidan." She smiled, placing her hand on top of his.

"Hey, Shepard." He tugged at his shirt, smiling down at his shoes. James noticed that for once he wasn't in his blues. But instead a simple shirt and slacks. "We brought back some coffees and sandwiches if you want them." He seemed a little awkward as he pointed to the brown bag and tray of drinks sitting on the table at the end of the bed.

Kayla's ear perked at the sound of food. She swallowed before asking Miranda, "Could I eat something? I'm starving."

Her face softened as she looked up from data pad she was punching numbers into. "Yeah, everything seems ok so far. Go ahead."

"Thank god." Kayla reached over the bag, pulling out a sandwich and peeling off the wrapping immediately. Taking a bite, she practically moaned. James chuckled at the sound, causing Kayla to blush and cover her mouth. She held it out to him, offering him a bite.

His stomach rumbled as he looked at the sandwich. He hesitated, before taking it from her and having a bite. He wasn't sure if it was just because he was finally eating, or because he was doing it with Kayla but he felt a lot better.

While the two passed and shared the sandwich, Kaidan spoke up. "Hackett will want to speak to you, now that you're okay Shepard."

She wiped her mouth of crumbs, before pursing her lips. "I know."

"Higher ranks are meeting tomorrow, not just the Alliance, though. There's a big announcement I guess. You think you'll be able to come?"

Miranda answered for her. "I don't see why not." She set the datapad down. "All your vitals are superb, better than I've ever seen actually. We did a good job on you, Shepard."

"Yeah hopefully for the last time." The room got solemn at her words. James stood up abruptly, crumbling the empty wrapper in his hand before going to the garbage. Kayla watched him the whole time, feeling guilty.

Miranda broke the silence. "Honestly Shepard, I could get you out of here probably in the next hour. There's no need to keep you in here anymore. It's just wasting resources."

"Great. I'll call Hackett now then, let me know the news." Kaidan grabbed onto Kayla again, grabbing her softly. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Kayla waved through the glass window as he walked down the hallway.

"Well, I'm going to go sign out of the room, inform the headboard we are done in here. You can start getting ready to leave?" Miranda had gently tugged out the IV that had been running into Kayla's wrist. "All your stuff is in that locker ok?" She pointed to the corner of the room. Miranda gathered up her datapads, before heading towards the door.

"Oh, and James? Make sure she takes it easy please. Help her."

"Of course." He nodded, reassuring Miranda. He looked at Kayla, sitting on the bed with her feet swaying in the air one last time before turning towards the locker. He pulled out the black duffel bag that had been packed by one of her former nurses back in her temporary care. Crossing the room in a few giant steps, he placed the bag next to Kayla - letting her dig through it.

"This isn't all of my stuff is it?" Her eyebrows were furrowed as she pulled out a black pair of sweats, a stiff white alliance shirt, and some slippers.

"No, everything else is with the Alliance in storage. All your stuff from the Normandy and your temp. quarters on the Citadel." He awkwardly looked around the room, before pursing his lips. "Here I'll leave to let you change." He started for the door.

Kayla looked down, her cheeks turning pink. "Umm, no don't leave. Just turn around. Don't look."

James turned, a little nervous for some reason. Ringing his hands together, he tried to find something to stare at on the blank wall. He heard the sound of the bedsprings as she stood up and the pads of her feet hitting the ground. There was the sound of Kayla rustling with her clothes as she pulled them on. Then nothing. "You can turn around now."

He turned to find Kayla standing directly in front of him. Her chin was lifted to look up at his face. There were tears in her eyes. James' eyebrows furrowed as he moved to wipe them off of her face. A sad smile spread across her face at his touch.

"I'm so sorry James." Her voice was a croak.

James ground his teeth as he listened, feeling his throat start to close up on him.

"I can't believe I put you through that again. I'll never forgive myself."

James grabbed his mouth, covering it. His eyes said it all, glossy and fluttering. Moving his hand away, he moved it around her pulling her into a hug. She placed her head on his chest, leaning into him. James placed his chin on the top of her head and laced his fingers into her soft hair.

Moving his face away, he looked down at Kayla - her cheek pressed up against his pec, the shadows cast by her lashes, her full lips. Temptation made James bite down on his lip. It would be so easy right now, to just reach down and kiss her. As if hearing his thoughts, Kayla looked up at him - her eyes big. But with a sigh she turned away, unwrapping herself from James' arms. She looked down at the blue emblem on her shirt.

James gulped in disappointment. His mind wheeled as he thought of something to say. Finally, he thought of something to break the silence. "You look cold, here." He reached across to the plastic chair he had been calling home for the past several days. He pulled the navy hoodie that was hung off the backrest and handed it to her.

"Thanks." Her smile was small but genuine. She pulled it over her head, messing her hair up as she pulled it down to her neck. It was massive on her, the arms falling over her fingertips and covering her until almost her knees. James couldn't help but let out a chuckle at the sight. "It's great." It was warm and smelt like him, Kayla was considering never giving it back.

This time, Miranda's sudden reappearance wasn't as much of a surprise this time. "You're good to go." She spoke from the doorway, leaning up against it as she watched Shepard and Vega. "Just got to sign your side of the paperwork."

"Okay." Kayla nodded, her feet dragging as she made to pass Miranda through the doorway. She turned around to see if they were following, "You guys coming?"

"Right behind ya Lola."

She hesitated, looking at him again for reassurance.

"I'll be right there, I promise." Nodding with a smile. She believed it and moved down the hallway before disappearing around a corner.

Miranda watched as James began to gather up his and Kayla's things. He moved quickly, throwing in the couple books he had brought but never read into the duffel bag, along with a shirt and a couple protein bars. "What?" He blurted, feeling Miranda's eyes on him.

"Why are you doing this?" Miranda's eyebrows were crossed.

"What are you talking about?" James crinkled his nose in frustration, as he tried to move past her but she stopped him.

"To Shepard." She stated.

James was taken aback."Are you serious?! I haven't done anything to her. All I've done to her is be there for her - throughout all of this shit."

"Exactly." Miranda unfolded her arms, softening her stance. "Look, it's pretty clear to us why you have been the one sitting in that chair this whole time. And she knows it too."

Gritting his teeth, James looked away from her. He let out a loud breath. "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter. After dying how many times, you don't think she wants someone in her life like that? She needs you. Do something about it! "

"Like what?! She's my fucking commander. The distinction between her and I was made pretty clear by the Alliance." His hand was a fist at his side now, his fingernails digging into his palms.

"What? Regs? Who cares Vega?! She isn't worth it, having to break a couple rules?"

"She is worth everything to me. But this is way bigger than any of that and you know it. She is the Alliance. What happens when their top ranking commander who saved the fucking galaxy starts acting out, and breaking regs. She already has Hackett on her ass for it. And we haven't even done anything - not even talked about it." James was starting to shake now, he needed to get out of here. "I need to go get to Kayla. Just mind your own fucking business." His shoulder hit her as he pushed past her, his back hunched over as he walked.

"Shit." Miranda grabbed her mouth, mumbling into her palm. "That didn't go well."