Chapter Seven
Fili frowned, deep in thought as he put the truck in park outside the shop.
Kili had been very quiet this morning. He couldn't help but think that it was because the younger man was rethinking everything that had happened between them. Fili knew he had been moving too fast. He had all but confessed his undying love for the brunet, for heaven's sake! What the hell was wrong with him?
But Kili had been the one to kiss him when he picked him up, so maybe he hadn't messed up too badly. Maybe he was just adjusting to their new relationship and that was why he was quiet?
Fili tried very hard not to think about the apprehensive look on Kili's face when he saw that his mother was home last night. As much as he didn't want Kili to be uncomfortable with their new relationship, he wanted the younger man to have been hurt last night even less.
His thoughts about Kili ground to a halt as he opened the door to the shop and paused when he realized he wasn't alone.
His mother, all four feet ten inches of her, was standing with her arms crossed by the beat-up couch in the corner that usually served as the waiting area for those rare customers that wanted to wait for their cars. From the set of her jaw and the fire in her eyes, he could tell that she was very much not happy with him at the moment.
Which suited him just fine. Because he was certainly not happy with her either.
"You go see Thorin before your own mother?" she asked without preamble in a forced calm voice. "Three weeks you're gone without a word, and all I get is a text? I thought I raised you better."
"Guess you were wrong," he snapped back, trembling with the effort of holding the wolf back. He closed his eyes and counted backwards from ten. "I went to see Thorin because I needed answers," he continued in a level voice as he reined in his anger. "That is the only reason. I am very angry at both of you."
Dis rolled her eyes. "Your uncle didn't even tell me about this whole wolf thing until after you disappeared. No need to get pissy with me about it."
"And your excuse for treating Kili so badly?" he shot at her, enjoying the completely blind-sided look that flickered over her face.
This may have been the woman who raised him, but she was also the one who had hurt his âzyungâl. That was something he could not forgive easily.
"That Ered Luin boy?" she sputtered, thrown off so completely that the anger slipped from her face. "What does he have to do with anything?"
Fili narrowed his eyes. "That doesn't answer my question. You and Thorin and the entire fucking Council have treated him and his mother like second-class citizens ever since they came here. I don't really give a shit what you think about his mother and the things she's done, but what the fuck has Kili ever done to anybody? What gives you the right to treat him like shit? Did any of you even notice how malnourished he is? Did you even care? Did you…" He cut himself off and took a deep breath, feeling himself start to shake with an impending transformation. He fumed silently as he struggled with the wolf, glaring at his mother who just stared at him in shock.
"Fili Durin," she finally spoke in a soft but steely voice. "If you think I would ever ignore a child who needed help no matter who he was, then changing into a wolf has made you lose your mind. And don't you forget, you man, that I am your mother and you will not speak to me with such disrespectful language."
"I will show you the respect you deserve and no more," Fili growled. "And maybe you didn't willfully ignore it, but you didn't let yourself see it. Or did he look so much healthier a few days ago at Thorin's party? You know, the one you terrorized him at."
She scowled at him. "He's friends with the Peredhels!" she cried in disgust. "Friends with those filthy bloodsuckers who turned you into a werewolf! Of course that was going to upset me!"
"I've got news for you, mother," he said sarcastically. "They didn't turn me into anything! This is who I am!"
"You are not a monster!" she snarled.
Fili started at that. Did she really think he was a monster now?
"I was born this way. If I'm a monster, then I always was a monster," he said in a detached voice. "And if I am a monster, then you married a monster because I got the gene from Dad."
"Maybe I did," Dis muttered bitterly. "Maybe that's why the Khuzdul are so damned secretive. Maybe you're all monsters." She stomped past him and towards the door. She paused before exiting and looked back at him. "And if you care about Kili, maybe you should do him a favor and keep him from becoming involved with a monster."
Fili stared after her as she left the shop. He wanted to be angry at her, wanted to rage at the fact that his own mother apparently had written him off as a monster, but he was just too numb with shock.
How could she think that? Surely when Thorin had explained it to her, he hadn't told her they were monsters! They were protectors! They kept people safe! What part of that was monstrous?
Unless Fili hadn't been told everything.
He glanced at Thror's journal, lying on his desk across the room where he had left it yesterday. He hadn't read it yet. Maybe it went into details that the Council had glossed over.
There was really only one way to find out. He shot a look at the cars that were waiting for attention. Well, they had waited for three weeks. One morning wouldn't hurt much.
He grabbed the journal and settled on the couch to read.
He was re-reading a few worrying bits when Dwalin showed up a few hours later with two bags of food.
"Consider this a thank you," he said gruffly as he dropped one bag in front of Fili. "If it hadn't been for your warning yesterday, pretty sure I'd still be running around lost in the woods right now."
Fili blinked up at him in surprise. "You shifted already?"
"Last night," Dwalin confirmed with a nod, sitting down heavily on the couch next to him. "Craziest thing that's ever happened to me."
"And you were able to change back so quickly?" he asked with a sinking sense of failure. How the hell was he supposed to lead the pack if he couldn't even managed his first transformation nearly as well as Dwalin apparently did.
His cousin shrugged. "Wasn't too hard, but I think it's because I had some warning. I'm sure I would've panicked and done a runner like you if I didn't know it was coming."
"Maybe that's true," Fili conceded, thumping the journal he had been reading. "According to this, our shifting is tied to our emotions. Thror's journal," he explained at Dwalin's questioning look. "Was reading up on the last wolves to see if I could find anything that would be useful."
"Anything?"
Fili rolled his eyes. "Only more problems and questions," he replied, though he was happy to know why the word âzyungâl kept popping into his head when he thought of Kili. He still wasn't ready to share that with anyone just yet, though. "You can borrow it if you want. I'll only end up obsessing over some of the things Thror writes and re-reading it if you don't."
"Anything particularly worrying?" Dwalin asked with a frown as he took the battered old book.
He sighed. "Kind've," he answered. "Thror talks about how hard it is to control the shifting, how people too close can get hurt by the wolf if you lose control and shift in anger."
He was more worried than he let on about that. What if he lost control and hurt Kili? He'd hate himself forever if that happened. But he couldn't stay away from Kili. Even if he weren't inexplicably drawn to the younger man, he knew that Kili needed him now more than ever. He had a sneaking suspicion that without the income from the job at Bombur's, Kili would be able to afford even less food than he had before.
Besides, Kili's self-worth was already low enough. He didn't need Fili telling him to stay away "for his own protection" to add to it. He was sure the brunet would take that the wrong way.
He would just have to keep a tight rein on his anger and his wolf. He would not hurt Kili.
#
Kili sighed in relief as he and Bain pulled out of the school parking lot. He had been keeping his mind carefully blank all day and it had been utterly exhausted. There were so many things he didn't want the Peredhels to know about. Not yet, at least. Not ever, in the case of his mother. They already knew enough as it was.
Of course, with him resolutely concentrating on his food (bought by Tauriel, who didn't even try to pretend she had bought it for herself), lunchtime had been a bit awkward.
"Legolas was annoyed at us both today," Bain commented as he turned towards the road that led to Erebor. "He's not used to not being in on secrets."
Kili snorted at that. "Now he knows how the rest of us feel."
Bain glanced at him out of the corner of his eye before focusing on the road. "So… what exactly are you trying to keep to yourself?"
"What are you?" he shot back defensively.
"Well, I was trying to keep your werewolf's secret," he replied with a roll of his eyes. Kili gave him a wide-eyed look of surprise. "Oh, don't give me that look," Bain said, exasperated. "It wasn't that hard to figure out with Fili disappearing for a few weeks and then showing up on the beach looking for you. But don't worry, I won't tell the vampires anything."
Kili frowned. Apparently he wasn't as good at keeping secrets as he thought. "How do you even know Fili?" he asked grumpily.
"He stopped by Thorin's once or twice when Dad and I were there," he replied with a shrug. "But what I want to know, is how well you know him?" he asked meaningful.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said feebly, blushing as he thought about the kisses he exchanged with Fili last night. And this morning.
Bain grinned at him. "Your red face says differently," he said smugly. "I'm just going to assume you spent all night making out with your werewolf."
Kili felt his face grow hotter. "It wasn't like that," he protested. "But we did kiss," he added with a shy smile, unable to keep his happiness to himself. Bain was already keeping Fili's secret from his boyfriend for him. "I really like him," he admitted.
That was probably an understatement. He felt more for Fili than what really made sense, all things considered. He didn't want to use the L word or anything. Not only was it way too soon, but Kili was afraid if he let himself fully appreciate how much he felt for the werewolf, he'd only be setting himself up for disappointment.
Bain gave him a soft smile. They rode in silence for a while after that, Kili staring unseeingly into the trees as they whipped by.
"So," Bain said suddenly, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Are we headed to your house or what?"
"Um, Fili asked if we wanted to hang out in the shop with him?" Kili said sheepishly, having forgotten about telling Bain about Fili's invitation. "I kinda told him I would come. He said you were welcome as well but you don't have to if you don't want to."
The other teen just grinned at him. "Are you kidding? Someone's gotta make sure Fili's intentions towards you are respectable."
Kili groaned as they crossed into Erebor. "If you say a word, I swear you won't have to worry about vampires or werewolves anymore because I'll kill you myself."
"Pretty sure you might start a war there," Bain quipped with a laugh. "Because Elladan might kill you then, and I'm sure Fili would kill him, and then it would just get worse from there."
Kili shook his head at the absurdity of the notion. He really didn't think Fili would do something as crazy as killing someone to avenge his death, let alone start a full scale war between werewolves and vampires. Of course, a war between the two was also unlikely because Fili was the only werewolf thus far. It would be a very short war if it were one against six.
"You sure you want me to tag along to the shop?" Bain asked. "I won't be offended if you want alone time with Fili."
Kili bit his lip. He really wanted to take Bain up on his offer, but he had made the other boy drive him all the way to Erebor. He wasn't going to just tell him to get lost.
He opened his mouth to assure Bain that he wanted him around but the other boy cut him off before he could get any words out.
"You want to be alone with Fili," he laughed. "That's okay. I have a boyfriend of my own I can go visit."
He gave him a sheepish smile. "Thanks, but I'm sorry I made you drive me all the way out here. I'll start bringing my bike to school again." He was sure Fili wouldn't mind if he threw it in the bed of his truck in the mornings.
"I'm still going to drive you home, Kili," Bain told him with a frown. "Unless your werewolf wants to take over doing that as well?"
Kili groaned. "I don't want anyone to go out of their way for me," he replied morosely.
"Well, Tauriel threatened to buy you a car if you kept on insisting on biking," he remarked. "Pretty sure she'd do it, too. So it's either let someone drive you or be forced to accept a car."
Kili scowled. Tauriel would probably do it too. "That'd be a useless gift," he retorted. "I can't drive."
"Then you don't want her wasting the money, now, do you?"
"Hmph," he grunted and crossed his arms. "Doesn't seem like any of them really worry all that much about money. I guess if you don't have to eat, that cuts down on your budget."
"They have good investment techniques," Bain confided with a laugh. "They only invest in companies Tauriel sees are going to be successful."
"That's cheating!" Kili cried in outrage, though secretly a bit jealous. It would be nice to have enough money to not have to worry about it.
Bain laughed some more. "Maybe, but who would ever know? And I'm sure they have it set up so that it could never be traced to them. Besides, I'm pretty sure Tauriel would bankrupt them with her shopping if they didn't have so much money. And speaking of Tauriel's shopping, she wanted me to ask you if you were still up for the party Saturday."
"Why didn't she just ask me herself?" he asked, having completely forgotten about his birthday party with everything that had happened.
"She wasn't sure if you were still mad at them," Bain shrugged. "You didn't speak to them much today."
Kili wasn't sure if he was still mad at his friends or not. They hadn't really apologized for calling Fili dangerous and implying that he didn't care what happened to Kili. They didn't even know Fili. How could they accuse him of being so heartless?
But he knew they did care. They had been taking care of him for weeks, all the while trying to spare Kili's pride. He might not have liked it too much, but he did appreciate it. And he wasn't dumb enough to think it wasn't needed, especially now that he had lost his job.
"She said to be sure and tell you that your werewolf is welcome at the party as well," Bain added.
Kili frowned. "This isn't just a ploy to find out who Fili is, is it? And I thought there was a treaty that kept them off each other's land?"
"The Peredhels don't care so much about the land thing," he replied with a frown. "And I don't think it's a trick, but I really don't know what goes on in Tauriel's mind sometimes. Elladan told me that she was sincere in wanting to make amends though."
"We'll see," Kili said after thinking it over for a minute. "I don't know if Fili will come even if I decide to, but I don't know if I'm up for celebrating with everyone. Maybe if they apologized, but they haven't."
"That's understandable," Bain said with a nod. "But think about it, okay? I promise you it'll be fun."
"Maybe," he muttered, wondering what Fili would think about him going off to party with a bunch of vampires. He'd probably worry the entire time he was gone.
They pulled up to the shop then and Kili hopped out. "You sure you don't want to stay?" he offered half-heartedly as he slung his bag over his shoulder.
"Oh, go make out with your boyfriend," Bain replied, laughing at the blush that Kili could not help.
He hastily closed the door and walked into the shop, frowning as he looked around but didn't see Fili. He shifted uncertainly, wondering if the blond forgot he was coming, but he wasn't left wondering for long as the back door of the shop opened and Fili walked in, in the middle of putting on a t-shirt.
Kili's mouth went dry at seeing the display of skin, but he quickly swallowed in an attempt to get relief as Fili caught sight of him.
"Sorry," the werewolf said sheepishly. "Thought I'd be able to beat you here."
Kili was just relieved that he hadn't been forgotten. "No problem, I just got here. Where were you?" he couldn't help asking.
If anything, Fili looked even guiltier at the question. "Well I… might have been following you and Bain in wolf form," he admitted. "I swear I'm not some crazy stalker," he added hastily.
"I didn't think you were," Kili said, chuckling at Fili's slightly panicked look. "You really shouldn't be worrying so much about me. I'm sure you have more important things to do."
"Hey," Fili said softly, crossing the room quickly and wrapping his arms around Kili. "Nothing's more important than keeping you safe."
"Just because I was almost vampire food doesn't mean I'm in anymore danger than anyone else," he remarked.
The blond blanched at the words. "I can't help worrying about you," he confessed. "Not after coming so close to…" he trailed off without saying the words before sighing. "But you're probably right."
"This relationship will probably run a lot smoother if you get used to me being right," he quipped, trying to lighten the mood.
Fili chuckled. "Is that so?" he asked, pulling Kili closer and causing his breath to stutter in his throat.
"Y-yes," he whispered, gasping as he felt Fili's nose nuzzling his ear.
"Bain decide not to join us?" he asked, nipping lightly at Kili's earlobe.
He stiffened and moaned at the contact. "He… he said something about giving us alone time," he stammered out, shivering as Fili lips moved to his neck. He clutched the back of Fili's shirt tightly as his lips slowly kissed their way up to his lips.
Kili whimpered into the kiss and tried to press closer to Fili as the blond's tongue all but devoured his mouth. He felt like every nerve in his body was on fire. It was both too much and not enough at the same time, and he never wanted it to end.
They were both panting hard when Fili pulled away and rested his forehead against Kili's. "I'm sure I could get addicted to that," Fili whispered, tucking a strand of Kili's hair behind his ear before frowning. "You don't braid your hair."
He shrugged in reply. "I don't know what all the braids mean. I'd hate to braid it and it end up meaning something crazy like 'I just murdered the chief's prized bulldog' or something."
Fili's frown intensified, as if he knew exactly what Kili was not saying. Maybe he did.
"Will you let me braid it tonight?" he asked. "I promise not to put braids that say you're a murderer in your hair."
Something warm spread throughout his chest at the offer. He knew how important braids were to the Khuzdul. "Are you allowed to do that?" he asked uncertainly.
Fili smirked. "I thought we established that I can do whatever I want as the Alpha of the wolf pack."
Kili snorted. "A pack of one."
"Actually no," he replied, stepping back and taking Kili's bag from him to set it down next to an old couch off to the side. "Dwalin shifted last night."
Something twisted unpleasantly in Kili's stomach. Fili being a werewolf was a secret that had brought them together. With another wolf on the scene, the secret wouldn't hold them together like it had been. What happened when Fili realized that Kili really wasn't that interesting?
"Well, at least you won't have to protect everyone on your own now," he said as Fili maneuvered him onto the couch.
"Yeah, now we just have to figure out what protecting everyone entails," he said heavily, sitting down next to him.
"I thought you were going to hunt down vampires," Kili said in confusion. "That's what you said last night."
"We're still a little too green to start thinking about doing that yet," the blond replied. "How was your day? Have your vampire friends figured out your boyfriend is a werewolf yet?"
He felt like preening at the word boyfriend, though it felt far too inadequate to encompass just what Fili was to him. Still, it felt nice to hear it. He sighed, though, as the question fully sunk in. "Not sure if I'd call them friends at the moment," he confessed. "We kinda had a falling out yesterday once they found out about the whole werewolf thing. I didn't tell them!" he said quickly as he realized what it sounded like.
"I wouldn't have been upset if you had," Fili assured, wrapping an arm around his waist. "If the treaty is going to be back in operation, it's only fair that they know that there are wolves on the other side of the boundary."
"Yes, well, one of them can read minds. I don't think it'd work on you or any other wolf," he told him at his worried shock. "The one who can see the future can't see you. I think you have some natural defense to it or something."
"How do you know the other one can't see us?" Fili asked.
"Um, she saw me die from the vampire attack," he said reluctantly, not wanting to think about how that could very easily have happened. Fili's tightened hold on him told him that he didn't like thinking about it either. "So she obviously didn't see you save me."
"Right… So the one who can read minds saw me transform in your memories?"
Kili shook his head. "I thought about the attack when Tauriel mentioned it, and about you saving me. Legolas just saw you in wolf form and told the others that there was a werewolf."
"So what exactly did you fight about?" the blond asked curiously. "It must have been something big if you're still mad at them. You don't strike me as the type to hold a grudge."
"They called you dangerous and insinuated that you wouldn't care if something were to happen to me, that none of the Khuzdul ever had," Kili answered with a scowl. "They just decided you were some kind of monster without even bothering to know you."
Fili growled and pulled away. Kili looked at him in surprise as he realized he was trembling in anger. He reached out to touch him but Fili held up a trembling hand as he breathed deeply to calm down.
"They are wrong about me not caring," the blond ground out. "Kili, I'd rather rip out my own heart than have something happen to you."
He rolled his eyes. "I know that," he replied, though he hadn't realized Fili felt so strongly about him. It gave him hope that maybe he wasn't the only one who felt more than he should.
"But I am dangerous," Fili admitted with a sigh.
Kili frowned, scooting closer to the werewolf and wrapping his arms around his middle. "Not to me."
"Especially to you," he insisted even as he returned Kili's embrace. "I can't always control the shifting. When the wolf gets angry, he fights to come out. And anyone around me could get hurt."
"Then we'll just be careful," Kili said, a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. What if Fili tried to send him away?
Fili shook his head. "It's not as easy as that. The wolf feels emotions differently than humans. His emotions are simpler. More complex emotions like annoyed or irritated or grumpy or anything like that just translates to anger to the wolf, which triggers his fighting instincts."
"Are you… are you trying to tell me I shouldn't be around you?" Kili asked in a weak voice, hating himself for even voicing the question.
"No!" Fili cried with wide eyes, tightening his grip on Kili. "Never. I will always want you around. I just thought you deserved a fair warning."
Kili sagged in Fili's arms in relief. "Good."
"Maybe you shouldn't be so hard on your friends?" the blond suggested after a moment of just holding Kili. "They're just basing their opinions on what they've seen in the past. Not that they should be second-guessing your decisions, but they must care about you."
Kili sighed. "Well, if the werewolf can forgive the vampires, I guess I can try," he said wryly. "I might wait until after Saturday though." He cringed thinking about what Tauriel probably had planned. She always tended to go over-the-top in everything she did.
"What's Saturday?" Fili asked.
"Oh, um, they had planned a birthday party for me," he explained shyly, having forgotten that Fili didn't know about that.
"I didn't know your birthday was Saturday!"
"Well, it's technically Thursday, but Tauriel and Elrohir decided to throw me a party on Saturday. It's not supposed to be anything big, but Tauriel tends to go overboard," he said.
"And just where is this party?" Fili inquired with a raised brow. "And is your boyfriend invited?"
Kili rolled his eyes. "I didn't have a boyfriend when they made the plans. And it's at the Peredhel house. Bain told me today that they did invite my 'werewolf friend,' but I'm sure they just did that to find out who you are."
"Maybe it'd be a good thing for me to go," Fili said thoughtfully. "I might as well meet our vampire neighbors. And if you're going to be friends with them, I want to make sure they're safe."
"They are," Kili assured him, remembering what Bain told him yesterday. "They still have their human souls."
"Forgive a werewolf for being paranoid," the blond said, dropping a kiss on his forehead as he stood. "Now, I really should get to work. I neglected it this morning, and the cars are beginning to pile up."
"Right," Kili said with a smile, pulling out his Trig book. "You do your work, and I'll do mine."
Fili grinned. "Then dinner," he agreed, leaning down to give Kili a proper kiss before heading over to an old blue Ford.
Kili smiled to himself as he opened his math book. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to concentrate on sines and cosines with Fili leaning over the engine of that car so distractingly, but considering he didn't understand much of Trig anyway, he figured the view was worth a bad grade on his homework.
Tbc…
