Chapter 7

It had taken 3 weeks of Payson living with the Belovs for Sasha to crack. Payson had seen it coming but was still surprised by his furry. "What are you getting out of this? What is your goal here? Or End game, whatever!" he spat frustrated that the words to express himself clearly in English were eluding him. Until this moment he hadn't realized just how much he had reverted into Romanian in the last few years. Even in his mind.

Calmly Payson closed her laptop giving him her full attention, waiting to see if he had more to say. When he continued to stare at her angrily she answered serenely. "For now I have multiple goals." She stated with the easiest answer.

"One of my goals is to have Tasha out of the brace in the next two weeks. She physically no longer needs it, she's just afraid of reinjures or of trusting her leg I am still trying to pinpoint exactly. Another of my goals is Nationals in 8 months, with the redesigned routines. Additional goal is her Olympic bound in two years. I guess that really falls into end game though." Payson shrugs putting a hand up to stop the inbound tirade.

"As for what I'm getting out of this, that's a very broad question. To start with I get to see my treatment regimen in action on a professional athlete, not college level athletes. That alone is an immeasurable benefit for me as well as the benefits to Tasha. I also am getting the benefit of your father's expertise and willingness to allow me access to past files and injuries to study those cases. Academically those benefits are also immeasurable. I also get him as a sounding board for ideas and he tells me wonderful stories. I get to know I am helping ease his worry, even if it's just a bit. And while we both know you probably won't let me help you, he believes you will and that gives him peace."

Reluctantly she decided to be completely honest with him. "Then maybe when this is all said and done I may have some real closure for whatever we were. Somehow the way we left it in London wasn't really closure for me; you just disappeared from my life. I never even knew if you were okay. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to rekindle or whatever, but there is a part of me that feels like I need to help you if I can. That love that used to drive me won't rest until I know you will be okay. That's my end game for you to be okay after he's gone, and for Tasha to be okay."

Although she had no intention of disclosing it to him, her time working and living with him and his father is a time she will cherish. Before coming to Romania she foolishly believed she had moved past her love for him. She now knew she had simply compartmentalized it away and out of sight. She had not really said goodbye to it, allowing it to fade into wistful memory. No, the more time she spent with him she realized it was a giant what if that she had allowed to taint all her options. She now saw Austin had been right she would leave Romania broken, but with the closure needed to move on. Dragging herself away from her thoughts she noticed Sasha watching her with a confused expression.

"I don't know what to make of you." He admitted having regained his usual composure. "I am having a hard time reconciling the woman in front of me with the young woman I knew and loved."

'Ouch, loved, past tense. ' She thought feeling unforeseen pain at that statement.

Looking out the window Sasha continued. "The old you was full of intensity, passion, a fighter. You fought for everything. Now you're mellow, muted, you have a cool and collected approach to everything. Every word is measured and considered. Frankly, it's creeping me out." He confessed. "I never thought you'd lose that fire. It was always just right under the surface, threatening burn us alive with just one misstep. Hell, it almost did a time or two." She could hear the disappointment in his voice at who she had grown into and it hurt more than she wanted to admit.

He was wrong of course, she was still all those things she had just learned control. She had also learned there was a time and place for everything and at no time since arriving was it the time to be full of passion or fire. Yet, in her hurt and defensiveness she never considered that he wasn't seeing her clearly. They were strangers now, and for the first time he was only seeing her surface. It was a common mistake most made, but he had forgotten that Payson was a constant depth of hidden emotions masked by a serene face. His words churned in her mind, she replayed them again and again until she surprised them both with a bitter laugh that chilled him.

He turned to her only to be hit with some of that lost fire. "How fortunate for you that you risked it all for that girl seeing as I'm such a disappointment. You forget Sasha, you don't know me anymore. As a teen I didn't let strangers into my emotions what makes you think I'd be open with you after all this time? You know longer have my trust as you once did. You've made no attempt to get to know me. You know nothing of the woman I am except what I let you see." She spat at him through clenched teeth before backing away from him and leaving the room. She almost ran into Demetri as he stood frozen in his spot, indecision clear on his face. She nodded to him as she continued to her room wanting to call Austin but unable to bring herself to, his words causing her to put the phone down. He pretty much had said he could love her if she'd let him, it was a frightening thing. She couldn't run to him with this. She had no problem hurting herself but she didn't want to hurt him too.

So she sat looking out at the mountains thinking and she could admit she overreacted, she had let his words hurt and lashed back at him. Realistically, he had a bit of a point. Before she had been a hungry competitor, a young woman who had never been hurt so she charged after her goals, after the man she loved with no fear. Now she was wiser with a much better understanding of the potential pain. She did consider her words and actions first. She was just as passionate, intense and driven she just channeled it better. It was more subtle than the in your face intense she used to be. She had grown and matured which was only natural but she would not make excuses for the woman she was. Not even for him, she thought as she drifted to sleep.