So. This chapter is special to me, I think. I hope you guys like it. Lucy makes some tough choices, and she's kinda OOC. Sorry. But man, it's HARD to write with someone else's character! This is good for my plotline, so... Sorry, Lucy. You're not as tough as you should be in this chapter. Man up and deal.

This chapter is dedicated to LeahMineStar. Special thanks go to, of course, WhiteWinterStar, Dark Shining Light, bronzitewolf, FanFictionLeon, KillerCupcakes (cool name, dude), presley-chan, gwb620, and EgyptianSoul.88 (Btw, EgyptianSoul, your review cracked me up. I do that too sometimes when I read something that makes me go super-fangirl!) Thanks so much for your enthusiastic reactions to last chapter! This one is kinda sad, but I had tons of fun writing it. No Natsu POV this time, but the next chapter will be all him. And now,

BACK TO LUCY...

Wh-why... Why is this happening to me? True, the world was still a bit fuzzy, and Natsu's hazel eyes were too blurry to read, but I could clearly feel his hot lips on mine, connecting us in a way I had always wanted. We were kissing. No tongue or anything, just a normal kiss, but...

Thought was impossible at that point. I flung my arms out violently and whacked Natsu to the side, his mouth leaving mine in a flash. He landed on his elbows and stared up at me, confusion written all over his face. "What's the matter with you, Lucy? That hurt," he complained. He sounded normal. No quavering. No voice cracks. Just regular Natsu, as always.

I glared at him, the wrath of God in my eyes. "Go home." I shoved him off my legs and staggered out of bed, catching myself on the headboard before I could slide to the floor. My legs, it seemed, still hadn't gotten the message that they should be working properly. And my head was killing me. Moving hurt. Talking hurt. Breathing hurt.

Behind me, I heard Natsu land lightly on the floor. "Lucy, what the hell are you doing? You're going to hurt yourself." His voice was serious, and I bit my lip. Stop caring so much about me if you're not going to care enough, you jerk. His hand grasped my elbow, but I tore it away, making me wobble.

"Leave me alone," I snapped. I tried to push him out of my consciousness, to just focus on putting one foot in front of the other. My legs gave out mere feet from the bathroom door. Damn it. I sat there helplessly on the floor, my hair falling into my face. I didn't bother to brush it away.

Why... Why does this have to happen? All I wanted was to get away from these unfulfilled feelings, these emotions with nowhere to go. I had hoped that leaving would give me that distance. That it would keep me from exploding and destroying everything. I could leave and Natsu would always be 'a friend'. Not anymore. I would never get away from that kiss. It would always be there, hovering over me, begging to be acknowledged.

There was no escape anymore.

Natsu squatted on the floor next to me. "Hey, Lucy." I glared at the floor, then stopped. It wasn't his fault.

"Hey, Natsu." I flinched when his warm hand once more squeezed my elbow. "I'm sorry." I blinked and looked up at him, shaking the blond strands out of my face. My head throbbed.

"About what?" He grinned apologetically.

"You know, about the kiss."

Time stopped.

I'm sorry. You know, about the kiss.

I'm sorry.

"You're sorry," I heard someone say. Her voice was hollow. She sounded like a girl on the verge of tears.

I think it was me.

Natsu frowned. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be? I mean, it was my fault we kissed like that." He looked away, his cheeks tinged pink, and scratched nervously at the back of his head. He was embarrassed. The Natsu was embarrassed.

The thought made me lose it. I just couldn't stop laughing. I was hysterical for several minutes before I managed to stop. Natsu was watching me quietly, crouched next to me. His hand radiated heat up my arm and down my spine. My head was still aching, but it was more like a dull, steady pounding.

Don't be sorry.

"You don't have to apologize," I blurted suddenly, the words falling from my mouth like leaves from trees. Natsu glanced quickly back at me, surprise in his eyes. After a minute of saying nothing, he flashed me a grin, the maddeningly adorable kind that made my lips part.

"What do you want me to say then, Luce?" he said laughingly. I stared at the floor, not bothering to joke with him.

Be glad. Say it made you happy.

Say you love me.

I stayed silent. Finally, just as I was gathering my strength to make a break for the bathroom, Natsu's fingers on my elbow twitched. "Hey, Lucy?" he asked. I looked at him as he released my elbow and faced me completely.

Another minute couldn't hurt. "Yeah?" He turned and stared firmly into my eyes. There was incredible determination there, burning just below the surface. It was funny, but this seemed almost different from his usual fiery resolve. It was more like the half-frozen air rising from ice after being exposed to heat. I'd never seen him quite like this before.

"You're not... You're not going to leave, right?" The question was shoved off his tongue like it was burning him. I just gazed at him, completely surprised.

"Leave?" Wasn't I? Wasn't that the plan? I sighed and pulled my knees up to my chin. "I don't know. Maybe. It all seems kind of pointless now." Natsu didn't relax.

"Why pointless?"

I answered without thinking. "Because of the kiss, obviously."

It didn't really hit me for about thirty seconds what I had just blatantly announced to him. When it finally sank in, I froze.

Oh. My. God.

I was afraid to look. But I had to know. I peered over at Natsu. He was sitting there, his eyes fixed on my forehead, the frozen fire gone. "Because... of the kiss?" I cringed. Don't just repeat it, idiot! "Why?" I glared at my feet. Let it go already!

"Never mind." For once, he didn't drop it.

"Why?" I growled under my breath. How am I supposed to tell him? It's not like he understands love.

Right. I dropped my face into my hands and kept it there.

"Natsu, have you ever been in love?" I can't believe I'm saying this. His brows scrunched up in contemplation of my question.

"I don't know." I let my hands fall away and rested my chin on my knees again.

"Well, when you love someone, you want to see them all the time." Only, when they don't love you back, you wish you didn't. "And when you're around them, your heart feels strange, like someone's squeezing it. And you want them to depend on you and you alone, and you hate to see them getting along better with someone else. You want to hide them away and never let anyone else near them. But over all, you just want that person to be happy. So much that what you want doesn't matter anymore. That's what true love is. It's the best feeling in the world." Except when it hurts so bad you want to tear your skin to shreds just to feel something else.

"It sounds nice," Natsu said softly. "And hard." He grinned at me, making my breath catch. "I guess I have been in love, then." I don't believe it. My heart was pounding so hard I was positive he could hear it, and all I could think was that he was going to say he loved me. Say it. Don't say it. Say it. "After all, I love everyone in Fairy Tail!"

I sighed, exhausted and burned-out. "That's not the kind of love I was talking about," I whispered. What I need right now, I told myself, is a long, long bath. And if need be, I can drown peacefully. I stood on shaking legs and walked slowly towards the waiting bathroom door.

"I feel different around Lucy, though," Natsu said all of a sudden. I stopped, not looking back. "When I'm around you, I feel kind of weird."

I did my best not to cry.

But when the door was safely slammed between us, and the tub faucet was running at full blast, filling the small room with steam, I allowed the tears to escape.

Except they wouldn't come. I wanted to cry, but I had no tears left to lose. I was stuck sitting on the cold tile with my throat burning and eyes prickling. I coughed and scrubbed at my dry cheeks. He feels weird around me, huh?

Across the room, the bath started to overflow. I lifted myself to my feet and crossed the room in three long strides. Stepping into the scalding water, I watched detachedly as more water spilled over the sides to the floor. I lowered myself to the bottom and closed my eyes, feeling around with my toes to turn off the water. My clothes lay heavy on my limbs, soaking up the water until they could hold no more. It occurred to me that ordinarily I didn't wear clothes in the bath.

Whatever. I never really liked this outfit anyway. I had to laugh bitterly at that. Because that really matters right now.

"So, what to do now..." I mused aloud. "I could just do jobs alone for a while... But then everyone would want to know why. If I avoided the guild for too long, they'd all come to my apartment. That's out too." I sighed and bit my lip. "Is that really the only thing I can do for now?" I don't want to feel this way anymore. It hurts, Mom. What do I do?

I guess this is my only option for now. Until I get over this one-sided love.

Water sloshed out of the bathtub as I pulled myself over the side. I stripped off my clothes and wrapped a warm towel around my torso. Poking my head out the door, I glanced around – Natsu was nowhere to be found. Faint munching sounds came from the kitchen. I slipped out and snatched up a bag and several sets of clothes and my keys. Finally, with a last wistful glance at my novel, I dashed back to the bathroom and shut the door quietly. Everything else I would need was in there. I kept my money in a hidden drawer under the sink, and all my toiletries and such were in the mirrored cabinet. I changed quickly and stuffed everything into the bag, zipping it closed with some effort. Alright. That was that.

Natsu was still in the kitchen when I left the bathroom, bag slung over my shoulder. Anxiously, I tiptoed past to the door, slipping a fresh ribbon into my hair as I went. As I silently opened the front door a crack, I listened for signs of him leaving the kitchen, but none came. I breathed a sigh of relief and left, closing the door behind me.

Walking down the road in the direction of the guild, I tried to convince myself that this was the right choice. A fresh start. And it's not like I'm leaving forever, I told myself. Just for a while. A year or two, at most. It'll be good for me. Natsu can't protect me forever.

He won't be with me forever.

I shuddered and drew my jacket closer around me. I would have turned back right then, but I was already at the guild. I stared up at the sign, fading away into the twilight. I still remember vividly my first time at Fairy Tail. Gray and Natsu fighting, the master scaring the pants off of me, meeting Mira. I met my best friend Levy here. I rebuilt a family here. This place was my home.

It's not like it's forever.

Why did that word keep coming up in my thoughts? Forever. I didn't want to leave, forever or not. But could I stay? How long would that last? How long could I just be Natsu's teammate?

This is for the best.

Gathering every last drop of courage I possessed, I stepped through the open doors of Fairy Tail for what I knew deep down would be the last time. I marched right down the hall, ignoring the curious gazes of my guildmates, and sat at the bar in front of the beautiful bartender.

"I need a big favor, Mira."

Half an hour later, I was ready. Or at least, I pretended I was. I had to be ready. Mira watched me sadly, her eyes still glimmering with the pale hope that I would change my mind.

"Are you sure about this, Lucy? You don't have to leave." I smiled at her.

"I'm sure." No, I'm not. "After all, I think it'll be fun to go on a training trip for a year! I'll come back much stronger, I know it!" I'm sorry. In the end, I couldn't tell you the truth. I'm such a coward.

"And you're really not going to tell Natsu yourself?" she asked for the millionth time. I shook my head, still smiling.

"He'll make such a big deal and insist on coming with me. But I want to do this on my own. It's important to me." Mira heaved a sigh and smiled gently at me.

"Alright, if that's really what you want, I won't stop you." I grinned genuinely this time, too relieved for words. "But, Lucy, promise me you'll come back." I frowned and cocked my head, my smile fading. Mira, looking unsettled, grabbed my hand. "It's just, I'm getting a bad feeling. Like there's something you aren't telling me. Like you aren't really planning on coming back." I laughed uneasily. Her senses were too good.

"Don't worry, Mira. I'll definitely see you all again. I promise!" She smiled, and I noticed suddenly that there were tears in her eyes.

"Right!" She wiped them away with the back of her hand and let go of my hand. My fingers felt cold. "Then go talk to the master before you go. We'll explain everything to the others after you leave." She glanced at the dark doorway, and I knew she was thinking about Natsu.

I nodded and got up. "Mira, Happy's somewhere around here, right?" She pointed to a corner table, where Happy sat with Carla and Lily, munching cheerfully on a fish. "Thanks." I picked up the letter I had written and walked up the stairs to talk to Master Makarov.


"I see." I stared into my lap, feeling small and sad as the master looked at me from across the table. "So it's come to this." I didn't know what to say. He did, though. "That damn brat!" An enormous smashing sound made me jump and look up. The master's fist had tripled in size and slammed the desk to splinters. "Such a foolish boy who can't even take care of his teammate properly!" I blinked.

"Who are you talking about, Master?" He glanced at me, his wrathful expression softening.

"Natsu, of course. Who else?" I gaped at him.

"But– I never said–" He shook his head, smiling sadly.

"You didn't have to. I can tell, Lucy. I know when my children are in pain." More than anything, I wanted to cry at that moment. But my eyes refused to work. Master Makarov stepped around the ruined desk and clasped my hand with the Fairy Tail insignia on it tightly.

"The insignia..."

"Keep it." My eyes widened. "Like it or not, you will always be a part of this guild, Lucy Heartfilia. And we will always be a part of you."


Hours later, long after I had boarded the train and left Magnolia and Natsu far behind, all I could hear was those words echoing again and again in my mind. And finally, finally, surrounded by strangers who watched me with pity or revulsion, I cried my heart out for everything I was giving up forever.

So? SO? Do you see why I love this chapter so much? Yes, I know many fics have Lucy leaving the guild for something stupid like Natsu replacing her with Lisanna and everyone hating her. And then she comes back with superpowers and is all, "Yeah, who's weak now?" But that's not my plan for this one. And yes, of course she comes back, never fear. The next chapter should come out soon – I'm feeling super inspired right now. See you all soon!