Disclaimer: Same old, same old, you know all this by now right? Of course you do, so there's no need for me to say it again, right, right? Of course. So……….I call Odysseus in Troy, even though he's already married. Hey I was thinking of doing a joint Troy fanfic, Vicki's not so sure though yet. I mean if this is how much we could screw up the Pirates, what would happen if we corrupted the Trojan war? It's an interesting thought, don't ya think? Of course you do. Now enough with that, and bon appetite.
"The docks in five, ladies." Will reminded us that morning.
"It's a good thing tha' we're leavin' today, seein' as ye got us bloody kicked out in the streets, because of yer feud with the neighbors." Jack muttered as he too left for the docks.
"Ya think he's still mad at me." I asked Vicki.
"Is the pope a catholic?"
"Sometimes I wonder."
We laughed as we walked through the street to the docks.
"God, I need a brush." I muttered fingering a plait of my hair with distaste.
"Well unless you have some money from the 18th century, I think you'll just have to make do with using your fingers."
"We'll see about that." I approached a vender, selling beautiful brushes.
"Can I interest you in a …?"
"No. They look like crap." I said loftily, "Why I bet I couldn't even get it through my hair!"
"Yeh could too!" The man proclaimed, as I winked a Vicki, "Try one!'
"Only if I must then." I said taking up the brush, in a few short seconds my hair was soft again. "Well, what do ya know?" I cried, pretending to be shocked, "It actually worked! I must tell my friend." And I turned and walked away.
"You were saying?" I prompted Vicki, as she trudged beside me.
"That was low, Rachel." Vicki admonished.
"Hey, a pirate's life for me………" I hummed.
"Feast yer eyes Captain," Gibbs said heartily as we walked down the line of sailors set out for our inspection, "All o' them faithful hands before the mast. Every man worth 'is salt." He, he, there was the little dwarf.
"Jack owes us a sheeeeeeep." Vicki whispered. We went into another one of our laughing fits.
"They're crazy ta boot." Gibbs said proudly to the side.
"But then aren't we all!" I crowed.
"I'm starting to wonder…" Will muttered, trying not to smile. Then turning to Jack turned sober, "So this…" His gaze wary and doubtful, "is your able bodied crew?"
Jack was still studying the men and he came to stop at a man with a parrot on his shoulder. COTTON! Man I loved that crazy parrot talking old fool.
"Yeh, sailor!" Jack barked.
"Cotton, sir." Gibbs offered.
"Mr. Cotton, do ye 'ave the courage an' the fortitude ta follow orders an' stay true in the face o' danger an' almost certain death?"
I had lost my breath, trying to say it all as fast as he did. I felt bad when I couldn't do it, but then I remembered neither could Johnny Depp the first three times. I felt better.
The sailor, meanwhile, sent a timid look to Gibbs under Sparrow's sharp scrutiny.
"Mr. Cotton, answer man!" Jack ordered.
"He's a mute, sir. Poor devil 'ad 'is tongue cut out, " Mr. Gibbs explained. Mr. Cotton was pleasant enough to show us his tongue that was no longer there. Will did that weird look with his eyes, and Jack stuck out his own tongue in disgust.
Mr. Gibbs continued, 'So 'ee trained the parrot to speak for 'im. No one ever did, figure out how."
Jack made as if to walk away but turned back at the last second somewhat uncomfortably, "Mr. Cotton's…" he hesitated saying the word, "…parrot, same question."
"Arrk! Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!" It squawked in response.
"Mostly we figure tha' means 'yes'," Mr. Gibbs said cheerfully.
"O' course it does…" Jack replied unsure. He turned to Will, "Satisfied?"
"Well you've proved they're mad." Will shot back.
"Polly want a cracker?" Vicki asked, holding out a wafer bread, the parrot took it gratefully.
"An' wha's the benefit fo' us!" Came the sharp outburst from down the line.
'Come on! I don't want to miss this!" I cried, pulling Vicki along after Will and Jack as they went to see who had spoken.
"But I wanna feed the birdie!" She protested, "Oh, wait, he's getting' slapped again, isn't he?" She asked, finally sprinting down with me.
Jack was approaching the figure from which the retort had sounded, warily, almost wincing in his guess of which jilted lover it might be this time. He finally removed the person's hat from their head, letting a mane of black hair cascade around a womanly and proud, and needless to say pissed off face.
"Anamaria." Jack said fondly.
SMACK!
"Ooooooooooh!" Vicki hissed, cringing.
"I suppose you didn't deserve that either?" Will asked.
"No, actually tha' one I deserved."
Anamaria nodded her head, furiously in agreement. "You stole my BOAT!"
"Actually…"
UBER-SMACK!
"Jesus, Jack. Why don't you try ducking one of these times?" I asked.
"Because I like it." He growled sarcastically. He returned to facing the fuming female before him, "Borrowed…borrowed without permission, but with every intention of bringing it back."
"But yeh DIDN'T!" She shouted exasperated.
"Ye'll…get another one!" He promised her gaily.
"I will!" She said pointing a finger at him threateningly.
"A better one." Will piped up.
"A BETTA one!" Jack agreed.
"That one." Will added in, pointing to the Interceptor anchored nearby.
"Wha' one?" Jack asked, then caught sight of what boat he was speaking of. "Tha' one!"
Will nodded. Jack turned to us for confirmation.
"Aye." We nodded along with Will.
Turning back to Anamaria he answered as we had, 'Aye…tha' one." He said smiling through gritted teeth, "Wha' say ye?"
It looked as if she pondered this bargain for about as long as a second before she agreed.
"Aye!" She cried along with the rest of the crew.
As they all went to board the ship, Anamaria paused long enough to snatch her hat out of Jack hands making him flinch.
"No, sir, it's frightful bad luck to bring a woman on board, sir."
"Uh? HEEELLLLOOOO!" I exclaimed insulted.
"What do you think we are? Sea cucumbers!" Vicki asked.
"Besides," Jack said, "it would be far worse not ta 'ave 'er."
"Very well, but wha' about these lasses?" Gibbs asked, shooting a glance at us, "Bad luck travels in three's, even more so in feminine form."
"They're comin'." Jack shortly.
"But, sir…"
"I gave 'em me word tha' they could come."
"'Ow did ye get dragged inta a damned promise like tha'?" Gibbs asked, horrified.
"Ye know…I'm not quite sure." Jack replied.
"I know how." Vicki said slyly.
"We happen to be VERY persuasive." I said simply stepping up beside Sparrow.
"Aye, I thought tha' was the reason." Jack murmured.
"That and the fact that it would be really boring without us." Vicki added.
"I'm quite sure…" Will chuckled.
"I disagree there…" Jack muttered, making his way to the ship.
"Well too bad!" I shouted after him, "You're stuck with us! MUHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA(maniacal laughter)"
"Dude," Vicki said placing a hand on my shoulder, "you seriously need to chill."
"Maybe we can throw 'em overboard after a time…" I heard Jack mutter.
The winds were blowing harshly and howling in their horrible gales. Thunder deafened the night as the lightning struck dangerously close to the ship. Waves washed aboard, pulling at the bodies of everyone on the thrashing ship.
"I'm singing in the rain…just singing in the rain…what a GLORIOUS FEELING, I'm happy again…!" I sang happily as I trounced about the deck of the ship, kicking up the puddles of water like Gene Kelly. "I'm singing in the rain…I'm WHOAH!"
A huge wave knocked me off my feet. "(cough, cough, hack, hack) HA HA MAN, THIS IS GREAT!"
Will and Gibbs were scrambling to keep the ropes of the sails tightened through the storm.
"How can we sail through a storm to an island that no one can FIND," Will yelled into the wind, "with a compass that DOESN'T work!"
"The compass doesn't point north," Gibbs agreed, yelling back, "but we're not tryin' ta find north, are we!"
Another wave came.
"OH SHIT, WATER UP MY NOSE!" I cursed, "CRAP, CRAP! IT BURNS!"
Once he was sure the riggings were secure as they could possibly be, Gibbs made his way up to the helm to Jack. I followed, holding my nose tightly between my thumb and forefinger.
"We should drop canvas, sir!" Gibbs yelled to Jack, who despite the ongoing storm, was standing straight backed, spinning the wheel first this way then that. I blinked stupidly against the rain, as I stared at him in awe. I mean I was in shock. A WET JACK SPARROW! GOING CRAZY HERE!
"She can 'old a bit longer!" He yelled back to Gibbs.
"Wha's in yer 'ead, tha's put yeh in such a fine mood!"
The lightning flashed again, showing the jubilant and triumphant wild grin on Sparrow's face, "We're catchin' up!"
The scream I gave out could've been due to the fact that that line always made me feel like squealing hysterically, or because the ship dipped at that exact moment and sent me sliding across the wood of the boat.
"HA HA THIS IS JUST LIKE A WATER ROLLER COASTER! WITH SPLINTERS! OW OW OW!" I gulped back a queasy feeling in my stomach, "ACTUALLY , VERY MUCH LIKE A ROLLER COASTER…ugh not feeling too good….whoo." I groaned weakly, getting to my feet, holding on to the ropes to help me move a step at a time.
"Time to go see what's going on with Vicki below deck."
As soon as I entered the galley, something that looked like food, hit the wall right beside my face.
"WHOA! Watch it! Unidentified Flying Objects!" I yelped jumping out of the line of fire.
"It's dinner." Vicki said shortly.
"Sure as hell ain't MY dinner." I said skeptically, moving toward her.
"Look, it's not my fault that we're on a spastic ship during a storm!" She argued back.
"What's that got to do with anything?" I asked.
"How do you think the food got on the ceiling?" She snapped.
"What do you mean food on…the…" I looked up, "Ohhh…is it just me or does that green splatter look like the Eiffel Tower?"
Vicki shook her head, "I see a birthday hat."
"Ah, yes I see it now…"
"Come on," she said handing me a bowl and a spoon, "Start scraping it off the wall and we'll just serve it to them."
"No way, we're not going to poison them like that!"
"Fine. I'll start from scratch while YOU clean up."
An hour later, Vicki had succeeded in making dinner. What dinner it was I could not possibly say because it was a mix between everything.
"Do you think they'll like it?" She asked, nervously setting the table.
"They're guys…I doubt guys change over the course of a few centuries. Men will eat ANYthing." I muttered, putting out the silverware.
"Too true. What are you doing? They're not going to use those, they're pirates."
I smirked picking them back up again, "I was forgetting."
At that moment the whole crew burst in the galley doors, rowdy, loud and completely out of control. I shook my head, "Although I don't see how I could've."
"FOOD!" Sparrow crowed entering. Everyone entered hastily, pushing others to get a seat. The only person who entered calmly was Will.
Vicki stopped short holding the bowl of mushed mush, almost dropping it, as she caught sight of him. Her mouth opened but no sound came out as her eyes bulged.
I looked at him and understood her dilemma.
"Oh shit." I muttered.
Will was drenched to the SKIN, his clothes sticking to his every chiseled feature.
"Is he…? Oh. My. God…Rachel is he…?"
"Finish your sentence, Vicki." I prompted her.
"WET…HOT…AAAANNNNNNNNDDDD…WWWWWWWWWWETTTTTTTTTTTTTT…"
"Ok…" I said pulling her back to the privacy of the kitchen.
"OhmygodohmygodohmigodomiGAWD…" Vicki murmured, clutching the bowl to her chest, "Did you…? Did you SEE him…!"
"Yes, I saw…"
"Rachel. Omigod, Rachel, I can't go out and serve them…when he's…when he's out THERE…looking THAT beautiful…"
"Beautiful?" A deep accented sweet voice asked, turning we saw it was Will…still wet. He smiled, "You wouldn't be talking about me?"
Vicki yelped in surprise and the bowl fell from her hands in shock. Displaying a great speed of reflexes, Will caught it before it hit the floor…or spilled. Even I had to admit, the guy had smooth skills.
"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He said worriedly, handing her back the bowl, "Are you all right?"
"She is now." I muttered beneath my breath.
"You don't look it," Will continued, concerned, "Here. Let me help you……." He said taking the bowl back from her to help bring out the food.
"Well," I coughed, "I'll get the rum or whatever and then the party can really start." As I headed out, I turned back and made kissy faces at her, from behind Will's back.
Honestly, I don't think she even noticed.
"RACHEL!"
"What!"
"Hurry it up with that rum, they're starting to get a little crazed in here!" Vicki shouted out. Following her cry there was the sound of shattering glass and insane laughter, "Scratch that out! I think they've been crazed for about the past half hour!" She yelled again, "Get your rear in gear and help out some!"
"YOU try moving around in a dark cellar place in a rocking ship!" I shouted back, then muttered to myself, "Leave it to Norrington to have used this ship to catch rum runners. How Sparrow knew there were barrels of the stuff down here is beyond me." Hearing a squeak to my left I cried up at her louder this time, " I'd just like to add that something squeaky and hairy keeps running over my shoe and I don't think it's something PLEASANT! So tell Sparrow to hold his goddamn horses!"
"'Aven't got any horses." Came the rumble near me.
"HOLY CRAP, SPARROW! DO NOT SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT! GOD!"
"Ye 'aven't found the bloody rum yet, so's I figured yeh needed a hand."
"Already have two." I reminded him.
"Well, yeh obviously need more…"
"I do noOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! SOMETHING JUST TOUCHED ME! KILL IT! KILL IT!"
"Fer cryin' out loud, lass. Just calm yerself…it was just me!"
"Oh. Don't DOOOOOO that! I'm gonna have a coronary at the young age of eighteen…and just what was your hand DOING on my neck, anyway?"
I heard the sound of someone rummaging through the crates, and the clink of glasses or large jugs, "Wha' was tha', love?" Came the muffled response.
"Forget it." I muttered back.
"Ah, 'ere it is!" Jack cried, "Finest Rum in the Spanish Main!"
"How can you tell what kind it is if there isn't enough light to see the lable, might I ask?" I stumbled toward the sound of his voice.
"Cause it tastes like it…" Came the slurred reply.
"Do you mean to tell me you've been moving around from crate to crate based on TASTE?"
"Ow else would I go abou' doin' it, love?"
"You know that's how you get poisoned, right?"
"Hmmmmnnnn…" I heard him take a glug right there.
"That's disgusting." I wrinkled my nose.
"It's delicious."
I pulled another face, sticking out my tongue.
"Come on, love. The others are waitin' an' ye 'aven't eaten all day if I'm not mistaken. We can't 'ave yeh wastin' away, not a woman with yer figure…" His hand grabbed my wrist pulling me through the maze of crates back up to the lighted galley.
Vicki and Will were serving the food as we entered. Seeing Jack with me in tow, she smirked widely. I glared back, 'Oh very funny don't tell me Jack followed me down in the dark, why don't ya?'
"Why don't you just set that down," I asked Will taking a seat, "and let them attack it?"
"Alright," Vicki replied, "but I don't think we'd get any then."
I nodded my head in agreement as they continued moving around the table, handing out portions of the dinner. When they were done, they sat and before anyone could reach for a lick of food, Vicki's voice called out, "WAIT!"
Everyone stopped dead, some dropped things that were already in their hands.
"We have to say grace." She reminded them.
It seemed the men, nor Anamaria understood what this meant.
"Miss Fraser is quite right," Will spoke up. "Let us pray."
"But lad…" Jack began testily.
"THE MAN SAID PRAY!" Vicki threatened.
I do believe Jack gulped at this, "Aye then, lass." And clasping his hands together loosely he began, "Dear lord, let the bounty be bounteous…"
"That's not even a word…" I complained.
"Hush, I'm prayin', love…" Jack continued, "…let the food not spoil or grow some weird sort o' mold…"
Vicki and I shared a glance, nearly sputtering with giggles.
"…an' let the Rum forever flow! Amen!"
"Aye! Amen!" The crew shouted.
"Alrigh', enough o' this, dig in yeh scabberous dogs and let's eat!"
They didn't need telling twice as it was a race to the food and how fast they could eat it. I was afraid to eat whatever it was that Vicki had made so I reached for a green apple in the center of the table and hoped it wasn't mealy.
Now I have never been a big fan of the Lady and the Tramp spaghetti dinner thing but hell THAT is what happened just then. My hand was reaching for the apple and wouldn't you know it, Jack had a hankerin' for a granny smith as well. My hand was on his before I realized what was happening. Forgetting the apple for the time being, he caught my hand in his, with a look that fairly seemed to say, 'Gotcha!' I twisted it out of his grasp and swiftly grabbed the apple for myself. Looking at me, Jack smiled knowingly, picked up another apple and bit in. I looked at the apple in my hands in my lap for the rest of the meal.
Did I say the rest of the meal? Well then I wasn't being quite truthful then. I would have done so for the rest of the meal if it hadn't been for the drinking games. The main game was to see who could drink the most quantities of Rum. Guess who won? For those that didn't want to spend the next morning barfing their brains out, namely me, there was cider to be had.
Vicki had a wild time with her cider and every few minutes would burp quite loudly. If a bomb was loud.
"Now, ye be burpin' quite o' lot now there, lass." Mr. Gibbs exclaimed.
"Ya wanna know how I do it?" She asked him.
"Aye!" He said leaning forward to her. She got right up to his ear and belched the word, "Bitch."
I winced, I had been on the receiving end of one of those before and pitied Gibbs.
Gibbs jerked back, "Oi, I think the wee lass may 'ave deafened me!"
"I many be small but I pack the big artillery!" She cooed, happily.
Will snorted into his mug, and actually spewed half the table, "Miss Fraser…(laughter) I'm not entirely sure…(more laughter) if that was ladylike."
"Ladylike…schmadylike!" She cried, "Someone hit me!"
So I hit her.
"No, stupid! I meant 'hit me!' as in hit me up another thing of cider! Damn good stuff!"
"Miss Fraser," Will said chuckling, taking her glass from her, "I do believe you've had quite enough for the evening…"
"Not bloody likely." I snorted taking another long gulp of the cider.
"I 'appen ta like a gel tha' can 'old 'er own liquor." Jack admitted, slurring hotly into my ear, draping his arm over my shoulder.
I giggled stupidly, "What are YOU talking about? I haven't had a drop to drink all night."
"'Cept for the cider, am I righ' love?"
"Of course, an' the last time I checked, apple cider was a non alcoholic drink."
"Ah, yes well the truth o' the matter, lass" Jack continued smugly, "is tha' that particular cider is at least a year old an' 'as been down there for quite o' lot of time, an' by now it's no doubt…"
"Fermented." I finished dumbly for him. I looked down at the second mug I had been about to drain. "Oh my god, you are such a BUTT! Why didn't you tell us!" I cried, throwing his arms off me.
"Wha' can I say? I was bein' amused by yer antics…an' ta think I migh' o' missed it all, just cause yer all pious an' whatnot abou' wha' ye put inta ye."
Whoah, that was a BIG double ended phrase.
"An' besides, we couldn't 'ave gotten ye ta let loose if ye were sober…"
Vicki was giggling at the other end of the table with Will, "Vicki, how many have you have!" I called desperately.
"I've only had two!" She cried holding up five fingers.
"Holyhotshitdamn!" I cursed, "I have to stop her before she DOES something!"
Jack striking viper fast wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer, murmuring in my ear, "Let the lass and the eunuch 'ave their own bit o' fun and we'll 'ave some o' our own, savvy?"
His eyes actually had me pinned in place, I couldn't seem to make my tongue move, or my body for that matter. It couldn't hurt could it? I mean what could possibly happen? It was just Jack, right? I snapped out of it almost immediately, just Jack my ass, I mean this was Jack SPARROW, we were talking about here!
"Oh what am I thinking!" I growled out loud, "You're…well you! And I have to stop HER…" Jack's grip on me tightened, whoo lost my breath along with my train of thought…No. NO! You are a strong independent woman! Throw your hands up at me! Stay strong girl, " before she does something…not right…"
When he spoke again it was as if smoke were curling in my brain, "The lass can take care of 'erself….an' I can take care of ye…"
"…or before I do something REALLY NOT right!" I blushed finally breaking the spell, and struggling out of Jack's hold.
"Will! Get her to our cabin! The cider's turned!'
"What!" He asked alarmed looking at Vicki who was lying half way across him. "How?"
"Take a wild guess!" I said glaring at Sparrow, who raised his arms in a helpless gesture, "Come on, before we both pass out."
And following them out the door we made our way to our cabin.
"If I get a hangover tomorrow, I'm putting a crab in Jack bed." I grumbled.
