As Isaac flung open the door which lead to the Department of Literal Cardboard, he was immediately greeted by a jeering voice he was all too familiar with.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't little Ballsaac and Genobody! How's the Cuck Patrol been doing? You suck any good BBCs lately?"
A wide grin spread across the face of the whiskered bully, as he approached the duo with his chest puffed out and his fists clenched.
"Incineroar", Isaac greeted, as he locked eyes with his foe. "What are you doing here?"
"Joker told me about how Waddle Dildo got his ass beat by you two clowns, and how you were driving off towards China. He sent me here to shove you two faggots right back in the cuck shed where you belong, just in case you tried something like this. And what a glorious arena I've picked out to be the place your adventure finally comes to its end!"
Incineroar backed up with his arms outstretched, smiling wildly as he turned his head, taking in all the cardboard cuckoldry which filled the room. The room was devoid of life, since all the workers had left for the day, it only taking about 45 minutes a day to create Labo products of the quality their consumer-base was used to, so Incineroar and our two challengers were left all alone, with these wonderfully lazily made products. There were cardboard boxes with windows drawn on with crayons to look like houses, marketed as affordable housing, as an alternative to living in your parents' basement. Cardboard fleshlights, with print-outs of the faces of various Nintendo characters, like Baby Peach and the Inklings stuck on the side. Apparently there had been earlier models featuring adult characters too, but there were many complaints about them being too big, and therefore incompatible with the consumers' micropenises. Additionally, there were cardboard helmets, for very special boys to wear on the rare occasions they have to go out in public. These helmets were novel, and had features like drool trays, which rested below the chin. However, what caught Isaac's eye was something far more simplistic, a cardboard sword.
"I bet Incineroar has a relevancy barrier, like Waddle Dickhead", he told Geno. "But unlike our games, people actually buy these cardboard products." He smirked at Incineroar, knowing he had a way to win the fight already. "We should be able to beat him with these, Geno."
"Ok, first thing's first, you little fruitcake!" Incineroar chuckled. "That ain't a sword. That's a fucking dildo, the Barret model specifically. That's right, that's the same pole that's been between Jenna's lips, only the cardboard edition!"
"Oh god, you're right!" Isaac realised, as he flashed back to very traumatic memories.
"And second of all, you fucking brainless bitch boy, we're not in your gay ass Golden Turd game. If you run up on me with a fucking cardboard dildo and smack me over the head with it, you ain't gonna see numbers pop outta my head, like it did shit. It's fucking cardboard, just like your brain. It can't hurt anyone."
"We'll see about that!" Isaac told him defiantly, charging directly at Incineroar, and swinging the dildo at his head.
Incineroar didn't even allow the attack to connect, and struck Isaac in the stomach with a powerful kick, which sent him flying back into a cardboard fridge. As he collided with the door, it was knocked open, and cardboard tendies rained down onto his face. At this point, Geno joined the fight, throwing a cardboard bowling ball at Incineroar, which he once again blocked, this time palming it like a volleyball, and sending it flying back at Geno, striking him in the face. Now it was Incineroar's turn to go on the offensive. He grabbed the dazed Geno and Isaac by the legs, and dragged them across the room towards a pair of cardboard lockers, which he stuffed them inside. Fortunately for Isaac, his neckbeard was too big, and the door wouldn't shut, so he was able to force his way out. He frantically reached for something he could use as a weapon, assuming one of the cardboard products would be close at hand, but what he ended up grabbing was one of his bottles of Soylent, which had rolled out of his pocked, when he was being stuffed in the locker.
"Soylent, of course!" he realised. "Every Nintendo fan I know drinks this stuff day and night! In fact, a Smash tournament was even sponsored by it! It should be able to hurt Incineroar just fine."
"N-Nah, get that gay shit away from me!" the tiger protested, as he raised his hands in protest.
Isaac was about to open the bottle, and drench his foe, when a horrible realisation set in. He didn't have his Soylent bottle opener, and his wife wasn't here to open the bottle for him either. There was only one way he could reach the liquid, and that was by opening it with his own hands. His mind flashed back to that time earlier, in his living room, where he had cut his hands open trying to get into a bottle of Soylent, and Geno had to help by using the Soylent bottle opener he always carried. Isaac should have come better prepared, but he hadn't, and now he was backed into a corner. Gripping the lid, he groaned in pain, twisting with all his might. He wasn't the same man he was back then. He and Geno had been through so much shit, and it had toughened him up. Or so he hoped. His skin began to tear, as it combed over the indents along the side of the lid, but Isaac didn't let it deter him. He gripped harder, and continued to twist, and then it happened! He felt the lid begin to move. At that point, he knew he was home free. The lid came off, without much resistance after that, and he was ready to fire. Flinging the bottle at Incineroar fiercely, soy rained out, dousing the wrestler's flames.
"NO, THIS CANNOT BE!" Incineroar cried out.
His body was a haven of testosterone, and now he had been showered in what might as well have been pure estrogen. It burned, and it wasn't just painful, it sapped his energy too. But it also made him angry. He was a respected member of the Relevant Video Game Characters, and he wasn't going to let a Z-Lister like Isaac defeat him. Grabbing the Venus Adept by the throat he slammed him back up against the locker.
"Now you've fucking done it, kiddo. You exposed my glorious body to the gayest substance known to man, and now I'm livid. I'm going to snap your fucking NEEEEECCCCKKKKK!"
"You can try..." Isaac gasped, refusing to give up. "I have spend years, hell, decades growing this neckbeard. You've chosen to attack the most well-guarded point on my entire body. Do your worst."
"Hahaha, there's one thing you didn't think about, you dumb motherfucker. That neckbeard of yours is full of grease. And I'm a Fire type. Yeah, that's right. Things about to get hot for you."
Isaac flinched, as he knew Incineroar was right. With Geno trapped in the locker, and Isaac himself at Incineroar's mercy, it really was all over for them. He silently accepted his fate, his own neckbeard turned against him.
All of a sudden, a fourth voice called out. "digimon begone!"
With a load thwack to the back of the head, Incineroar was knocked down onto his knees. Standing over him was a young man with white hair, and a mall cop uniform, wielding a police baton.
"Brendan?!" Isaac gasped.
"yeah lol" the mall cop replied. "i came hear 2 kill this fuckin fake pokemon but its a real honor 2 meet u."
"I'm glad to see you", Isaac nodded. "...But why is your narration all fucked up?"
"magic" brendan explamed.
"Oh, ok."
"omg i cant believe its u isaac. ur games r so awesome. i remember wen i was lyk 5 and i got stuck in pokemon yellow. tht fuckin fag brock beat me with his broken onix like 10 times so id put ur game on 2 unwind and i never died in that even 1 tym."
Their conversation was interrupted, as Incineroar got back up, grabbing Isaac by his jacket, before slamming him into the locker again. "This fight is far from over, you little faggot!"
"wrong" sayed brendan. "go charizard use hyper beam"
he throwed out his pokeball and charizard wented out and distroyed the fake pokemon in 1 hit.
Now that the fight was over for real, Isaac let out a sigh of relief, and freed Geno from inside the other locker.
"We can't thank you enough for saving us, Brendan. What will you do now?"
"idk i think i shuld get back 2 my own story now lol. me and my bro red still hav 2 stop jewnichi."
"Well, bye then, I hope your story one day sees a satisfying conclusion too."
