Another chapter is up xD yay me I can do deadlines! (school is starting soon so please be patient because I might not update as quickly D:) also, kudos to anyone who can identify the song referrences made in this chapter :) ~th3rdhal3~
"Good morning sleepyhead." Li Ann sat on the edge of my bed. I could always tell whenever she came into my room because her long, dark hair smelled of Jasmine. I rubbed my puffy eyes, almost forgetting that I had been crying only hours ago.
"Wha?" I yawned, still sounding a little weepy. She noticed that right away. That was the good thing about having a woman around the house. No offense to my father but Li Ann was a lot less oblivious than he was when it came to reading me.
"What's wrong sweetie?" she asked, green eyes full of concern. She probably doesn't know yet. I reminded myself. And she didn't. I acted naturally, trying not to draw attention to the fact that I was secretly distraught. "I'm fine, just still tired." I lied, smiling weakly. Somehow my fib worked and
Li Ann suspected nothing
"Well, let's get you ready for practice."
I really wasn't looking forward to practice. Heck, I wasn't looking forward to anything. But considering the circumstances, who could blame me? Over the last few months, we had excelled to the point where we could incorporate bending into our sparring matches. But only if used correctly and and if we could keep the flames controlled. Key words there. Master Fao was generous that day and decided to let us choose our partners. Zuko and Aram were already together so I started walking over to where Roje was. Then, little miss princess stepped right in the center of my path, hands on her hips, staring at me. "Uh, can I help you?" I asked coolly. She performed her infamous eye-roll for the world to see.
"I'm here to spar, duh. You're the only one here that's at the same skill level as me." she clarified matter-of-factly. Hold up. Was that a compliment? Coming from her highness? I blinked, wondering if it had been a wonderful daydream. Weird...
Everything seemed really off that day. I was surprisingly stable in comparison to my episode last night. Azula seemed very relaxed, for her that is. Our sparring match was nothing compared to our usual bruise fests. She didn't strike with nearly as much force and neither did I. Though it was a good thing that our match was low-key, it felt strange and different. Was Azula becoming the bigger person and setting our differences aside? I could swear to Agni that I could hear the spirits hiss, "hell no!" Since I didn't have to focus on much, I let my mind wander.
I couldn't wait to tell my father what just happened. Would he be delighted? Shocked or surprised maybe? I glanced over at his spot near Firelord Ozai. But instead of my father, Li Ann stood there, observing our training session. My heart fell again. How stupid was I to have forgotten? At that moment, Azula's heel came in contact with my temple as she hook-kicked. The sudden blow brought me down on one knee. Azula's smirk returned to her face; the one that automatically implied 'Thine-art-epically-better-than-thou.' How stupid was I to think for a minute that Azula was capable of being nice and friendly? Her whole plan was to try and beat me down again. I gritted my teeth.
"What's wrong?" She pretended, for a moment, that she actually cared. "Daddy didn't teach you that one?" A muffled laugh came from behind her closed lips. My whole body began shake and this time, I was aware of it. I remembered how much I hated her; how much pain she had caused me. Before I could control my actions, I flew off the handle.
I flicked my right wrist and instantly flames sprouted from my palms. They grew hotter and larger as my rage increased. That wiped the smirk right off of Azula's face. "What are you doing?" Her voice wavered ever so slightly as I approached her. I enjoyed the next few moments more than I should have.
"Go to hell!" I spat back as my hand flew up. I grabbed her by the throat and slammed her onto the ground. She hollered; rightfully so. Burn marks appeared on her skin once I released. I sat on top of her stomach and punched her in the face again and again. "Fuck you!" I screamed; words a nine year old should never utter. "I hate you!" Azula desperately tried to push me off of her, but I wouldn't budge. She dug her nails into my shoulder, most likely drawing blood, and shoved. I still resisted.
Master Fao had turned his back for barely two minutes to speak with a parent. The teacher whirled around once he heard the shouting and screaming. "Stop!" he yelled, rushing over to where we were. Oh I had heard him alright, but I continued anyway. "ENOUGH!" he bellowed, very loud and clearly, literally ripping me off of Azula. She had taken quite a beating from me. She painfully rose up and stared at me. Her golden eyes displayed an unusual emotion for her; fear.
"...psycho.." I heard her mutter under her breath as her eyes darted around wildly at me. I was still shaking from anger. Master Fao's hand was still firmly grasped on the back of my uniform. All eyes were on me again. But this time, they weren't watching eagerly or hopefully. There was no evident emotion other than shock in their pupils. I felt savage. Like some kind of wild animal. All I knew was that I needed somewhere to go. Somewhere to get away. I sharply pulled away from my instructor and bolted out of the courtyard, not even bothering to look back at Li Ann, the only one who seemed to care about me.
I threw open my front door then slammed it behind me. I needed a place to calm down and reflect; this would be my sanctuary. I glided through the parlor room, eyes barely scanning a sketch drawn of my father and I, propped up on a coffee table. I hurriedly opened the glass cabinet in the kitchen and pulled one down. I found a bottle of, what I thought was, grape juice and pried the cork off the top. Seconds later, I was downing the red liquid like it was going out of style. It was bitter, much too bitter. But I really didn't care about the taste much less the consumption.
I was sitting on the kitchen counter, bare feet on top as well as I poured more into my glass. Then, my father's voice echoed in my mind. "Sankari, counters aren't meant to be sat on. Go find a chair." I forgot about calming down. All I wanted was to be stable once more. Too bad you don't ever get what you wish for. I felt a growl slowly become louder in the back of my throat. I chucked the glass across the room, beverage still in it. It shattered against the wall, leaving dark, red liquid trickling down to the ground. I lifted up a chair and hurled it. It left a decent sized gash on one of the cabinets then crashed to the floor. I wanted to destroy. I wanted to rip things apart. I wanted to destroy everything. I grasped the underside of the dining room table and flipped it over on its side. How I did so I wasn't quite sure of; the only explanation I had at the time was adrenaline rush. The water slides began to run down my face again. "Why?" I cried out to no one. "How?" I screamed, feeling the burn in my raw throat. I fell to the fetal position in the corner of the mess and bawled my eyes out. How, Dad? Tell me how you fell! You said never forever. You promised. I couldn't stop. I cried and cried until Li Ann came, scooping me up into her arms to steal my pain away.
It had been three days since I left my room. I refused to leave the house, let alone my comfort zone. Li Ann came in one evening. She sat down on my bed next to me and began to run her fingers through my hair. It was comforting, so I let her continue to do so. "One of your little friends came by." she informed me. "Zuko, I think. And also a little girl wearing lots of pink. I couldn't understand everything she said though because she spoke so fast, but I'm pretty sure she wanted you to come out and play." I almost laughed as I imagined Li Ann meeting the ever so peppy Ty Lee, but I didn't. The only sound that came from me was steady breathing.
"I don't want to go outside." I eventually murmured. Li Ann smiled weakly at me. Her eyes were a subtle red- we'd both cried a countless number of hours together once she had found out what happened. "Honey, I miss him too, but you can't shut yourself away like this." I lay my head against her shoulder. I barely even wanted to move. "Your father would want you to be happy." I stared into her forest-green eyes. What she had said had truth behind it. "I want you to be happy." she added.
I decided to take Li Ann's advice because at the time she seemed to know what was best for me more than I did. Being cooped up in the house wasn't healthy for me. The next day I took a walk by myself to the Coy Pond. The feel of fresh air felt good against my skin that afternoon. The fish all came out from their hiding spots almost as if on cue as soon as I approached the water. I placed my hand under the surface and felt the coolness. Mr. Fishy boldly swam over to me and nudged one of my fingers with his head. That was the first thing that made me smile in the past week.
Footsteps interrupted my precious moment with nature. Most likely Zuko who had been looking for me. I hoped that he would understand why I wouldn't want to play or run around. But a feminine voice was the one that to whom the footsteps belonged. "Hey." It took my brain a moment to register. I whirled around. My eyes widened. No. It couldn't be; but it was.
Azula stood just a couple of yards away. Her eyebrows weren't narrowed and there was no smirk upon her face; if anything, a very light smile replaced it, and there was gentleness to her tone. She was the last person I expected to see, and the last that I wanted to see, for that matter. "What do you want?" I glared at her. There wasn't much anger behind what I said, but just enough to let her know that I wasn't about to play any of her games. She moved closer, searching for words.
"I, um, noticed you haven't been at practice for a few- for a while." I didn't look directly at her. I let my attention float back to the Coy Fish. I laughed dryly. "And why would you care?" The question wasn't rhetorical. I wanted her to answer it, to enlighten me. Azula cautiously sat down on one of the stones a few feet away from me. She didn't seem to be conniving or plotting in any way, shape or form.
"Honestly?" she began, almost as if she was waiting for my approval for her to continue. "Because, well, I miss you not being there." Whoa, whoa whoa. Stop everything! Did I just hear what I thought I just heard? Man, someone must have spiked my grape juice while I wasn't looking. As crazy as it seemed, it was all reality. Azula went on. "Ever since our first day of training together, I knew that you were at the top of your game. Something about the way that you fought-you could easily beat me if you really wanted to, and you did." My focus was no longer on the Coy Fish. "I looked up to you," she admitted. I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die right there an then. Was this a joke? Was she trying to humor me? But the look in her eyes was sincere and genuine. "That's why I constantly badgered and antagonized you. It wasn't because I didn't like you; I wanted you to get riled up. Because when you fought with determination, it challenged me." she explained. The pieces of the puzzle fit together now. Then I noticed that a portion of skin around her left eye was very dark; I must have given her quite the black eye during my big blow up at practice. I had forgotten how violent I was that day; beating her relentlessly. Punching her until blood oozed out of her nose and mouth. I shuddered.
"I'm really sorry about that." I nodded towards her eye. "I truly didn't mean to go overboard." then she did something that shocked the hell out of me. She apologized to me. "No, I'm sorry. I had no idea that..." she trailed off. "I know what it's like to lose someone. My mother...she left us." she grew quite, obviously not wanting to get into detail abut the subject. I removed myself from the grass and sat down on the stones next to her. Azula and I were more alike than I would have guessed. And we were both hurt from similar things that had happened. "We share the same pain." she breathed quietly and I almost didn't hear her. We sat in silence together for the next few minutes. It was a little awkward, but not too much.
"Wow," I finally broke the silence. "No offense Azula, but I didn't think you were capable of being this compassionate." Her cheeks grew a little pink from embarrassment and she playfully punched me in the arm.
"Just don't tell anyone about this conversation of ours and I won't have to hurt you." she bantered. I felt my smile return to its home as we giggled like the little children we were. Azula raised an eyebrow, forming the expression that I'd forever know as her mischievous look. "Turtle-ducks?" Like brother, like sister.
