(See disclaimer in chapter 1 – nothing's changed!)
T.G you're awesome! Thanks to everyone who is reading and has reviewed.
Who are you to make me feel so good?
Who are we to tell ourselves that we're misunderstood?
Oh, who am I to say I'm always yours?
Who am I to choose the boy that everyone adores?
Oh, I don't see a reason why we can't just be apart
Not falling on each other like we're always in the dark (Ellie Goulding, This love (Will be our downfall))
Hotch slowly rubbed circles on JJ's palm, "Hey, can you please just open your eyes for me Jaje? I just need to see your eyes babe, come on. Please open those beautiful blue eyes for me." Hearing Aaron's voice pleading, JJ started to fight with her mind to let her open her eyes. Her stomach was painful and her head was banging but she didn't care, she had to see Hotch. He sounded scared and that was something she hadn't heard for a long time.
What felt like seconds for JJ was in reality actually a couple hours, "Aaron?"
His hand was wrapped protectively around her smaller hand, his head was leant back solemnly, uncharacteristically Hotch's attire was rid of jacket and tie and a couple of the top buttons of his shirt was undone. He smiled sweetly at her gaze and came closer to JJ's side so that she didn't stretch and harm herself.
"Ssh, it's okay I'm here."
"What happened? The baby?"
Kissing the top of her head while trying to find the right words to tell the woman he loved that they had lost their child. He didn't even need to say anything, just by looking into his eyes, she knew what had happened and that is when the tears started.
JJ slowly came around from her dream that had plagued her nights for the last month. For the last month she would close her eyes and hear the man she loved begging her to wake up and when she did her face was stained with tears. Two weeks ago, JJ and Henry moved into Prentiss' spare room. The abundance of new baby things in her house accompanied by the absence of Aaron and Jack meant JJ didn't even feel comfortable in her own home. It was three weeks ago that she told her partner of two and a half years that she couldn't be with him anymore and that she needed space.
Gently rolling out of bed so she didn't disturb her sleeping son, she wandered down Prentiss' hall and down the stairs to her friend's work desk. Taking a stash of paper and a pen she sat on the sofa overlooking the magnificent view from the seventh floor apartment. After three painstaking hours her objective was met. She wiped away the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes and placed the two letters into an envelope placing it regretfully onto the kitchen bench.
When Emily returned home four days later after being on a consultation in Denver, she expected to be greeted by JJ and her hyperactive six years old son; instead she was faced with an empty apartment. She saw the two letters placed on the kitchen bench next to her spare key. One letter had Hotch's name printed neatly on the front and the second had her name displayed clearly. Frantically ripping open the envelope Emily was faced with what she had feared. JJ had gone.
Emily,
Thank you for everything, I'm so sorry for not waiting until you came back but I'm pretty sure you would have convinced me to stay and right now, I just need to go away.
I'm heading back to Pennsylvania for a little while, I'll be staying at my parents so don't worry, me and Henry will be fine. Would you mind saying goodbye to everyone for me? I'm not sure when I'll be back. You've been a great friend Em, thank you.
Love,
JJ and Henry xx
Prentiss stared out at the view taking in the silence of her home. Lately it had been full of life with Henry staying with her. Lifting up the other envelope she sighed, not looking forward to the conversation she would have to have with her supervisor. Hotch had understandably become his usual stoic self when JJ had told him she needed space. The male members of the team had been there to support him and although none of them would take sides when it came to JJ and Hotch, they felt it would be easier if they divided and conquered.
Prentiss picked up her car keys and the letter to head over to the apartment complex she had become familiar with over the last few years, for all the wrong reasons. She remembered the fear of walking up the corridor to find the door ajar and discovering a pool of blood. This time however she had a different sense of dread seeping through her. Knocking apprehensively on the door she took a deep breath trying to compartmentalize everything. JJ was her friend, losing a kid is something she can relate too, it's not easy and everyone has to get through it their own way. JJ needed her to give this letter to Hotch she wouldn't't have left it in her kitchen otherwise. Hotch was her friend too and he had also lost his child, maybe this letter would give him some kind of closure.
"Prentiss?"
Holding out the letter towards her boss, Hotch closed his eyes. He knew JJ; if she felt like she couldn't cope she would run.
"I'm sorry Hotch, they're gone"
He shook his head taking the letter off his colleague. The brunette excused herself before she had the chance to say something that would make the situation more awkward. Hotch closed the door returning to his living room. The place was untidy but quiet as Jack was at Jessica's playing with his cousins. Tiredly Hotch rubbed his hands through his short dark hair, the aspired family man hadn't been alone for a while now and he didn't like it. Thinking his relationship with JJ could get through anything, he smirked sadly while berating himself mentally. Evidently the relationship couldn't get through everything. She was in so much pain and he could do nothing to help. Remembering the sorrowful blonde sitting next to him, taking his hand in their once shared bedroom as she told him she needed space. He did the only thing he could. He let her go, internally hoping she would find the peace she needed and would come back to him. Once again the love of his life walked out the door while he idly sat by. Unfolding the envelope open, he took in the elegant handwriting he had so often seen.
Aaron,
I love you and Jack so much. I'm sorry it's come to me writing you this letter. I know I said I'd come to you about anything but this is too hard for me. I know you're hurting too and that's why I've got to go away. The last thing I ever wanted to do was cause you pain.
I've sent Strauss an official request for transferral out of Quantico and Garcia is going to send me my belongings that I left in my office. I want you to hear it from me that I want to leave rather than from someone else. Aaron, I wish things had turned out differently, I screwed up and I'm so sorry. I'm taking Henry back to Pennsylvania for a while, please respect by decision for space and keep on living your life.
All I want is for you and Jack to be happy.
Please tell Jack that I love him and that I'll speak to him soon. We tried Aaron and I fell madly in love with you, but our love was either going to make us astoundingly happy or be our downfall. We had two and a half amazing years together, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life.
Henry and I will miss you both so much.
Love always, JJ xxx
Hotch sighed flinging the letter onto the coffee table in front of him. It was the second time he'd lost a woman who told him to be happy. JJ found it difficult to express her real emotions, and that was no secret, but he was the one she told about her sister. JJ had told him her deepest fears and her darkest secrets. As her partner of two and half years he'd seen JJ at her highest points and her lowest. For the week following the miscarriage, he lay with her while she clung to his chest as they both tried to make sense of it all.
He wanted to scream, wreck his apartment, get drunk or fire a couple of rounds at the firing range. He wanted to go and get JJ, force her to listen to him and come home. They were supposed to be living together. They were supposed to be parents to a beautiful and healthy baby boy. They were supposed to be getting married. They were supposed to be living their happy ever after that he sincerely thought they'd both deserved together.
Walking into the kitchen, a photograph of the once happy couple at a team gathering caught his eye. It was centre focus on the fridge surrounded by pictures and academic achievements of Jack and Henry. Jack had taken the picture at Rossi's house, it focused on JJ sitting on Hotch's lap, and his arms were protectively around her slim waste. Henry was poking his tongue out in the background and the angle of the photo was a little skewed, evidence that it had been taken by a nine year old. He couldn't just let her walk away from what they had. The thought of moving on without her or worse, JJ moving on without him crushed his fragile heart.
The buzzing of the cell against the solid kitchen counter top increased his heart rate. Disappointingly the cell screen showed JJ's temporary, or not so temporary, replacement's name and not the woman he loved, calling him.
"Hotchner, yeah I'll be right in." Heading into his lonely bedroom he sighed knowing his love life would once again have to come in second place to his work.
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