Disclaimer: I don't own anything having to do with the Mediator Series because that honor is exclusively Meg Cabot's. I also don't own anything by William Shakespeare that happens to appear in the chapters. I do, however, own the plot. Also, I don't own Star Wars. Yay for me. ;)
I want to thank . I had thanked you in chapter 5 but I couldn't get it to show up. I'm sorry! But thank you!
Also, a special thank you to:
dori-tori: Thank you so much for reviewing. I understand about being stressed and busy. I hope it gets better soon and I hope you like this update too!
WillowBee: Thank you! Truthfully, I find it adorable too but I'm the author and can't be considered objective. I have an idea on the Paul, but it might not be as a rival love interest. I hope you continue to find it adorable and interesting!
A/N: Three in one day? Wow…and yay! Don't forget to read chapters 5 and 6 if you haven't already (they were posted earlier today).
This chapter is in Suze's point of view!
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I was losing my mind. I would go to sleep at night and dream about my kiss with Jesse. Then, during the day I would wonder off into daydreams about it. That was inconvenient, you know, because I was supposed to have my lines memorized, my part of our ad campaign for Econ done and a bunch of other things for finals done. On top of it all, Jesse tells me it's my move! Ugh! It's probably because I love him that he infuriates me sometimes. So, it was now the end of April and I hadn't given him any idea about what I was thinking and he was all okay with that! He was supposed to chase me (or, at least, some small, selfish part of me wanted him to chase after me). I needed to stop thinking in exclamation points. It was really starting to give me a headache. Even Gina had questioned me about it (after I had accused her of going after "my man" and she had assured me that was not the case). I had been so annoyed that I had yelled at her that I was marinating about it. Marinating. I had meant ruminating on it. How pathetic was that? I'm a writer (of scripts—most of which are entitled something like Mr. Snuggles' Adventures in Bearyland) but I can't even speak English correctly? That boy has messed me up completely. And I think that was his goal.
Anyway. I may not have wanted to go to college, but I still wanted to graduate high school with a solid A/B average. So that meant I had to study. And since I wasn't exactly avoiding Jesse (who was my usual study buddy) but neither was I actively seeking him out, I had taken to studying with CeeCee. CeeCee was almost always on the phone with Adam and exchanging flirtatious movie quotes while we're supposed to be trying to understand the deeper meaning of Henry VIII's push for divorce. I mean, I understood it, but I don't think it would be great to write on my essay that it was because men liked to mess with women's heads and then claim that we played games that they couldn't figure out. Hah. Yeah, right. Even though I knew without a doubt that was the answer to the stuff, it wouldn't fly on my final.
After exchanging the classic Leia/Han Solo "I love you"/"I know" line, CeeCee finally hug up with Adam. When she turned, her face was so brightly happy that it could have lit the world up, not just the room. I smiled back, happy to finally see her happy.
"So, how's Adam?" I asked.
"Great!" More exclamation points as she giggled. "He got his acceptance letter to UCLA today. So now we'll be going together!" And, another exclamation point.
"That's great, Cee. I'm happy for you." I said. I really was happy for her; I wasn't going to let my own problems drag me down.
"Suze." I looked up to see CeeCee looking at me, faintly troubled. "Is everything okay with you? You've been really distracted lately and, well, sometimes a little snappy. Do you want to talk to me about it?"
I sighed. "I don't know. I just…have so much going on right now."
CeeCee nodded, looking a little upset. Most likely because she wanted to really help me. And so that's how I found myself spilling everything out. From the time I first fell for Jesse to the thoughts I had just had about Henry VIII. For a moment after I finished, CeeCee just stared at me. I'm sure I'd sounded only slightly less deranged than a crazy mental patient. I felt like a deranged mental patient. Maybe I should commit myself. When I asked Cee if I should she died laughing. Then when I saw how stupid it all was I started laughing too. When we were able to finally get ourselves under control (except for the occasional escaped giggles that sounded suspiciously like a herd of hyenas) we had tears running down our faces and my stomach muscles really hurt.
"Thanks, Cee. I really needed that."
"God, so did I. I think finals are really going to kill us. Figuratively."
I nodded sagely. "Definitely."
Cee grinned. "Although, you should put that in about old Henry. It will have the element of surprise, humor, and originality when the essay gets graded. Everyone else will drone on about the religious crap, including myself, and you'll have some true feminine insight into it all."
I giggled again. "Yeah, well. It all depends on my own view of things. You know?"
It was her turn to nod sagely. "I do. Suze, I think you should tell Jesse exactly how you feel about him. Just lay it all out there. Then kiss him again, except this time use tongue. And then walk away and let him come to you."
"You're so wise." I joked.
"Wise about this, I am." She answered, doing her best impression of Yoda. This, of course, set us off on another round of giggles.
"But, you're right. I have to tell him exactly how I feel. And then I'll tell him that he needs to know exactly how he feels and when he does, we can talk about it. I really, really think that he has feelings for me that are deeper than friendship, but I'm not sure. But, I'm going to put myself out there. Nothing will happen if I don't." I said with a resolution I was finally beginning to feel.
CeeCee smiled. "Exactly. You're a strong person, Suze."
Hearing her say this made me think of what I hadn't told her: my indecision about college. So I blurted out: "I have no desire to go to college, CeeCee."
For a moment I thought she was going to chew me out, but she didn't. She just stared at me contemplatively for a moment. "There's nothing wrong with that, Suze. Not everyone is cut out to go to college because they're meant to excel at something else. It doesn't mean you're stupid or lazy. In fact, some people succeed in life more than those that went to college. What do you want to do?"
"I don't know." My answer sounded slightly desperate and hysterical to my ears, but not because someone else asked me the same question. Like Jesse, she was asking because she wanted what was best for me. She wasn't going to tell me I had to know right this minute what I wanted.
"It's okay, Suze. You know, even though you had stage fright and stuff before this play, you've always written good plays. Remember that one act play you wrote last semester for English because you'd finished the final? Mr. West thought it was amazing. Remember how he had a few of us kind of act it out? He sent it to the school magazine, remember?"
"Yeah, I remember. But that was a school thing. I don't think I could do that for a living. I mean, I wrote most of my plays when I was under the age of ten. People felt obligated to say that they were good. What if I wrote something and it was terrible. Then I wouldn't have any career or a fallback. I would have nothing."
"Suze, you can't play the what-if game your whole life. Live a little. I think you're a great playwright. Or you could be a screen-writer. Or both. You'll know, Suze, just remember that. And then, when I'm the world's most renowned anthropologist you can write a play or movie about my life." She smiled.
"You're right. Thanks for being my friend, Cee." I got up and hugged her, feeling, for the first time in a month, steady.
"Now, we have to get back to Henry VIII."
"Are you sure?' I asked, a little whiney. CeeCee's answer was just to laugh and toss the book at me.
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Okay, I was now in Jesse's backyard. A few of us from the cast (mainly, our central group of people) had gotten together for a pre-show and pre-finals party. And as soon as I could get Jesse alone I was going to tell him all of my feelings, kiss him, and then leave. It was his turn to suffer a little, but also, once I kissed him I was just enough of a coward that I didn't want to stick around until I had no choice but to face him again.
"Suze, he just went into the kitchen. Now's the time, I think." CeeCee nudged me and Gina smiled encouragingly. I took a deep, bracing breath and headed toward the kitchen.
"We'll give you guys some time." Gina whisper-yelled to me and I just nodded to let her know that I had heard her.
I found him in the kitchen refilling bowls of guacamole and salsa as well as whipping up some more fizzy lemonade. I took another deep breath and let it out.
"Jesse." He froze and turned to face me slowly. "I have a few things I want to say to you. But you have to promise that you won't say anything until I'm done, okay?"
He nodded. "I promise, Susannah."
"Okay." I stared at him a moment to gather my thoughts for a third time. "So, I know I started all of this. It was fair for you to make the next move and let me make the next one. Well, I'm about to. And I'm not sure you're going to like the answer," I added when he started to step toward me. He paused and gestured for me to finish, "I've thought about this long and hard. I've been distracted and irritable and unsteady. But, I know this is what I have to do. I love you, Jesse de Silva. And I've loved you since tenth grade. I've tried to hide it, ignore, it, pretend it wasn't there. But that hurt. I ached. I couldn't not tell you any longer. It took me a long time to convince myself this was the right thing to do. And lately, you've given me hope. And so now, I'm brave enough to tell you. I'm so desperately in love with you. Everything about you draws me in. You can exasperate me and annoy me and you can make me melt with just one look and say the sweetest things.
"You're a truly good person. There's no question that you are a wonderful human being. But you're also human. You have flaws and I love you as much if not more because of those flaws. They make you who you are. And if you don't get it by now, I love who you are." I was breathing really fast by now and my heart was trying to beat out of my chest it was beating so hard. I knew he could hear it. Jesse had this look on his face that I couldn't quite decipher, but it gave me the courage to step forward, brace myself on his shoulders and press my lips on his.
He hummed in the back of his throat in pleasure and wrapped his arms around my waist bringing me as close as possible. I slanted my lips on his and ran my tongue along the seam. When he opened his mouth, I explored. He tasted so good. Crisp, like lemonade and tangy and tart and a little bit sweet. And beneath it all he just tasted like Jesse. He pulled back and placed a kiss on my forehead, then again on my lips, and then on the sensitive spot beneath my ear. I shivered and snuggled closer placing my own little kisses on his neck. I'm not sure what would have happened next if the door hadn't slammed behind us and we had jumped apart. My breath was heaving and Jesse's eyes were heavy lidded and very dark. But I turned to the intruder and was beyond humiliated to have been caught by none other than Paul Slater while heavily making out with Jesse in his own kitchen.
I cleared my throat, but my voice still came out several octaves higher than normal. "So. So, now you know, Jesse. And I'll…talk to you later. I guess. Hope. I hope. Paul, wonderful to see you. Bye now." I turned out of the kitchen and through the house to the front door. I let it slam behind me and then leaned back against it for a moment. Oh. My. God. I just had the best kiss I had ever had. Jesse de Silva had probably ruined me for any other man. And now, when I'd finally confessed my feelings, stupid Paul Slater, annoying next door neighbor and the first boy I'd ever kissed, had seen it.
But I wasn't going to let that bother me. Nope, no sir, no way. I was going to go home and marinate on what a wonderful, ground-shaking kiss I had just shared with Jesse. It's official, you know, being love really can make you feel like you're floating on Cloud Nine.
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All right. It seems the procrastination bug has left me and I've been bitten by the inspiration bug instead.
Paul's cameo appearance will be repeated in the next chapter as he is the impetus for a certain revelation of Jesse's. But as I thought about it I just couldn't write this story without a Paul cameo somewhere.
Also, a comment on the college stuff. I don't want to offend anyone. In fact, I've already completed my second year at college and love it immensely! I'm NOT discouraging anyone from going to college. I'm just of the mind that it's up to each individual. I have friends who have not gone to college but have gone to get certified in other jobs and they are happy. I'm only stressing that people should be happy with whatever they choose to do. So, I hope I don't offend anyone.
Read, review, and then have fun!
