Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, or any of the songs, or movies you recognize.

It's been a very long wait. First I didn't have any time to write because of work and then school started. But I'll try to go back to my monthly updates now!


Bad Memories

The sound of someone knocking on the door wakes me up Saturday morning. Yawning, I climb out of my bed and somehow manage to reach the door and open it without falling.

"Well, you look like crap," Sebastian greets me.

I try to glare at him, but I'm too tired so I end up staring at his shoes. "Shut up."

"How long did you and Sterling stay up last night?"

"Not that long."

"I saw him walk back to his room sometime after two o'clock."

"Oh."

If I wasn't so tired, I would ask him what he was doing in the corridor after two o'clock. Or maybe I don't want to know.

"Did you lose you virgi-"

"What the hell?!" I hiss, finally snapping out of my morning daze.

Seb smirks. "Just trying to get a reaction."

"What time is it?"

"Five o'clock."

"Did you wake me up at five o'clock?"

"Yes," Sebastian says, rolling his eyes.

"FIVE O'CLOCK on a SATURDAY?"

"I said I would collect a favor and here I am."

I glare at him. "Fine. But if you wake me up this early again, I will personally make sure to tell Wes about-"

"I won't!" he exclaims, looking a bit scared.

Relieved that all my Saturdays won't start at five, I walk back into my room to put on some clothes. Seb follows me and sits down on Thad's bed.

"So how do we get to your sister's apartment?" I ask as I pull a t-shirt over my head.

"We'll just take my car, it's on the other side of town."

"Where is she moving?"

"To New York."

I freeze and stare at Sebastian. "Do you expect us to-?"

He interrupts me with a laugh. "No, of course not. We're moving her stuff to my parents house, and then they will take care of it."

"Did you wake Jeff up too?"

"No, I didn't think he'd want to come."

"That's probably true," I shrug. "But he'll like me alone with you even less."

Sebastian gets up from the bed. "Never date jealous guys, if you want my advise."

"Jeff's not like that-," I start but then I realize what he said. "Speaking from experience?"

He shakes his head as we're walking out the door, but it doesn't seem to be in denial. By the distant look on his face, I'd say he still hasn't come to terms about whatever happened with this guy. The curiosity is eating me up inside, even though it seems like something he wouldn't want to talk about. But I manage to keep my mouth shut until we reach his car.

"So why are you wary of jealous guys?" I ask as I slide into the passenger seat.

Seb sighs. "I should have known you would ask me about that."

"So spill."

"No," he shakes his head.

"Why not?"

"Bad memories are better repressed."

"But talking about it could make you feel better."

He starts the engine and sighs again. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Then you shouldn't have said anything about it in the first place."

He gives me a hard look. "You're one to talk."

"What?"

"You let me see that there's obviously something bad going on with you, and then you deny it and refuse to talk about it. How's that supposed to make me feel huh?! You think I want to know about your secrets if I can't be allowed to help you in some way?"

In stunned silence I stare at the road, unable to come up with an answer. I've never thought about what a burden it must be for Seb and Jeff to know the things they've learned about me the past week. I've been so busy with trying to keep my secrets secret that I have forgotten why I was doing it in the first place.

And now I feel really guilty. "You know I don't want any help, because there's nothing you can do that you aren't already doing. Just having friends is making me better each day."

"So... when this all started... you didn't have any friends? At all?"

I shrug. "I don't know when it started, that depends on what you mean. But I did have other friends once."

"Once..." Sebastian says, sounding as if he's trying real hard not to say anything more.

"Okay," I sigh. "You already know some of my crap, which you really shouldn't. But go ahead and ask me about it if you want to."

He nods, absentmindedly. "You were throwing up the other day. Why?"

I cross my arms over my chest to keep them from shaking. I've never told anyone this before. "Wes said that we were going to compete against Aural Intensity."

"They are from your old school," Seb says, clearly understanding what I didn't say.

"They're the reason I came to Dalton."

Finally saying it out loud to someone actually makes me a little relieved. I've kept it a secret for so long that it almost feels as if it never happened. As if I am remembering a film and not my own memories.

"What did they do to you?"

I shiver and press my arms closer to myself. "You don't need to know that."

"Tell me."

"You don't want to know," I mumble. "I don't want you to know."

Seb grits his teeth together and suddenly turns the steering wheel so quickly that I hit my head against the window. We reach a small street that looks completely deserted and Sebastian stops the car.

"I dated a guy who was in college and I swear I thought I was in love," he says in a low voice, with his gaze fixed upon something in the distance. "So I didn't even notice at first when he started to separate me from my friends. I thought he just wanted to spend more time with me when he stopped me from going out. But then he got angry with me if I went out by myself, and I realized what he was doing."

I glance at him, and his still staring at something, lost in thought. "Are you alright, Seb?"

He blinks a few times before he seems to recognize me. But then he just chuckles softly. "Of course."

We sit in silence for a couple of seconds before I take a deep breath and start telling my story. "At first it was just the insults. They called me fag and freak, and sometimes they took my stuff and flushed it in the toilets, but they didn't do anything worse than that. But after school one day, one of them barred the door while I was inside one of the bathroom stalls. I had left my phone in my locker because I didn't want anyone to take it, so I couldn't text or call for help. But I screamed and I punched, and kicked the door but no one came."

My voice wavers and almost breaks but I breathe in deeply and continue. "During his evening rounds, the janitor found me and let me out. And I was so relieved because I thought I was free. But the next day someone locked me inside the locker rooms. I managed to climb out of a window after a while, but it still scared me. After that they locked me in small rooms as often as they could. I got better at avoiding them after a while but they still managed to catch me sometimes."

I dare to glance quickly at Sebastian and see that he's gritting his teeth again.

"Are you alright? You're not angry with me, are you?"

Somehow that question must have been funny in some way, because Sebastian scoffs loudly and then stares at me with raised eyebrows. "Why would I be angry with you?"

I press my arms against my chest to stop the shivers. "Because I've tried to fool you that I'm not a freak."

Seb clenches and unclenches his hands. "I am not angry with you," he snaps. "And you are not a freak."

I shake my head. "I didn't think you would say that. I thought you would laugh, or call me a liar."

"Did someone do that when you told them?"

I nod. "My old friends. That's why I left the school."

Sebastian's angry glare fixes on me. "You need help."

The chill is immediately back. "No. Please don't tell anyone."

"Your friends should know. They'd want to help you. At least tell Jeff."

"I don't want him to hate me."

Seb breathes out loudly. "Listen to me Nick. No one will hate you if you tell them what you've been through. They would try to help you feel better and make sure that they don't do anything by accident that hurts you. You wouldn't have had to pretend to be sick if you'd just told Jeff or Wes why you couldn't sing at the competition."

"Aren't we supposed to be on our way to your sister's?"

Seb lets out a small chuckle. "She's not moving for another week. That was just an excuse to get this chance to talk to you, without you running off, or Sterling interrupting."

"Are you sure he won't mind if I tell him?"

Sebastian nods slowly. "From what I've seen, he's fiercely protective of you. He'd want you to tell him so that he can protect you better."

"Then turn back to Dalton so that I can talk to him."