Chapter 7
As the Tardis slowly shifted through the vortex, Ed watched the lights blinking on the console.
"It's been a century since I saw the Tardis like this," he told Idris, "I mean, it's exactly the way it was before the great battle. Except that Barbara is long dead - "
And then he shot her an alarmed glance as a thought hit him that he didn't want to consider to be possible even for a second...
"She is dead? Because I remember she died in my arms, so I'm really hoping you didn't hang on to her too without my knowledge."
"Barbara is dead," Idris replied, "But Jayden is not."
Ed breathed a relieved sigh.
"That's reassuring to know. It might sound like a terrible thing to be saying about her, but she's dead and I want her to stay that way – because I loved her. I wouldn't like to think you've kept her body or have plans on attempting to reanimate her. That would be completely wrong."
"But not wrong to save Jayden."
Idris had spoken quietly, her dark eyes looking downward as she avoided his gaze.
"I don't know," he told her honestly, "I suppose it's only right to try and save him if there is a chance. But that chance is so slender – he could die as soon as you release him from stasis. I'm going to land the Tardis just outside a major cybernetics medical centre. That means everything he needs is literally on our doorstep - but he could die being transferred from the Tardis, or he could die before they have time to even try and save him. His injuries are terrible, Idris. Just look at me, look into my eyes and tell me you understand that, please! Because I would never lie to you or give you false hope, and I do think you're hoping for far too much to come of this – Jayden was most likely moments from death when you preserved him. That means as soon as you let him go there's a strong possibility that he will simply die when the shield is lowered."
And Idris looked into his eyes, and it made his twin hearts ache to see so much hope shining there as she hoped for the near impossible, she was clinging to an outcome that was highly unlikely and despite the age and wisdom of the Tardis matrix, he knew her hope was springing from the deep love she felt for Jayden Drake.
"Idris," he said gently, "I don't think he's going to survive. I think he will die when you release him from stasis. And if he dies, he's gone, because that's what happens to humans, they rest in peace. Leave him in peace, let him go if this fails to work."
"I can not allow myself to think of failure," Idris said,"And neither should you, Doctor! You are a Time Lord and I am a Tardis matrix, we can go anywhere and do anything -"
She gave a gasp as her dark eyes grew wide.
"If this fails there is another way!"
"Idris -" Ed began as she grabbed at the sleeve of his shirt, but she continued:
"Listen to me, Doctor! If he does not survive we can always go back!"
Ed stared at her.
The Tardis matrix was not thinking as the great being she truly was – desperation was clouding her judgement, a dangerous state of mind indeed for such a powerful force to suffer...
"Idris," he said, placing his hands on her shoulders as he looked into her eyes, "I have explained the odds to you. Jayden will most likely die when you release him from stasis. You must accept that and prepare for the worst."
"But we can always go back!"
"Back where?" Ed demanded.
The dark eyes of Idris still shone with hope.
"We can go back to the day of the battle!"
Her suggestion had shocked him. Idris was certainly allowing desperation to cloud her judgement...
"We can't go back! How could I alter that day, refuse to fight? See the Earth destroyed to save the lives of two people? See billions wiped out in the name of utter selfishness?"
"But everything could be undone!" she told him, "You could save them both!"
He stepped back from her as anger blazed in his eyes.
"Prevent their deaths at the cost of a whole planet? I would never do that! And I refuse to change the future. I can't alter the past, as much as I wish I could, it can't be done!"
Idris was tearful once more.
"But perhaps you could still fight, but avoid catastrophe! Then they would live I would also avoid the structural damage I sustained!"
"No!" he yelled, "It can't happen!"
And as pain reflected in her eyes he felt it in his twin hearts as he recalled all the years they had travelled together.
"I would do anything within my power to bring back Barbara and Jayden," he said in a hushed voice, "Anything but harm the fabric of space and time! I made the choice long ago to harm none and that decision stands forever! I am so sorry, but we will not be going back. There can never be any going back to that day."
And as the Tardis landed Idris fell silent, she waited until the last echo of the materialising ship had faded out and then she drew in a slow breath and spoke quietly.
"We have arrived. I will release him from stasis now."
And then she left the console room and walked down the corridor, where she paused by a closed door and remained there as she waited for the Doctor to join her.
As he approached her, he felt sure the haunted look of sorrow and desperation he saw in her eyes would stay in his memory forever.
As the Doctor joined her, Idris placed her hand on the door and gently pushed it, then entered the small room where the lights shone starkly illuminating pale Tardis walls.
"Doctor?" she said, "Are you ready?"
Ed took in a deep breath as he looked down at Jayden Drake, his suit bloodstained and torn with hundred year old wounds shining fresh as he lay frozen in time, moments after enemy fire had torn a hole in the side of the Tardis.
"No," he said honestly, "I could never be ready for a moment like this."
And then he knelt down beside Jayden, and Idris did the same.
She hesitated for a moment, studying his face as he lay beneath the stasis field.
"Please wake, be alive," she whispered.
And as she stretched out her hand to break the barrier, Ed caught her wrist and held her back.
"There could be another way," he said.
Idris looked at him in confusion as he continued to hold her back from the stasis field.
"But you said there is no other way!"
"There could be one," he told her, "Remember when I was trapped in your power core and Ace asked Selena Eliot to fix the bolt gun wound while I was still in stasis? Well perhaps we can find the right kind of expert to help Jayden. If you release him now, we can fetch the trauma team from the medical centre and he may or may not survive but in the long term I don't believe he will be able to recover, even in this century with technology as advanced as it is. But if we find the right person to deal with his wounds, he may stand a chance. That's why I'm suggesting for now, we leave him in stasis."
But tears blurred her eyes as she shook her head.
"I was damaged in the great battle, you forget that part, Doctor – even with the power crystals to boost my energy I will not be capable of the many journeys we used to make. I have enough power to get us back to your chosen time and place to reunite with Ace, and then I will never be able to fly as the Tardis again."
And he held back his pain and the tears he wanted to shed as he took in all she had explained. Even though he had felt it was the right thing to do, to let badly wounded Jayden slip away as he should have done a hundred years before, now he knew his old friend had a slim chance, he wanted to take that chance, and even though he knew the odds of his survival were close to zero, the optimism that shone in the eyes of Idris was contagious. Of course he wanted Jayden back, but it seemed so impossible...
"Then we have this chance only," he told her, "There can be no delays. Either release him now or keep him in stasis, the choice is yours."
He let go of her wrist and her hand hovered above the energy field as she blinked away tears.
"You won't help me with this decision?"
Ed looked down at Jayden.
"He's been frozen for a century. He should have died after the explosion. Those are the facts as I see them and I wish we could have him back, and I know you love him but sometimes we have to let go even if it seems like the worst decision."
"How will you feel if he fails to live?" she asked.
He answered without hesitation.
"When living beings die those left behind carry on."
"But how?" she asked him.
"You just do," Ed replied as he recalled the day of the battle when Barbara died in his arms, "You carry on because you must and you keep those left behind in your memory. That way, they never truly die."
"I keep many of your strays in my memory," Idris said, "And all your other selves and I can go back and visit them any time I want to...shifting back through the past like a ghost."
"And you are fortunate to be able to do that," Ed told her, "Most of us can only revisit through memories alone."
"If this fails," she added, "Jayden of the past will only know me as a breeze that touches his face, or passes through him – while yesterdays me will take him in my arms, and then he will push aside all notion of a ghostly presence and never know of my visits from a future time, or what they mean."
"But at least you would have that," Ed replied, "And this choice is yours alone to make."
Idris looked down at Jayden.
"If we keep him in stasis he could remain there forever."
And then she lowered her hand and as it made contact with the stasis field the bubble shimmered, then cracked and shattered like glass, the fragments burning up, evaporating in the air around them.
Jayden slumped to floor and its once flawless white surface began to stain crimson as blood pooled beneath him and and started to spread. Ed carefully lifted him, cradling him in his arms as he placed his hand over a gaping wound in his side, the gesture was a futile one and he knew it as Jayden's blood began to run between his fingers and spill to the floor, but there was little else he could do as he looked down at him and wondered if his dear friend was already gone.
And then Jayden coughed and looked up at him.
"We...we got hit...blew a hole in the ships side..."
"Yes I know," Ed said gently, "And it's over now. We won the battle."
Jayden briefly smiled.
"Good," he said weakly, "I'm glad..." Then pain registered on his face and he took in rapid, shallow breaths, "Tell me I did good...I tried to be a hero."
"And you are," Ed promised him, "And you're also wounded and I must fetch help."
As Idris shifted closer he carefully moved Jayden into her waiting arms and then got up.
"I'll hurry," he promised her, and then dashed from the room.
As Idris held him, he looked up and smiled.
"How did you get here so fast?"
"Long story," she told him, "But I shall stay beside you, Jayden Drake. When your wounds have been repaired I can do the rest, I can heal you."
He gave a sigh and his face paled as his blood continued to run on to the Tardis floor.
"I love you so much Idris," he whispered, "So much...I'm so glad you're here. And I was brave, I tried to be a hero...promise me you'll remember that."
She looked at him with deepest love in her eyes.
"I will never forget that," she promised him, "and you must hold on, the Doctor is fetching help."
"Is he? Tell him thanks..." he whispered, and then he slumped dead in her arms.
Ed had reached the console room when he heard a cry of anguish echo from the Tardis corridor. Pain in his own hearts brought tears to his eyes and by the time he had turned back and gone up the corridor to the room where Jayden had been bleeding on the floor, his face was streaked with tears. He had been determined to hold back his emotion while Jayden lived, but now he knew he was gone tears burned at his eyes as if they would never cease to flow.
Idris was on the floor cradling Jayden's body. Ed joined her, gently prising him from her grip as he whispered that he was gone now, and then he held him tightly, looked down at the face of his dead friend and placed a kiss on his brow as he whispered Goodbye in Gallifreyan, and then he gently lowered him to the floor once more.
Idris was still sobbing.
Ed drew her into his arms and held her.
"He died with you," he said softly, "In your arms, he was not alone. And now you must keep him in your memory and carry on, because that is all you can do now."
As she wept in his arms she felt so broken and fragile he knew at that moment it would be easy to forget she was the Tardis matrix as she sobbed for her lost love. Ed held her tighter and they wept together on the floor, as they sat beside the body of Jayden Drake.
Ed stayed with Idris until her sobs grew quiet and her body had stopped shaking. Then he let her go and spoke quietly to her.
"We must go back now. We will bury Jayden in the Tardis gardens when the ship unfolds once more. That way he will always be with both of us."
Idris nodded.
"Yes," she agreed, taking his hand as he got up and helped her to stand, "That way I shall hold him forever."
Then they walked together back down the corridor and into the console room.
"And what about you," he asked, "What about your future? Do you still want to leave? Because you could if you wanted to, the power crystals can easily maintain the unfolded Tardis and you could depart any time you wish. I'm in my final lifetime, and you're barely capable of flight as a space time vessel now. You're entitled to leave if you want to."
Idris shook her head.
"I would rather seep back into the walls of the Tardis and live as its heart, take you home and then unfold the house and garden and maze. And then I can quietly rest as you and Ace live in my walls and and run around and play in my maze, while I hold Jayden Drake in a warm embrace beneath the ground. And when I want to wander, I shall go back through memories of a time when he once lived."
And although her eyes were glazed with tears, Idris smiled.
"You will be happy with Ace. And one day your children will play in my garden and maze and the sound of their laughter will bring me such joy. I do love you, my beautiful thief, but my heart will forever belong to Jayden Drake."
Ed smiled and fondly touched her cheek.
"You belong here," he told her, "You are the Tardis, Idris, I'm happy you've decided to stay."
And then her form briefly shimmered and regained solidity.
She stepped back as she began to glow and sparkle.
"And now for one last flight," she announced, "I have to take you home to Ace, Doctor!"
Then she shimmered again, glowed brightly and as her form twisted into ribbons of light, those ribbons flew gracefully about the Tardis walls and console. Then the Tardis was filled with the sound of its usual low him and the console lit up. With a whoosh and a groan the police box shifted dimension, starting on a slow and careful journey back home.
As the Tardis travelled onwards, Ed stood in silence at the console as he looked out at the view of the time vortex as the ship glided through, heading for starlit space and another time and place far away.
He had wanted to spend this time holding Jayden's body, saying a last farewell – but he had already said goodbye, and with the Tardis shaky on flight ability, he did not want Idris to pick up on such raw emotion when it was taking all of her power to simply keep the Tardis in flight.
Then he thought of all Idris had told him, about how she would share in their happiness, how she would enjoy him and Ace living forever in her walls... and their children, too.
Ed started to smile.
"Me and Ace are going to have a family one day? That gives me something to look forward to."
And he gave the console an affectionate pat.
"Thanks for telling me that, old girl," he said fondly.
Ace had been standing at the edge of the field watching the sun sink lower in the sky as the afternoon heat began to fade and the brightness of the day darkened to golden evening light. Her thoughts had been focussed on a far away distant time and place as she thought of Ed and Idris and wondered if they would be returning with Jayden.
Then she had wondered when they would be coming back – she knew the Doctor well enough to understand he would not intentionally leave her waiting for years, as soon as the situation was resolved, he would return – at least, she hoped he would be back soon, because she also knew the Doctor had always been in the habit of finding himself in situations on his travels, usually involving trouble or danger, and she hoped that would not be the case this time, not now he had no regenerations left...
"Please come back soon," she said as she looked to the sky, "And please, no trouble, no danger – just come home, Doctor, I miss you..."
As the Tardis continued on the homeward journey, a spark of light split the air and Ed stared in surprise at the sight of Idris, back again so soon...
"I thought you'd gone back inside the Tardis?"
"I needed to go in to start the flight home," she told him, "And soon I'll be returning to these walls, but I'd rather wait until we land."
"Why?" he asked her.
She hesitated.
"It's about Jayden..."
"He's dead! I'm sorry Idris but that's a fact - there's nothing that can be done now."
A brief flicker of pain shone in her eyes and then it was gone.
"I know that. I just wanted to explain something. When we land I will unfold the Tardis, everything will be as it was before – the maze, the garden...but there will be a marble headstone beneath the shade of the willow tree. And the spot is perfect, in the morning the tree will shade him from the heat and in the evening the stone will be bathed in a golden glow as the sun sinks to rest. There is a panel that covers the grave, release it and steps lead downward. Jayden is in a crypt in a glass coffin and he will never decay. I shall preserve him forever in the hope that one day his life can be restored."
Ed looked at her sadly.
"I really don't think that can happen, Idris."
"But we can not be sure, as you said, you are the Doctor and no one knows who may seek you out some day."
He gave a sigh.
"I'm sure this will give you hope," he told her, "But I really do believe he is gone forever."
"Please don't give up," she told him, "Think of all the wonders we have encountered throughout the years, throughout our travels through time and the twelve galaxies! There could still be more to discover, even now as you live out your final life and I am settled grounded, someone could seek us and bring with them a miracle!"
"I do understand what you're saying," Ed replied, "But I have no reason to believe any one would seek me out now, in my final life to share a miracle. But if you want to believe it, then do, but just don't believe it too much."
"I will remain as Idris for a short while longer," she told him, "After we land, after you are reunited with Ace, I need to speak with you."
He gave another sigh.
"Idris, I told you, there's little chance that -"
"This is not about Jayden Drake."
Ed stared at her, the look in her eyes had changed, and he knew at once there was much more she needed to say before she faded back into the Tardis as matrix.
"Is something wrong?"
"Not exactly," she said, "But I want your future to be good, I want you to be happy, so very happy -"
"And it will be!"
She still had a troubled look in her eyes.
"Doctor, when your former self handed you back key memories perhaps he should have thought a little about the matter first. There are some you are better off without."
Her remark confused him.
"There are no memories handed back to me that I regret, those recollections are of all my lives, Idris!"
"But there is one -"
She stopped abruptly as the Tardis landed.
"Give me a minute, Doctor," she told him, and then she closed her eyes and shimmered and sparkled, and walls shifted and the console vanished as the Tardis began to unfold.
Ace heard the Tardis land, and then a cracking and a splitting and the sound of earth shifting.
She turned around and looked back through the clearing and her face lit up in a radiant smile – from where she stood she could see the garden gate, and the garden beyond it and just a little further down, the house... it was all back, exactly as it had been before!
"At last!" she exclaimed, and then she ran towards the gate, impatient to be reunited with the Doctor once more.
