After she had finished work that day, Bella returned home as soon as possible. She reached for the key under the pot of freesias outside of her front door and unlocked it quickly. She was still apprehensive about staying outside of the house for more time than she needed; people across the road still liked to stare. It was considerate that her neighbours and her father's friends cared enough to look out for her, but she had never liked attention – even before it all happened.
It was two o'clock in the afternoon and for a change, it was a sunny day. As summer was approaching, she felt the air begin to moisten and heat up. She had hated summer for the past twelve years – it had been a constant reminder of just how happy everyone was except for her; everyone was content in the summer. Also, she didn't like the heat – it meant that she couldn't concentrate. However, as she looked outside of her window and noticed the clear blue skies, she realized that she didn't actually feel too bad. She decided that her new life meant that she was beginning to have different outlooks on things and she embraced that.
Bella rushed to her computer immediately and waited for the machine to boot. She didn't get a coffee this time; instead she went downstairs and made herself a berry smoothie. The sweet flavours made her feel all gooey inside – and even more compelled to be excited about babysitting that evening.
Sure enough, as soon as she opened her emails there was an unread message waiting for her. She got that familiar pull inside of her stomach as she looked on the sender's name. She clicked 'open' and her heart raced instantaneously.
To: Isabella Swan
From: Edward Cullen
Subject: Babysitting
Message:
Hi Isabella,
Just emailing to let you know the details of tonight. I have to be in Port Angeles for about nine o'clock, so I am planning to leave at around eight. If you would like, I can pick you up at about six thirty and have dinner for you? Please let me know as soon as you get back from work. It will be nice to finally talk to you without a spilt cake or a counter between us.
Edward
--
She smiled to herself as she read his last sentence. Of course, she was excited about seeing him without Alice around or anything else that was holding them back. However, she was also exceedingly nervous. There was still a part of her, despite how much progress she was making in the real world, which feared contact and communication – especially now that she would be alone with him. On the other hand, she felt a draw to this man that she simply couldn't just ignore. She would have to endure the shyness and do her best to help him in every way that she could.
To: Edward Cullen
From: Isabella Swan
Subject: Re: Babysitting
Message:
Hey Edward,
The details sound great. I assume you know where I live as it is the chief of police's house (you could probably google it) but I will be outside at six thirty. I'm looking forward to it. See you then.
Bella
--
As soon as she had pressed 'send' she left her computer as quickly as she could – she didn't want to get over-excite herself. Plus, she only had four hours to compose and prepare herself for the night ahead.
As she started her way down the stairs, she heard a door slam and she jumped out of her skin. She was obviously on edge this afternoon and she needed to calm herself down. Also, there was now the task of explaining to her father where she was going that night, since he had obviously returned home. She wasn't sure how he would take it.
"Why, Bella! That's absolutely wonderful!" Charlie threw his strong arms around Bella as soon as she had told him. "I knew you would finally settle in to reality!"
"Thanks, Dad," Bella smiled.
"The Cullens are a very nice family, too. That Edward Cullen – he's an excellent lawyer. He works in Seattle doesn't he? He has far too much success to still be living here – God knows how he does it. How did you meet him?"
Bella froze; she was a little bit embarrassed of revealing how she met the man she lusted so much after to her father. She decided to keep it sweet and simple. "I served him once at the bakery, Dad. They needed a babysitter tonight because Mr. Cullen's got some work thing so I said I would do it. You know, I'm trying to step out, Daddy," she nervously stuttered, trying not to let it slip that she found Mr. Cullen particularly attractive.
"Ah right, well that's very good of you, my girl. I heard their family are going through many troubles at the moment," he told her.
"Oh," Bella said. It wasn't as if she knew the details, but she did know how broken Edward seemed. She wanted to know what happened from her father, but thankfully found it too improper and intruding to ask about Edward's private life. If she needed to know, she was sure that Edward would tell her at some point. For now, all he seemed to talk about was comparing his high school years to hers, his stressful job and of course his cute little child Honey. He obviously didn't want to burden Bella with all the other stuff going on in his life.
"Yeah, something to do with his wife," Charlie began. "I don't know exactly – that family are very secretive. Nice, mind you, but very…secluded. Their house is in the middle of nowhere. You're not driving there, are you Bella?"
"No," she said. "Edward is picking me up at six thirty."
Charlie's brow furrowed. "Right, okay. Is he bringing you back? Because I'm watching the game at Harry's in La Push tonight, okay?"
"Yes, he's bringing me back," Bella laughed and then leant over to kiss Charlie on the forehead. "Don't worry about me. I'm nearly eighteen soon, anyway."
"So you keep reminding me, Bella," Charlie sighed. "It's weird to think that you're almost an adult. I still think of you as being my little girl."
Bella ruffled his hair playfully. He was the only one she could be so tactile with at ease. "I'm still your little girl for a couple of weeks… old man."
"Hey, cheeky! I know, I know. It's just your graduations coming up, too," Charlie sighed. "I wish you didn't have to grow up."
Bella smiled. "Me neither. Anyway, I don't know why you're so worried. I'm not even going to college."
Charlie looked at Bella and she knew that she had hit a nerve. Most of the kids at her school had applied to college except for her. She didn't want to go – she could barely cope around Forks, let alone venturing out into the abyss… by going to college. She was too far behind socially, and she didn't know if she would be able to cope by going that year. She had told her father that she would take a year or two out and then maybe consider going after then. After all, her grades were good enough to go to an Ivy League school. However, she just didn't want to leave Forks yet.
"I know, Bella," Charlie responded. "I'm still hoping though."
She wasn't exactly sure of what she was going to be doing instead, though. She hoped to write a novel in that time. After all, writing was her passion and if she wanted to be anything in life, she wanted to be an author. You didn't have to be around other people if you were an author, and you could make up your own world and live in that.
Yes, it was a little irrational and a little bit of a stupid deliberation, however, it was what Bella most desired at that point when she made the decision not to go to college and despite her revelation of meeting Edward and working in the bakery, that choice still remained.
"I'm going to have a shower, Dad," Bella explained before turning to walk back up the stairs.
"Okay," Charlie replied. "Do you want me to do macaroni, tonight?"
"I don't need anything to eat tonight," Bella answered. "Edward said he would have something for me."
"Oh," Charlie said and thought intently as to why she had begun to call him by his first name. He returned his gaze to Bella's. "Well that was nice of him. See you in a bit," he smiled.
"Okay, Dad," Bella said and then retreated back upstairs to have a shower.
Charlie thought for a minute. It wasn't an urgent thought, but it seemed weird that Bella, after all of these years, seemed so happy at going to the Cullen's house to babysit for their daughter.
People had asked Charlie if Bella could babysit for their children many times, but she had refused and had gone all melancholy every time he asked her to do so. It wasn't as if she didn't like children, no. In fact, when Charlie's friends had been over and brought their young children with them, like Harry's grandson Seth, Bella had played happily with them. He just didn't get it. Sometimes it upset him how he couldn't really get through to his daughter.
It had been hard on both of them since Renee had died, but it had been especially difficult for Bella. He knew why, and it pained him every time he thought about it. He wanted to cry when he thought about the night it all happened – not just for the death of his wife, but the trauma his daughter was going through. Her life had been tainted, and in a way, it was his fault and he hated himself for that. He would do whatever it took to make Bella happy, so he decided to sit back and let her make her own decisions about how fast she would move on from the incident.
And now it seemed that she was going to. It was a little strange that Mr. Cullen was doing all these nice things for Bella as they didn't even know each other. But Charlie just respected Bella enough now to make her own decisions, and he hoped that her intentions were good.
~*~
After Bella had finished her shower, spent hours deciding what she was going to wear and had blow-dried her hair, she slumped down onto her bed. She looked at her watch which read five o'clock. There wasn't a lot of time left, but she seemed to be physically ready. However, her nerves were creeping up again and she decided to resort to something she often did to calm her down and when she needed some sort of advice. She turned on the Debussy CD her mum had gotten her for her fifth birthday and got out some of her trashy romance novels.
She had read a story about a babysitter before, however she didn't believe that her babysitting trip would be quite similar. This girl had been so confident and wore clothes that covered fewer things up than Bella's underwear. The things that happened in those books made Bella blush, but not necessarily in a bad way. She knew about sex, for sure - there had been plenty of lessons on Sex Education where the others in the class had snickered and muttered things like 'done that already'. Bella was embarrassed and uneasy in those classes, but they still definitely intrigued her.
Bella wasn't a complete sad case, despite how she came across. She had had a lot of fantasies, but no experience to make them seem real enough. They were more of love fantasies than sexual ones – but Bella was sure that one day someone might make them a little bit more real. However, Edward was just her friend and there hadn't been a babysitting fantasy… yet. Bella felt ashamed that she had been even thinking about sexual deliberations when all she was doing was going to the marital home of a thirty two year old man and his little daughter.
She decided to read a different type of book, one that was sort of similar to her situation. It was called Love Lessons and it was about a fourteen year old girl who fell for her teacher. It wasn't about sex because thankfully, none of that happened, but it was about learning to deal with foolish feeling – which was certainly happening to Bella.
Before she knew it, it was quarter past six. She sat up from her bed and realized she must have fallen asleep. Her hair was no longer sleek and smooth, but ruffled and big. Her make up was a little smudged, but she did her best to sort it out. At least her clothes weren't dirty and her teeth were clean. As the clock approached twenty past, the nerves were suddenly taking over.
She looked outside to see that Edward hadn't arrived yet, but her father had already left. She must have fallen asleep because she didn't hear him say goodbye. As Bella got her things together, a small bag with some school work and another romance novel in, she began to make her way downstairs to wait for Edward.
She was nervous – completely petrified. Not of Edward, or even the situation, in fact. She was scared of herself or how she would react to him and his home surroundings.
After a little while, Bella heard the door knock and her stomach almost lurched. Oh God, she thought to herself. Am I really going to throw up? She hoped not and walked timidly to the door to open it. When she did, she really did nearly upchuck.
How was it that he got even more stunning every time she saw him? Obviously dressed for work, in a smart, grey suit with a navy blue and white striped tie, he looked positively…delicious there standing in front of Bella. She had to stifle as gasp as he continued to kill her even further with his smile.
"Hello, Isabella," he managed to whisper after their stare came back to them.
Edward, also, was having a little bit of trouble taking in Bella's appearance. It was the first time he had seen her out of her black polo shirt and her pink Crumbs apron. Of course, he knew she was beautiful as soon as he laid eyes on her when he walked into the bakery a week ago.
However, this time she looked absolutely sublime. She was wearing casual low riding jeans that fitted snugly over her small yet strong legs and showed of her curves subtly, yet still obviously to Edward. She was wearing a simple cream knitted t-shirt that although wasn't low cut, was slightly lower than her usual buttoned up polo shirt he was used to. It had a little bow on the chest and that was where Edward found his gaze turning to as the most wondrous part of her body screamed at him.
Stop! He cursed himself as he stared at her. He brought his gaze back into her eyes, which, despite her breasts, were his favourite part. Her hair was pleasantly messy, like she had messed it up in all the right places on purpose. She looked divine. However, Edward had to avert his thoughts as unfortunately, to him, they seemed too immoral. She was still a little girl, after all.
"You ready to go?" He asked.
"Yes," she gulped as his green eyes captivated her. She was a little jealous of how happy they seemed that afternoon. The poignant look was fading, and it sort of made her happy too.
Bella looked on at Edward's car as he opened the door for her. He must be beyond rich, she thought. She had never seen anyone in Forks with a car like that.
As she sat down, his car smelt divine. It smelt manly, spicy, sweet and everything great put in to one. This must have been his scent, who else's? She breathed in and smiled as just his smell made her feel affable.
"'Sbella!" A voice sounded from the back seat that brought Bella out of her reverie. She instantly felt more at ease knowing that Honey was in the car with them and she turned around and smiled at her.
"Hello again, Honey!" Bella said and then stuck her tongue out at her.
Honey laughed delightfully and reciprocated Bella's actions. Edward looked at both of the two girls and laughed at them. "Hey, you two. Manners in my car please!" He said jokingly and then put his key into the ignition. "Let's go and eat. I bet you're both starving!"
Bella agreed with him and then sat back into the leather seat filled with Edward's musk and for some sort of miraculous reason, she didn't feel completely nervous. Obviously, her nerves were still there, but they weren't half as bad as she thought they would be. It almost felt as if she… belonged in the car. It would have probably been too far to say that she felt like family, but she didn't feel out of place like she usually did. For once, she felt like she had a purpose.
For the remainder of the car journey which only took about ten minutes, the conversation was comfortable. In fact, it felt a lot like their emails and Bella was very contented with that. She happily spoke to Honey like she had commonly done with younger children, and her conversation wasn't completely awkward with Edward. There was a lot more fluidity in their conversation, but perhaps it was because there wasn't a chance of touching in the car. On the other hand, she could still feel the prominent electric current that always ignited every time they were near each other.
Sometimes, she would catch Edward occasionally glancing at her. She would pretend that she hadn't noticed although her more panoramic vision told her otherwise. She smiled when he did so, but her vision didn't tell her if he had smiled back.
As they drove into the drive of Edward's house, Bella gasped. She stepped out of the car and looked up in awe…this was their house?
"Do you like it?" Edward asked, apprehensive as to what Bella would think of his house and his life. So far, all she knew about him was how he acted in the bakery and over the emails. This would be him in his own habitat, and he desperately wanted to impress, despite the amount of times that his conscience told him that he shouldn't be so hung up on a seventeen girl. However, they were friends. Just friends.
"Um, yes!" Bella said, innovative enthusiasm tinting her voice. "It's so…beautiful. And big!" She explained.
It wasn't just beautiful and big. It was fantastic, brilliant, exquisite, and implausible; just stunning… it was the most perfect house Bella had ever seen. It was old fashioned, but still looked clean and modern. The architect had done a magnificent job. It was built of white stone with dark brown beams that made it look almost like a British Tudor house. It was breathtaking.
"I designed it," Edward explained and Bella surprisingly found that she liked Edward even more. "I was brought up in Forks and after we moved away when I was fifteen, our house got knocked down and was replaced with the Newton's Sport Shop and a few others. I knew that I always wanted to return here once I had my own family. Most of the houses around here didn't remind me of my old one, so I built a replica myself – just bigger and better." He grinned, obviously proud of his work.
"You've done an amazing job," Bella replied looking up at the house repeatedly. Suddenly, she felt a hand grab hers and she almost jumped out of her skin. Luckily, it wasn't Edward's or otherwise she would have fainted. It was Honey's and Bella smiled as she took the hand welcomingly.
Edward was in awe. He knew that Honey was a friendly little girl – he had always wanted to bring her up to be like that. However, she had never been this tactile or excited about anyone else before. Perhaps Bella had that effect on everyone – but he was happy to share his excitement with his daughter. It made him feel all warm inside that Honey was accepting her into their home. Edward blinked harshly. As a friend! He reminded himself, and then led the two girls inside and decided to give Bella a tour of the house.
The house was just as beautiful on the inside, of course. Again, it had that theme of appearing old-fashioned but with a modern twist. Most of the walls were painted white so that it contrasted with the beams. The kitchen was a monstrosity – in a good way. Bella thought her mom would have loved it – it was absolutely huge. The living room was just as big. It had large red sofas and two brown love seats with red cushions which seemed to be antiques. The house was just wonderful – all of it. Edward even showed Bella his bedroom, but just a quick glance of the door as he didn't want to scare Bella off and be like "Hey, Isabella, I know you're seventeen and still go to school but uh, this is my bedroom and you can, uh, come here whenever you want." That would have been foolish.
Bella noticed he had missed out one of the rooms upstairs, and she was curious as to what it was. Honey soon informed her. "Mummy!" She said as she pointed to the room. Edward sighed and then realized that he would have to tell Bella the situation that they were in. It would only be right and just.
"Yeah, that's Rosalie, my wife's room," he explained putting a hand through his hair.
"Oh," Bella replied. "Do you not sleep in the same room?" she asked and then the look on Edward's face suggested that she had taken a step too far.
"Sorry," she whispered and then blushed like crazy. Crap! She thought. Why did I say that?
"It's okay, Isabella. As of recently, well, of three months really, Rose and I are separated. She's temporarily moved out at the moment which is why I needed you to look after Honey, tonight," he whispered, just so Honey couldn't hear him.
"Oh," Bella replied. She didn't really have a lot of say into the matter, but she nodded as if she understood. That's all Edward needed from her. Not her approval, but recognition that he wasn't a married man fooling around with her. He was single and professional and he certainly didn't mess around with anyone.
"Right, well, dinner should be on the table soon. I'll just go and serve it up. Do you like macaroni? Shit, I should have asked you before."
"I love macaroni, Edward," Bella assured him. He smiled at her gratefully and they walked downstairs.
After dinner was finished and more delightful conversation was held, Edward decided that he needed to get to work, much to Bella's disappointment. The dinner had been great – Bella and Edward had sat opposite each other with Honey at their side. Bella sort of felt like…they were family.
"Right, so I've showed you where everything is. Do you need anything else? Help yourself to any food, we have cable, there are several computers in the house you can use, and Honey should probably be asleep in about half an hour," Edward explained.
He felt a little bit nervous leaving Honey with Bella. What if they suddenly didn't like each other? He couldn't bear it. He had finally let a woman, or a girl he guessed, into his life, into his house and he couldn't bear it going wrong. It was odd how nervous he was around Bella, like he was expecting her to suddenly turn around and be like "What the hell are you doing, perv? It's obviously you like me as you almost get wood every time I bite my lip."
But she didn't. There was no way Bella was like that and for that, Edward was grateful. He would try and get any sexual images of her out of his head as soon as he could. Even though the age of consent was sixteen in the Washington state, he still felt bad that some of his thoughts elsewhere may be considered legal. Of course, Edward had his own opinions on criminals, working with them all the time. All he knew was that he didn't want to be one of them, despite how much his body wanted him to.
After he left Bella inside, his hand lingered on the handle. He sort of wanted to spend the evening with Bella and Honey – his current two most favourite people. Sorrow swept over him as he realized that it used to be Rose and Honey. Things change, Edward thought, and then began to drive to Port Angeles.
Bella was having great fun being with Honey. Her company was easy to be around and that was really vital for Bella. They watched Hannah Montana together and Honey told Bella that she looked like Miley. Honey dragged Bella to her room and pulled out all of her dolls including her mommy's favourite. A little pain flushed through Bella every time Rosalie was mentioned. Bella didn't know what happened, but she already didn't like that woman much.
After almost an hour of playing, Honey began to fall sleepy. After demanding a hug from Bella, she fell asleep in her arms. Bella was shocked as to how embracing she had been, especially after her reaction to it at the bakery. Now that they were alone, Bella had let all her guard down and let Honey sleep in her arms. She even stroked her hair as she slept, and Bella smiled to herself at how much affection she had for this child already. A tear slipped out of her eye as she felt maternal love for the child and she remembered her own mother.
She put Honey in her crib and stayed in her room for fifteen minutes to make sure that she was sound asleep. Afterwards, Bella didn't know what to do so she sat on Edward's couch and brought out one of her romance novels. She didn't really feel like doing much school work – she was too tired.
When she got to the bedroom scene, Bella felt especially wistful. As he led her to his bedroom... she read. I wonder what Edward's bedroom is really like? She pondered. She sat up and looked all around her at the eerily silent house. Then, a thought crossed her mind.
No, Bella. You cannot just go into his room. That is beyond stalker-ish, her subconscious told her. But she was deadly curious. Off their own accord, Bella's feet picked themselves up from the couch and placed themselves on the floor. She stood up and gulped. Just a peek, she told herself.
She remembered that his room was on the ground floor, and she tip-toed to it quietly. As she found the closed door, she pushed it open slightly and it creaked. The sound made her jump a little, but she moved back to the door and pushed it again so that it was fully open.
It wasn't as Bella expected it to be, surprisingly. It was plain white and matched the beams like the rest of the house, but that was all that there was to it. The sheets of the bed were clean and white and so was everything else in the room. It was sort of… sad. Had Edward really resorted to this after separating his wife? She wanted to cry for him. There were no pictures anywhere, nothing.
Bella began to yawn as her day began to creep up on her. Work had made her more tired and the previous week she had gone to bed at seven on Saturday night so it was tiring for her to stay up later. She decided to sit on Edward's bed and imagine what it was like to be him, lying in that room every night, all alone and broken.
She leant back and laid her head on the pillow, trying to picture what Edward would be thinking as he lay there. Maybe he missed his wife, or he would be thinking about his daughter or even…Bella. No, that wouldn't be possible. She was just the cake girl…and now the babysitter. Maybe he did think of her, but not in the way that she wanted him to. He knew her age, and she knew that he was righteous enough to respect that she was only seventeen.
She leant over to his bedside cabinet and noticed how clean and empty it was. There wasn't even a lamp or a book there. It was just an empty room. Surely, there was something in here that told her about him? She leant down and opened one of the draws, and then she saw it.
It was a photograph of him and Rosalie. They looked…remarkably happy. The pain hit Bella again. It must have been jealousy – she had read about it often enough and she was suffering the exact same symptoms. It pained her to see how happy Edward had used to be and now how ripped apart he had been. She hated Rosalie for whatever she had done to her Edward. Her Edward, she liked the sound of that. But she shook her head, it was wrong to think of him in that way. He was a friend. Just a friend.
She set the photo back on the table as she couldn't bear to look at it for any longer. She lay back on the bed again, rested her hands on her stomach and looked up to the ceiling. She felt just as lonely as she imagined Edward would, lying in this bed. In fact, a fantasy was finally coming apparent to her just as she had hoped. It was just a little awkward that it came to her on Edward's bed.
She imagined that he was there with her, lying on his bed. She imagined that the room wasn't so white, but that they had decorated the room themselves and had just put Honey to bed and were both tired themselves. She pictured him lying by her side as she put her hand out and their fingers intertwined. Bella thought of this image and smiled as without realizing, she began to drift off…
Suddenly, Bella was woken up by a creak of a door. She sat up immediately and looked around, her hair all ruffled from the sleep and her eyes bleary with fatigue. She looked over by the door, and there was Edward, looking at her with confused and disappointed eyes.
"Bella, what are you doing?"
--
A/N: Please please please review! Love ya, guys.
