Important Notice: Now in the 'you' POV.
"Hi," Castle's voice interrupted your thoughts of panic. You swallow as you watch Castle carefully examine your daughter. He's smart, you tell yourself. He's going to notice their similarities. You feel Arianna move behind you shyly and grab a hold to your leg tightly. You pat her back reassuringly as if your insides haven't turned to mush. As you concentrate on your breathing and keeping your expression neutral, you vaguely notice Castle's eyes dart to your face. For a moment, it's almost like you are the only two people in the room until you feel Arianna tugging at your shirt. You look at her and let out a breath that you didn't even notice you had been holding.
Because that's the kind of affect that Castle has on you.
"Yes, sweetie?" you ask her and you notice fear in her eyes. Someone being scared of Castle makes you want to laugh. Castle couldn't hurt a fly, you think immediately before your mind goes back to that time in that warehouse where the Nikki Heat serial killer was holding the gun over your head. You remember the panic in his voice and then a moment later a gunshot goes off and you shut your eyes expecting to feel intense pain somewhere in your body, but when you don't you open your eyes to realize that Castle had shot the psycho in his hand. You vaguely remember saying something about Castle's 'one hell of a shot' until he tells you that he was aiming for the killer's head.
It takes you a minute to realize that he had just made a joke.
"Can I go back to play in my room?" she asks you in a small voice and you find yourself smiling at your daughter. Your daughter. It still surprises you do this day that you're a mom. A mom. A wider grin appears on your face. You nod, too caught up in the moment to reply. You have these moments of extreme disbelief often: these moments where you can't believe your good fortune because you have a beautiful, intelligent, and healthy daughter. You know so well to not take that for granted. You almost have to with your job…and your past. You took advantage and didn't ever give enough thanks for your mother. A few years after that you made sure to thank God for everything. You had stopped that when you met Castle, and you once again began to take advantage of seeing him daily.
And then you lost him.
But not really lost him. Sure, he was gone from your life, but not like your mother. Thank Heavens for that. You don't think that you could have ever handled his death. Even if you had caught his killer, you wouldn't have been able to get over it…ever. It was a week after the first time you and he, well, got together. It was your last case together. You remember. You had told him to stay put in your vehicle (yes, you still did that even though he never listened). But, of course, he didn't. The suspect had a gun in hand, you remember. You were trying to talk him down as Ryan and Esposito watched. He was about to give it to you when Castle burst through the door of the apartment being his regular self. Except, for some reason, he hadn't put on his vest. To this day, you still don't know why.
You were watching him angrily and you didn't even notice the gunman snatch the gun from your hands and aim it at him. You saw what was happening but it was too late. The gun went off as you rushed to push Castle out the way. A bullet hit you in your side as you shoved Castle out the way, you recall, but it didn't bother you. You barely even felt it because of the sheer adrenaline coursing through your veins. You only know about it was because you had a bruise the next day. Castle, for some reason, crumpled under you and you fell on top of him. He was lying on his back so you quickly moved to turn him over worriedly. You almost expect him to make a joke, but when he doesn't you know something serious was up. Behind you, you here Ryan and Esposito shoot the gunman because out of the corner of your eye you watch him crumple to the ground.
The same exact way Castle had beneath you.
You look down immediately. You gasp when you see blood covering your hands and you examine yourself for marks, scratches anything that would cause that much blood. Then you saw him. The suspect must have fired two shots. One impacted Castle in his side and blood was rushing out onto the floor, and he was unconscious. You're taking your jacket off to cover the wound before you realize it and behind you you hear Esposito yelling 'officer down' into his radio while Ryan rushed to your side. The paramedics along with some back up (too late, you recall thinking). As the paramedics loaded Castle onto a stretcher, you notice that you holding onto his hand tightly. As they leave the apartment, you hear someone sniffle. It's not until Ryan and Esposito escort you to the hospital that you realize that that someone was you. You remember thinking about how pale he was as Alexis and Martha arrived and how that was the longest you remember him not speaking.
That thought makes you cry even more, and at that moment you wish for nothing more than to hear his voice again. You promise God that if he's okay, you will never fuss at him for annoying you anymore, but you break that promise two weeks later when he finally wakes up. A month later when you visit him at home, he's begging you to take him back out into the field. That's when it starts. You start to push him away because you know even if it hurts you both, it's the best thing to do. You don't want to see him injured anymore because he's following you around. You don't want to see another girl hurt because of the loss of a parent. But still it does hurt when he finally gives up everything six weeks later you remember not getting out of bed for a week after getting the call from the Captain.
The next month, after finally going back to work, you collapse and you were rushed to the hospital. The doctor comes in an hour later and asks everyone to leave. You remember Lanie refusing to go and you begging him tiredly to let her stay. You find out that you collapsed because of high blood pressure.
And you find out that your three and a half months pregnant.
You know that you will never forget the look on Lanie's face the moment the doctor gave you the news. He puts you on bed rest for a few days so there won't be any chance of miscarriage. You remember biting his head off when he asks you if you want an abortion. But you don't remember telling Castle the news because you didn't. By that time the press had finally gotten over 'Caskett' the name for you and Castle and pictures started showing up about him and another woman. You didn't want to ruin his chance with her and you wanted to make a clean break so you don't tell him.
A day later Lanie finally lectures you enough that you tell her about your one night with Castle. She scolds you at first until you make a joke about how good Castle must be because he got you pregnant in one night (and you used a condom). Or you tried to make a joke about that. You end up bursting into tears that you blame on hormones. Lanie, thankfully, says nothing about it just holds you until your tears stop. You cried a lot in those nine months and in the months following them too.
A week later after you're cleared to return to work, you march into the Captain's office and tell him you're pregnant. He raises his eyebrows and asks if you're sure before wrapping you into a hug. You thank him while blinking the tears away, and he never asks you about the baby's father. You love him even more for that. Esposito and Ryan were obviously spying on you (because you didn't bother to shut the curtains) and immediately pounced on you about the hug. Esposito jokingly asked you if you knew that the Captain was married and you slapped him on his arm in response. You then walk over to your desk intent on doing paperwork until you notice them lurking behind you. "I'm pregnant." You speak to them quietly never looking up once.
You were baggy clothes to work for months, successfully covering the pregnancy. In your ninth month, you finally give in and announce to the precinct about your pregnancy. Thankfully, it never gets out into the press. Well, it did to one magazine, but then Esposito and Ryan paid them a visit successfully destroying that article. Finally, on May the twenty-first, you give birth. She was two weeks early. It took you a month to finally come up with a name you like. Arianna Brielle. You decide that you must come up with a middle name that starts with a B because even though you know she will never have the surname 'Castle' she will always be one to you. You tell Lanie your idea and you both get a laugh out of it. She's the only one who knows your baby's true paternity even though Esposito and Ryan know of your one-night-stand and suspect he's her father (you never tell them for sure though). Guys can't keep secrets.
Your little ABC.
Footsteps that belong to your daughter interrupt your thoughts and you blink to watch her bounce down the hall to her bedroom. You turn back to Castle and a tension filled silence envelopes the air. Alexis' eyes dart back and forth in between the two of you nervously. You feel the same way. "Um…you know, I'm going to go play with her." She murmurs after a minute and leaves the two of them alone.
You know that you need to say something, but your throat tightens and you can't. You swallow nervously, trying to get rid of the lump in it. "So," Castle speaks finally and you find yourself holding your breath waiting for his next words. "Who's the lucky guy?" He finally finishes and you feel a swarm of dizziness come over you. You realize that you're suffocating yourself so you exhale, but it's a little too sharp and it causes Castle's eyes to dart to your face instantly.
You make a mental note to kill Alexis when you get a minute alone with her.
So, I hope that this chapter explains some of your questions. :) And I hope that it's not too out of character. I mean Beckett was just trying to protect Castle. Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews!
And I wonder what Beckett's response is going to be. :)
