"Every new friend is a new adventure...the start of more memories."
-Patrick Lindsay
Shay took a black pen and wrote the letters on her hand.
I-m-p-a-v-i-d.
Not afraid. Fearless. Maybe if she kept looking at it, kept repeating it in her head she would start to believe in it. Maybe she could live the life she wanted, and not worry about expectation and pressure and regret.
Her mother was practically glowing after Dr. Hank left the night before. Shay had gone to bed immediately with a headache and went to school so early this morning the teachers had barely arrived.
She sighed and turned her attention back to Mr. Acacia. She'd read To Kill a Mockingbird at least three times, and could only talk about Boo Radley so much without drifting off. She rested her head on her palm and listened to her teacher's voice without really hearing the words.
The worst part was that Kim wasn't in school.
She had texted her twice, but she hadn't answered. Shay was a little worried—Kim always told her when she was going to be absent. Maybe she caught a flu or something and slept in. She would have to ask Jared.
Jared.
Their big talk was last night. Was Kim absent because of that? Shay couldn't imagine what Jared would have to say, but it was kind of a coincidence that Kim was nervous about it and then out of school today.
If he broke up with her, Shay would pummel him. Well...correction-she would try to pummel him. She'd probably break her hand in the process.
Shay smiled at her own joke and shook her head, shifting in her seat. Of course, she chose that moment to make eye contact with a navy shirted, grim faced Jacob. He saw her smile and gave her a weird look. She squirmed in her seat. Great, he now both hates me and thinks I'm a weirdo.
She frowned and looked away, running her hands over the edges of her book and pretending to be enthralled in Mr. Acacia. Her cheeks were burning and once again she felt like her and Kim had switched bodies.
What had her life become? Her best friend was MIA, she was avoiding her own home like the plague, and every time Jacob Black was in the room she felt like her skin was on fire.
Well, she could control one of those things. Taking a glance down at her hand, she looked back to Jacob, who sensed her attention and locked eyes with her again.
Gathering up all the fierceness she had, she matched his gaze, hoping it radiated the defiance she wanted it to. God, his eyes were brown. Like the ground in the forest. No, stop it! They are brown like mud. Dirty. Ugly. Keep strong.
It must have worked because Jacob broke their staring contest and slumped into his chair, his eyes now on his notebook despite it not even being open.
Shay smirked and turned back to the blackboard, starting to write down the notes that Mr. Acacia was scribbling there. It wasn't much, but she felt a little bit braver than before.
Kim was sitting at the lunch table alone. Shay's heart sank—this was not a good sign. It was good Kim had finally arrived at school, but not good that she was currently Jared-less. Shay slunk to the table quietly, as if her lighter footsteps would somehow help the situation.
Impavid, Shay affirmed. If they broke up, Shay would have to be fearless for Kim.
Kim looked up from her tray as Shay slid into the chair opposite her. She looked tired, and her usual straight hair was in a messy bun. She'd traded her normally casual wardrobe for an even more casual look—a big long sleeved shirt and sweatpants. Shay searched for words that wouldn't be too blunt.
"Hey, where were you this morning?" she settled on, hoping Kim would give her some indication of what was going on. She laid her food carefully in front of her, keeping her eyes on Kim's unreadable expression.
"Sorry I didn't answer your text. Jared and I were talking late and I overslept. My mom is so used to me being early, she didn't even notice I hadn't left. You think Helen could have woken me," she grumbled.
"Oh. So...how was that? The talk with Jared, I mean," Shay said, attempting to keep her voice casual.
"It was...um...it was good." Kim was usually a little shy around others, a little mumbly, but not around Shay. She fixed her with a knowing gaze
"And? What was it about?" Shay took a sip of her chocolate milk.
"You were right, he's a murderer."
Shay choked, almost spitting out her drink. She swallowed quickly and grinned at Kim.
"I'm finally rubbing off on you. Only took a few years," Shay said proudly, beaming at her friend. "But, really...what did he say?"
Kim's eyes trailed to the window and Shay suddenly realized that she wasn't completely Jared-less. He was outside, laughing as he tossed a football to Paul. Shay squinted and saw four more bodies, one of which appeared to be Quil. She somehow knew the person next to him was Jacob, but she would not let herself linger on why she could recognize him instantly.
The field behind the school was little more than dead grass at this point, even though it was finally thawing outside. They weren't even wearing jackets in the wind. These boys had a serious aversion to clothing. Not that Shay found herself minding too much—although she dragged her gaze back to Kim as she started to speak.
"Just that he's...um, well he told me some...history. And he wants to be...exclusive."
"History like girls he's been with?"
Kim's skin was dark, but Shay could always tell when she was blushing. It gave her a nice rosy hue.
"More like...his life history," Kim corrected. "But mostly about us."
"That's nice I guess." Shay frowned. "I wonder why he was so serious about it."
Kim opened her mouth again, but closed it quickly in favor of a shrug.
"They're a weird bunch," Shay commented when she saw Kim wouldn't answer. She nibbled on the corner of her turkey sandwich.
"They're sweet," Kim said dreamily, her eyes glazing over in adoration. Shay suppressed an eye roll. "Would you date any of them?" Kim asked, keeping her eyes on her own sandwich and dropping her voice.
Shay laughed, looking outside to where the game had turned ugly and two boys were now wrestling on the ground. She couldn't see faces, but she could bet one of them was Paul. Almost as if they could sense her gaze, she noticed that a few of them had turned to where her and Kim sat by the window.
Shay waved awkwardly, Kim's hand raising slowly after her.
Jacob, her mind silently answered Kim, but just as her mind betrayed her he instantly looked away. She pushed that thought down far, far away into the depths of things that would never happen. Maybe if he stopped being an asshole. A gorgeous asshole.
"Uh, maybe Quil, he's cute. Or Embry," Shay finally answered, turning back to her food.
Kim's eyes grew wide and her gaze flicked outside.
"Ok, never mind, stupid question," she protested, taking a huge bite of her sandwich so bread filled her mouth.
"What's the matter?" Shay asked, following Kim's eyes out the window. The boys now seemed to be laughing, or at least, half of them were. Jacob stood rigidly to the side, his back to her, but she could see his hands clenched at his sides. Jared was trying to put a hand on his shoulder, but he shoved it off roughly. What's he moody about now? She wondered.
"Nothing. So what did I miss this morning?" Kim continued, still seeming a little twitchy.
"Uh, not much. I almost fell asleep in English. I got a 100 on our math quiz. Oh, and Gordon knocked a book on me again. I'm starting to suspect he's doing it on purpose..."
"Maybe you can try to be a little nice to her?" Jared said, putting a hand on his shoulder.
Jacob glared at Jared, wishing he would stop saying that and shrugged his hand off.
"Why? It doesn't exactly matter."
Bella—he wanted to date Bella. He was in love with Bella, so Shay could do what she wanted.
"It doesn't matter that your imprint would rather date me than you?" Embry asked, raising a taunting eyebrow at him as he threw Quil the football.
Jacob growled. He wished he was in wolf form just to tear into Embry for that one. He could feel his hand trembling and steadied it, taking a breath.
"So date her."
Even as the words left his mouth they tasted wrong, felt wrong, landed in the air like a huge weight.
"I'd rather not be on your list of people to murder when you come to your senses," Embry shuddered, easily catching the pass from Quil.
"I'm not going to come to my senses," Jacob said, his blood starting to boil. He was sick of everyone saying that. "I'm fine. I'm dealing with it. I wish everyone would stop fucking talking about it."
Everyone grew silent then, Quil halting in throwing the ball. They had been looking at him like this since it happened, like he was a grenade. But he wasn't going to explode. This was a flaw in the system, and he was going to move on with his life how he wanted.
"Well, I guess I'd date her," Paul finally broke the silence, shrugging his shoulders.
Instantly, the tension lifted and Jared let out a hearty laugh, followed quickly by Quil and Embry. Seth still looked a little wary, and merely smiled as Jacob rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, walking back toward the school.
Kim was taking her time. Shay sighed and sat under a tree near the main doors of school, watching her classmates rejoice for the weekend and practically run to their cars and bikes. She smiled at a few people, but didn't say anything—she could get a start on her homework if Kim's tardiness lately would repeat itself.
Shay shifted and leaned against the trunk, taking her notebook from her dad's bag and started to write down ideas for her writing class assignment. Unlike the members of Jared's circle of friends, she was cold out here and tried to pull down the sleeves of her peacoat as far as she could while still being able to hold her pen.
Write about your first memory.
Not her favorite assignment. She actually wasn't sure what her first memory was—maybe she could make it up.
"Doing the assignment for Harrison's class?"
Shay's heart skipped as she looked up into Simon Hote's eyes. She hadn't spoken to him since Jacob had pegged Kala with the ball-something that still made her grin if anyone said it.
"Uh, yeah. Even though I have no idea what to say."
Simon's dimple appeared as he gave her a smile and sat down next to her.
"I have something. It was dark, and wet. I had never seen sun before, so the light blinded when I began to be pushed out—"
"Please tell me you're not talking about your birth," Shay laughed, covering her face.
"That's my first memory, Brooks," he defended with a grin, pushing up his glasses.
"It is not, you big liar," she said, rolling her eyes but grinning like an idiot.
"How do you know, can you see in my brain?" he asked, poking her in the head.
"Shay!"
Shay turned from her position to see Seth had called her name and was waving to her in his genuine, infectious way. If it was anyone else, she would be angry they were interrupting her, but it was hard to be mad at Seth's puppy dog eyes.
"Hey Seth," she nodded, watching in slight horror as he plopped down on her other side, stretching his long legs in front of him. He had on a navy blue shirt like Jacob and she smiled slightly at the resemblance.
"Hi, Simon right? I'm Seth Clearwater." Seth stretched a hand across my body to reach Simon.
"Yeah, my mom goes to your mom's store all the time," Simon said, giving Seth a smile. All traces of his playfulness toward her were fleeting, and she would have pouted if she wasn't sandwiched between them.
"Guess it's hard not to know everyone in a town this size."
Simon smiled, but didn't have a comment for Seth which caused them to descend into an uncomfortable silence.
Say something. For the love of words, please say something, Shay thought, going through her brain like a filing cabinet.
"So, uh, what's up Seth?" she settled on lamely, wiping her hands on her jeans.
"Oh! Right. I was sent here to bring you to Kim's. She got a ride with Jared and couldn't find you anywhere. Plus, I am here to cordially invite you to a party tomorrow. It's my birthday, and my mom enjoys any occasion to have the pack over."
"The pack?" Shay asked, lifting an eyebrow.
Seth hissed out a breath before quickly replacing it with a smile.
"Yeah you know, the pack of us. The group. The big ole friendship...circle." He grimaced at himself as he finished.
Shay snorted and patted his arm. She had a lot of experience with regretting your lame words almost instantly as you said them.
"Sounds great, kid."
"Oh, Simon, you're welcome too, of course," Seth said, his eyes flicking to a now fidgeting Simon.
"Oh...thanks, I'll see if I can make it," Simon said, nodding at Seth before turning to her. "I've got to get going. Good luck with the assignment."
"You too, baby."
Simon froze as he was rising and Shay's cheeks flooded with red as Seth choked on air.
"I didn't mean baby, like baby, I meant baby, like you're writing about being a baby," Shay quickly amended, her voice rushing. How many times could one person say baby in a sentence? She might have broken the record. If there was any sort of cosmic justice, she would be struck by lightning right now. Maybe the tree would fall on her. Maybe someone could run her over a few times.
But Simon just chuckled, his own cheeks pink as he dusted off his black pants.
"Don't worry about it," he said easily, his dimple appearing once more. "I'll see you later?"
She nodded, afraid to open her mouth in case something else embarrassing flew out.
He walked toward the parking lot and Shay willed herself to calm down, almost forgetting Seth was there until he started tapping on her leg.
"Well, that was awkward," he said, giving her the goofiest grin she'd ever seen.
"Shut up," she grumbled, fighting the urge to hide under a rock. "I know it was."
"I didn't know you liked him."
"Who said I did?" she asked, perhaps a bit too quickly.
"Your heartbeat. And your face."
"Yeah well...I just...can we just go?" she asked pathetically, stuffing her notebook into her bag and putting the strap over herself.
"Sure thing, your chariot awaits." Seth swept his hands in a gesture toward the parking lot as she groaned and stood up from the hard ground. Seth somehow gathered up his long limbs and was already ahead of her as she ran to catch up with him.
"Wait a second, can you drive?"
"No, but Paul can, and he's probably angry we're taking so long."
She continued to jog next to him, her short legs whining in protest as her brain ran over the strange interaction she just had. She paused for a moment, squinting her eyes at Seth.
"How did you know about my heartbeat?"
"I think Kim can hear it from her house," Seth replied after a moment, and her face flushed again.
"You better watch it Clearwater, you were my favorite until today!"
Seth just tilted his head back and laughed, urging her forward as a cross-armed, glaring Paul came into view.
"I'll be your favorite again when I keep Paul from killing you," Seth quipped, laughing as she stumbled to get into the backseat.
"Good point," she mumbled, sliding into the Jeep.
Paul got in faster than she thought possible. She hoped his driving wasn't as jerky as his moods.
Her life was really changing, she thought, as she drove away from school with two people she had previously barely known her name. Seth and Paul talked in low voices so she couldn't hear them over the rock music coming from the radio. She looked out the window instead.
Maybe this change was a good thing. Save for Jacob, she had growing fondness for these overgrown teenagers. And since she had humiliated herself with Simon, she could easily hide behind the bulk of their bodies in the hallways.
She laughed at herself, drawing the attention of Paul and Seth.
"You're a little weird, you know that right?" Paul asked, taking a sharp turn that almost pushed her face against the window.
"Yeah and you're a little mean, but we're living with it," she said under her breath.
Seth barked out a laugh and Paul glared at her, but his eyes were amused. She sunk back against the door—how did they hear that? She must have been louder than she thought. Or these weirdos could add hearing sensitivity to their list of strangeness.
"We like you, Shay. I'm glad we're friends now." Seth said, his voice carrying over the radio.
Shay felt her chest tighten and loosen at once. This morning, she had practically wanted to run away. Now she was in a car with friends and had no plans of going home to that empty, maddening house.
Sure, they were slightly odd and she didn't really know them that well, but with the exception of Jacob the ass, they had welcomed her without much question. She hadn't had a lot of friends growing up, and it felt nice to be a group that seemed so close.
"Thanks, Seth," she answered, her voice almost smiling. "I'm glad too."
Thanks so much to everyone who said they were hanging on with this story! Nice to hear I'm not alone out here!
I love writing a little bitter Jacob, but I'm also kind of just loving writing about the pack. They were always my favorite part of the novels to be honest, so it's lovely to stretch my imagination a little with you all! Hope you enjoyed- let me know! :)
