"Thank you for lunch," Hermione said as they walked toward the park.
"Thank you for the company today," he returned.
Emiline had wandered ahead of them, skipping towards the swings. She stopped before she reached them.
"I can swing Fessor Snay, if you can start me," she looked up at him.
"Professor Snape might like to rest," Hermione told her.
"It's ok, Hermione. Lead the way, Emiline," he said. The little girl took his hand and walked over to the swings.
Snape had never picked up a small child before. He placed his hands under her arms and she grabbed onto him as he lifted her onto the swing. She smelled so sweet and felt so warm, he liked holding onto her. Once settled in the seat, he started to push her in the swing, watching her feet kick back and forth giving her momentum.
"Ok, Fessor Snay, I got it," she told him in mid-air.
He smiled and walked to the bench where Hermione was sitting. She watched the two of them together and it made her angry with despair. But she was trapped, nothing she could do could change what was into what she fantasized about. Severus approached the bench and sat down beside her, the two of them quiet while watching the little girl swing, the breeze catching her curls gently.
"How are Alexander's lessons coming along?" she asked him.
"Very good," he said, "he has a real penchant for potions."
Hermione said nothing for a few minutes then spoke directly to him. "He told me about your conversation. You must think me cruel."
Severus looked at her, "what conversation?"
She sighed slightly, "about the books. He felt guilty that he hadn't told me what he said to you. He also told me that you promised you wouldn't tell me. I appreciate you keeping that confidence for him. He trusts you."
Severus wasn't sure what to say exactly. "Hermione, I don't think you're cruel. I don't understand the arrangement and I told you I wouldn't pry. But if I said I wasn't concerned I'd be lying to you."
"I know," she said, "I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. You understand."
"Yes, I understand," he said. "I am very fond of you," he stumbled out, "and Emiline and Alexander. You will promise that if you need me, you will tell me?"
"I promise," she told him. She looked at his face, anguish over his inability to act was apparent and she felt dreadful for having to keep him in the dark about it.
"The first time I came here, Alexander was only two years old. Hard to believe that was almost a decade ago. I don't feel that old but I guess I am," she mused aloud.
"Children are such interesting creatures," she said, "Emiline will swing on that swing for hours, singing to herself. She'll climb up the ladder for the slide and slide down dozens of times on her own. Their lives are so simple and unaware. Remarkable, really."
Severus watched her as she spoke and followed her eyes to the rosy cheeked girl on the swing.
"She is a very special young lady. You've done a good job raising her, and Alexander. They have a wonderful mother," he complimented.
Hermione looked down at her lap. "I've done my best but it's not enough."
"Nonsense," he chided, "your children adore you and you them."
"Alexander worries a lot," she told him.
"I gathered that," he replied. "What does he worry about?"
Hermione said nothing and Severus didn't push. He could tell that she was yearning to talk to someone, to let go of the things in her heart but she couldn't. It would come in time and he would wait patiently for that time to come.
"I like spending time with you," she said, "I know I shouldn't, but I do. It's very hard."
"Why shouldn't you? We are friends aren't we?" he asked her.
"Yes, but-" she started, "I need to say something. If I don't, I will explode but promise me that we won't speak about it after," she implored.
"Of course," he said, "you can trust me."
"I sometimes wish I could spend time with you, differently. You are a very good friend to me and I respect you but in my heart," she choked, "there is a wish, a hope that can't be fulfilled and it hurts."
He put his arm around her and she put her head on his shoulder. "I understand and share that desire," he told her.
She let herself be wrapped in his warmth for a few moments, breathing in his warm scent, feeling his hand protectively draped across her shoulder before sitting up, wiping tears from her cheeks.
"I'm a silly witch," she said, shaking her head. He pat her knee reassuringly and they continued their musing on the bench.
"Mummy! Fessor Snay!" a little voice called out, "I can fly! Like a birdie! Watch!"
Hermione saw her shift in the swing and jumped up. "No!" she yelled, but she was too late. When the swing reached the height of its arc, she propelled herself out of the swing, spread out her arms and then plummeted to the ground.
Hermione raced to the little form on the ground with Severus behind her.
She drew the unconscious little girl into her lap and sobbed, rocking her back and forth.
"I swore, I swore" she kept repeating, "I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry."
"Hermione," Severus addressed, "Hermione, calm down, let me see her," he said calmly.
He drew his wand out and ran it over her. "She's hit her head, but I don't think it's anything serious but she has broken her leg."
Hermione let him gently lay the little girl on the ground and cast a couple of charms over her. "I'm going to wake her now," he told Hermione.
With a wave of his wand, the little girl's eyes fluttered open. "Wha' happen?" she asked.
"You might not be ready to be a birdie just yet," Severus told her.
"My leg hurts and my head hurts," she told them.
"I know, my treasure," he said, "I'm going to carry you back to Hogwarts and Madam Pomfrey will fix you right up."
She nodded and then reached out to him with her small arms. For Snape, it was the greatest feeling he had ever experienced as he picked the little girl up into his arms. Hermione kissed her cheeks and her forehead, training her curls behind her ears.
"Mummy, why you crying?" she asked.
"You scared me, angel," she said.
"I okay," she reassured her mother.
"Hermione, if you can collect our parcels, I'll carry her back," he told her.
"Are you sure? When we get to Hogwarts, there will be students and faculty. They'll see you carry-"
"Hermione," he interrupted, "I thought by now you knew that I don't give a rat's ear about what people think."
"Thank you," she told him.
The little girl settled against in his arms, a hand grabbing fistful of his robes, her head resting on his chest. They said nothing on the way back but Hermione took his elbow and walked closely with them on the way.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
When they arrived at the infirmary, no one was more shocked that Poppy Pomfrey to see their imposing potions professor carrying a small child, one that looked very happy to be in his arms.
"What happened?" she asked.
"She fell off the swing," Hermione said, "she's hit her head and Severus said her leg is broken."
"Oh, gracious, the little dear," Poppy fussed, "lay her here, Severus," she instructed.
"Give me a few minutes with her and then I'll let you know," Poppy told them.
"Emmy," Hermione started, "Madam Pomfrey is going to look you over. I'll be right outside this curtain, ok?"
The little girl nodded. "You're a very brave girl, Emiline," Severus said. Poppy looked up at him like he had suddenly grown antlers.
They sat down on a bench.
"Are you ok?" he asked her, "you still seem a bit shaken."
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry I fell apart back there. It's not the Hermione Granger people expect. They expect logic and reason. And for the most part, in situations, and heavens knows I was in enough of them as a student, I am logical and reasonable but no one tells you that when you have children, there are emotions that you've never experienced before and sometimes you can't do anything with them. I bet you think I'm silly, don't you?"
"No, not at all. I think there is something special about the way you love your children that is rich and deep. They love you just as strongly," he assured her.
"Thank you for everything you did back there. I couldn't ask for a better friend," she said sadly.
"You're very welcome. I hope that this incident didn't spoil you of my company," he said. "I would like to spend more time with you and your family."
"I'd like that very much," she told him smiling.
Madam Pomfrey interrupted them. "She's going to be fine. Just a tiny bump on the head, nothing to worry about it. Her leg has been healed but with these young bones, I'd like to see her rest for a few days. She should stay in bed, stay off her leg, but she will be fine."
"Thank you so much, Poppy," Hermione smiled. "Can we take her back to her room now?"
"Certainly, let me know if you need anything else," she offered.
The little girl seemed so small in the big cot but she smiled grandly when she saw the two adults approach.
"Well, young lady, it seems you're going to be fine, but you have to rest like Madam Pomfrey says," Hermione told her.
"Yes, Mummy," she yawned. "I seepy."
Severus walked over to the side of the cot and her arms stretched out to meet him. He gently scooped her up and settled her into his arms.
"Shall we," he said, looking at Hermione. And with a nod, he walked down the halls to their rooms, a sleeping Emiline in his arms. Her even, gentle breathing was comforting to Severus and he wished that he could just hold onto her and let her sleep in his arms.
Hermione pulled the covers back on the little girl's bed and Severus gently placed her in. Hermione gently removed her socks and shoes before pulling the covers over her. She tucked her in and the little girl shifted to her side.
"Mummy loves you Emmy," Hermione whispered, kissing her temple and cheek before rising from the bed.
She stood in the doorway for just a moment and closed the door behind her. Severus stood near the door, watching the scene unfold.
"She's ok," Hermione said confidently.
"Yes, but are you ok?" he asked.
She walked over to him and put her forehead against his chest and let him wrap her in a hug.
"No, but maybe one day I can be," she said.
