Happy Birthday to MuffN on Saturday! And to Kellan Lutz on Sunday! Yay for pisces power! (Did I mention that I went to TwiCon in SF in February and managed to somehow get a picture of Kellan's butt on my camera? I swear it was an accident! A wonderful one to be sure, but an accident nonetheless XD)

Sorry for the late update... I had a very... hectic... weekend, and things definitely didn't go as planned... on my one day off this weekend I tried to write, but it was two in the morning and MuffN was too tipsy to type properly and have the words come out correctly, so I had to redo everything... It was interesting trying to decipher, so I am sorry for the wait, but it was impossible for me to put this out for the weekend like I had promised.

This chapter goes out to movieandbookgirl because she is an amazing writer and a fantastic friend, and her story is coming to an end :'( Check out Flight 2804 and join me in crying for it's finale, and worshipping the creativity of such a wonderful author! *applauds*

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or it's characters no matter how many times I use the word "please". Magic word my ass... :P

On with the chapter!


Tanya was here.

And I was partially rejoicing, and partially dreading what was to come from her arrival.

Of course I was a little miffed; Edward's one ex-girlfriend (that I knew about, at least) was here when I had already gotten a guarantee from Edward that such a thing wouldn't happen. I believed him when he said there wasn't anything between them, but it was still unsettling, and my self esteem was slowly fizzling out the longer I sat across from her in the living room for the remainder of the evening.

But I took solace in the fact that she was the only other person besides Edward who knew what was going on in his life those nine years ago, and if I could make myself work up the courage, then perhaps I cold talk to her and get some answers... Also, I knew that she wasn't a vindictive person by nature, so it wasn't as if she had purposely come here to win Edward back after nine years. She was smarter than me and would have gotten over her feelings for him by now. I knew that she wasn't here to cause trouble.

But there remained the question of why she actually washere. I was sure there was a purpose for her visit, and I was immensely curious as to how she even found out about our gathering. I specifically remember the conversation I had with Edward outside that chinese food restaurant downtown... "I think it was an unspoken rule not to invite any exes on this trip."

But if that was so, then how did she come to know?

I sighed and rolled over in bed, snuggling closer to Edward. He smirked, but kept his eyes closed and just rubbed my back in a comforting manner. I felt a grim satisfaction knowing that I was the one in here with Edward, and that Tanya was crashing in Jessica's room on the floor below us. I was the one Edward allowed to be this close to him, and I was the one who he touched so intimately the night before and spoke those words to. I actually felt... special... like Edward had chosen me. It was a wonderful feeling, no matter how fleeting.

I fell asleep that night wrapped in Edward's embrace and with a smile on my face, despite our unexpected visitor. If that wasn't progress in my relationship with Edward, then I don't know what would be.

Then I awoke early the next morning, my usual insecurites back in place. Ah, that's more like it, I thought bitterly to myself as I extricated myself from Edward's arms as smoothly as possible, trying not to wake him. My effort was in vain when I tripped on the rug and slammed into the floor. I hoped that I didn't wake up Emmett and Rosalie who were in the room directly below us.

At my loud THUD! of impact, Edward sat up in bed, and looked at me as I sat up, rubbing my nose with one hand, and my breasts with the other.

"Ow."

"Are you alright?" he asked, turning a little red in the face as he let out a slight cough. I immediately stopped feeling myself up.

"Yes, the only lasting damage is to my pride," I sighed.

"Well, if that's all..." he trailed off, an impish grin lighting up his face. My heart beat quickened as he climbed out of bed, once again clad only in his boxers. I briefly wondered when he had taken off his pants the night before.

My eyes traced his form, not caring and not hiding my glance. I knew he was doing the same to me anyway and I had grown somewhat accustomed to his wandering eyes; it made me feel pretty, so I couldn't really complain. Eventually I let my gaze drift away and I went to stand up, Edward rushing forward to offer his hand. I took it gratefully and his strong arm pulled me up with ease, us both going downstairs (after Edward threw on a plain white t-shirt) to begin making breakfast for the house.

I wondered if it was terribly wrong to be so overjoyed by the fact that Edward had me pinned to the kitchen counter, trying to put muffin batter on my face when Tanya entered the room. I supposed not; it's a female thing to be so territorial. Despite the fact that Edward wasn't mine, I still felt the need to stake a claim before Tanya could.

But when Tanya just gave me a kind smile I felt a little bad about my mental gloating. It was just like high school: I would have irrational feelings of dislike or disdain or sometimes even smugness regarding Tanya, and she had always been nothing but nice to me, Edward, and everyone around her. It was another reason for my discomfort around her: she made me feel like such a bitch in comparison, it was no wonder Edward had chosen her over me.

"She wasn't a permanent fixture with us, though," Edward had said. He had never seen her as something lasting. The thought comforted my wounded ego, but I continued to worry needlessly about what that would mean about any other relationships he might or might not enter into if he was with her for a whole year, and never once thought about progressing what they had. God, I was getting a headache, and it wasn't even eight in the morning.

Tanya and I hadn't spoken directly to each other all day, and now I could understand what Jacob had meant when he always said that he got along better with Edward when he blatantly ignored him. I wasn't going out of my way to avoid her, but I didn't seek her out, and therefore my heart didn't beat out of my chest. This was a good thing.

She just kept giving me her overly-kind smiles whenever we passed each other, and I did my best to reciprocate. I'm sure I succeeded the majority of the time.

We didn't have much activity planned for the day, as some of our stomachs still recoving from the spin they got yesterday from all the roller coasters. The thought made me look sympathetically over at Jacob who had throw up a grand total of seven times yesterday and was pictured screaming like a girl on some of the rides... poor guy just didn't like heights, but tried to rough it to not be shown up by the other guys around.

Not to mention the talk we had. After I was rubbing his back while he puked at one point during the day before, he took me aside, and we hashed out exactly what had happened to our friendship, and how to get it back without the awkwardness. I told him my reasoning for wanting to stop with our little arrangement, and he told me how much he loved me. He wasn't pleading or trying to convince me to change my mind, but rather just stating a fact, no longer keeping it a secret from me. It made me cry a little, thinking of how much I wished I loved him, too, and how I was hurting him by wanting someone else.

But it couldn't be helped, and we both knew that. So we kept the mood light, and eventually joined the rest of our group again, Edward acting a little distant because I spent so much time with Jacob that day, but it was alright. Edward might be my love, but Jacob was my constant, and he was my oldest friend. I didn't have to choose one or the other—I could balance them both. Jacob would not be left out again, and Edward would understand this, too, eventually. I made mental plans ot talk to him later that night, hopefully after Tanya left.

Soon dinner came around, and I was in the kitchen washing the plates to help me work up the courage to finally talk to Tanya. She hadn't said if she was staying the night again, and I wanted to talk to her before she left. Or at least exchange phone numbers. Or maybe email. Or maybe it wasn't even that important to talk to her after all...

I took a deep breath. I needed to talk to Tanya. I would just finish these plates first...

"Want some help?"

I stilled for half a second at Tanya's voice, before nodding. I continued washing, and Tanya picked up a towel to dry. this was what I had wanted after all, and it seemed Tanya was on the same page. We worked in silence while all my questions bubbled to the surface, wanting to escape all at once.

Finally I just blurted out, "How could you have wanted anyone else?"

I once again wished for that brick wall to be placed before me for my self-reprimanding purposes. That wasn't the question I wanted to open up with, and I had never planned to ask that one aloud, but it was too late now and I had to follow through with it.

"Excuse me?"

"Edward. He told me... a long time ago... that the reason you two split up was because of feelings for another person. Who on earth could be better than him?"

"I think you've misunderstood-" God, was I beginning to hate that word "-Bella, it was because of you."

"Me?" I squeaked. "Do you think I'm a lesbian? What? I don't-"

A gasp interrupted me. Lauren had heard the last part of the conversation, and her eyes lit up a bit and she ran off, probably to tell the rest of the house that I "admitted" to being a lesbian. She'd get a kick out of trying to humiliate me like that. Tanya shook her head sadly at Lauren and I was reminded once again of how honest and nice a person she'd always been.

"You're not getting it, Bella," she began, focusing on our conversation once more. The sink water kept running, but I had long ago stopped washing. "Edward... I broke up with Edward after I saw him looking at you. Again. And I knew it was hopeless trying to get him to want me when he only had eyes for you. I got tired of the facade."

I stared at her. Unblinking.

"Bella?"

"Why are you saying this?"

"Because it's true," she shrugged.

"I was the home-wrecking other woman?"

Tanya chuckled and it only barely sounded forced. "I guess so."

"Then why was he looking at you that way when we came downstairs?" I hoped she'd know what I was talking about; the incident occurred nine years beforehand.

Tanya rolled her eyes. "You know how good of a guy Edward is. He probably felt guilty for the way things ended with us. And about having sex with you in my bed right afterward." I choked on air. "Didn't think I knew about that, did you? You two were up there for a long time, and when you finally came out you were all rumpled and my bed was frumpy. It wasn't hard to guess what happened."

"I'm sorry."

"No, you aren't, but it's alright. Edward was sorry. He'd never disrespect me like that on purpose."

"We just had sex in your ex-girlfriend's bed," I had said in an astonished voice once we regained our senses.

"Well, that was highly... um... inappropriate of us. And quite a mistake too," he had replied.

Oh shit. I assumed he meant that us being together so suddenly was the mistake, not the location of our interaction. I knew Edward wouldn't hurt me like that on purpose, just like Tanya did.

Oh shit, I thought again, and smiled internally at the memory of Edward uttering that word so frequently the other night.

"Edward cared for me back then..."

"No, Edward loved you back then. Full-on, can't-be-crushed-or-denied, hurts-to-look-at in love with you. You've been the winner this whole time and you didn't even know it."

"I wasn't trying to make it a competition," I said, not really knowing how to respond to that revelation.

"I was. I did everything I could not to lose, and it was all for nothing. Bella, you're the only one he's ever wanted."

Back then, at least.

"Why are you telling me this, Tanya?" I asked again. "What are you getting out of it?"

"Did you think I came here just to try to steal Edward back?" she smiled. Once again, a kind smile; she wasn't trying to patronize or make fun of me, just being helpful. The smile didn't upset me.

"Not really. I knew that you weren't really the type of person to cause trouble, but it didn't stop me from being anxious and a little upset."

"I figured you would be, that's why I originally declined Lauren's invitation to come up here. I don't have anything against you anymore."

"No offense, but why are you here now? Did Lauren convince you to come and try to 'break' Edward and I up so she could have him?"

This time Tanya did laugh and I assumed it wasn't at me, but instead my question. "Of course not! Lauren doesn't want to be together with your Edward."

I love the way she calls him mine. I supposed staking a claim had worked before.

"No, I just heard it through the grapevine that it was considered my fault for all your troubles in the past and felt the need to rectify that before it became too late. Am I?"

"No," I whispered. "Not at all." It seems like some of my questions were answered after all.

Edward and Tanya were broken up when he and I were together.

He didn't disrespect me, and instead just spoke words that hit my insecure side, causing me not to understand.

And Edward cared for me. Maybe even loved me. Tanya might have been exaggerating his feelings, but now it was obvious to me that he truly did feel something back then, just like he seemed to feel something now. He had wanted me, as I wanted him, not just for a physical relationship.

And if I still felt the same way after nine years (absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say), it was entirely possible that he could go through his life without his feelings changing either.

Before, I had realized that it wasn't impossible for Edward to want me. And now I know that it is possible. A subtle, yet distinct difference that made my heart soar.

Tanya just stood there staring at my face while I processed everything. The lack of ambient noise when she turned off the sink startled me back into the real world, and I grinned brightly at Tanya, and she smiled back.

"There," she said. "I certainly feel better."

I laughed.

"Enjoy winning your game, Bella," she tossed over her shoulder as she walked out of the room. I came to the conclusion that Tanya was a very strong individual, and I respected her for all she'd done.

I sat down one on of the stools at the island once she was gone because I still had one important question to answer: was it love?

Whether or not his feelings were as deep as that, this epiphany explained a lot of Edward's thoughts and mannerisms, both in the present and in the past. He was always so caring, and his irrationally negative disposition with Jacob was put in a new light: jealousy. Edward could see (perhaps only subconsciously) the little differences in my relationship with Jacob as we grew closer, and reacted instinctively to them. I did the same thing whenever he so much as spoke to another girl.

And the way he always called me "love"... I knew that he got that from his parents, but it had never occurred to me that it was an endearment that his father gave to his mother: the one he loved. I had always just blushed and wished, never expecting anything more after a long while of nothing.

His dark reactions when I had begun avoiding him again when we first arrived, his reaction to Jacob and their silent conversations with me in the room, his desperation for me not to leave him again...

And the way he looked at me.

I've always loved that look.

And now I wasn't hopeless, but rather hopeful.

And I love that feeling, too.

Tanya stayed the night again, and all my nervousness was gone, leaving no confliction as I went to bed with Edward again. It was just him and I, and he sensed my good mood, once again giving me that devilish smirk as his hand rested on my hip bone, seeming to ask permission without words.

I replied by pressing my body to his. He liked that.

"Edward," I breathed out, not calling for his attention, just acknowledging him.

He understood and simply replied with, "My Bella..."

My heart melted a little as he lowered himself down my body, carefully removing my pajama pants and underwear and he kissed me until he brought me to the depths of pleasure, whispering beautiful things to me.

He still refused to let me reciprocate, claiming that he had something to prove to me. I wished that I could roll my eyes at him, but I was too euphoric to. What Tanya had said was still prevalent in my head, and I could only find Edward's stubbornness about that as endearing.

Ever the gentleman, I thought, continuing to bask in the wonderful words of desire and affection he said to me, and I believed them all.

Oh, yes. Edward cared for me.

And he "cared" for me with his mouth again the following morning when we awoke early.

I would forever be thankful to Emmett for jumping in and telling me to share this room. That man is just too smart for his own good.


Oh, yes, I do love euphemisms... First Jacob saved Bella from having to "play solitaire" all by herself at the start of this story, then Edward "buttered her muffin" and they found some "holiday spirit" in my christmas oneshot, and now Edward is "caring" for Bella. Oh yeah. We all love it when dirty things can pass for clean... XD

Anyway! this chapter was a little longer at 3,001 words, not including my author's notes... I'll be back up to my normal length soon, once I get back into the groove of writing again... and once my fingers get used to all the extra exercise they're receiving at school as well as on the computer hahaha

A lot of similar questions are being asked in reviews and messages on both twilighted(dot)net and fanfiction(dot)net, so I answered several of them on the thread for this story on the twilighted boards! Go ahead and check out the questions/answers and ask any others you have! If you're too lazy, that's understandable, but if you ask the same questions in a review, I'll probably just point you in that direction so I don't have to try to gather my thoughts to remember the answer I gave before XD
Link is on my profile to the forum.... :)

This will be the last update for a little bit... not too long! don't worry! but I'm going to try to work on another of my stories, and those chapters usually take longer to get validated, and I can't have more than one in the submission cue at a time. So not too long, but longer than it has been for the last couple weeks. Don't get discouraged!

Thanks for reading, and be sure to review! Good reviews have the option of receiving an extra for this story! (see previous chapter ANs for what constitutes as a good review hahaha)

Much Love,

Grace, the unGraceful