Disclaimer I do not own these characters they remain the property of Nicole Colville. This fanfiction has been written with her permission to use her characters.

For those of you who have never read The Hidden Series, they are a set of M/M books which are available on Amazon.


I roamed the streets of Paris, as memories of Alexander flooded my mind. It was like I couldn't escape him. I remembered how he once told me how it felt to kneel for me, waiting for me to come to him and use his body as I saw fit. He explained it was like falling into a black hole, nothing else mattered or existed. His thoughts cleared and his mind emptied. There was no one else in the world, only us. He said it calmed his often busy mind and made him feel complete and at one with me and my feelings for him. I never understood how these conflicting things could work. Right now I envied him the ability to have those moments of peace. I wanted to feel it like he did. Right now, I wanted to know what it was like, I didn't want to feel anything. I hated how my heart and soul were being ripped apart because of my feelings for him. This was why I tried to push him away in the beginning, I never wanted to feel like this for another human being. The pain of leaving him nearly killed me three years ago, now I was losing him for real, and this might actually kill me this time.

I knew I couldn't give into the feelings of darkness which swirled around me, holding me close in their grip and refusing to let me go. I'd given up so much already to get here, to this moment, and I couldn't give up now, could I? In a moment of mind blowing clarity I realised what I needed to do.

Once I got my bearings I turned on my heel and headed to the club. Arriving I made my way through the door and immediately sought out Nicole. I found her in one of the private rooms, the young sub from the other day kneeling once again at her feet. The session looked to be in full swing and there was no way I would dare disturb them. Knowing how deep into his submission her sub would be, to interrupt the session could be disastrous.

Instead I made my way down the empty corridor which housed the private rooms, finding one unlocked I went inside. There was the familiar and comforting smell of leather and wood. I closed my eyes and inhaled, it was a scent I would never tire of. In one corner of the room there was a St Andrews cross, the restraints all ready for their next occupant. There was a padded mat occupying the centre of the room with equipment placed around it. I noticed this was not your normal private room, some of the equipment seemed to be more personal and also I noticed some locked cabinets which made me curious as to what was inside.

I missed my playthings, the feel of the leather in my hand, the sensation of it being wielded correctly. I wanted desperately to hurt someone. To see the pain I could bring to another human being combined with the pleasure it would bring to me regardless of what they wanted. It was an ingrained in me as breathing. The thought of inflicting pain on another of course reminded me of Alexander. The man who no longer loved me, and I feared he possibly never did. My heart ached afresh, would I ever stop feeling like this?

My concern was if I were to lift a whip or crop in this state of mind, I would do some serious damage to the recipient. Although they might crave it, they didn't deserve to bear the wrath of my anger. No, playing with someone was I bad idea if I knew it wasn't safe right now.

I fell to my knees, overcome by a mixture grief and loss. Finally, here was a place I could let the emotions out. There was no one around to witness my decline into the darkness surrounding me, no one to witness my spectacular fall from grace.

Alexander was the only thing I cared about, and now even he was gone. I closed the door of the room and turned off the light. Allowing the darkness to surround me in its embrace and comfort me as I prepared for this change in my life.

The words I'd heard days before flooded back into my mind, "You will seek me out and kneel before me in one of the private rooms. Then and only then will you find what it is you need. I will take it from you, remove everything you were and moulding you to what I want, what I need." I'd denied it would happen. That I would seek out the need and desire to be controlled and react to a command. I needed someone to make me forget, even if only for a little while. Now here I was, kneeling in a stangers playroom, waiting to be commanded.

As I kneeled on the ground, I allowed my head to bow, hands rested on my thighs. It was a method I used to centre myself and something I had taught Alexander to do many years before. My mind emptied of thought, every emotion I had felt and experienced in the last couple of hours. This is what I needed, I sank deeper and deeper into the darkness as I waited.

How long I remained on my knees, I had no idea, My mind was now calm and empty when I heard the door open, light hit my back and caused my shadow to be cast across the wall before me. The light was switched on but immediately dimmed allowing my eyes time to adjust. I didn't move, not a muscle.

Footsteps approached, a hand brushed across my shoulders as they surveyed my position my breathing got quicker. Then just as quickly, their touch was gone. My breathing returned to normal as I heard them walk around the room. Steady, rhythmical footsteps. It sounded like a heartbeat in the relative silence of the room.

I knew they were giving me the chance to back out, to walk away from this. But I couldn't. This is what I needed and they knew it even before I did. Now I was here, I couldn't leave.

Finally, they made their way back toward me. I could see their feet appear before me. Black leather boots leading to a pair of leather trousers. I wanted to laugh at the obvious cliché, but that would only mean I would receive a punishment and I wasn't ready for that, not just yet.

"Just as I predicted, you are here kneeling before me." His voice was strong and carried a slight accent to it, causing a shiver to run through me. "I knew it would happen and I have so much planned for you. I will take your body and use it as I see fit. Your pleasure is mine to control and command. Do you understand?"

I nodded before my voice allowed the word to be free. "Yes."

"Good." He moved away from me. "I know what you need, what will bring you pleasure and pain. Believe me when I say you will receive both from me." He began to unlock the cabinets, leaving me to absorb his words. Then he was standing before me, his fingers lifting my chin so I could look at his face for the first time.

He was truly beautiful. Steel grey eyes met mine; lips pursed together, cheekbones that any model would kill for, his hair was dark and tousled, brushed back from his face. He stood tall and proud. The black leather trousers were teamed with a black shirt which had the sleeves rolled up exposing his strong forearm, and unbuttoned showing off his muscular chest. A single word fell from his lips. "Strip."

I paused for a moment, unsure of what to do, he crouched down before me. "Was I not clear in my instruction? I said strip, unless you would rather I remove your clothes which trust me, you will not enjoy."

Swallowing back the urge to reply and protest, I undid my shirt. Folding it neatly before I stood and began to remove my trousers, again folding them neatly on the floor next to me. His eyes roamed my body, taking me in. I knew he would like what he saw, one thing I had done was keep my body in top condition.

He seemed unsurprised I wasn't wearing underwear; his face remained impassive as he watched me sink back to my knees. Then I felt it, the sharp crack of a flogger against my back.

"Did I instruct you to kneel?" He snapped. "On your feet, hands at your side."

I quickly stood once again, taking up the required position. He hadn't told me where to look, so I did what I would've asked from Alexander and dropped my head, staring at the floor. He seemed pleased with this, and moved to stand behind me, his fingers tracing lightly down my spine before coming to rest on my arse cheeks.

"Perfection. Not a single blemish to be seen." There was a pause. "Either someone has been too lenient on you, or you've never been in this position before. The latter seems unlikely, otherwise you wouldn't be here, in this club. Regardless, you are here now and under my control."

Desire rushed through me, he wanted me. I could feel my cock begin to swell as my need for him grew.

"Hmmm, keen are we?" He chuckled as his hand snaked around me and took me firmly in his hand. "This is mine, it doesn't belong to you anymore. I control it and will take what I need. You will not find any release unless I allow it."

I remained silent, which seemed to please him.

"Now, where do I begin with such a blank canvas as you." He walked around me a few times before he came to a stop before me. "Kneel." The solitary word cracked through the air and denoted his authority over me. Instantly I fell to my knees. I could hear the sound of a zipper being opened and I knew what was coming next. "Open." His commands were sharp and precise, leaving no room for misunderstanding.

I felt his cock press against my lips and for just the briefest of moments I thought about disobeying. Only to see what his reaction would be to such defiance. Before I could take him in my mouth, he gripped my chin and forced my mouth open and pushed inside. "I am making some allowances, but my patience isn't endless."

I'd had a cock in my mouth before so the sensation wasn't completely alien to me, I knew this was his way of preparing me for more. He was long and thick, more so than Alexander so I knew taking him anally would be a struggle, but I hoped the pain would bring me some sense of relief from the agony I was feeling in my heart.

He moved in and out of my mouth, not stopping or slowly just building a rhythmical thrusting motion in and out. The taste of him made me want to gag, but his unspoken control and clear domination over my body meant I would have to obey without question. His hand fisted in my hair, pulling my head back so my eyes looked at him as a wry smile formed on his lips.

"That's it. Take it; enjoy what I give you without complaint. Only I can give you what you need, what you crave to exist."

His breathing became shallower as I could feel him begin to thrust more erratically in my mouth. "Soon I will claim you in every way possible and it will be beautiful."

Just then I felt him begin to pulse in my mouth, his cream filling me mouth as he forced me to swallow it. I wanted to gag, to spit it out, but sadly it was not an option.

Once he was done, he withdrew, holding it against my lips before demanding. "Clean it."

I licked him clean before allowing my head to fall forward once again as I waited for his next command. It was silent for some time and this helped my mind to rest, and empty. I felt the darkness Alexander had described begin to claw at the edges of my consciousness.

"I suspect you are no stranger to anything in this room, but I also think you are not used to being on the receiving end. Worry not, I will guide you."

My mind and heart raced as I tried not to think through his words too much. I heard his feet move away from me across the wooden floor. He stopped and his voice commanded me. "Look at me." My eyes moved to him, but I didn't meet his eyes. "Well done, your knowledge of etiquette pleases me." He turned away from me, standing before a St Andrews Cross. It was a piece I was familiar with as it was one of Alexander's favourites. "Crawl to me." I did as he asked, my hands and knees feeling every inch of the hard floor beneath them. Once I reached him I knelt with my hands resting on my knees. "Stand." Each command was precise and controlled, just like him. I followed without thinking or pausing for a moment. It was as if he was the only other person in the world. "Forward." I moved to stand before the cross, I could feel the coolness of the wood mere inches from my flesh, but still I waited for the next instruction to come. I heard only the sound of his feet moving on the floor until they stopped behind me.

No words were exchanged as he took hold of my right hand and lifted it above my head, securing it in one of the restraints. He repeated his action with the other hand. Instinctively I pulled against them, but the leather of the cuffs wasn't going to give way. He chuckled darkly. "You're going me." His hands ran down my back and over my arse. I pulled away instinctively. The only person to have touched me there was Alexander, so this was new territory for me.

His breath was warm on my neck as he whispered in my left ear. "You are going to love this. Don't struggle or be afraid. I won't hurt you. Well, not unless you want me to." He moved to my right ear. "Do you want me to hurt you? To take away the pain you feel right now. I know it's there, I can feel it, taste it in the air around you. I want to make you forget everything apart from the pleasure I will bestow on you. There will be no-one else, only me. I will be your reason to live, to breathe. Do you want this from me?"

I paused, knowing I needed his permission to speak. He seemed to recognize my silence as he said. "You may answer."

The words swam in my head, as I struggled to give voice to the right ones. He waited behind me for the answer; I could feel his presence comforting me. Only then did I find my voice.

"Yes, I want this. Make me forget." The last words stuck in my throat as my eyes closed as I fought back tears. In this moment everything I had lost became so clear to me. The memory of Alexander and Michele together, the love he once felt for me was now enjoyed by another. I didn't want to exist anymore but there was no way I could end my own life I was far too selfish to do that.

"Very good, now we shall begin." His voice was like a beacon to me in the darkness which surrounded me and threatened to engulf me.

While I pulled myself together I felt his hands slid down my legs, pushing them into the position he required. Once they were flush with the cool wooden supports of the cross I felt the cuffs fasten around them, securing me into the perfect position for him to use and abuse my body as he saw fit. I took several deep breaths as he moved away, allowing me the time to compose my thoughts and to build the anticipation of his touch.

I could hear him moving around, opening and closing drawers before his footsteps brought him back to me. His hand barely glanced over my skin, sending shivers through me before it was replaced with the sharp crack of a flogger which caused me to cry out. If I'd hoped my reaction would cause him to stop or pause, I was wrong. I should've known better. There was no way I would've stopped if I'd been the one wielding the flogger, and I sensed a similar spirit in him. His hands moved to caress my arse cheeks, relieving some of the sting in them.

Each stroke against my flesh claimed me as his, and I fell further and further away from having free will or any control over my destiny. I pulled against my restraints, even though I knew it was pointless. He chuckled darkly, but still continued.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" He purred, all I could do was nod in response, knowing a verbal reply would lead to punishment. "Good. I want to see your body covered in my marks, to watch you teeter on the edge, before you finally give in, falling over a cliff edge after I've given you what you need." He paused for a moment, "I think I'd like you to speak freely." His hand pulled on my hair, forcing my head back so he could look in my eyes. "I can see from your face how much you enjoy this, so until I say otherwise you can make as much noise as you like. You are free to express yourself in any way you see fit. Understand?"

"Yes," I croaked out, swallowing a sob.

He released my head and it fell forward between the two pieces of wood formly th large 'X' I was strapped to. I took this precious moment to catch my breath as he left me alone. I had no idea what he was going to do next, and this helped build the anticipation. Despite his allowing me to speak freely, I wanted to be sure I could express what I felt even though my mind was in chaos. This was not a situation I normally experienced or enjoyed.

He must've knelt behind me as I felt his hands on my hips. He placed a series of kisses from the base of my spine to the top of my arse crack, I groaned at the sensation, feeling the brush and slight burn of his facial hair on my sensitive skin. I gasped when I felt a cold liquid on the top of my arse cheeks, followed by his hands, spreading them open. I fought harder against the restraints as I let out a deep growl. He continued, not stopping for a moment. His fingers began to circle my hole, pressing the cool liquid against it as he sought entrance to my body. "You're so tight. Am I the first to explore you in this way?"

I shook my head, there was no way I could ever forget Alexander and the way he felt inside me, he was my first, my only. That memory would remain etched on my brain forever. But this, well this was different, it was what I needed. It was also something Alexander could never give me in this way.

My body relaxed, finally allowing him the entrance he sought, the gel seemed to have a numbing effect as I didn't feel the burn of pain I'd been bracing myself for. I allowed myself to relax and enjoy the moment, surrendering to his touch as he worked his finger into my body. The feeling was intense as he added another finger, and then a third, twisting and turning them inside me while I cried out in a mixture of pleasure and pain, lust and pure emotion.

"That's it. You show me how badly you want this. Take it, enjoy as it will be a while before you feel my cock inside you." He marked his words with a kiss just above my hip, right on the most sensitive patch of skin on my body. The one Alexander was always able to find and exploit to his full advantage. A shudder ran through my body and he paused behind me. "Oh, you like that do you?" He pressed another kiss there and again I cried out. "Hmmm. something to remember for later." He chuckled before his fingers began a renewed assault on my body.

When he withdrew his fingers I was a writhing, need filled mess, there really were no other words to describe how I felt in that moment. My body hadn't been so stimulated in years, I was desperate for an orgasm, to relieve the ache inside me, to show him how he was making me feel. But the dominant or maybe it was the sadist inside me refused to let go, needing more, but unable to comprehend what exactl I needed.

I was taking long, deep breaths trying to centre my thoughts when I heard the door open. I began to panic, thinking he was going to leave me. Then I heard the clicking of heels on the floor before I heard a familiar voice, and my heart sank, "What do we have here?" I hung my head in shame at the thought of Nicole seeing me like this, exposed and wanting. Her footsteps got closer. "Tell me, who is the exquisite creature I have heard such delightful sounds from."

"He is mine." The man growled causing her to laugh. It sounded so light and carefree, but I knew she wouldn't take such insolence lightly.

"Is he now? You are playing in my room, in my club, and you think he is yours? You fool. He is here because I allow it. You are here because I allow it. Nothing here is yours, it is all mine. If I wanted to take him from you I could, and we both know you wouldn't stop me." There was an edge to her voice, one you didn't want to argue with. I remained frozen in place, not wanting her to look at me, to recognise me. I could feel her proximity to me as she stood behind me, surveying my naked form. "Beautiful, So unblemished. Outstanding muscle tone and definition, you don't see that often. Clearly takes good care of himself." She paused for a moment. "Is he new? I don't remember seeing him before, and you know how good my memory is for these things." Inside my mind was repeating a single word over and over again, "Shit." She knew her members intimately it seemed, and she knew I wasn't one she recognised. I closed my eyes as she said, "May I?" I didn't hear a response, but he must've agreed as her fingers traced over my ass cheeks. Leaving a trail that felt like fire in their wake. I let out an involuntary moan and she paused. "You're allowing him to respond?"

"Yes. I want to hear the pleasure fall from his lips."

She hummed in agreement, "Who is he? What's his name?"

There was a slightly nervous laugh. "I don't know, I never asked, I saw him and I wanted him,"

Nicole let out a sigh. "Release him, now." Her voice brooked no argument and the restraints holding me were released and without thinking I sank to my knees on the floor, unsure what else to do with myself.. Once I was positioned I dropped my head and waited.

"You haven't spoken about what will happen, about limits? Shit! I thought I'd taught you better than that. Clearly not." She began to pace the floor, her heels making a staccato sound.

"When I came here tonight he was kneeling, waiting for me. Just like I knew he would be. It was enough for me to know he wanted this."

"Enough Davide!" There was a silence in the air which hung heavily. I wanted to speak, but having seen just a glimpse of her anger I wasn't sure it was the best idea. Regardless, I opened my mouth.

"Please Madame, I can explain." I swear I heard her head snap to me before her footsteps sounded her arrival.

"You dare to address me? Have you no idea who I am, where you are?" The tone in her voice carried anger and amusement at such open defiance of her standing;

"Only if it pleases you. I would like to speak."

She thought for a moment before replying. "Go ahead, speak. But if you show me any disrespect, I will gag you and flog you myself. There will be no pleasure gained from it, trust me."

I counted to five before opening my mouth. "What he said was true. I came here tonight of my own free will. I sought him out, knelt in this room as I waited for him to arrive. I want him to use my body as he sees fit. I am nothing, no one." The last words caught in my throat, the truth of them never being clearer to me now than in this moment. My head hung down once again as I fought back tears.

There was movement to my side and suddenly my chin was in a soft hand, I found myself facing Nicole her eyes widened as they met mine. A single word fell from her lips in a hushed whisper. "Adrian."

I allowed myself a weak smile of recognition, her perfectly shaped brows turned into a frown as a look of sadness and confusion crossed her face. "Why?"

"Like I said, I am nothing, no one. This is what I need to survive, let him take it from me, please."

She shook her head. "No, this is wrong. It isn't how you are meant to be. It shouldn't be this way."

"You heard him, he wants this." Davide's strong voice was behind me, his hands were on my shoulders.

Her eyes flashed to his. "Do you know who this man is?" She spat.

"Who he is, is of no consequence to me. He has presented himself to me for my pleasure, and I intend to collect."

Quick as a flash she was beside him, I turned my head when I heard the unmistakable sound of her hand slapping his face. "Don't you dare speak to me like this, especially in front of-"

"Please, stop." I cried out. They both turned to look at me. "Nicole, I know you have my best interests at heart, but believe me when I say, I want this. Trust me to know my mind and body well enough to be able to submit to his command."

Her eyes glared at him and then back to me. "Are you sure... Adrian." She paused before saying my name. I knew then what I suspected, she knew my real name, who I really was. I also knew she wasn't going to let my secret out.

"Yes. More sure than I have ever been in my life. I want this," The last words were spoken so clearly there could be no misunderstanding.

Nicole let out a deep breath before replying. "Very well. I have only one request for you both."

Davide answered for us. "Go ahead."

A smile played on her scarlet coated lips. "I want to watch."


Authors Note:

Thanks for reading, if you would like to leave me a review, you don't need to be a member, but do leave me your name.

Massive thanks go out to Lisa for pre-reading.