G is for gone

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
She's always gone too long anytime she goes away

"Nicky!" A distressed voice from the other line called out. A voice that she would recognize anywhere, anytime, any place. She looked to the sky. Clouds covered what was left of daylight, shrouding them in gray. Nicky let go of the breath she was holding, using all of her strength to look straight at Lorna. "Nicky, please don't go!"

Like she had a fucking choice.

Nicky had learned from a very early age that you don't get attached to people, that they come and go like the seasons. One moment you had someone, then the next...they were slipping from your grasp, and if you tried to cling on, you just prolonged the hurt. Prolonged the inevitable, because you can't change the world, and you can't change people. No matter how hard you try.

Lorna had a different perspective on life. She believed that, in spite of everything she'd been through, love conquered all. That if you believed enough, if you believed with every fiber of your being, everything would work out in the end. Especially true love. That's the way it was in fairy tales, long before Lorna knew that love meant anything more than glass slippers and a prince waiting on the last page. Even in prison, Lorna still believed that. Because, well, "dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it." And she truly believed that Peter Pan had it right. The universe may have punished her for Christopher, but it had given her Vince. And...and it had given her Nicky, too.

Prison was supposed to be a punishment. That's what they'd said at her trial. Time to think about what she'd done, time to reflect and repent. To find a way to control herself when her temper and rage built up.

And she had - she'd found a way to channel her rage, albeit an equally unhealthy one. She had convinced every person in that prison that Christopher was waiting for her on the outside, probably laden with flowers and chocolates, wittered on about how perfect their wedding would be…."oh, he'll cry when he sees me walk down the aisle."

But Nicky had seen right through it, and she was there when it all came crumbling down. When Christopher, her only hope for the outside world, had pushed her roughly away. She'd been there to wipe up the tears and kiss the top of her messy hair. Held her as she said her worst fears.

"Nobody's gonna love me."

Nicky had pulled her in, closed her own eyes. The way her arms wrapped around her, their heartbeats suddenly strumming to the same beat, it just felt right in a way that Lorna had never experienced before with anyone.

"I do." And so the girl who didn't believe in fairy tales, or true love, or even herself most of the time, believed in one thing. She believed - through all of the shit she had put her through - in Lorna.

She even stayed when Lorna tried to push her away - and she did so, often, and usually with forceful words that she didn't always mean after the heat of the moment. After the floodgates opened and her tears quelled any fiery rage that had burned inside of her like a forest fire, the poison of delusion flowing through her veins along with the red hot blood.

"And it's your fault, because you loved heroin more than you loved me!"

Lorna's cheeks had flushed after she'd said that. Sure, Nicky had told her that she loved her. But Nicky had no doubt told countless women the same thing as they yelled her name.

Nicky didn't believe in true love. That was what you told kids so that they didn't believe adulthood was as shitty as it actually is. She'd had boyfriends, when she was younger. She'd had girlfriends. She'd had more lovers than she could count on both hands. She'd seen so many different loves in her life that she was sick of it. Her mom's love life was as pitiful as her own. She'd do anything for him, and he'd repay her by treating her like shit. Each woman she passed in prison, it seemed, was in there because they took the rap for something, or because they'd finally snapped.

So she made a point of never saying it.

She had loved heroin. The best girlfriend she had ever had, she agreed with Vause, twisting a curl of copper hair around her pinky finger. And like a guy who only ever picked up hookers on his way home from work, even the girlfriend she paid to stick around eventually had to go, leaving her trembling and lovesick. Girl after girl in prison made it bearable. Made her forget about heroin for just the tiniest amount of time.

Until Morello.

First time she'd saw her, she already knew she wanted her. Raven haired with perfect pouty red lips. Snow White had always been her favorite princess; as a kid, when Paloma would read fairy tales to her, she'd hold the book close to her and whisper shyly into the darkness, looking up at Paloma. "So pretty," she'd whisper, little fingers running over the pages.

Paloma would hold her close, smile down at her. She'd pull the covers over the child whose eyelids were growing heavier by the minute. "She is. So are you, darling. But I think you're more of a Sleeping Beauty."

And Nicky would giggle, snuggling down under the covers, her little voice piping up. Her forehead wrinkled, she protested. "But they're not in the same story."

"No," Paloma agreed, smoothing Nicky's hair out. "But they both get a happy ending, don't they?"

But somehow, they'd made it work in their dysfunctional way, and a sort of twisted love story had formed.

Now...now it was being torn from both of their grasps, and there wasn't a thing either of them could do.

Yes, Nicky had learned a long time ago that anything worth keeping never really stuck around. Yet as she watched Lorna board the bus opposite hers, she blinked back tears. This was it. Every bad thing she had done was coming back to haunt her now, because she had let someone get close to her. And now the thing that she had needed to save herself was as good as gone. Nicky gave one last glance back to Lorna, and shook her head miserably as she stared at her from the steps of the bus.

Lorna, on the other hand, continued yelling on the steps of her own bus. "Let me go," she screamed, yanking her arms back from the officers trying to push her inside. She couldn't give up. Her heart pounded in her chest, every beat telling her to keep on trying, to fight for love. "Nicky!" Her face was red and blotchy with tears. "This isn't how it's supposed to be!" The doors slammed shut behind her, trapping her in as she banged on the window, pushed down onto a seat. Her eyes trained on the mess of blonde hair pressed up against the window of the bus opposite, and she couldn't stop herself from shaking.

And so the buses turned away from each other, leaving in opposite directions, two damsels in distress handled their grief in the two ways that they had learned how. Lorna craned her neck to watch the other bus leave, turning around in her seat until it merged with other traffic, filled with hope that one day, she would see Nicky again. And Nicky looked down at her feet, ignoring everything around her as bees swarmed in her head. Because Snow White and Sleeping Beauty were never meant to be together, and it was simply some blip, a cruel twist in fate, that they'd even been allowed the short time they'd had each other.

As their respective buses pulled away, only one of their thoughts matched up; the love of my life is gone. Gone, gone, gone…

A/N:

Hello lovelies! Long time no see.
I hope you like this chapter. It's definitely not my favorite and it was painful to finish. Lol.
Let me know what you wanna see next!

- Star xo