Day 7: Apathetic
Bitter.
Knock Out wasn't able to recharge, albeit Starscream seemed to rest peacefully. The medic still worried about the slowly, or rather say, un-healing welds.
The Seeker stated it was "just a nanite problem". Knock Out wasn't having any of the excuse. Despite his lack of recharge, he knew he is operating on one of Starscream's vital lines. Operating sounds terrifying. Knock Out was carefully adding a healthy dose of nanites via injection from a syringe to keep the welds repairing and healed. The Aston Martin was now second-guessing Starscream having a very delicate and fragile system.
Knock Out would never consider his Air Commander as terminally ill but there were a few warning signs from time to time. They were sporadic and silent. The medic couldn't help but notice the old scarring from attempts at self-repair. The more recent ones from a few quartexes ago were thinner and lighter. Ones from vorns ago were indicated by jagged, thick areas that were never properly healed.
Starscream, a walking weapon. Starscream, a walking disaster. And Starscream, a scar of what the Decepticons once stood for, now lying as a broken heap of a shattered faction.
Come back to me.
The cherry red medic subspaced his medical kit and pulled out an energon cube.
I said come back to me!
Knock Out jolted, "Who's there?"
"You idiot. It's just me, Star. Your wonderful friend.
"Ah..."
The translucent Seeker plopped themselves down on the ground.
"Howdy. How are you faring up?"
A quick trained and smooth reply found its way to the medic's mouth, "Good, nothing much."
Knock Out desperately tried to claw at some random memory.
"Have you summoned me once more?" the transparent Seeker asked.
The medic shook his head, "No. I didn't ask for you to be here. Why did you show up?"
"I just had a feeling you needed me here."
Knock Out bit back from surprise. Star gave him a quizzical look but made no attempt to pull out the withdrawn mech. The stars bled from above underneath a Seeker's quiet venting.
"I'm sorry, no. I didn't need you here right now. It was silly of me, thinking I can make up a mech who doesn't exist because in reality here is so mentally corrupted and hates himself, I would be feigning empathy.
"Star, you aren't my friend," the medic turned his gaze to the fading Seeker. "I made you up to keep the company I was missing along the way. Seems it began to manifest and mess me up more than it should have eh?"
It didn't say anything.
Only smiled.
That horrible smile Knock Out dreaded and hated seeing in his dreams. Staring back so blankly and uncaring. Unwilling to move forward.
"Bye bye, you go. Starscream will no longer hear of your existence."
Commanding as the words will be, it vanished.
Knock Out shook his helm as he vanquished the imaginary world inside his processor. It had outlived its usefulness. No need to watch the world inside his head trying to become true in reality.
What goes is wherever he goes.
He looked back at the slumbering real Seeker and back up at the night sky.
It all began with Starscream's strange behavior. Understanding where the Seeker came from, Starscream never enjoyed anything on Earth. He always complained it was disgusting, irritating, annoying and every other colorful word. Often, he would mutter about survival and lurking. The SIC had a look of disgust whenever Knock Out went out to drag race, longing for a home that was destroyed. Longing for something he was missing. Incomplete.
Starscream never cared for rain, never cared for landscapes the Earth provided. Yet, Knock Out watched in a sort of weird and lovely fascination as one orn, the Seeker came hitchhiking into the medical bay with a stack of data pads and began to read.
He sat for over a few joors, never noticing when Knock Out left to refuel and barely touched his energon cube. Breakdown came in a few times to have a small conversation with the Decepticon medic, but it would never last long as their curious gazes trailed back to the ever quiet Starscream.
Knock Out didn't know what happened in the Seeker. He was always bitching about something. Uncaring of others. Supercilious and a tragedy of his own self.
Some orn, something must have snapped in Starscream. He must have realized he is going to die under Megatron's fist. To keep the ship sane and normal. Dysfunctional as Knock Out put. Not that Starscream is a masochist but realizing he had nowhere to go. Self-loathing could only run so deep into a blackhole.
He was never a star-gazer. At some point, he realized the sole coldness, the slow energon lines, venting in cold crisp air lapses into a quiet journey of reflecting back on one's life. Strange wonders.
The Decepticon medic wasn't able to recharge and he knew it. He vaguely remembered stating out loud a similar statement while he was working on the welds. The reoccurring nightmares, strange flashes floating back and forth in his vision, grotesque methods of mecha dying and the last breath taken from a choke enough to make any mech uneasy.
He was a liar.
He knew much about himself.
Yet he didn't.
Strange nonsense. The medic began to fiddle with his door plating. A bit bored, but there was nothing else to do to pass the time. And he cannot endanger Starscream by abandoning the Seeker.
One joor to go before dawn and another orn has risen to welcome the sleepless mech.
Laserbeak. Knock Out wondered if they recorded anything about his conversation with Starscream. Yes, he assumed it was for Soundwave's entertainment but what? Even as he managed to convince himself the Communications Officer would not be watching them, tracking them, the silent con will always be following them.
He tapped on a past memory floating sluggishly in his processor.
Soundwave entered the medical bay. The Decepticon medic looked up from his work. The Third in Command rarely entered Knock Out's realm without any pressing issues and needs from Megatron. Soundwave was always at his post, monitoring the Nemesis.
Starscream, who was in another corner of the bay barely looked up from the data pad he was currently occupying. He acknowledged Soundwave's entrance with the flick of his wings. Said mech being welcomed at nodded at Knock Out and made his way toward the Seeker.
Worry quickly overturned any other emotion in Knock Out. He watched the silent Decepticon sitting down next to Starscream and tap a datapad. The Seeker finally looked up from what he was reading and almost jumped. Soundwave tilted his helm in an innocent manner, before Starscream gently pushed the con.
Knock Out was almost grateful for the dim lighting because his jaw hit the floor.
In the mere orns since his arrival on the ship, the Decepticon medic always knew to stay out of Soundwave's path. It was true to his observations most members of the Nemesis left a wide berth whenever the Communications Officer took a stroll in the hallways. It was never a stroll. His walks were more of a mandatory checkup on the Nemesis' systems.
Starscream bailed one orn when Megatron forced Soundwave to take a one joor–leave, much to Soundwave's silent distress. The Nemesis almost crashed into the Atlantic Ocean with Starscream quoting "Megatron's corpse". Needless to say, no mech ever saw Soundwave rest then. He was present when the ship started going down, trying to restore order in the anarchy that pursued.
Anyways, Knock Out digresses. Starscream was laughing about something quietly. Soundwave was shaking a little, probably out of stupid antics or the asinine of Starscream. Knock Out wasn't really sure.
The Decepticon medic found it all strange.
Megatron's absence was even stranger. Curious even.
The next few joors consisted of questioning Vehicons the whereabouts of Megatron. Besides fixing him up, he was nowhere to be seen after. Most would "look" at him funny, as they all knew the reputation of the Decepticon warlord.
Words floated endlessly through the hallways of a haunted spell and the same roles tied. Nobody meant anything, and they meant anything.
The darkness was slowly creeping and wrapping around his processor, the words and queries spill from his denta, changing and shifting.
No answer.
Megatron was nowhere to be found.
He tried to remember the last time he was sent by the warlord to report. Knock Out was sure it didn't happen once, barely acknowledged his appearance nor even a formal thank you.
The medic head back to his bay.
Upon entering, the silence lingered, everything the same as he left as it is.
But —
Soundwave had vanished and Starscream was still reading The pile of data pads were significantly lower. A soft vent and Knock Out went back to what he was doing.
The tools remained unpolished.
"He-llo? Cybertron to Knock Out? Or is it—oh frag these human Earth phrases."
Said mech snapped out of his memory. His optics sharpened and focused on a waving servo in front of him. Goody. Starscream is awake.
"Good morning," the Decepticon medic replied, standing up and stretching to loosen the stiff cables and joints. "How may I assist you today?"
"Don't think I'm stupid but you, have not recharged for some time. Care to explain?" Starscream twitched his wings.
A forlorn smile took over, "Silly me. Don't worry about it, I just had a night flux —"
"I just told you, I'm not stupid," Starscream cut Knock Out off. "Your EM field has been radiating strong lately and it is such a tired state that even I, want to go back and recharge."
"—and I'll say I didn't say anything. How about we go to Sweden before returning to the Nemesis?" Knock Out cheerfully put on his best shit-eating grin. That should suffice.
Starscream rolled his optics, "I really don't think I can. You still make me want to go back and recharge."
Knock Out was tuning and controlling his EM field to be toned down to emit the minimal at most. Daybreak shone.
And then he realized it was all familiar.
The same sick days he could barely bring to feel. The heaviness muddled in his mind, staying online, the empty feeling and—
hurting chassis, the fists clenched so tightly and felt his spark about to explode—
—rushed all at once. The medic barely choked back a rising sob, frame shuttering. A train wreck. Damn. He evened his breathing and quickly as it might be, returned to an apathetic stance. Starscream looked over at him–was that concern?–and Knock Out stared back. The Seeker looked away but never once shifted from his tense stance.
Still off the warship and Starscream could never bring himself to relax.
He was banging on the walls of his own cage.
They didn't move for another journey. It was already over, the last orn.
Knock Out hoped he was able to remember.
I have realized in the end, I am unable to complete this. I have drafts for the remaining chapters, but upon looking back of what I wrote, I've realized this story has many flaws. I had overused imagery and figurative language to the point it is overwhelming the plot. Canon and derived character personalities have been lost in the imagery of what I could have achieved in videography. I did a poor job of constructing the plot together thinking: Oh! I could do this in three months without thoroughly planning it out. And that is my weakness.
I always hated planning out each chapter, which inevitably caused the lack of motivation and downfall when education and assignments begin to get in the way. Have I planned out thoughtfully, it would have been finished while juggling schoolwork.
The first attempt of writing a fanfic after leaving creative writing for a few years and I realized I have been out of touch in writing thoughtfully planned stories.
For now, this will be cancelled and/or rewritten at a later time. I sincerely apologize to those who are looking for more and waiting to see the end. The autumn challenge was fun though! I wanted to associate the whole symbolism behind autumn, but it seems I haven't been able to do so. I have debated about deleting this story, but rejected the thought. It would be nice to look back of where I first started.
I may publish the remaining chapters but looking but, it would be best to leave the entire document as it is and file it away in Google Drive.
Thank you for coming this far! This would be the last chapter for now. A cliffhanger of equivocation.
