Ch. 7

Ludwig woke up and winced at the sunlight streaming in from the window. His head pounded and his body ached. It has been a while since he's had a hangover and what a hangover this was! He felt like he had tanks rolling over his head, firing every second in his ears. He held his head and groaned as he rolled away from the window and hit something large and soft. He opened an eye and saw that he elbowed Ivan in the chest, waking him. Ivan opened his eyes just enough that you can see the odd violet colour and stared at Ludwig for a moment. He smiled, rolled over, and went back to sleep, all before Ludwig could apologize for waking him. He went through his usual routine with hangovers: try to piece together what happened. All he could remember was talking to Ivan and him showing him an entire folder of information on him. Everything else was a blur. He decided it would be a good idea to get something for his head, he was sure Ivan had some medication for hangovers with the amount of vodka in the house. He sat up and winced at the sudden pain in both his head and--

He pulled the sheets up and realized that he was completely free of clothes. He blushed and his heart began to pound and he looked at the sleeping Russian beside him. He did what had to be a 20-take from himself and Ivan. Curiosity caused him to see if Ivan was wearing anything. He let out a sigh when Ivan was wearing boxers, so they couldn't have...Despite the pounding in his head he tried harder to remember what happened and assess the situation. His body ached and felt, spent. He didn't know how to put his finger on the description, the people in his head rummaging through miles of filing cabinets to find the right word. All they could find was: different. He wondered if Ivan knew what happened last night.

He stood up and wobbled to where his clothes had been tossed on the floor. Why did his ass hurt? He didn't want to admit what popped in his mind, it couldn't be what happened. He slipped on his pants and wandered into the hall, holding onto his head and his backside. When he left the room he bumped into Toris and nearly knocked him over.

After wincing from the pain of the impact that bounced in his head he apologized. Toris stood up and simply smiled.

"Oh no, it's alright. I wasn't paying attention. I was just going to make breakfast."

Ludwig nodded and followed Toris to the kitchen and rested his head on the cold table. Oh, how it felt so good on his throbbing head. Toris handed him a glass of water and a few painkillers. Ludwig took them gratefully rested his head on the cool table once again.

"Ivan still asleep?" Toris asked as he pulled out some bread to make some toast.

Ludwig nodded. "I accidently woke him up by elbowing him."

Toris smiled. "He does like to get close when sleeping in the same bed. So he just went back to sleep?"

Ludwig nodded again. "He smiled at me though before I could apologize for hitting him."

Toris froze in his spot and dropped the bread on the floor. After a moment he nervously picked it off the floor. "Oh clumsy me! I dropped the bread!" And went back to preparing breakfast without another word. When Ludwig asked Toris why he suddenly became so quiet all he could say was, "You must have done something that he liked." And went back to cooking.

Ludwig began thinking about what happened and what the Lithuanian had said. He did know Ivan far better than he did, so he had to have some form of idea what happened, or at least what Ivan was smiling about. Ludwig rubbed his temples as he struggled to clear up last night's events. God, he hated hangovers that made it hard to remember what happened. After bringing an onslaught of pain in his head from thinking to hard a few images cleared up. And suddenly, the aches, the tiredness, and the feeling of being 'different' suddenly made snese. They were small but they cleared things up and confirmed what he had wished wasn't true. He could remember Ivan kissing him deeply, his hands probing him where he's never been touched before, and him screaming his name. He blushed and covered his face.

"Oh nein nein nein!" He repeated to himself. At that moment Ivan walked in dressed and smiling, like absolutely nothing happened.

"Good morning." He chimed in as he pat Ludwig on the shoulder. Ludwig didn't answer and looked away, seeing Ivan's face made the images come back. For the rest of that day he went on without talking, as was the next day. He only spoke to Toris and no one else. Ivan ignored him, which he had hoped he would, and focused on the woman and her daughter. Edward had shown up and tried to talk to Ludwig about how his stay in Moscow as going but was only answered by him uncharacteristically blushing and storming out of the room. (He later left that day back to St. Petersburg with some extra clothes for Raivis.) Each night Ludwig had done his best to avoid his Russian host, by eating faster when he shown up for any meal and going to bed either early or after he was sure Ivan was asleep. Then on what would be the third night of avoiding Ivan like he had the plague, he decided to break his silence.

He was lying in bed, struggling to put together what to ask Ivan about the night he had gotten drunk. And as if on cue, Ivan walked into the room and changed for bed. Once he lied down on the bed, Ludwig leaned over and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Ivan, we need to talk." Ludwig spoke in a strict tone. It came out colder and more awkward than he had wanted, like a groom telling his betrothed that he's leaving her on the day of their wedding. Ivan gave Ludwig a perplexed look before a smile of relief.

"Da. I was wondering if we would never talk again." Ivan let out another sigh of relief as he rolled over onto his side so he was facing Ludwig directly, peering into his blue eyes. "What is it you want to talk about?"

"Do you remember what happened the other night?"

Ivan grinned. "Of course."

Ludwig sent a glare. "It was a fluke, you can't tell anyone about that..."

"Of course not." Ivan gently brushed Ludwig's golden hair, only to have his hand slapped away.

"I'm not a bottom." Ludwig hissed. "And no one can know that I did...that...with another guy."

"Or that I was your first? You know, you were asking for it by focusing too much on work and war, da?" Ivan teased as he poked Ludwig's nose. Ludwig sharpened his glare.

"Yes...I know." He growled. Ivan was extremely pleased that he has finally gotten Ludwig to show his true colours. Sleeping with him was just an added bonus while taking his virginity was the grand prize. "I was drunk so it doesn't count."

"But it did happen and you know you liked it." Ludwig just frowned and rolled over. After piecing it all together he couldn't deny that at the moment, he did want it. But that doesn't mean he can't refuse to acknowledge it with every cell in his body. Ivan placed his hand on Ludwig's shoulder and scooted closer. Ludwig tried to shrug him off but it only made Ivan wrap his arm around him. "And if you ever want do do it again, I'll be here, da."

Ivan backed away and rolled over with his back to Ludwig. They both just laid there wondering what the other was thinking and if the rest of Ludwig's days in Moscow would continue to be awkward. After a while, Ivan broke the silence again.

"You got a letter from your boss the other day."

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Ludwig nearly yelled as he sat up and glared down at Ivan.

"You weren't talking to me and you were avoiding me." Ivan sounded hurt and even pulled the covers over his shoulders like he was trying to hide.

Ludwig let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his temples. "I suppose I was asking for that...Can I have the letter?"

"Not now...I'll give it to you in the morning, da."

Ludwig and Ivan didn't exchange any more words, if Ludwig had tried he would simply be ignored. The next morning, keeping his word, Ivan handed Ludwig the letter that came in for him. He didn't even try to hide the fact that he resealed it because he read it before he gave it to Ludwig. Ludwig frowned at the contents.

'...Get close to him, we are going to make a pact with Russia...'

He ripped up the paper and tossed it in the nearest trash can. Ivan just stared at him with a straight face. After pacing around the room for a moment, and when Toris left to take the woman to work, Ludwig spoke to Ivan, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"Did you know about this when you--"

Ivan shook his head. "It came in the next morning. But the timing couldn't have been any better, da?" He joked.

Ludwig felt like ripping out his hair and flipping the table in frustration, but kept in mind he's a guest and should be 'civilized'. After a few breaths he answered, "So what happened was just because of the vodka, right?"

"Well, I was sober. It takes a lot to get me drunk, da." Ivan pointed out. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, watching the upset German compulsively walk in a fixed path. "I can't say much for you. You can blame the vodka, but I can't. Then again, I wanted to anyways." He flashed Ludwig a cute smile, or what was supposed to be a cute smile, but came out more of a threatening grin.

Ludwig didn't look in his direction and kept pacing. His behavour began to worry Ivan so he took a few steps forward.

"Maybe you should calm down, we can't control what our bosses want. I got a letter saying the same thing from Comrade Stalin. Have a look for yourself, da." Ivan spoked as he pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. Ludwig took it and read it 4 times over before handing it back, taking a deep breath and finally relaxing. The date was just a day after the one on his letter so it was after the incident. "You feeling better, da?"

Ludwig shook his head. "It makes me wonder if they knew, they sent these messages after it happened." Ivan just shrugged. "So what should we do? Thinking about this logically, we should remain as friends at the least, anything more and it might get complicated."

Ivan looked up at the ceiling and saw a small crack and frowned. He didn't want to be 'just friends' but if it was as far as he could go for now, he'll have to persuade him again, or get him drunk again for more. Which ever works faster. "I guess..."

Ludwig looked at Ivan who hasn't taken his eyes of the small crack in the ceiling. He looked lost, distant. His eyes had a mix of disappointment and sadness. "Did you actually want something between us?"

Ivan looked at Ludwig and smiled. "Kind of silly, da?"

"But we only met a week ago."

Ivan shook his head. "We briefly met during the World War, remember? I was too busy suffering from the revolution going on, I had to have our troops pull out of the war, da."

"That was you? I'm sorry I didn't recognize you."

Ivan raised a hand. "There was no reason to remember. But when I saw you fighting the others, I couldn't help but want to know you better. But I was too busy to, da." Ludwig nodded and watched as Ivan looked back up at the crack on the ceiling. "You'll never know what I really had to deal with. What I had to watch happen to my people then." Ivan's eyes began to tear up and his voice cracked. "To hear their cries muffled by gunfire." His eyes grew more distant as the events of Bloody Sunday returned the more he revealed.

Ludwig placed a hand on Ivan's shoulder to calm him down. Ivan just smiled at him with tearful eyes that spoke of whispered horrors of centuries. Ludwig had a sense of understanding having been part of many bloody battles himself, he still felt that his wars couldn't compare to whatever Ivan had endured. Ivan wiped away his tears off his cheeks and thanked Ludwig, though on what he was thanking for was unknown. It could have been the kind gesture or it could have been that he hasn't given him any odd looks.

"I'm sorry," Ludwig spoke to him in an attempt of a soft comforting voice. Ivan smiled even more and hugged him.

"Please don't tell Toris I cried just now. He gets so worried about me sometimes."

Ivan held Ludwig in a tight hug which felt awkward since Ludwig had selfishly decided to keep a safe distance from the Russian. With the current events, it seemed that he wasn't safe enough to be left alone and Ludwig found himself wondering how Ivan felt on the inside on a daily basis. He gave him an awkward pat on the back that felt more congratulatory than comforting. Ivan backed up, looked Ludwig over for a moment and smiled.

"You're nice." His voice back to it's normal child-like tone. If Ludwig wasn't used to this already, he would have mistaken Ivan talking for the little girl staying with him, even though his voice wasn't that high.

Ludwig gave Ivan a nervous smile and wandered out of the room saying something about wondering where the girl went. Ivan stayed behind and took off Ludwig's iron cross which he has been wearing and placed it in his pocket. He wondered if we would be mad if he kept it for so long. He followed after Ludwig and caught him talking to her about Germany.

"So, Germans aren't bad people?" She asked, craning her neck to see Ludwig's face. Realizing that he was much taller than her, he got down on his knee so that they were at eye level.

"No, we are just 'different'. Why? What did you hear about us?" Ludwig asked.

"That you're drunken barbarians and war crazy fascists who don't care about the treatment of others."

"Oh really?" Ludwig felt hurt by the description. Propaganda really goes for the worst doesn't it? "Well, the fascist thing is right at the moment, but I'm not barbaric. My brother maybe, but I'm not, and I care about others. I just have trouble showing it." He tried to give her a comforting pat on the head but she backed away from him, wary of his intentions.

"That's not it. Do you care about other people who aren't German?"

Ludwig thought about a moment. "My best friend is Italian. I care about him, even though he gets on my nerves."

"Yeah but he's fascist too, so that doesn't count! Can you care about others like us?"

"You mean communists?"

The girl nodded. Ludwig felt pinned, he didn't have a response to what she had asked. Ivan just stood in the doorway silently listening, he himself curious what Ludwig has to say. Ludwig rubbed the back of his neck and thought hard. It as hard talking to a child because they wouldn't understand the concept of conflicting ideologies, military alliances, propaganda, and indoctrination.

"I suppose. I haven't seen anything wrong with them. To me, you're different."

The girl had a thoughtful look on her face for a moment before smiling. "Ok! So not all Germans are bad, just 'different', right?"

"Exactly!" Ludwig tried to match the girl's cheerfulness but sounded more like an officer giving an order. "We're just different but we have some things in common to."

The girl nodded. "You're nice." Her words reflected Ivan's, with the same tone and smile, it was almost creepy. Ludwig almost laughed. "Like Mr. Braginski." She tilted her head to the side and added, "Do you think he's a nice person too?"

"He seems likable. He helped you and your mother didn't he?"

She shook her head. "No, that's not it. I heard you two arguing a while ago saying you should only be friends."

The colour drained from Ludwig's face. He hadn't expected her to have over heard. "Well, it wouldn't hurt to have him as a friend. What's wrong with just being friends?" He felt panicked and wondered if she knew what they were really talking about.

"Well, you two wouldn't talk for a while and then you started yelling earlier. So I thought you didn't like him, because you were mad at him for something."

"I yelled? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I just got frustrated..." Ludwig stood up and rubbed the back of his neck again. He wasn't used to talking to kids and wondered how Ivan could be so warm and gentle to people when he himself has been described as a cold hearted sadist by those close to him. Ivan decided it would be good to walk in at the moment and break up the awkward moment Ludwig was obviously not enjoying.

"Ludwig, I found this," Ivan lied as he pulled the pendant from his pocket. "It was under the bed."

"How'd it get there?" Ludwig questioned as he took it from Ivan's hand. Ivan shrugged and said that he probably kicked it under there when it fell off. "Funny, the chain isn't broken. Oh well, at least I have it back. I suppose I need to thank you some how huh?" Ludwig had a worried look on his face, he knew Ivan would want something. "I'm not going to repeat what happened."

"Oh no of course not! Just you know, let me come over to your house sometime." Ivan smiled. "You did promise."

"I did? Well I was drunk." Ludwig added. "But fine." Ivan clapped his hands and declared that he should buy something sweet in celebration. Ludwig passed on the sweets while Ivan and the girl got hyped up on sugar, though Ivan's sugar rush didn't last as long as the girl's, which Ludwig never caught her name, and included a lot of hugging that hurt so much he almost swore he broke a rib or five.

The next few weeks have went by relatively similar. Ivan would keep the girl company while Ludwig helped himself to the collection of German books that Ivan had acquired over the years. Toris continued to drive the woman back and forth from the factory and Edward still accompanied Raivis on his recovery in the hospital. Ivan and Ludwig didn't talk about the drunken night and it was nearly a forgotten memory. They went on with their lives and it all seemed like Ludwig's been there for years. The little flubs in his Russian became clear and he was slowly loosing his German accent. Even though he grown used to living in Moscow, he wanted to get back to Berlin and he was actually beginning to miss his brother and Feliciano. Though at times, Ivan covered for both of them with awkward phrases that made him feel uncomfortable and hugs out of nowhere.

He watched Ivan scare Toris with a random hug once. It was very painful to watch. Ivan towered above them both, but when he grabbed Toris in a hug, he got him around the neck and picked him up like it was nothing. Poor Toris was struggling to breath and break free. He was cutting vegetables at the time too, so when Ivan grabbed him, he freaked and cut himself so his hand was gushing blood; Ivan didn't even seem to notice. After it looked like Toris was about to pass out from lack of oxygen, Ivan roughly dropped him and giggled like a little kid who just found out the joys of burning ants with a magnifying glass. Toris fell to the ground with a thud and was gasping for air as Ivan just pointed and laughed saying "I got you!" and "You're so fun to hug!" After Toris managed to catch his breath he calmly got up and bandaged his hand like it was nothing, no crying from the pain, no freaking out from blood loss, nothing. He even joined in with a nervous laugh as he cleaned up his blood off the counter and floor. Ludwig felt terrified at the sight and wondered if that would ever happen to him, then again if it did happen, he was well trained in hand to hand combat so he would probably break free.

After that incident, Ludwig decided to keep an eye on Ivan again and payed attention to all his actions. He found out that the more he watching him, the more he noticed little things, like how Ivan would stare out at the streets watching people stroll by with a sullen look on his face. Or how he would disappear somewhere with a bottle of vodka and just stare at the wall. He seemed extremely conflicted when no one was around, but the moment he noticed he was watching, Ivan would turn and smile and ask him to come over to talk. Their talks were nothing more than asking how he was, the political and economic state of his house and what he wants to do. Ludwig always assumed that Ivan was hoping that he wanted him to sleep with him again. He asked once though. Ludwig promptly said 'no', to which Ivan sighed, said it was a waste asking and talked about how Raivis isn't coming home yet. He seemed upset that his sick Latvian, who was just suffering from panic attacks, hasn't returned home. The more Ludwig thought about it, the more he started to like Ivan again.

At one point they got in a strange conversation when Ludwig brought up when Toris told him that he had asked for kids, and how he noticed that he acts more 'motherly' than 'fatherly' to the girl and the people. Ivan smiled.

"Well, Russia is known as the Motherland. Which is why I guess it's so easy for me to live with them, since they think the 'motherland' would be a woman, da?" Ivan chuckled as he watched Toris return with the woman from work, her face dirtied from working in the factory, but she was smiling. She has enough money to head back home and then some. Ivan turned to Ludwig. "Isn't Germany known as the 'Fatherland'? You don't strike me as the fatherly type. You're more like an uncle."

Ludwig let out a sarcastic laugh, only to match Ivan's mood. "Really? Do you think my brother would make a better father?"

"No, I take it back. You'll be a strict papa, da. He's the uncle." He paused and held up two fingers. "Twice removed."

Ludwig laughed with Ivan at his comment and they talked on living with actual people. Ivan was more free too but Ludwig kept himself working like everyone else, blending in perfectly. Ivan however, didn't mind flaunting that he knows every event that happened in full detail because he was there. Most of the Russians over looked it, but in Germany, that wouldn't happen. Ludwig felt a little jealous that Ivan got along with others, but after listening to what the others had to say, it was more one sided. He never got along, he just attempted to and Ludwig often wondered if Ivan even knew that they greatly disliked him and that Toris talked about all the fun times he had when he was with his Polish friend, which was undoubtedly his lover as well.


Author's note: There you go. There isn't much I have to say on small notes for this one, but sorry if Ludwig seemed moody and acted like rape victim in not talking and avoiding Ivan. I can just see him doing that so clearly in my head.