The Great Exchange
By TheCrackShipper
Thanks to tiggerpal07, yolen, KickAssKunoichi, EdSpikeSesshyGirl, DanielNieves, Narutos sis and Itachis girl, JovialShogun, spiterx, Sox766, Wedgits, and akiranowe for the wonderful reviews! They just manage to make me so happy.
A/N: This chapter was not beta-ed I'm sorry if it's not up to standard
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T FIGHT?!"
Kankuro threw her a disdainful glance from his corner of the bedroom. He had woken up before she had, and he had been considerate enough to leave her undisturbed. She had woken up while he was already dressed, and applying his face paint in the full length mirror. Tenten had rolled out of bed, hit her head on the floor, and had muttered a few choice profanities. After words she had screamed and cradled her wrist to her chest.
"Damn It!" she moaned, "That hurt."
Kankuro couldn't help but chuckle.
"Are you always this graceful in the morning?" he had questioned archly from his position in front of the mirror.
Tenten had glared at him, "Watch it make-up boy."
Kankuro had twitched, causing a shift in the purple face paint. Make-up boy? Damn it, he had to start all over again.
She had then caught sight of the digital clock, yelped, and ran around getting dressed, a kunai in her mouth, and a giant scroll in one arm. He had watched her in amusement as she had scurried around muttering to herself before he had calmly questioned her as to where she was going.
She paused her frantic search for whatever it was she was looking for and turned to stare at him as though he was the abnormal one.
"Getting ready for battle," she had stated with such an air of importance that it was almost funny considering she had one side of her hair up in a bun and the other hanging limply on her shoulders.
That was when he calmly informed her she wasn't allowed to fight leading to the current predicament.
"What do you mean I can't fight?!" Tenten stared at him, her eyes narrowed dangerously. He still couldn't take her seriously looking like that.
"I mean you can't fight," he applied the paint underneath his eyes, carefully attempting to keep it symmetrical; "I thought you'd be able to decipher that much."
Tenten clenched her teeth, and forced herself to calm down. Think diplomatic, she instructed herself, counted to ten slowly and started over.
"I mean why aren't I allowed to fight?"She rephrased the question.
Kankuro was moving down his left cheek now, "Because we don't have kids."
Tenten wanted to take the kunai she had dropped on the floor and aim for his head. Too bad she wouldn't miss.
"Of course we don't have kids," she raised her voice for emphasis, "We've been married for a few hours now? I just met you legitimately yesterday?"
He was almost there; he had arrived at his chin and was carefully applying the final touches.
"I know."
To hell with diplomacy, "Then why do I have to have kids to fight?!"
"Aha done!" Kankuro exclaimed in success and with a smirk on his face slowly placed his face paint in the box on his bedside table. He turned to her enraged expression with his smirk in place and shrugged.
"Your Hokage should have told you why."
Tenten marched up to him, and he could have laughed for her disarrayed, harried face. He cheekily pulled the band out of her hair, and she finally posed a slightly intimidating figure. She blinked, off guard as he swung the rubber band in front of her eyes.
"If you're going to look ridiculous, you might as well be symmetrical." Kankuro grinned.
Tenten sputtered in indignation, "Do you want me to hit you?!"
He pondered for a minute and then, noticing the flashing numbers on the digital clock, he turned serious. He had to get going.
"Suna has to get something out of this deal," he explained, " You won't physically be able to leave the gates of Suna unless you bear a child. Our forces are low, and we've got to be sure you're tied to Suna and not Konoha. You basically have to prove your loyalty."
Tenten stood her ground though her enraged expression was replaced with one of defiance, "And how are you going to stop me?"
Kankuro tilted his head, "The tattoos weren't just for show, and when he said fate worse than death…well I'm pretty sure you never want to find out what that means."
Tenten faltered. She was helpless; she was stuck here until she bore this guy a kid.
Kankuro sighed, "Look, don't worry about that now; let's just get your wrist fixed up."
He headed toward the bedroom door, and grabbed for Karasu, who was leaning against his desk. Tenten reluctantly followed suit, a miserable expression on her face.
Ino sat on the bed stunned. Gaara looked away uncomfortably.
So this was how it was going to be. She wasn't even allowed to fight.
"I'm sorry," Gaara offered awkwardly, "If it's any consolation your friend is going through the same thing."
Ino stood up, and began to dress, as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.
"I understand," she replied smoothly and smiled at him so radiantly that Gaara was forced to look away again.
Ino was mentally cursing out everyone and everything she could think of. But she was a fantastic actress, part of the reason Tsunade had chosen Ino was the fact that even in the face of adversity she could always fake it and come out on top.
But the smile towards Gaara was real (though a little bit exaggerated); he was so awkward with her it was endearing. At the very least he wasn't a homicidal sociopath anymore and he was just trying so hard. How could she not at the very least make things a little easier for him? It wasn't as though any of this was his fault. She could be reasonable at times.
He waited for her to finish dressing, and she walked with him out into the hallway where a strange man waited nervously by their door. He immediately jumped and fell flat against the floor in a respectful all out bow.
Ino blinked and stared down at the twitchy man at her feet and turned to Gaara who was staring at the man with an expression of either boredom or exasperation. She couldn't really tell.
"Ino-san," Gaara turned to her. That was definitely exasperation. "This is your personal servant Chichimaru."
Ino blinked and stared at the trembling figure once more, "Chichimaru?"
Gaara nodded, "His job is to keep you happy at all times, and if he fails at his assignment you just let me know."
He made a point to glare at Chichimaru, and though he still had his face plastered to ground at their feet, Ino could see him cower at the glare. So there was a homicidal husband, just not around her.
"You can get up Chichimaru." Ino eyed him imperiously. This was going to be a lot of fun. At least there was a small consolation prize.
Chichimaru scrambled to his feet and stood there nervously. He was at least a foot taller than Gaara and probably a foot and a half taller than Ino, but he cowered as though he were facing a thug instead of a small blonde girl. He wore big round glasses and he had blonde hair that fell flat against his head and into his eyes.
"Mind if I call you Chichi?" Ino tilted her head.
He jumped, "Not at all, you can call me anything you want."
He was nodding earnestly, and kept throwing anxious glances at Gaara.
Ino laughed and put a hand on Gaara's arm to support herself. Gaara visibly stiffened, though he looked pleased none the less.
"I like Chichimaru." She nodded her approval, "Mind getting Gaara and I breakfast Chichi?"
"Yes, yes of course!" He sprinted at record breaking speed, nearly knocking into Tenten and Kankuro as they made their way back from the medical quarters.
"Hey watch where you're going!" Tenten shouted indignantly, but the blur was long gone.
Ino and Gaara stood in the middle of the hallway.
"I have to be going Ino, if you'll forgive me for missing breakfast."
Ino didn't miss a beat. She smiled at him, "I'll bring it to you, I know it's battle time but you should still have something to eat other than those pills!"
It was still so early, only six in the morning, but he was already behind schedule. They were already so low on soldiers, and they were still defending the gates against enemy ninja. He was supposed to prepare for his first meeting with Naruto in a few days time. He had a meeting with the village elders today, and he had to survey the damage done by the beasts in the night. He hadn't eaten real food in ages.
"You know," Ino scolded him gently, "Real food will protect you better than anything."
Gaara flushed. It was kind of nice having someone worrying about him.
She really was a sunny character, "If you're still in the gates I'll bring it to you alright?"
Gaara shrugged, "As long as you don't leave the gates."
"I won't." she gave him a swift kiss on the cheek, "Be safe."
Scratch that. It was really nice having someone worry about him.
Kankuro and Tenten stood in front of them.
"We ready to head to the briefing?" Kankuro asked.
Gaara nodded, and the two headed back without so much as a backward glance.
Tenten waited until they were out of sight to start complaining.
"Can you believe it?" she was still furious.
Ino sighed, "No, but it makes sense."
Tenten gave her own dejected sigh, "When do you think we'll get to fight?"
Ino thought a bit, "Well for me, maybe a year?"
Tenten's eyed her skeptically, "You're being a bit optimistic."
Ino shrugged, "We're getting along well, we're both trying to make the best of the situation, and right now it's really all business. It's kind of like going to work every day, only our work is up close and personal."
Tenten leaned against the wall, "You're insane."
Ino grinned, "No I'm practical, it's an arranged marriage. The whole point is to have kids, and a tie to Konoha."
Tenten still stared dejectedly at the ground, "It might be that way for you, but I can't stand this guy."
Ino winced, "Harsh, what could he have done to make you so mad in the span of one morning?"
"What could the Kazekage have done to make you so fond of him in one morning?"Tenten countered.
The blonde smiled, "He's trying really hard to be nice to make it work, he's considerate, and he's so awkward it borders on cute. I like him well enough. I mean come on; you've got to give him kudos for trying. I mean he even gave me a personal servant to answer to my every beck and call."
As if on cue Chichimaru sprinted down the hall towards them, a tray in hand. He skidded to a halt in front of Ino, and completely ignored Tenten much to the weapon mistress's chagrin.
"Ino-sama," he panted, and held out the breakfast tray a foot away from him as though afraid she'd hit him, "If you please, allow me to test the food for poison!"
Ino nodded, "Of course Chichi, do your job."
Chichi inclined his head respectfully, and then cautiously reached for his back pocket. He pulled out a pair of chopsticks and proceeded to take a small mouthful of the rice. He chewed slowly, and then went to sample each plate.
"Everything is in order."
Ino was satisfied, she took a hold of a bowl of rice and ran down the hall in pursuit of Gaara.
"Wait Ino-sama!" Chichimaru called out, unsure of what to do next.
"Keep my friend entertained." Ino instructed.
Chichimaru turned to Tenten, who had a rather frightening glint in her eyes.
"Yeah Chichi, keep me entertained."
Gaara was still in the building. Kankuro, as a leading general, was already outside preparing his men, but Gaara had to brief with the elders before he could head outside the gates. He was about to enter when he spotted Ino barreling down the hallway. She stopped in front of him.
"Breakfast! "She chirped, holding out a bowl of rice. A pair of chopsticks hung precariously off the edge of the bowl.
Gaara's eyes widened. He couldn't say he wasn't surprised.
Ino's blue eyes were laughing at him. Her smile was mischievous.
"You didn't think I was kidding did you?"
Gaara shook his head. His eyes flitted from the door to the bowl of rice.
"Ino I have a briefing."
Before he could turn away from her Ino had grabbed the chopsticks and, with the expertise only a ninja could possess, shoved it into his mouth. He swallowed and stared at her in complete amazement.
"Then eat fast." She insisted, and before he could protest she was shoving rice into his mouth at break neck speed. It took only about a minute for her to be satisfied.
"There, that should hold you until you get back."
Gaara was still staring at her dumbstruck.
"Oh, hold on a minute," she shifted the bowl to one hand, "You've got a bit of rice on your face."
After she had wiped off the remaining bits of rice from his chin she smiled and without another word made her way down the hallway; leaving an astonished Kazekage in her wake.
A/N: This was definitely a chapter aimed at comedy. I hope it wasn't way too OOC. I just felt as though we needed to take a break from the serious chapters, considering the next few chapters are more focused on the seriousness of the situation.
Now the next chapter will take place in Konoha, with the Konoha couples. How long should I focus on each individual pairing? Do you want a chapter for each pairing? A Chapter for two couples? Should I spend a little longer on the Suna couples instead of doing the alternating Suna/ Konoha chapters? I'd love to hear your opinions.
Reviews Please?
