Linda hung up the phone. Near's worried sick about me… I rode my bike around for hours before I parked at the In-and-Out Burger and called Near.

"Hello?"

"Near, it's me."

I heard him draw a shaky breath.

"You're okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"I thought you got into an accident, and then Linda said you called while I was asleep-"

"Near, sweetie, calm down. I'm okay. Everything is okay. I'll be home in a few hours. You need to take care of yourself in the meantime. If I come home and you're sick, you're getting an earful."

Near chuckled and hung up. I decided to ride my bike for a few more hours, spend the night in the motel, and come home in the morning. It was almost dark when I got back to the motel. I walked into my hotel room and fell asleep. When I woke up, there were a few texts from Linda. Most of them were 'where are you' and 'you idiot come home'. Near hadn't called or texted me. I was worried about him. I got onto my motorcycle and sped home. It was about five in the morning, so there wasn't much traffic. I quietly opened the front door, saw Linda asleep on the couch, and closed the door quietly. She woke up and would probably have started screaming at me if Near hadn't been asleep.

"How long was he up?"

"He just fell asleep. He was up most the night with a fever, and he threw up a few times. This whole endeavor has been hard on him too, Mello. Matt's death didn't only distress you. And then you ran off, and I think the stress was just too much for him. I had to take him to the hospital, Mello. He had a really high fever."

I paled at the word 'hospital'. Near came into the living room, his hair rumpled and in his pajamas. He was rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Near, go to bed. You need to sleep."

He turned around and fell to the floor. Linda swore under her breath and picked him up. She half-dragged half-carried him to his room and put him in bed. When she came back, she was glaring at me.

"It's my fault, isn't it?"

"No. Well, partially. Near waited up for you, you know. Both nights. He's exhausted. I found out earlier that he hadn't actually slept because he was throwing up in the bathroom. When his fever got too high to be safe I took him to the hospital. They said it was just exhaustion. So basically, he needs to sleep or he's only going to get worse. Although, now that you're back, he should be able to-"

"I'm not staying. I'm picking up some of my things and then I'm leaving again. I have to tell Light about Matt and Near, and that means I'm going to Japan."

"I can't believe you! He's going to get worse and you're not going to be here for him to be able to get better. You're going to be halfway across the world! You ass!"

Linda's voice had risen from a whisper to a full-blown shout. Near was unconscious, which was a blessing, so she wasn't worried about him waking up. I winced and she just glared at me.

"You're mad at me now aren't you?"

"How the hell can I not be mad at you? You can't leave, Near needs you! I thought by now you'd realize that!"

I just packed a duffel bag and grabbed my plane ticket out from underneath my motorcycle seat. I rode to the airport, parked my motorcycle in the parking lot, and boarded my plane. Within a few days I was in Japan, looking for Light. When I found him, he was just finishing up school.

"Hey, Mello! What's up?"

"Matt died."

Light sat on the park bench, his head in his hands.

"Although I can't say I'm surprised, that's horrible."

"Yeah. Near's worrying himself sick about me and I don't know how to stop him."

"Maybe if you just spent some time with him he would be better."

My phone vibrated in my pocket to let me know that Near was calling. Light nodded his approval for me to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Where are you? I thought you'd-" Near cut himself off and coughed into his elbow.

"Near, you should be asleep. You're exhausted."

"I can't fall asleep because you aren't here. I'm worried because you promised me you'd come home and you didn't. Linda's pissed and I don't know where you are because she won't-" I heard Near throw up with a sickening noise.

"Nathaniel Rivers, get your ass in bed and go the hell to sleep before I fly back home and make you sleep. You aren't well, and you know that. Go. To. Sleep. Right. Now."

"Right… Night, Mells."

I snapped my phone shut. Light looked at me and I just buried my face in my hands. He put a hand on my shoulder and nodded. I bought a ticket back to LA and got on the plane. I was on my motorcycle, speeding towards Near. When I got to my house, Linda was leading Near to the car. He was shaking like mad and had blankets draped around his shoulders. He didn't seem to see me when I parked my motorcycle and fell asleep in the back of the car. Linda pointed to the passenger seat and I got into the car after her. She handed me hospital records and I read each and every one of them. All of them were Near's. According to the records, Near had a fever, upset stomach, headaches, and dizzy spells. The records also said that almost all of Near's recent medical issues were due to exhaustion and stress. Once we got to the hospital, Near was admitted and properly taken care of. I just sat there, useless, while Linda described his condition. Near was throwing up into a trash can and his knees were knocking together. I held him up and pulled his hair out of his face.

"Hey, sweetie, I'm right here. I'm right here. Everything is fine, Near. You're okay. I'm okay. We're all okay. Everything is fine." I rubbed his back and he leaned on me.

Linda helped me deposit Near into the hospital bed. He was blissfully unaware of what was going on around him. I clung to his hand, crying. Even though I knew that he was going to be okay once he got some sleep and time with me, holding his hand in a hospital brought back too-fresh memories. I fell asleep still holding onto Near's hands. When I woke up, Near was staring at me like I was a mirage.

"You're back."

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Near looked at me intently, as if trying to read into my eyes for any chance I was lying.

"How am I supposed to believe you when you promised me you would be back in a few hours and you didn't come back? I waited up every night you were gone, Mello. Every night I waited for you to come back. And every night you didn't. I waited through the day too. You didn't come back. I waited and waited, and you never came back. I should hate you. I should be so mad at you I can't talk to you. But I can't be because I love you."

"Near… I'm so sorry I left in the first place. I was mad, it was stupid, and I shouldn't have left. I was being selfish. You're everything. You're what matters. You're everything. I love you."

Near just shook his head.

"No. You love Matt. You know you do. Or did. I don't know anything about you anymore. Everything you had me think you were- honest, caring, selfless- all of that was a lie. Because you only love one person, and that's either Matt or yourself. I'm on the outside looking in. You're on the inside looking inside."

"Near-"

"I'm not finished. You had to go to Japan to tell Light about Matt. You had to get mad and storm off. You had to spend the night in a motel because you were upset. You almost killed yourself on a motorcycle. I went home and worried. I went home and felt sick for days. I went back to being alone. I was left to deal with the ache that comes with you being away. You do what you have to. I don't know if you do what you do to find peace, or to feel like you're paying for something, but think about how your choices affect others for once, Mello. I thought you were dead. Linda thought you had fled the country. L thought you were hiding in the warehouse again. Light thought you were in Japan. You didn't tell anyone where you were or where you were going. I was terrified, Mello. For the first time in forever, I was terrified of losing everything."

Near looked at me like it was my turn to speak. I just stared at him. Everything he had said was right. I was a selfish brat and he was an angel. But he loved me. I loved Matt still. But Matt was dead and Near was still with me. Through everything I did to him, Near had stuck with me. Even then, when I was at my worst and Near was so sick he was in the hospital, he still stayed with me. He never told me to get out or to leave him forever. He told me what he thought and everything I had missed in his life. And that's what I loved about Near. Everything.

"Near, I love you. Everything about you. You tell me everything like it is. You keep everything in place. You can never lose everything because you are everything."

"Mello, if you were to ask me which was more important, you or my life, and I were to say my life, what would you do?"

"I would probably storm off because I was upset, but come back to you."

"I would say my life because you are my life. You're everything. If I were to lose you, I would lose everything. You may piss me off, but you're everything. If I had a rose for every time you made me smile, I could walk through a garden of roses and still have miles of them to go before I reached the end. I love you."

"I'm making you something when we get home. And I'm making this up to you. It's my fault you're sick. I do declare breakfast in bed every day for the next month!" I said, making my voice grand.

Near laughed and I wrapped him in my arms. His head was warm, he was covered in cold sweat, he smelled like vomit, but he was Near. He was everything I could ever have wished for and everything I needed. I kissed his forehead and drove Linda back to her house before walking home. Near's surprise had to be special. I got into Near's car and went to the florist. Near would get his garden of roses, and this time I would make them perfect. I bought over thirty white roses, three black magic roses, and one red rose. I went home, planted the white roses in the front, with the black magic roses beside the door, and the red rose right in the center. All I had to do was keep them alive until Near came home.