I hope I made up for my teeny weeny chapters with this one. Longest I've ever written on this site, I believe. I just finished season 12 of Criminal Minds and I'm kinda freaking out about Reid so I don't know how coherent this is but I tried my best. Also, it was written on my phone while I was trying to avoid socialisation. If there are any huge mistakes please tell me and I will get right on it. Otherwise, have fun with this chapter! Thank you so much to Malohkeh who has been reviewing and making my day every chapter. You're awesome and you're the reason I'm updating again so soon.

"Hello, Sweetie. Are you going to shoot me?"

"No! I mean. I..." the Doctor put the gun away slowly. "I didn't expect you here."

River stood, "Well obviously. Is this what you do when you think you're alone? March around with a gun?" Her playful taunting was getting to him more than it should.

He reddened in shame, "No... special circumstance."

"How so?" The Doctor could see better now. River was holding onto the bars of her cage, pressed against them like she wanted to be as slide to him as she could. He took a step closer.

"I'll explain later. First, why were you taken? Do you know why they want me?" He held her hands over the bars.

"I came willingly. They didn't trust me after they looked into my history. I can break myself out of almost anywhere, but they used an old fashioned lock and chain to close me in, and they took my gun. I came because they wanted to use me to coax you back out into the universe to start helping again. From what I hear, you haven't been seen for years. The Shadow Proclamation and Atraxi thought you had made a mistake and skipped a portion of time but then you were found on Earth living in linear time and we knew something was wrong. You were either in a tricky spot and needed some motivation to leave, or you had finally decided you liked humans better than traveling."

"But why isolate me on the planet with my... my, uh, companions?" It felt like betrayal to call his team that, but River wouldn't understand. He needed information right now. All that he was sure about was hat he couldn't leave the BAU.

"Let's talk more once I'm free. Give me your gun."

The Doctor shook his head, "I'm not sure it's not a trick. I'm not arming you and giving you means to freedom."

River sighed and looked into her Doctor's eyes. They were not the same, "So is this one after Attack Eyebrows? Or did I miss something between Eyebrows and Chinny?"

"Knowing about my previous regenerations proves nothing." The Doctor couldn't help being cautious. "How can I be sure you're not a trick?"

"Shall we do diaries? I don't have mine on me, naturally. All of my things were screened out. I assume you don't have yours either. Verbal will do. By your regeneration we've done Darillium?"

The Doctor stared coldly. If she had already been to the Singing Towers with him then she should be dead. This must be a trick. It had to be.

River smacked her lips and sighed, "I'll take that as a yes." She leaned against the bars of her cage. "And I know you've done the library."

"Who are you?" He kept the emotion out of his voice to the best of his ability but there was still an audible tremble. How dare this thing pretend to be his wife from a time after she was gone? How dare anyone?

"Sweetie, it's me. Has human life made you this paranoid?" She tried to laugh in good humour but the way the Doctor was acting... it scared her. He had a gun and she got the feeling he wouldn't have any hesitations in using it.

"River died in that library. That was the end of our time together in that direction so there is no possible way we could be together again." He dropped his voice to a low whisper, trying to keep cracks out.

"I got out. You saved me, remember?" River matched his volume.

The Doctor shook his head and finally unlocked his eyes from hers. "You- River was dead. She's gone. Nice try." He closed his eyes, unable to look at the hurt in River's eyes, even if it wasn't really her.

Reid instinctively pulled out his gun, feeling foolish for thinking that anything good would come of being the Doctor again. He had lost the privelage to use that title a long time ago.

A quick glance around with better adjusted eyes let him know where the cockpit or main control area would be. He could figure out if the they humans on the planet had been abducted or made invisible, or if it was he and the others who had been moved to a parallel universe or simulation. River could be a simulation live fed from the database- no. Not her. Not her consciousness. Not her. It couldn't be, because if it was, he didn't think he would be able to resist traveling the universe again with her.

Just as he reached the hallway that he assumed led to the main instruments of the ship, Not River called something out to him that sounded so unbearably familiar to his ears that he had to stop.

"What did you say?" He wasn't sure if she could hear him until she repeated herself several seconds later. The Doctor froze.

"What's the matter?" He had never heard her so close to tears, "Don't remember your name? Well, I do. You told me. Do you remember that? Is that enough proof for you!?"

His mistake and the implications of the fact that it had been a mistake flooded the Doctor's hearts and head, paralysing him until he could no longer be still from the ecstasy racing through him and he ran to her.

"I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. Here." He desperately tried to fit the gun through the bars but the gaps between them was too small. "No, that's okay. It's fine. I'll do it. Turn away." His voice shook in a way that one only could from true excitement, beating down the anger into nonexistance.

River turned her head away from the lock and the Doctor stepped back. He hoped to Rassilion that discharging an Earth firearm wouldn't count as a violent attack on the ship. It took three shots to break the lock. It would've been easier with a screwdriver.

"You're a good shot. You've been holding out on me." River snapped back into her flirtatious tones as soon as she was close enough to hug the Doctor in the same mood.

After a seconds long hesitation, he pushed her off and handed her his gun and holster, "Take it. I never want to fire another shot." His hands hadn't shaken this hard even when he'd shot to kill or be killed.

"Glad to see you back. I was beginning to think I'd lost you." She happily fastened the weapon to her own waist, "A little twenty-first century but it'll do."

Reid felt exposed without his gun, but the Doctor was relieved beyond words to have it gone. Reid figured this is what people with dissociative identity disorders felt like some of the time. He couldn't blame them for doing some of the things they did. Off topic damnit.

"Yeah, it is twenty-first." As the last syllable left his lips, an alarm was set off, blaring so loudly compared to their quiet that the Doctor had to cover his ears.

Over the speakers in Old Atraxian boomed, "Restricted item detected on the female prisoner. Remove the weapon or the female prisoner will be incinerated." Some things never changed.

The Doctor grabbed the gun back and the alarms stopped like the barrel was the lever.

"You could just leave it." River suggested, upset that her chance at wielding a firearm had been compromised.

"I can't do that." He said without thinking. Why couldn't he?

"Why can't you?" She said. Great minds think alike.

"I'm unarmed." He only thought of the words after they left his lips. Of course he would be unarmed. That was the point! That was always the point. He had more than coped with no screwdriver before without turning to a gun. Gun was a last resort. Then why couldn't he get his hand to drop it.

"Yes, you are." River reached for the gun slowly. She had never seen him look as unstable as he did right now, hand shaking like he was trying to shake the weapon loose but it was stuck. She tried to take the gun out of his hands but his fingers wouldn't allow it. His knuckles turned sterile white to contradict the redness in the rest of his hand.

"Doctor, drop the gun."

His mind fought against his body. He wanted to drop it but he wanted it. He needed it. Every nanosecond he changed his mind.

Another alarm sounded, "The female prisoner has escaped. Return to your cell or the Doctor and his friends will be incinerated."

He shoved the gun in his front pocket, the alarm jolting him to awareness. He was reminded of quantum physics. Simple enough to understand and experience as an onlooking party, but to feel like he was in two states at once-Reid and the Doctor-only to be collapsed into one upon realisation of a situation... it was excruciating.

Reid needed to save his friends, so Reid would. The gun would stay.

"Get back into the cage. I'm not getting people killed. Tell me what they isolated us for." He practically pushed her back behind bars. As if on a pressure plate, the alarms stopped.

"Are there any sensors in here? Did they put anything on you? Why did it take them so long to realise you were out of the cage but no time at all to realise you were armed? Why am I allowed to carry a weapon but you aren't?"

River had had a while to think. She knew what to say. "No sensors, and they didn't put anything on me that I wasn't already wearing. I supposed based on my history they expected me to break out but didn't want to raise any alarms right away because I always return. They gave me some time to get back in with a delayed alarm system. As for the gun, I am very dangerous with one, as my history shows, so of course the alarm would go off right away. You're not considered a threat with any weapons because of how intent you are on avoiding violence. They don't think you're a threat with a gun. Their mistake. Now, under normal circumstances I would pretend to want you to man up and use a weapon while really loving your attempts at assembling cabinets in mid air. And I should be appalled at your choice of carrying a weapon-and don't get me wrong, I am more than a little disappointed-but now I think you might be able to use it to your advantage. Don't speak. I assume you're okay with using it if you have to and I trust you aren't trigger happy, so I need to tell you. To tell you that I have considered that you might've made a human life for yourself on Earth and that you might want to stay. I would love nothing more than to travel with you for the rest of ever in that stupid brilliant TARDIS, but I also care about you too much not to think that you might not want to. If you do want to travel with me we can get out of here. We can arrange for the TARDIS to show up here somehow either from something we've already done or or are doing or will do. She'll show up and we can go anywhere. Everywhere. But if you want to stay... they put you and your friends in a manufactured parallel pocket universe. The mainframe is simple and I know what to do to put you back into the right universe where no time will have passed. The programming in this ship requires it to return to its docking base machanic on its planet of origin when it's damaged and will move at only sub-light speeds. That would give you quite some time to stay here and live. I could break out at any time. It wouldn't be hard. If you let them. We'll take you to your TARDIS right now but I just wanted to let you know that I love you and I will help you with either decision."

The Doctor was overwhelmed. His mind was racing with images of possible futures. So many beautiful planets and galaxies and histories to explore, so many unique races and cultures to save. It is amazing. Was. But there were problems on earth that he never would've seen if he hadn't joined the bureau and so many things he could make a difference in just on his favourite planet, helping his favourite species in his favourite time. "Thank you. I need to think about it." The gun felt heavy at his side. The alienness of his situation glared him in the face.

"Let's start with returning everything to its rightful universe. That happens no matter what." The Doctor swallowed down his questions. Humans before him.

River nodded sympathetically and led the way to the control panel.

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

Jack's charisma was incredible. Even after flirting with everyone in this universe and killing himself in front of them, terrorising them, he had still managed to befriend everyone and get his bro Dave to bring out his stash of drinks kept in the office for "unexpected occasions". Convinced that Reid would be okay on his own after enough shared stories from both sides, it hadn't seemed inappropriate to chill out and wait for him to work his magic.

Jack laughed along with everyone else and took a sip of his drink. Rossi had some good stuff, "And then she bit it off with the teeth in her tongue and spat it back out at me, and I was like 'Well that wasn't very sanitary' because, you know? It's a dead Nazi's toe, you can't get less sanitary than that. And you know what she asks me? She asks what a sanitary is. This creature from a level eight planet, get this, with a personal translation matrix."

Everyone laughed and some gasped. Emily made a sound like "No!" In disbelief.

Happy moods were squashed with an earsplitting buzz like the worse mic status to ever happen.

"It's me." Reid couldn't decide which name, so he used neither. They would be able to tell, "Not that I doubt your civility, but you have about a minute to get yourselves into a position you wouldn't mind other agents seeing you in. Stay out of usually crowded areas. Maybe sit at the round table or stand up against a wall. I don't want you materialising inside other people. This is only a one-way communication so don't try yelling at the sky for me. We're sorting it out. See you soon, I guess." The buzzing stopped.

"Better put this away..." Rossi collected the remains of his stash and tucked them back in their spot. "And nobody ever saw a thing. It's not illegal, just inappropriate. Never for work hours, alright?"

Nods of agreement amongst the agents left Jack the sole civilian confidant.

"I'm taking the wall. Materialising into someone does not sound desireable." Garcia tucked herself into a corner.

"It's not." Jack stood next to her and winked. She didn't notice.

The rest sat at the table waiting for some big jolt or something. They stayed in their positions for a few minutes.

"Why haven't we 'materialised' yet?" Morgan looked around. Nothing seemed different.

Hotch stood and opened the blinds to see if there was some alien battle happening in the bullpen, but instead he saw all of their normal coworkers going about their business.

"Oh. We have." He opened all of the blinds to let everyone see.

"Now I feel stupid." Prentiss stood and opened the door to look for herself. "Yep."

The organisation and stillness of the brook broke up.

"Wait," J.J. said, "If everything is back to normal, where's Reid?"