LITTLE MISS DISASTER

"Gaara, when I get back I do not need you in the bed. The bed is mine. MINE!" she said, while putting on make-up.

I didn't answer, I was too busy wondering if her hair was natural. You want the carpet to match the drapes, if ya know what I mean. Know what I mean?

What? I'm still a guy.

"I know, you're not happy with the couch but I mean, really; you're not going to need the bed. You don't sleep, therefore you have no need for a bed. I, on the other hand sleep and I'll only be out for a couple of hours. Which is why the bed is mine." She said spreading some white stuff on her face.

I scoffed, I've seen drag queens wear less make-up. I reached for the strudel she tried to hide from me underneath the sink.

She slapped my hand, "not until after dinner. I want you to be on the couch by 8 or there'll be no cartoons on Saturday, understand? I'll be back by 11." She said mothely-like, rushing out the door. I sighed and plopped down on the couch. Fag-boy sat a safe distance away from me.

He stared straight ahead at the blank TV screen. Then I noticed something. It was huge, orange-red-ish, unpleasant, and greasy. No, not Carrot-top. Neji Hyuuga had a huge zit on his forehead. It's massive like Mount freaking Everest. And bubbly. Another way it's like Carrot-top. On the bright side, the zit doesn't seem likely to pathetically hit on women and advertise a phone service. Thank God, the world does not need another Carrot-top.

"You're staring at the zit aren't you?" He said nonchalantly.

I froze then backed away. The bastard's on to me. I shuffled to the bathroom and closed the door.

"I know that's what you were staring at." Neji called from the couch, sounding like a self concious sixteen year old. I knew I should have taken my pills this morning. Then again, when I met Sakura I knew I'd have to start paying for life insurance but did I do that? I don't think so.

"It just won't go away, you know?" Neji started to sob. Who would've thought that this 'bad-boy' would crumble so easily over a zit? Well, how would I know? I have perfect skin. We can thank Proactive skin treatment for that one. I know, I was skeptical of it at first. I couldn't trust Diddy on that but if Kelly Clarkson says it works that's good enough for me. She was on American Idol, you know.

"A-A-AND THEN IT POPPED OUT OF MY F-F-F-FACE! IT'S LIKE A SECOND HEAD!" Neji bawled, pouring out the whole story to me while I ignored him and studied the bottle of bright pink nail polish. I considered painting my nails but I think I'm more of a peach kind of guy.

There was a knock on the door. I power walked to answer it. It seemed like a perfect plan to ditch Neji's bitching. But in reality it was God's way of punishing me for being too sexy. Heh. It's not like I can help that.

I answered the door. It was another guy that kind of looks like a girl. Great.

"Hello!" He said bubbily, carrying two large color coordinated suitcases.

"GO AWAY!" Neji screamed to him from the couch.

"I'm 'fraid not. I'm your new roomie." He smiled an all knowing smile and held out a hand for me to shake, which I did not take. He's polite, has a well-kept appearance, and long, shiny,hippie length, hair. Looks like child molester to me. Or if my gaydar is correct, he's about as straight as a circle. He left his hand out for me to shake for about ten minutes then walked in to the living room.

"Hiya! I'm Haku." I heard him say in the next room.

"DON'T LOOK AT ME! I'M HIDEOUS!"

"Shhhhh. It's okay, it's okay It's okay." I heard Haku say soothingly to a near tears, screaming Neji.

"A-A-AND IT WOULDN'T GO A-AWAY!" Neji blubbered.

I tuned the voices out and headed straight for the bathroom. It's like Crouching Drag Queen Hidden Faggot. Strudel sounded good at the moment. Everything was going to be okay. Okay like toast and jam. I like toast. And I like jam. So toast and jam is very okay, I told my self, I will not be raped.

"It's gone! That shit is amazing!" Neji gasped.

"I know, I was skeptical of it at first. I couldn't trust Diddy on that. But if Kelly says it works that's good enough for me. She was on American Idol, you know." Haku said in a matter-of-fact voice. No comment. I'll just lock the door. I can stay in this bathroom all night if I fucking have to.

"Gaara! The zit! It's gone" Neji yelled.

I panicked and practiced everything I learned when I wasn't ignoring the teacher in health class. Right. When another person is touching you in a way you don't like to be touched kick them in the balls and haul ass. Somehow that did not seem entirely correct. I guess watching two hours of CSI: special victims unit gives you a warped sense of reality. That would explain why I decided to blow up the ceramic cast of Spongebob Squarepants Neji hides in his closet. But hey, anyone that yellow, hair-less, square, and toothy you might as well tape a sign on your shirt that says 'sex offender'. I ended up chanting the only thing I remembered from Health. No means no. No means no. No means no. No means no. No means no. 1-800-IVE-BEEN-RAPED hotline. No means no.

My mind chanted like a mantra while I ate strudel, still fresh from under the sink.

"Well, now that we've got that problem out of the way, naked Twister, anyone?" Haku asked.

NOMEANSNONOMEANSNONOMEANSNONOMEANSNO

my mind chanted faster and louder.

"Um. Actually, I have somewhere to go to...Right now." Neji quickly said, no doubt, making an beeline to the door.

I tried to rip out the toilet to baracade the door. I'm so screwed; the porcelain bitch isn't budging.

"Is anyone in here?" I heard Haku knock on the door. I gripped the toilet harder.

"NO MEANS NO!"

Another OOC chapter. I can't help it. They're so fun to write. And I need fun. I'm like PMS-ing majorly here. I swear, does anyone else think they should box tampons and chocolate together? That'd be great. It'd save you a trip and maybe Tampax can make it like a bargain. That'd motivate me: tampons cheaper with it packaged with ten bars of chocolate in one handy box. Plus, maybe the cashier won't look at me strangely anymore. I think I'll write a letter to Tampax and let them know of my genius.

Well, anyway we now have a livejournal. It has like previews for the next chapter for this fic and my other fics, your FAQ's answered, and other good stuff. There's a link to it in our profile or you can go to:

www (dot) poptart fiend (dot) live journal (dot) com

No spaces of course.