Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or settings. If I did, I would have the money to deal with being sued. As Square Enix owns them, I'm apparently broke.

Notes: Translations are underlined.

Reviewing is a really nice and easy way to say "keep writing," you lazy bums (you know who you are).

Warning: Before Crisis spoiler.


The Secretary

Episode 06: Wark

Sephiroth stared at the feathery beasts. They were making a lot of fuss. RSL was trying to calm his bird down. Sephiroth's black chocobo seemed apprehensive. RSL's pink fowl was trying to eat the SOLDIER's hair.

Shinra's vehicles were all occupied, so the pair was stuck with these birds. This mission is going to be very interesting.


Jessie typed away at her computer. The place was quiet for once. She looked out into the hallway. No one was on this floor. Good.

She turned the lobby television. Her boss hated the thing and demanded it never be turned on. She flipped through a few channels finding none of the Shinra Company programs interesting. How many soap operas need to be on at one time!

Jessie turned the flashing box off. Crawling behind it, she began to remove wires. The brunette stood up and began to disconnect wires to her phone and computer. After rearranging the wires, and exchanging a few chips, Jessie turned the television back on. She had successfully hacked into the Shinra Electric's security camera system.

"I wonder what the Turks are up to…"


The black chocobo, Bebe, was pissed. The human on her back had draped his jacket over her hind. It itched a lot. The man demanded she keep up the fast pace. His really heavy sword had been tied around her neck. "Wark, warrrkk, wa'kk. Warr' warrk wark-wark." Arrogant #$ bastard. Bet he's making up for something.

Choco the Pink glanced at her partner. Choco's rider was a complete moron. He kept yelling "mush," whatever that meant. "Wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr—." You mean he has that big sword because he has a small

The silver-haired human had pulled his reigns. Now he wants to stop. The stupider human kept bouncing along for a measure. They had arrived at a sizable town. Great more &#'n' humans.


Jessie blinked in disbelief. She watched as Reno chases a small, baby chocobo around a desk. O—kay. So much for finding out anything interesting. She flipped through the channels rapidly. She stopped on a scene of Hojo's laboratory.

This was even stranger than catching Scarlet biting off her toenails. One of the lab assistants was chasing a small chocobo. The small chocobo was chasing Professor Hojo.

"Did someone release a bunch of chocobos in the building?"


Junon had been overrun with terrorists. With the limited information he had, he knew that AVALANCHE had infiltrated the base. What are they after?

RSL was taking up the rear. Jessie's shotgun lessons are paying off. What terrorists the Masamune could not reach were blasted by the 3rd Class. They dashed through the city, killing anyone in their way.

Then, they saw the Sister Ray Cannon. It was aimed towards the mountains. Their trying to destroy Midgar! "Oh #$!"


Jessie had found President Shinra's office on the television. The tubby idiot was arguing with his HOT son.

"These AVALANCHE bastards. Always causing trouble." The President was pissed.

"… And what do you want me to do about it? Sephiroth took forever to get there, because someone decided to use all of the helicopters, airships, and automobiles for picking up women."

Jessie watched as an adult chocobo entered the office. Both Shinras seemed shocked. This may be the best day ever.


Bebe looked over at Pinky. Pinky seemed nervous. "Wark waa'rrkk w'rkk." Something wrong? Pinky was the first chocobo to know when it would rain. Pinky seemed to realize things faster than anyone.

"Waaaaaark wa'kk warkk wa'." I think that big metal tube is suppose to face the other way.

The black chocobo glanced upwards. Oh, $&#.


BWAHAHAHAHA; cliff hanger, that's what you get for not reviewing.

Bunny points to Lily Silver and SilverKitsune013 for reviewing.