Disclaimer: As usual, I own nothing that is related to Twilight in any way, shape or form, this story is purely for entertainment purposes, I am not benefiting from it financially in any way, and no copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: Thank you all for your supportive reviews, and to xxLooneyLovegoodxx about how I come up with these theories: I'm working toward a degree in Biochemistry, and I have a fantastic imagination, without which I wouldn't be a writer.
Chapter Seven - Alice's PoV
It was the worst pain I'd ever felt. If I remembered my conversion, it may not have been so bad. In comparison it might have felt like a light cramp, but as it was all I could think about was the searing pain ripping my abdomen open.
Werewolves are designed to be able to tear vampires apart. They're our only natural enemies, but I didn't think that it would be this unbearable. Is it possible that the werewolves have something about their claws like our venom that induces immeasurable pain?
I thought about all of this after the procedure of course. I was nowhere near coherent enough to form any words or thoughts. I remember feeling Jasper sitting beside me, holding my hand and projecting soothing feelings toward me. Looking back I find it incredibly sweet of him to do that, because being an empath he would have felt my pain too.
Carlisle said everything went alright. Of course he was fascinated by a look inside the body of a vampire, because no one (to popular knowledge) had ever explored it before, so he kept me opened up a little bit longer than perhaps was necessary in order for him to take a look at my insides.
The lingering metallic taste in my mouth reminds me of the human blood Carlisle gave me at the end of the procedure to help the incision heal. My throat is on fire now because of its temptation, and my eyes are red tinged around the outside.
There is a long silver mark across the once perfect silk-over-steel of my abdomen, and I know that if I do end up having a child that when he or she is born, my body will be nearly destroyed, if Bella's pregnancy was any indication. Then again, it isn't like most vampires take a Caribbean vacation and go sunbathing, but I take a certain amount of pride in my appearance. After all, I didn't make a fortune predicting the stock market to shop at thrift stores.
But I can easily put my vanity aside. I would take the pain of today and any scars in the world if I could just have this baby.
I still don't know what will happen. I can tell the future based on people's decisions, not some ultimate goal that will come to an end whether I like it or not. I'll only know if I can have a baby if Carlisle finds out it's possible, and then if he decides to tell me. Then I'll be clueless as to whether or not it will actually work, because that is no one's decision.
What makes it even harder is that my foresight has been getting worse lately. Carlisle thinks it's because I'm so worked up over this baby thing. I lost to Edward at chess more times in the last three months than I have in the last 30 years, because I can't see what moves he's going to make. Sure, he can read my mind and he knows I can't tell what he has planned. Our family has an unspoken agreement that pity victories mean nothing, so we pull no punches when it comes to competition.
I'm blind. Without my foresight I feel as lost as a human would if their eyes suddenly darkened to the world around them and they were wandering around with no direction. With the future literally within sight, I have always felt sure and in control, but now I feel like I'm caught in this spiral that only goes down.
"I have to go." I say and push Jasper's hand off of my shoulder, where he is still trying to soothe and comfort me, but it isn't working.
"Where?" He asked, a look of concern creasing his pale face.
"I don't know." I say as I stand up and move toward the window.
"Aliceā¦" I hear him call after me, but it's too late. I've already fallen into the air beneath the window. I land on one foot and immediately propel myself forward into a full sprint. It feels invigorating to rush this fast through the forest, the wind whipping against my face as I dodge the tree branches. I don't lose my breath, I don't fatigue, and for the first time in a long time, I feel free.
I don't run for very long, because even though the forest is fairly big, it has its limits and when you run as fast as vampires do, you exhaust those limits pretty quickly. I slow down and amble through the trees, taking a moment to just breath the freshness of nature into my lungs that have been weighted down by the stress of thinking about this baby.
My ears pick up every vibration of the wind rustling leaves, creatures darting through the undergrowth, the flapping of birds' wings as they cheep from the canopy overhead, the varied heartbeats of all the animals, and beneath them all, the barely audible crack of the dry twigs on the ground as I step lightly across them.
I curl up in the crook of the roots of a large tree and lean my head against the trunk. Even though I can hear every little disturbance, it is a peaceful noise. It's natural. The sound of cars is too far away for me to hear, it is just me and the world.
I close my eyes and amidst the serenity of the forest I feel my stress creeping up on me again. I hope Carlisle finds something soon so I know whether to keep my hopes up, or just resign myself to what so many of our kind already have: that vampire women aren't meant to have children of their own.
Another poisonous tear slips down my cheek and a thin vapor of steam rises from where it hits the trunk of the tree. I stare at it and think how perfect a picture it is. We are all darkness and destruction, but I keep the hope alive that somehow, some way, we can create as well.
A/N: Yeah, I know, emo!Alice. But you know, if you wanted something with all your heart and had to wait for months to see if it was even possible, you'd start to go a little crazy too.
