It's been two weeks since my empty stomach and I left the hospital, and no one is letting me do anything. Mike won't let me come into work, and my parents' stop by the house every day. Oh, and didn't you hear? I now have a live-at-home boyfriend. If that's what he even is. My boyfriend, my friend, even my best friend, I don't fucking know! I'm cranky because I feel smothered by so many people, but I'm kind of liking the live-in situation.
Edward and I have yet to actually put a label on what we are. In everyone else's mind he sleeps in the guest room, but he rushes into my bedroom every night to comfort and calm me after another nightmare. The crazy Bella in the back of my mind would love it if he moved into my room permanently, but the sane one knows that'd be moving too fast. I can't even call him my boyfriend, because I'm not sure that that's what he is. I've become confused about us. The only person I've talked to about this is Angie, and even then, she's not that much help. I think only Edward would have the ability to calm my fears, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to ask.
After making more than a few comments about my fainting at the hospital, everyone seems to have forgotten about the two bouquets I received. They think that I should be worrying about my health and I worry a lot. I have nightmares about him, who my nightmares have deemed Jared, appearing when I least expect it and hurting me. Or my most current fear, him taking Kelsi away from me. I am nothing without my daughter, and the thought of living without her is enough to make me scream out in terror every night, until I feel those arms wrapped tightly around me again.
I don't know what it is about Edward, but he is easily becoming so unforgettable in my mind. He consumes most of my thoughts, and having him so close to me isn't helping anything. He's my safety blanket and my heart wrapped up in one. I just wish he would shed some light on the topic of us. But no... He's being the perfect little live-at-home possible boyfriend. He goes to work every morning and comes home around six, carrying a giggly Kelsi from my parents' house.
My daughter is becoming so attached to him, and I constantly worry that when the whole Jared fiasco blows up, he'll leave me. Or maybe he'll leave before, when it finally sinks in that I've tipped the baggage scale of problems and come with too many responsibilities.
My parents aren't making any thing any easier for me. As I've said, they've popped up every day. Bringing me lunch and being someone I can talk to, and listen to, boy do I listen.
I'm not sure how long I can last with my mom bragging about Edward this and Edward that, when I'm trying to focus on other things. And Charlie's screaming at me in the other ear about how much he detests me kinda living with my possible boyfriend. He's made it clear that he seriously frowns upon it time and time again. My only escapes are Rose, Alice and Angie, and they aren't even family. Although, Alice swears that I will be one day.
Don't they know how freaked out I am? I am so close to breaking down and cracking. The only thing pulling me back, keeping me out of the water, is my bouncy baby Kelsi. And I'm not going to lie, Edward too. So fucking confused!
"Bella!" my mother literally smack me out of my thoughts and back to reality on the head I hit on my way down.
"Mom! I was hurt here," I reach my hand up to rub my forehead. When I fainted that day, I hit the office floor pretty hard. Everything is fine, but I was left with a couple of bruises and stitches on my forehead.
"Please," my mom waves a hand at me, "You hurt yourself. What do you want for dinner?"
"Peace and quiet," I smile down at my baby girl. She's sleeping, but still oh so adorable.
"You can't live off peace and quiet Bella," my mom scoffs at the idea. She clearly hasn't felt the need to be alone recently.
"I beg to differ. A lot of people live alone on big, quiet islands living off the scenery and coconuts".
"Well you're allergic to coconuts Isabella, and there are too many people in your corner that aren't willing to ship you off to a lonely island."
"I wouldn't be alone. Kelsi would obviously be with me," I roll my eyes and smile down at my daughter.
"And Edward?" she raises her eyebrows and grins at me in a creepy way.
"Mom. Stop it," I say as I stand up to find another spot to sit. Which is no use, because she just follows me anyway, and anywhere.
I get up and walk upstairs, to Kelsi's room. I enter the room, and place her in the pink crib in her room. I take a moment and just stare at her. I'm dreading the day when she begins to crawl, and the day that she begins to talk. Then when she begins to walk, and her first day of pre-k, and kindergarten and elementary. Also her entire middle school days, her high school days, and her prom night. Her graduation, her first day of college, her college graduation...you get the point. I don't want my baby to grow up on me. Ever. I never anticipated having a child as early as I did, but I can't picture my life without her.
Not to mention, the many articles I read during my pregnancy about how fast kids grow up. I can't help but wonder if I'll be there for it all.
"Stop worrying so much Bella," my mom comes in and pulls me in for a hug.
"I can't help it," I lean into her arms.
"Bella," she hushes me, "You had a little spill that's all. Everyone's working to make sure that doesn't happen again. You used to get the worst headaches as a child."
I glance up at her face and sigh. "Yeah," I mutter, "we're all working together." Except me, the big liar.
Later that day, we watch TV as we wait for Edward and Charlie to return. I turn myself in the direction of the door just in time to see Edward walk in with my father.
"Hey," my mother and I stand to greet our men, there's tension still floating up in the air. Sadly, it doesn't go by unnoticed.
"Is everything okay Bella?" Edward asks, and he pulls away from our hug.
"What?" my voice becomes a little high, and I work to get it back down, " Oh yeah, everything is perfect. We were just debating about what to have for dinner," I look over at my mom questionably.
"Better yet, let's go out to eat tonight". I peek over at Charlie, "I've been cooped up in this house for too long".
"That'd be nice Bells. Where's Kelsi?" my dad asks.
"Sleeping upstairs Charlie. Wanna go see?" my mom drags my dad up the stairs. Finally some alone time with Edward.
I grab his hand and lead him over to the couch. I look down at my hands, dreading the topic I want to bring up. I glance up at him, and find that he is staring back at me.
"What's wrong Bella?" he reaches down to take my hands in his.
"I'm not sure I can beat around the bush any longer Edward," I say.
"Beating around the-what do you mean Bella?" he asks.
"What are we Edward? You sleep in my bed, in my house every night. You're here for breakfast, you call me during your lunch, and you're here for dinner. Not to mention the fact that you're well acquainted with my parents'. You kiss me and I think that maybe we're more than just friends, but then you take me over to the couch to watch some TV. I've never been more confused Edward. What am I to you?" I finish my rant and look up at his face, dying for an answer.
"Everything Bella," he breathes and I sigh in relief.
"You've become everything to me and we've only known each other for a few months. It scares me a little Bella," he says and I squeeze his hand in mine.
"Why Edward? What's so scary about it? You like me, I like you...I just don't get it".
"You're on my mind twenty-four seven Bella. I almost fucked up my surgery the other day". I laugh and he reaches over to smack my knee, "It's not funny Bella," he says.
"Hey! I have a thing right here?" I say, gesturing towards the remote placed in my lap.
"I can see that," he says, and licks his lips, openly staring between my legs.
"Edward," I blush, looking up at his face. He laughs at me, and reaches down to grab the remote, his hand lingering a little longer than expected. He smiles at me briefly, before turning on the TV. When he realizes that I am in fact still staring at him, he turns off the TV, and takes my hand again.
"What Bella? I can't stare at my girlfriend?" He smiles down at me.
"Your girlfriend is my pink taco?" I tease him, and his face turns beet red while he becomes incredibly flustered. He's so cute!
"What? No Bella" he stammers and says, "You're my girlfriend".
"Oh am I?" I smile up at him.
"If you want to be," he smiles at me and I lean over to plant a kiss on his lips.
"I want to be," I say, and the smile he gives me damn near breaks my heart.
"Fucking finally!" I hear from behind me and turn around to see my mother smiling over at us.
"How long have you been standing there mom?" I turn to glare at the peeping mom and blush.
"Just long enough to hear my pure ass daughter say pink taco. You're growing up baby," she says as she comes over to hug me.
"Pure?" I scoff at her, and glance at my tomato of a boyfriend.
"Where's dad?" I ask, looking for an escape.
"He's upstairs with Kelsi. She just woke up".
"Well we're ready when you guys are," I say and my mom practically runs upstairs to get my dad and Kelsi. I go to sit back down on the couch and lean my head on Edward's shoulder. He plants a kiss on my head. Things are looking up.
Dinner is going very well. Aside from the slutty waitress, the skanky hostess, and the whorish chef that tried to hit on my man. I'm even contemplating writing my name on his forehead with a bright pink Sharpie. Take that skanks! Yes, I am very territorial, especially when it comes to Edward. I mean, come on! I just got him!
All the confusion I felt earlier this week, and today, is nothing compared to the massive amount of happiness I feel right now.
Only the slutty women at "La Bella Italia" almost bring down my night, but Kelsi is being so freakin' cute. She's been reaching out for Edward since she woke up and spotted him. My dad is not so happy about this, and his mustache has turned into a sad frown. Kelsi has never once shied away from her grandpa's embrace, but every time she comes near Edward, it's him she wants to hold her. I can't blame her; I feel the same way.
