Disclaimer: Still not my characters.
A/N: This hasn't been beta'd, so all mistakes are my own. Thanks for reading. Reviews appreciated.
~~~~~SG1SG1SG1SG1~~~~~
Sam sat on her sofa, staring out the window. Her uniform was scattered down the hall toward her bedroom where she hurriedly pulled it off and changed. She felt she didn't deserve to wear the uniform after what making a complete fool of herself at the chapel. A very large drink was sitting on the table by her, barely a sip taken and ice melting. Sam had thought to drown her sorrows, but decided she didn't deserve the comfortable oblivion alcohol would bring. The clock on the mantle chimed the hour. Jack would be married by now. Her heart felt as though it had gone through the Stargate and not rematerialized on the other side.
Leaning her head against the back of the sofa, Sam thought of all the missed opportunities. All the times she could have told him how she felt. When days stretched out into years, she tried to bury her feelings deep in that part of her brain where she kept all the things she'd seen done and had done to her during the darker times off world. While she had been mostly successful at keeping all that packed away, Jack seemed to keep escaping. Of course he was pretty much a master of escaping, so it shouldn't have surprised her. When she started dating Pete, because she was tired of waiting and tired of being alone, she thought the feelings would magically pack themselves away forever, but they didn't. Instead they kept creeping out and making her miserable. She loved Pete, or at least the idea of Pete, but it wasn't enough. He wasn't enough. It was always Jack. Jack. The one person she couldn't have. She accepted Pete's proposal, but knew deep down that she'd never go through with it. It wasn't fair to Pete and she wished she hadn't hurt him the way she did, but it would have been far worse had they actually married.
The day Sam found out about Jack and Kerry getting engaged, she'd spent half an hour in the bathroom vomiting and another half hour crying. It was, until today, the single worst moment of her life, aside from losing her mother. She wanted to go off world and never come back. She'd seriously considered it once after hearing about the engagement. The people of Kelwona would certainly find a place for her. She could work with Jonas in his lab and help the Langarans build their defense systems and in doing so, lose the pain of never having the only thing she wanted. There would be no more earth, no more SGC and no more General Jack O'Neill sitting next to her at briefings and looking heartbreakingly handsome and completely off limits. It might still be possible. She'd talk to Jonas as soon as she could.
A banging on her front door brought Sam out of her planning. God. Couldn't they just leave her be? She'd embarrassed herself in front of several different races, high-ranking earth official, friends and worst of all Jack. She'd have to put in for a transfer, or just get out all together. She had enough time in to retire and then maybe she'd really head off to Kelwona. What did it matter? She wouldn't be Lieutenant Colonel Carter any more, she'd be Doctor Carter and maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. The knock became louder and more insistent. "Go away, Daniel!" She yelled, not certain he could hear her from the living room, but not really caring. She knew Daniel meant well, but she couldn't deal with him at the moment. She could barely deal with herself.
The knocking became a banging and she heard muffled cursing through the door. Heaving herself off the sofa, she walked to the small entry and yelled again. "Go away, Daniel! I don't want to talk."
"Dammit, Carter, it's me. Open the door. " Jack's voice boomed through the hall.
Sam's throat closed up. She leaned her head against the door. This was worse than Daniel. She couldn't face him. "Go away, Sir."
Jack pounded again and it reverberated through her forehead. "Carter, open the door or I'm going to break it down and I don't particularly feel like going to jail when one of your neighbors call the cops."
"Please, Sir. Just go." Tears slid down her face as she pictured him standing on the other side of her door. She remembered him standing on the other side of a force field many years ago, looking at her helplessly. Part of wished she could see his face now, but another part was thankful she couldn't.
"I need to talk to you." When there was no comment from inside, he uttered a barely audible, "Please."
Fighting off a wave of panic and nausea, Sam cracked open the door. He was still in his uniform and looking every inch a General. Briefly looking at his eyes before sliding them back to the ribbons on his uniform, a much safer place to look than his face, she asked, "Shouldn't you be with your wife, Sir?" The word was hard to even say.
"Probably," he admitted, "if I had one." Sam took in a sharp breath and looked at his left hand. He wiggled the fingers. "No ring," he assured her. "Now, may I please come in? That lady peeking out her window looks like she's about to dial 911." His hand was on the door, and he could easily have pushed his way in, but she noted that he didn't.
Stepping back, Sam opened the door all the way and allowed him in. He walked to the living room sliding off his jacket and loosening his tie as he went. She knew he hated dress blues. Standing there watching him made her head and her heart hurt. He wasn't married. A small bubble of hope welled up, but she quickly tamped it down. He wasn't married today. That could change tomorrow.
Jack turned around and looked at her. "So, Carter, you have something to say?"
"Yes, Sir. I'm…I'm so sorry, Sir. I don't know why I did that. I didn't mean to ruin your day." She was looking past him.
He sighed. "It's okay, Carter. You saved Kerry and I the pain of getting divorced later."
"Sir?"
He sat and scrubbed his hand down his face. It was a gesture she'd seem him make a thousand times, and a small smile curved across her lips at the simple familiarity. "Carter, please sit down. It's been a long day and I don't want to strain my neck looking up at you."
She sat, but as far from him as she could possibly get in the small room. "Kerry must hate me."
"You know what? She doesn't. She said she was actually relieved when you spoke out." Jack looked at the ceiling and pursed his lips together momentarily. "You know, I think I should be insulted."
"I don't understand, Sir." That was an understatement.
Jack sighed and got up, sitting again so he was closer to her. "She didn't want to marry me."
Sam looked at him in shock. How could Kerry not want to marry this man? She wondered who at that moment was the bigger fool. "Then…"
"Why were we standing up there looking like we were about to face Ba'al in his torture chamber?" He completed her question. He'd been able to do that for years and she always found it slightly irritating, but also, irrationally, charming. In her mind it was part of the proof of their connection. "Because we were too stupid to do what we really wanted. Carter, I'm so sorry."
"For what, Sir?"
He reached for her hand, clasping it in his own warm one. She relished in the touch. They'd been careful for years not to touch too often, but sometimes the need was overwhelming. They tried to make sure they were never caught, though they were both pretty sure Janet had seen them a few times in the infirmary. One of them was usually on a gurney though, shot or stabbed or suffering from some strange alien virus, so that seemed to make it okay.
"Carter," he said softly. "You know who I am about talking about...feelings and stuff, so appreciate that this is had for me." He hesitated and took a deep breath. Sam knew feelings weren't really his favorite thing to discuss, and gave him his hand a light squeeze, letting him know that she appreciated the effort. Jack felt stronger through the small gesture and continued. "Carter, I'm sorry for all the wasted years. I'm sorry I wasn't man enough to fight for you. To fight for us. I've spent more of my life in the military than not, and somehow I let the military become more important than things I wanted and needed and I hurt a lot of people along the way. Especially you. And for that I will always be sorry."
"Sir," she started before he interrupted.
"For cryin' out loud, can't you just call me Jack?"
Sam hesitated. Calling him Jack seemed so intimate. Naturally she had done it in the past, but always in a moment of weakness when she felt she would die if she didn't utter that one syllable. She hesitated momentarily, but yielded. "Okay, Jack." She relished the feel of his name on her tongue. "You have always put others before yourself and taken care of your friends and your team. You made us a family. You shouldn't have any regrets."
Jack tugged her arm and pulled her to sit by him on the sofa, their legs touching. He needed to have her close. "Actually Carter, I only have one, and that is that I let so much time go by without telling you how very much I love you." Sam's heart pounded in her ears. She'd dreamed of hearing those words from him for so long and now, there they were and she didn't quite know what to do with them. "We tried to leave it in the room, but I couldn't. Every day I wanted to tell you. Every day I wanted to touch you. Every damn day for almost eight years. Do you know what that does to a man, Carter?" He quirked a grin and tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. "It's not pretty, let me tell you. Why do you think I'm so surly all the time?"
Sam appreciated his attempt at humor, but the day had been too emotional. "But, Kerry?"
"Kerry isn't you. No one will ever be you except you. No one will ever match you in my eyes or take your place in my heart. Kerry knew that too." He reached up and brushed a tear from the corner of her eye. Both eyes were red rimmed and her cheeks were splotchy. She'd been crying a long time. "You know, I hate to tell you this, Carter, but you have the ugly cry."
Sam laughed a little. It was sadly true. While many women looked vulnerable and soft when they cried, Sam just looked like one of those weird bug-eyed fish in Daniel's tank that he'd brought back from P5X-668. They were just about the ugliest and scariest things she'd ever seen. "I know." She leaned her cheek into his palm. "I made such a fool of myself today."
"Yes you did. A spectacular fool. The president was particularly impressed."
She groaned, "Dear god, I forgot the president was there."
He flapped a hand dismissively. "Yeah, well, you save the earth a few hundred times and apparently the president feels he should attend your wedding; or not wedding in this case."
"I suppose I should start clearing out my lab."
"Actually, he thought you were quite ballsy. We had a quick chat before I came over here. Of course I tried to get away as quickly as possible, but you know politicians: yak, yak, yak. Almost made me sorry I voted for him."
Sam breathed in the familiar smell of him. It wasn't heavy aftershave or cologne; it was simply the understated glorious scent of him. It gave her a thrill to be able to take it in without seeming like some insane stalker trying to get too close. She sighed. "So, what do we do now?"
Wrapping an arm around her, he kissed the top of her head. "Well, that all depends on you."
When he didn't elaborate she turned her face up to look at him. His warm eyes glowed in the fading evening light. "How so?"
"It depends on how willing you are to have a crotchety, old, broken down husband who lives a thousand miles away."
Her breath hitched. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, for all his rambling and politicking, the president isn't such a bad guy, I guess. While he was going on and on, he made me an offer that would benefit both of us. Mostly. More of a politician's idea of benefitting someone I suppose. You know it seems like they're doing you a favor, but really they're doing themselves a favor." He could feel her impatience. "Crap, I'm starting to ramble like Daniel, aren't I?" Jack took a breath. "He offered me a job in DC as head of Home World Security, which effectively removes me from your chain of command."
"Yes. Yes, it does. A thousand miles away though?" She couldn't bring herself to ask him about the whole husband thing.
He shrugged. "I suppose I could always retire."
"No!" She practically shouted in his ear.
"Geez Carter, how many times do I have to tell you? I'm old. Quit trying to damage my hearing. It'll go soon enough."
"Stop calling yourself old." She chided. He was still as handsome and virile as they day they met and she wouldn't let him forget it. "You can't retire. There's too much work to be done yet."
He pulled her back down to him. "I know. But the thought of being so far away from you kills me. I've seen you nearly every day for eight years. I'm not sure I can go more than a week without you, which you know will happen if I go to DC and you stay here. I've wasted enough time, Sam."
Sam felt a hope that she had long since abandoned. "Well, maybe you could talk Thor into building us a beam transporter that goes from my place to yours."
Jack chuckled and hugged her tightly. "That's my scientist. Always thinking." She laughed and snaked her arm around his waist. "You know, you never answered my question."
She thought for a moment and smiled. "I don't believe you asked one."
"For cryin' out loud, Carter. You're not going to make me go down on one knee are you? I'm not sure I'll be able to get back up. "
"I don't suppose so, Sir."
"Jack," he reminded her softly.
"Jack," she repeated.
He put his hand under her chin and tipped her head back so they were looking at each other. He was momentarily mesmerized by the depths of her blue eyes. "So, are you willing to take me on, Carter? I know it won't be easy, but I promise to do my damndest to make you happy and thank the gods, not the false snake headed ones mind you, for every single day and night we get to spend together. Especially the nights."
Sam sat back and looked at him, her blue eyes shimmering with tears. There she goes again, she thought. Ugly cry. "Jack, I would, and in fact have, followed you to the ends of the earth, the galaxy even, but taking you on would be the greatest adventure of my life."
"So, that's a yes?"
"Yes."
Jack pulled her to him, his face inches from hers. "You know, even with the ugly cry, you're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." He closed the gap between them and kissed her gently, but when her mouth opened to his, his tongue swept in and all thoughts of sweetness and gentleness were lost. They'd spent years denying their feelings and suddenly there were no rules. Jack wanted nothing more than to drown in her. He slowly lowered her back into the sofa so that he was above her, deepening the kiss. He wanted to show her everything he'd felt for so long. He needed her to know how much she meant to him. He nipped her lips and trailed his mouth to her ear and down her neck before returning to kiss her even deeper. The fact that this gorgeous woman, who had been the center of his fantasies for so long was finally his, was almost too much. He wanted to kiss her forever. When his brain finally screamed for oxygen, he pulled away and stared down at her.
"Wow," she said, a bit dazed, her blue eyes dreamy with satisfaction. "That was something."
He smiled sheepishly as he shifted so they were on their sides pressed against each other on the sofa. "Well, I had a lot of time to work on it during that whole time loop thing."
Her eyes widened as his statement sunk in. "You didn't!"
"Every chance I got, Carter. Every chance I got." He thought back to those many days, or rather one day, that he lived over and over and how very many times he kissed Carter. It made every loop worth it, just to feel her against him and taste her. Even if she didn't remember it, he had never forgotten.
"What do we do now?"
"Justice of the Peace?" He suggested, pressing his lips to hers for a soft, quick kiss. "Dress uniforms are awfully uncomfortable."
She shook her head. Typical Jack. "No way, General. This is the only time I ever plan to do this and I plan to do it right. Besides, how can we deny our friends the opportunity to see the aliens dressed up again?"
He considered that for a moment. "That would be a shame. I think the Nox clearly won the prize for most original dress. They looked like something we would have seen back when we were in 1969. I always knew they were hippies." He kissed her again. "If that's what you want, I'm willing to don my blues again. You know I've never been able to deny you anything. All you ever had to do was ask. Always."
They sat for a while just relishing in the happiness they felt when Jack suddenly sat up. "I forgot something. Wait here." He jumped up and ran out the door. For a moment Sam thought she had been dreaming and that he'd never been there. When he came back through the door she let out an audible sigh of relief. "As much as I wanted to run straight to you, I knew there was something I had to do first. I was hoping things, well that they would go well, so I stopped by my house and picked this up." He opened his hand to reveal an antique looking ring. "It belonged to my great-grandmother and my dad gave it to my mother when they got engaged. I thought maybe you, I don't know, would like it." His voice was anxious.
Sam looked at the delicate ring in his hand. It was a deep antique silver color and covered with an intricate swirl pattern that included tiny diamonds surrounding a larger sapphire. It was truly stunning. She looked at him questioningly. "I didn't give it to Sarah. She wanted a new ring and Kerry never wore it," he assured her, knowing exactly what she was thinking. "I couldn't give this to her because the blue reminded me too much of your eyes. This ring was meant for you and only you."
Sam held out her hand and let him slide the ring on. "Jack, it's perfect." She kissed him gently before looking back at the ring on her finger. "Thank you."
"Hey, you think we could get wedding bands made out of naquada?"
She looked puzzled. "Naquada? Why naquada?"
"Well, that's the strongest medal in the galaxy, right? Nothing can break naquada, just like all the years have never broken my feelings for you."
"Jack O'Neill, you're a softy."
He grinned wickedly. "For your sake, you'd better hope not. And for my sake, I hope we find out sooner rather than later."
Even with all the years she'd known him and all that they'd been through together, Sam still blushed. She hoped they'd find out very soon, like within the next ten minutes soon, but wasn't about to admit that. She cast her eyes down, not able to look at the smirk she knew he must have on his face at her embarrassment.
"Hey, hey," he put his hand under her chin, bringing her face up. "Don't start getting modest on me now, Carter. I've got plans for later and believe me," he leaned in and kissed her softly, "they involve a lot less talking a whole lost less clothing."
Sam kissed him again. "I think I can handle that."
"Good, because if I have my way, you won't need clothes for at least a week."
She blushed again. "But what about when Daniel and Teal'c show up? You know they will eventually." Sam was surprised Daniel hadn't already been there.
"Well, I can always shoot them. I have my side arm." Sam stifled a giggle at the memory that brought up, causing Jack's eyes to twinkle. "Carter, you dirty minded woman." He sighed, wrapping his arms around her again. "You know the only part of the whole non-wedding I'm sad about?"
"What?" She had stiffened slightly.
"All that cake is going to go to waste. Shame really."
Relaxing against him again, she laughed. "I promise we will have the biggest cake I can possibly get. Any flavor you want."
"You get me, Carter. It's one of the many reasons I love you." He kissed her softly. "Now, what do you say we remove some of these clothes? I think we both have entirely too much on for what I have in mind." His fingers trailed softly down her neck and stopped at the edge of her tank top.
"And what did you have in mind, Sir?"
"Jack." His mouth followed the path his fingers had just taken.
"Jack," she gasped as his tongue dipped into the swell between her breasts.
He smiled against her skin. "On second thought, if you'd like to call me 'sir' in bed, I think I might like that."
Sam laughed and pulled his head up to hers. "Anything you want, Sir. Anything you want."
Jack kissed her deeply. "I'm counting on, Carter."
Fin
A/N: Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it. In case you were wondering, I got the idea while listening to the sublime Etta James song "Stop the Wedding." It's about a woman watching the man she loves marry another woman. There are so many stories about Sam almost getting married and it made me wonder what would happen if Sam called off her wedding, but Jack had gotten engaged and she had to watch him get married.
If you've never listed to Etta James, you are missing out. Go youtube some of her stuff. You will not regret it.
I am currently working on some other stories that I'm hoping to post soon. Hope you'll read.
