Wow, long chapter, very little Twilight in it though (Inkhandlady should make up for that next chap), although I was the one to suggest it, I realised I was a little unprepared for the task of the Shizien's watching the Wizard of Oz. Not my favourite chapter, but then again I'm rarely happy with my own work. So I suppose you'll just have to read and see. DeeplyShallow
Loads and loads of thanks to my friend who sometimes reviews on this site as randompersonwhoreviews, who lent my their Wizard of Oz DVD, without it I would have been completely stuck as it seems to be nowhere online.
"Glinda, you order food I'll set up the DVD," ordered Elphaba, but ordering food turned out to be harder than expected as no one had any American currency. Eventually Elphaba found some money in one of the draws and handed it to Glinda.
A few minutes later Glinda announced dinner would arrive shortly.
"We'll have to find a way of getting money," Elphaba told the others, "I feel really bad borrowing even more from the Cullens."
"Yeah, I need money for a car," agreed Avaric.
Elphaba raised her eyebrows, "you can't drive."
"How else will I impress the ladies here? I'll get a fake licence somewhere – diving can't be too hard," Avaric said, falling onto the sofa and placing his feet onto the table.
Elphaba scowled, she had no doubt Avaric would find a way to own a car. "Well I think we'd better set some ground rules then, no one mention the book in anyone's presence and don't even think about it in Edward's. It would probably be wise to not follow Avaric's example and start hitting vampires and Avaric, no lady friends in the house."
"Why not?" asked Avaric stubbornly.
"Well for one children of both worlds are said to be extremely powerful…"
"And? We'll be long gone before any of them can use their powers."
Elphaba's scowl deepened, she always had a problem with Avaric's lack of morals but she especially hated it when he chose to expose them, "if you don't I'll tell Edward you're flirting with Bella."
"Why does it concern him? He doesn't own her."
"I never saw you as a woman's rights activist Avaric. He may not own her but he's pretty annoyed with you already, I wouldn't push him if I were you."
Fortunately the food arrived fairly soon after and Elphaba decided to drop the argument and started the film.
The film started with a girl and her dog running down a country lane; Avaric wolf whistled, Elphaba rolled her eyes.
The girl, called Dorothy ("see I told you they had strange names here" commented Elphaba), was complaining that her dog was being threatened by one of her neighbours and was being ignored by all the people on the farm when she tried to tell them.
It took barely a minute for Glinda to start fidgeting, "I don't see why she cares, the dog's a silly yappy thing anyway, this isn't even about The Wizard of Oz, let's watch something else."
"Yeah this is rubbish, where's the kissing?" asked Avaric. Suddenly Dorothy started singing, Avaric started making retching noises, "Cut out the opera."
"Hush," said Nessa sternly.
"It's beautiful," commented Glinda, suddenly interested, "shush Avaric, I want to listen." Avaric stopped. Eventually.
Fiyero scowled, "I can sing much better than her."
"You also have a much bigger ego," commented Elphaba dryly.
"But you agree I'm a better singer?"
Elphaba's cheeks reddened, "remind me to never watch anything with you lot again, you see I actually like listening to what the characters are saying."
The girl ran away only to be tricked by a man pretending to be a magician to go back home.
"That was so obvious. Even Fiyero wouldn't be stupid enough to be fooled by him." Snapped Elphaba, obviously as annoyed as the others about the lack of anything Oz related.
"Now look who's interrupting the film," responded Fiyero indignantly.
"It's not exactly like anything interesting is happening. Maybe Glinda was right, we should stop watching this."
All thoughts of changing the movie stopped however, when Dorothy exited the house after being carried away by a hurricane. At the scene before them Elphaba, Nessa and Boq looked at each other in shock; the scene was overly colourful, but nevertheless easily recognisable as Munchkinland.
"I wonder if she got there like we got here," whispered Elphaba, watching in mild awe as Dorothy looked round Munchkinland, all much the same as the one she grew up in, save for the crashed farmhouse blotting the landscape.
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, we must be over the rainbow!" exclaimed Dorothy on screen.
Glinda's brow furrowed, "so does that mean we always live over the rainbow? Oh look a bubble," she pointed excitedly at a bubble, which was fast growing and turning pink. Her expression changed however, when a figure materialised inside the bubble, "w-wait," she stuttered, "is that me?" and indeed Glinda and the woman did look very similar although the woman looked older, and more regally dressed.
All speculation about Glinda was cut short when the Glinda–look–alike pointed to 'all that was left of the Wicked Witch of the East.' The red shoes that were poking out from beneath Dorothy's house were identical to what Nessa had on her feet at that very moment.
"But I'm not a witch," Nessa said paling.
As was her instinct Elphaba rushed over to comfort her little sister, "Of course you're not Nessa, they could be anyone's shoes..."
"They look pretty much like her shoes to me," sneered Avaric, Elphaba shot him a look that she might have shot a mass murderer and continued.
"…anyway, it's just a silly film."
Even Fiyero wasn't brainless enough to point out that for 'just a silly film' it had portrayed Munchkinland surprisingly accurately.
"Wait, did she just say she was Glinda the Witch of the North?" asked Glinda, her voice even shriller than usual, as the woman introduced herself. The others nodded, dumbstruck.
They watched as the munchkins began to sing 'ding dong the witch is dead'.
"See it can't be you Nessa," soothed Elphaba, "No one would celebrate your death like that, especially not Glinda."
"No definitely not," Glinda agreed.
"Munchkins definitely don't have such high voices," complained Boq. Avaric snickered.
"This singing's going on for a long time," commented Fiyero eventually.
Elphaba rolled her eyes, "Well…" but the words were lost in her throat as the munchkins finally stopped singing and a new figure appeared, a figure with green skin and a pointy black hat…
Elphaba was now so pale it was impossible to tell that her skin was green, "No, no, that can't be me."
Avaric sneered, "no I bet it's the other green freak that lives in Oz."
"Shut up, Avaric," growled Fiyero, surprising even himself; most of the room however, were too shocked to notice.
"That's her sister the Wicked Witch of the West," said on screen Glinda, "she's even worse than the other one."
"I would never say that about Elphie," squeaked Glinda horrified.
"She said she was her sister," said Nessa now looking like she had seen her own death, which, apparently, she just had.
"Now, now Nessa, it's just a silly film," comforted Elphaba slightly desperately, they were not even half an hour in for Oz sake, what more horrors could this film hold? She motioned for Boq to come over, as she knew he held the most comfort for his sister, "maybe we should stop watching this?"
But Fiyero disagreed, "if this film is about us, we're just going to keep being curious about it, we may as well watch it all now, together." Surprised at his unusually wise words, Elphaba let the film continue without further comment.
She seemed just as angry about the shoes as the onscreen counterpart though, "yeah, that's right, just murder the woman's sister and then steal her shoes and she's meant to be the heroine?"
Glinda looked just as incredulous "I would never do something that mean to anyone, especially not Elphie." Elphaba decided not to press how horrible Glinda had been to her before they became friends.
All in all everyone was grateful when Dorothy left Munchkinland but were as surprised as Dorothy when she met the scarecrow.
"But scarecrows don't talk," said Dorothy.
"For once I agree with her," muttered Elphaba.
"Hey, it looks like Fiyero," laughed Avaric.
"I'm much better looking that that" moaned Fiyero. The three girls tittered despite their earlier shock; it's hard to remain scared about a film when it says there are such things as talking scarecrows.
"I haven't got a brain, only straw," the scarecrow told Dorothy.
Elphaba cackled, "I think you're right Avaric, Fiyero must be the scarecrow, there can only be one person in Oz whose head is filled with straw."
Fiyero pouted, he'd stood up for Elphaba when Avaric had been ridiculing her hadn't he? The fact that he liked to claim he was brainless was beside the point…
The scarecrow and Dorothy linked arms and skipped down the yellow brick road, "that is so not me," Fiyero spluttered.
About five minutes later they met up with a tin man "Since when do we have tin men in Oz?" asked Elphaba.
"It's Boq!" cried Avaric.
Elphaba rolled her eyes, "so what does that make you Avaric, the little girl or the annoying dog?"
"Boq can't be the tinman," announced Nessa, "because he definitely has a heart."
"Yeah, or he wouldn't spend all his time mooning over Glinda," Avaric added, earning himself glares from everyone else in the room.
They watched as the group entered the Great Gillikin Forest and a Lion jumped out at them.
Elphaba sighed, "at last a touch of realism," she frowned as the scene continued, "I don't like the way he's portrayed though, it's as if they're mocking the traits of Animals."
"Oh great we have to hear an Animal rights lecture now?" moaned Avaric.
Elphaba threw a lamp at him.
"Owww, still I suppose I should be glad it isn't a ball of fire…"
"I'll throw something harder next time – or maybe I'll just get Edward to hit you again," she smirked, "it shouldn't be too hard." Avaric scowled but kept his mouth closed.
They skipped out of the forest, ("oh so they met one Lion and then suddenly they're out again, the forest goes on for miles, it would take days to cover it.") and the scene changed to one of the witch.
"Wow Elphie, you have a crystal ball."
Elphaba raised her eyebrows, "and a blue flying monkey it seems, wonder how I got them." She turned her attention to the screen suddenly incredulous, "Sleeping poppies? If I really wanted to get rid of someone I could do a lot worse."
Eventually onscreen Glinda woke them up… "With snow? Can someone explain to me how magic poppies are counteracted with snow?"
The others shrugged, "I dunno," said Fiyero.
Elphaba rolled her eyes, "you wouldn't."
But the room's atmosphere did tense as Dorothy and her friends got closer to seeing the Wizard, after all very few, and none of the group present, had ever laid eyes on him. Although Elphaba, as she was proud of telling anyone who would listen, was going to work alongside him one day.
As the massive head came into site the Shiziens greeted it with a universal "wow," however Elphaba's reaction quickly turned into disgust when the Wizard asked for the broom of the Witch of the West.
"This is ridiculous," she announced, "the Wizard is a kind-hearted man who would never do a thing like that, this film is a mockery of Oz." Boq, Nessa and Glinda nodded in agreement, cruelty from the Wizard of Oz was completely against what they had been taught growing up.
Elphaba continued to glare moodily at the screen until the flying monkeys took Dorothy to the Witch's castle, and Fiyero said, bewildered, "Hey, that looks like our castle in Kiamo Ko." Elphaba took the opportunity to raise her eyebrows at him again.
"So why would I be living in the castle and not your family?"
"Oh we live in the other castle."
Elphaba rolled her eyes, "Of course."
"Oh, great," Boq moaned as Toto escaped Kiamo Ko, "tell me the dog doesn't save the day." For once Elphaba had to agree with her sister's slightly annoying boyfriend, although she had bigger things to worry about, namely witches don't have much chance of survival in this kind of story.
However when the Witch did die Elphaba let out a cackle strangely reminiscent of her onscreen counterpart, "I melted? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen, could someone please explain to me why water would make me melt?"
"Maybe it was acid?" speculated Fiyero.
"Yes that would explain why it didn't melt any of my clothes, idiot. This film's a load of junk that's what I'm saying." But Fiyero wasn't so sure, too much of this film seemed eerily accurate, he strained his memory to think whether he had ever seen Elphaba in the rain.
He was distracted by Elphaba's incredulous screech, "This is horrible, the wizard is not a fraud, this film tells nothing but lies!" the rest of the room were silent, though they had to agree, their great Wizard couldn't be a fraud, could he?
The scarecrow's speech, "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side." Broke Elphaba's silence.
"Didn't gain much brains did he?" she smirked.
"What? What did he do wrong?" asked Fiyero?
Elphaba's smirk grew wider, "Avaric, for once I think you're right, only Fiyero could be that stupid."
"Elphie," Fiyero moaned, "that's not fair, you know I was never very good at maths…"
"Shush," hissed Elphaba, "did the Wizard just say he was from the other world – this world we are in now? And don't call me Elphie," She added.
"Looks like it," said Avaric, the only one unfazed, as he watched the Wizard leave Dorothy behind as he flew away in his balloon and Glinda telling her that she could have gone home all along.
"Wait, my shoes are magic?" Interrupted Nessa.
"It appears so," responded Elphaba sceptically, "this is so stupid, no one bothered to tell her, all she needed to do was tap her feet together to get home?"
The last few minutes of the film brought even Avaric to silence. It was well after the credits had stopped that Elphaba broke it, "Oz, is a dream, that's impossible."
"Yeah, it is this place that's the dream," muttered Fiyero, "any minute now, we are going to wake up."
"I doubt you have the imagination to dream something like this up," Elphaba pointed out.
Fiyero rolled his eyes, Wait did I just roll my eyes? Oh Oz, she's rubbing off on me.
"Well I think that was a creepy film," Glinda declared, Nessa nodded fervently in agreement.
"You're just all scaredy-cats," jeered Avaric, "it's all nonsense," but even he didn't sound so sure.
"Well I propose we all go to bed," announced Elphaba fast regaining her normal attitude, "we'll ask the Cullens about this in the morning." And with that she darted up the stairs.
"Don't melt in the shower," Avaric called after her.
There was a knock on Fiyero's door, "Fiyero, it's me, Boq can I come in?"
"'Spose so," he muttered groggily, opening the door, "what do you want?"
"Can I crash here for the night? Nessa came in to my room worried about that film, I slipped out when Elphaba came in to comfort her."
Fiyero restrained himself from asking why he would want to leave the room when Elphaba was there, presumably in her nightclothes, and instead said, "yeah, if you're prepared to sleep on the floor, without a pillow or a blanket."
"Anything's better than Nessa in tears," said Boq as he turned out the light and lay down on the carpet.
"So," said Boq after several minutes of awkward silence, "Glinda dumped you."
"Yeah," don't get your hopes up, said Fiyero bored, "she only likes sparkly guys."
But Boq didn't mind, already a plan was forming in his head. He could get Nessa to give him the book easily, then he could find out how to be a vampire and win Glinda's heart.
