Beating Hearts
Chapter 7
How reluctantly the mind consents to reality. – Norman Douglas
"Have you seen TK?" Kari asked Davis the next morning. Anyone could see she was trying desperately to cover up the worry in her voice; her brow was furrowed dangerously and her frown looked as if it was permanently plastered onto her face.
"Uh—nope," Davis said, telling the truth for once. He quirked an eyebrow at Kari while the oncoming flood of students passed them by to get to their next classes. "Why?"
"I just—I need to talk to him," Kari replied, flustered. "He wasn't at lunch, and so now I just don't know…" She nibbled at her bottom lip, and even Davis could see something was seriously wrong.
"Look, I'll keep my eye out, 'kay?" he said cheerfully, patting Kari's head affectionately.
Kari managed a smile, standing a little straighter. "Thanks, Davis," she said, meaning it.
Davis leaned closer, grinning. "Do I get a hug for that?"
Kari rolled her eyes, shoving a hand into his shoulder to send him stumbling back a step. "No, Davis, you don't," she refused for what felt like the thousandth time. Davis recovered quickly though. He smiled at her again (Kari swore he winked at her. Honestly), and then waltzed down the hall humming.
Kari had spent all morning hunting for TK, and when she was in her classes she had worried about hunting for TK. But he had changed from showing up all of the time to being as elusive as a butterfly. Why did he always do things at the wrong time?
"He's avoiding you?"
Kari jumped and whirled around. Matt was standing behind her, one arm lazily holding a textbook. For once he didn't have his sleeves rolled up and his tie loosened; he appeared as a normal student, which was such a surprise to Kari she couldn't answer right away.
"Uh—erm—urgh." And then she blushed. "Um, yes. I think so," she mumbled out. "I've been trying to find him all day…" She let her words drift out, suddenly feeling terribly self-conscious. Matt had seen her blubbering like a baby yesterday. How could he act so calm and collected? Unlike Kari, who could almost see herself quivering in front of him like a mass of jell-o.
"I guess he hasn't recovered from yesterday." Matt was looking out at the dispersing sea of students, but at his words his eyes flickered toward Kari. She frowned up at him.
"It's not all my fault," she told him stubbornly. Of course Matt would side with his brother! Those two loved each other more than any other siblings Kari had ever met; more than Tai and herself, which was for sure. Great. Was he going to lecture her now? Hate her? Despise her?
A ghost of a smile flickered past Matt's lips. "I know," he replied, leaning easily against the lockers. Kari hesitated before shuffling over to lean on the lockers near him, facing the hall. "He's a little… sensitive."
Kari sighed heavily, scuffing her shoe against the hallway floor. "I feel horrible," she admitted. "I need to find him to patch things up. I—" she stopped. Did Matt know TK had been planning to ask her to the dance? She decided to avoid it for now. "I want him to understand that I just… I froze. I don't know how else to say it! It was mortifying, and… I feel like the most rotten person in the world." There. She had said it. Let Matt's giant speech rush forth! She was prepared; she had said what she felt.
"You shouldn't," Matt retorted lightly, turning his face to look down at her. She blinked up at him.
"Huh?"
"You shouldn't feel horrible," Matt repeated. "TK's stupid, I gotta admit. He doesn't really understand what's going on around him; he's always jumping to conclusions." Matt shook his head sadly. "So… don't feel too bad." He gave her a brief smile before clapping her on the shoulder and walking past her. Kari was frozen stiff. What had just happened? A nice, normal conversation with Matt? No crying? No heart-shattering emotions? It was a first! Kari felt her heart beat quicken. Yes, they had discussed TK but… that was obvious. They were both connected to him.
"Matt!" she called out, whirling around before she could stop. The older boy paused, and then turned around. He wasn't that far yet.
"What?" he asked.
"If you see TK, tell him—tell him I want to talk to him!"
Matt hesitated before nodding. "Definitely," he agreed, before spinning on his heel and walking smoothly down the hall. Kari watched him appreciatively before mentally slapping herself back to reality.
Matt knew where TK was without even thinking about it. Deciding that his next class wasn't that important anyway, he skipped out of school before anyone noticed. His whole walk to their mother's apartment, Matt's expression was a grimace.
He didn't even know what to think. He couldn't get two thoughts strung together before more came barging in and shoved them out of the way. All he could really focus on was that TK was stupid, and that he was hurting Kari.
Kari was just one of those people you weren't mean to, someone who looked like they would break if you were. And even if TK's heart had shattered or whatever had happened on that balcony, that didn't mean he could sulk at home.
Their mother's apartment was only a fifteen-minute walk from the high school. Before he knew what was happening, Matt had buzzed up to the room. No one answered the first time, so he buzzed again. Damn, why did he always leave his key at his dad's place?
"What?" TK's voice came crackling out of the intercom; the apartment complex was a posh place, filled with marble floors and ceiling with crystal chandeliers dangling from the high-vaulted ceilings. But their speakers could definitely use some work.
"It's Matt," he spoke back, trying his best to stay calm. Wait to lecture him once he got up. "Let me up."
Silence. "You should be at school."
"So should you. Let me up," he repeated more forcefully. Matt waited, and then a beep signified he could open the door. He did so, taking the elevator so he reached room 209 all the faster.
The door was unlocked, so Matt happily barged in. He found TK lying on the sofa in the living room, shielding his eyes with his arm even though no lights were on.
"God TK, did you become a vampire overnight?" Matt scolded, flicking on an overhead light switch. TK cringed.
"Did you come to yell at me some more?" TK asked sulkily.
"Yes," Matt agreed stubbornly, shoving TK's feet off the sofa so he could sit at the end. TK's answer was an exasperated sigh.
"Why aren't you at school?" Matt prodded, unrelenting. Let his brother be mad at him; Matt wanted to know what the hell was going on.
"Don't feel good." TK was still hiding his eyes with his arm, the sleeve muffling his voice. Matt tried desperately to hold onto his last thread of patience.
"Not because of Kari?"
"No."
"Really." Matt's voice was disbelieving. "Prove it."
TK shifted in his position. "What?"
"Go back to school now. Prove that it's not because of her."
Silence. Matt stared his brother down, and he knew that even though TK couldn't see him he could feel his eyes drilling into him. "Fine. It's because of her. Happy?" TK was embarrassed; his whole face was turning pink.
"She's been looking for you all day," Matt persisted. "Asking anyone she can if they've seen you. She's going mental, I can see it." Matt took a breath, trying to think of what else to say. "Just go to school and listen to what she has to say," he added more gently. "Whatever she told you yesterday, it can't be worse than that… right?"
"Maybe," TK said, but he had finally removed his arm from his eyes, blinking over at Matt. "Why d'you care so much?" he finally asked. It was the question Matt had been dreading; he bristled at it.
"I don't like you moping," he said, frowning at him. "And I don't like to see innocent girls go crazy over their missing boyfriends."
TK's cheeks grew pink. "Shut up," he mumbled half-heartedly. Matt chuckled at him, pinching his cheek.
"Little Teeks, all grown up," he cooed. TK swatted his hand away, but a small smile was creeping up onto his face. He stood up suddenly, stretching. "So you'll go back and try to figure out what's going on?"
TK stood up too, shaking his arms to get feeling back into them. "Sure," he responded vaguely.
"She doesn't deserve to be frozen out, TK," Matt snapped quietly. "Not over something so stupid as silence." TK glanced up at him in surprise. "Yes, I figured it out. She didn't even have a chance to reply to your request, TK. Cut her some slack, already." Damn. Things had been going so well before he had lost his cool like that. "So—go see what she has to say already," Matt told him hurriedly. "Shoo, shoo!" He pushed his brother toward the door.
"Wait! Aren't you coming back to school?" he asked.
Matt shook his head. "I'm going to cook you up a celebratory feast!"
"Wha—why?" TK asked, as he stumbled toward the front door and hastily slid his shoes on. Matt urged him on, tossing him his bag; TK almost fell trying to do so many things at once.
"You'll see," Matt said, grinning as he shoved TK out the door. He locked it securely behind his brother, breathing a heavy sigh of relief as his hand still rested on the doorknob.
Since when had he become Cupid? Never. So why was he doing this? Why? Not to make himself feel better, that was for sure. Matt felt absolutely horrible inside, for some unfathomable reason. Maybe because he knew that if anything good happened between TK and Kari, it would be Matt's responsibility. His.
Sighing through gritted teeth, Matt tromped back toward the living room to collapse on the sofa, but not before flicking the light off. He dug his face into a pillow, deciding TK's feast could wait a few minutes. Why not wallow a little first?
Kari couldn't explain the relief that exploded in her when she saw TK striding purposefully through the halls of the school. She hesitated a moment before going toward him, clutching her textbooks instinctively in front of her; almost like a shield.
"Hi, um, TK—"
"Can we talk?" TK interrupted abruptly. Kari cringed, but when she looked up at his face he didn't seem too angry.
"Yea," she agreed slowly but warmly. "That's actually what I've been trying to do toda—" For the second time in less than a minute Kari was cut off by TK when he took hold of her hand. Kari blinked in surprise, feeling completely out of control as TK did a very un-TK thing and drug her down the hall, turning a corner until they were standing near a set of lockers in a hall that was less busy than the last.
"TK?" Kari asked warily, looking up at his face, hidden by his hair. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I mean, I'm sorry." He heaved a heavy sigh, still staring at the floor. "I kind of ran out really fast, and I should've—well—I guess I should have listened more." His face was red, Kari could see that much. "So, I'm sorry. Again."
Her stomach was slowly beginning to unknot. Okay. Okay, she had a chance to make things right between them again. "TK, if you'd still like, I'll—I'll go to the dance with you." There. Now, if he didn't hate her things would be okay. They had to be.
"Really?" he asked, almost brightly. "Well, that's good. Great. Are you sure?" He looked down at her, anxiously now, and made a move like he was going to hold her hand or something. But he stopped, and only hovered nervously above her.
Kari nodded viciously. "Yes! I'd be happy to go!" She hugged him tightly around the middle. "I'm sorry I didn't answer before," she mumbled into his sweater. "Sorry."
It took a moment for TK's arms to wrap around Kari, but it all felt too awkward. Too strange. "It's okay," he said nicely, and then they pulled apart, smiling but not really smiling. Then they turned on their heels, waved good-bye, and went their separate directions.
Kari was relieved, yes. But she wasn't happy.
Matt hadn't meant to do it. He had been walking down the sidewalk, one plastic bag of groceries gripped in each hand, a note with ingredients scribbled on it tucked in his pocket. He was in a better mood, with a decent dinner to cook to look forward to. He hadn't really forgotten about school, but he hadn't exactly remembered that students would be walking home at the moment, either. So when he saw Kari's head bobbing ahead of him in the crowd, he wondered if his mind was making things up. But seconds later he realized he was on her route, and found himself jogging to catch up to her.
When he did, he shoved a bag in her face. "Hey," he greeted, as she took the bag from his hand and held it in both of hers.
"Hi," she said back, smiling lightly. "Why are you shopping instead of studying?" She raised her eyebrows as if she was serious, but even Matt could tell she was joking.
"I went home to talk to TK," he said. Kari glanced at him out of the corner of her. Mat didn't miss it. "I didn't really yell at him," he said, wondering if he should have just kept his mouth shut. Kari suddenly didn't look happy. "What?" he asked, annoyed.
"So TK didn't come to talk to me on his own?" she asked, still staring at the street ahead of them. "He only did it because you—encouraged him or something?"
Matt was silent for a moment. "Well, I don't know if encourage is the right word," he mused seriously. "I think I just showed him how much of an idiot he was being."
"That doesn't help," Kari replied sourly, and Matt was surprised at how acidic her tone was.
"Well, sorry," he decided to reply testily, but anyone could hear he didn't mean it. "I was just trying to help."
"Yea, well," Kari replied, and then fell silent. Matt remembered Tai saying the exact same thing to him only the other day, and realized in that moment Kari and Tai were more alike than they would admit.
They walked on in silence, and Matt realized his turn to his apartment wasn't for another five or six blocks. Just great.
"You shouldn't have gone to yell at him," Kari said suddenly, firmly. Matt didn't look over at her.
"I didn't yell," he replied, dangerously soft. The unknown anger he had felt days before had started to seep back into his blood. He could almost feel it. "I just told him he was being an idiot. Why does it matter so much?" asked Matt suddenly, hoping to pin the fault on her.
It worked. She was taken by surprise and stuttered for a few seconds before managing a, "because I don't think it's right for you to go yell at him about something between the two of us."
The logic was right. It made perfect sense. Matt saw it and understood it, but it still made him mad that she had thought of it. He hadn't. Why hadn't he? "Well, okay. I won't do it again," he told her tightly. "I'll let you two deal with it. Happy?"
"Yes," answered Kari, but she didn't sound it… or look it.
"All right, then."
"All right."
Silence.
"So did he ask you to the dance?" Nice one, Matt. Nice one.
"I thought you said you weren't going to butt in anymore."
"It's just a friendly question!" Matt replied hurriedly. "A friend asking a friend. Come on."
Kari nibbled her bottom lip nervously before replying. "Yes." They stopped at a crosswalk, patiently waiting for it to change to green. "We're going together."
"Excellent," Matt told her, but the words felt hollow to him. "How long is it until the dance? A week?" The light changed and they made their way swiftly across the street, both of them anxious to get home.
"Um… six days, I think."
"Oh wow. I suppose my band should practice."
Kari giggled. "I suppose." She suddenly hefted the bag of groceries higher. "So you skipped school to go buy groceries? How very mature of you," teased Kari lightly. Matt let a small smile flit across his features. He was glad Kari had relaxed around him again. He didn't know if she would scold him or not for skipping. Not that he cared.
"I felt like making dinner, and it takes a while to pick the best ingredients," he told her seriously. There was no need to explain that he just wasn't up to facing TK and Kari in the halls that afternoon… Heaven knew why.
"Hey, are you coming by anytime soon?" she asked. Matt blinked. Kari was clearly leading this conversation, but it was something Matt wasn't used to. Wasn't she normally… quiet? Subdued?
"Uh, I don't know," Matt replied, taken aback. "That is, probably. Why?"
Kari was silent again, and she was staring at the sidewalk as they manoeuvred their way through the crowds. "Well, I sort of still… need lessons. Does TK know how to waltz?" she asked suddenly.
"I don't know," Matt told her honestly, but at the crestfallen look on her face he quickly covered up with a, "well, probably. Mom probably taught him, don't worry Kari. Okay? Don't worry." She looked so near crying that he had almost begun to freak out.
"Right. Of course. It'll be fine." She nodded stoutly, believing this fact. She looked back up at him. "But I still need more lessons, you know. I feel ridiculous practicing in my room alone." A light blush stained her cheeks as she spoke, and Matt couldn't help but let out a quiet chuckle.
"I'll surprise you," he teased about showing up at her apartment. Here was his turn. Quickly grabbing the bag from Kari's hand, he waved a finger to her. "See you around, Kari."
"Right," he heard her reply from behind him. "See you around."
