Play with Fire
Author: Chaos Valkyrie
First Conceptualized: January 16, 2006
Posted Chapter 07: March 31, 2006
Updated: February 26, 2009
Disclaimer: Am I rabid Auron fan girl? Yes! Is that really a viable career option? Er… no?
Author's Note: Ah, the chapters I have been longing for… Squee! And sorry about the delay… I have been woefully stressed and uninspired as of late, so it's been difficult getting anything out. But I think I'm getting back on track, so hopefully I'll be more consistent with updates.
Chapter Seven: Choccy and Pals!
They had been at the Travel Agency in the Calm Lands for several days, and Auron was worried. And why was Auron worried? Because there had been no pranks played on him – or anyone else for that matter – by the Delinquent Duo.
After the 'Aeon Incident', and Yuna's frantic but ultimately futile attempts to restore her Aeons to their original glory, things had gone eerily quiet. No new pranks, no scampering about leveling up and wreaking havoc out on the plains, no Tidus being chased about by Chimera Brains… Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nihil.
The pair had shut themselves in a storeroom, claiming to be customizing weapons. Seeing as how he had requested – and was speedily granted – some upgrades for his sword, he couldn't complain. But the amount of traffic going in and out of that room was mind boggling. And surely Rikku couldn't be writing her father that many letters…
"Sir Auron?" a voice chirped, pulling him from his thoughts. He "hmphed" to show Yuna she had his attention.
"The receptionist informed me that there was once a Temple on the far side of the Calm Lands… and I was wondering if we could go check it out?" the young Summoner asked hesitantly. Auron nodded.
"Assemble the others…" he began before Yuna cut him off.
"Well, actually," Yuna began, lowering her voice, "The Chocobo Trainer told me that it can only be reached by chocobo… and she's only got three with her right now. I thought you and Kimahri, as my strongest guardians…"
"Fine," Auron told her. Inwardly, he was dreading this trip. He hated chocobos.
"Where's… OoF!... Kimahri when you need him?" Rikku panted as she struggled to hang yellow and red streamers from the central pole of the Travel Agency's lobby. Tidus laughed.
"He's off helping Yuna distract Auron… remember?" he told her as he gave her a boost. Rikku grinned sheepishly.
"Oh yeah," she replied, tying off the streamers and jumping down with ease. "Hey Wakka, careful with that cake!" she exclaimed, rushing to help Wakka carry the massive yellow concoction over to the table. He grunted as they set it in place.
"How many people're comin' to this thing, ya?" he asked. Rikku grinned.
"Everyone I could think of… Lulu? You get those last invitations out?" Rikku grinned as Lulu gave her an evil little smirk.
"Of course," the black mage replied, "In fact, the first guests should be arriving any time now…"
"Why, may Yevon be with you all!" a soft female voice greeted from the Agency entrance. The group sweatdropped as Shelinda and Maechen entered the Agency.
"…And even though you're an Al Bhed, you can still be welcomed into Yevon's folds…" Shelinda gushed as Rikku winced. Rikku wasn't exactly sure why the overzealous acolyte had latched onto her, but she was now being followed about as she finished the final preparations. Tidus and Lulu were greeting guests as they poured in, and Rikku supposed it could be worse… she could be drooling all over herself like poor Wakka, who had been cornered by Maechen. The old historian didn't even seem to realize that his victim… er, audience was asleep.
"Hey Shelinda…" Rikku trailed off, grasping for anything to change the subject from 'Eternal Damnation' and the salvation of her poor heathen soul. "Y'know, you should really talk to Auron about all of this later. He's sort of a… fallen monk. He could really use your guidance."
"Really?" Shelinda asked, watery eyed.
"Oh yeah, he used to be one of the most devout Yevonites in all of Spira. Then there was that…" Rikku wracked her brains, "incident involving the Yevonite orphanage and the scarlet heretic woman …"
"Yes?" Shelinda was enraptured, and Rikku grinned evilly. Why embellish the truth when lying outright was so much more fun?
"Yes, let me tell you all about the fall of Auron. Didn't you ever wonder how he got that scar? It all started with a cute little puppy…"
"It's gettin' late! Where is the old fart?" Cid asked his daughter. Rikku grinned.
"Probably on his way back now, Vydran. Is everyone about here?" she asked Lulu, pulling the dark mage out of the crowd. Lulu nodded.
"Yes, all the guests are almost accounted for… and then some. I'm still not sure how the Goers got invited…" she trailed off as she watched Wakka argue with Bickson. "Damn. There he goes again…" Lulu glided over to break up yet another fight.
Rin came over just as Lulu left. "I commend you, Rikku, this is certainly an elaborate celebration," he complimented. Rikku grinned.
"I guess we're still pretty popular, for being outcasts and a scourge to Yevon," she replied lightly. Rin grinned.
"Scourge or not, everyone loves a good party," he replied.
The desk clerk approached them. "The Traveling Shop pilot reports that three chocobos are headed in this direction," she informed them. Rikku grinned.
"That's our cue to hide!" she crowed, immediately marching off to start informing the others of the "Guest of Honor's" imminent arrival.
It was a weary group of chocobos (and riders) that crested the hill overlooking the Calm Lands Travel Agency. Auron looked down at the building with some misgiving.
"Why do you suppose that all the lights are off at the Agency?" he asked. Yuna and Kimahri gave each other knowing glances.
"Perhaps the receptionist turned in early for the night?" Yuna suggested with a shrug. Auron "hmphed" and nudged his chocobo forward, missing the smirk shared between his summoner and Kimahri.
Rikku rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time. It was bad enough that she and about a hundred other people were trying to "hide" in an open air lobby, but you would think the blitzers would have enough sense to shut up!
"You take that back, ya!"
"Make me, Cow Lick."
There was a quick flash of lightning that made Rikku wince, two pained yelps, and then Lulu's angry hiss.
"They're right outside, and so help me Wakka and Bickson, if I hear one more argument start from you, there won't be enough Phoenix Downs in all of Spira to bring you back to life!" Rikku giggled before she shushed the irate mage.
"Get ready everyone!" she whispered into the darkness as three figures came ever closer to the lobby's entrance.
"Hello, anyone here?" Yuna's voice called out, a hint of laughter present. One figure paused on the threshold.
"I'm not sure I like this…" Auron trailed off as he squinted into the darkness.
This was the cue. Suddenly the lights flared to life and dozens of guests – humans, Al Bhed, Guado and Ronso alike – sprang to their feet and roared, "Surprise!"
Auron looked like he was going to bolt for it, his one eye widening in realization, but Rikku had planned for just such an event. Before he could blink, Auron was hauled forward by Kimahri, with both Tidus and Wakka running to aid the Ronso. Together, they pulled a not-quite-but-almost-kicking-and-punching Auron into the hoards of guests.
Rikku trotted up, a wide grin on her face as the confetti bombs exploded, showering them all – but especially Auron – with confetti, streamers, and rubber chocobos.
"Happy Birthday, Guardian Meanie!" she declared, waving her hands at the banners and balloons above. The grin widened even more as she produced his 'birthday crown' – a large hat shaped like a sitting chocobo nesting cozily in his hair. Auron blanched, his one eye narrowing dangerously.
"Rikku," he asked in a low voice, "What is this?"
"Your birthday party, silly!" she cried, leading him over to the food table which had fortunately missed the rain of confetti. There, sitting pristinely in the middle, was the large yellow Chocobo cake.
"And why chocobos of all things? I hate chocobos," Auron growled. Rikku gasped in mock horror.
"But these aren't any chocobos! These are Choccy and Pals! Look," she cried, tugging him over to the buffet and grabbing one of the party themed cups. "Look, that's Choccy," she told him condescendingly, pointing out the individual characters, "and that's Mimi, his sorta girlfriend, and that's Ghiki the monkey, and that's Randolph, his sorta friend-slash-rival, and that's…"
"Enough," Auron sighed, rolling his eye. "I get the wider must-torment-the-poor-old-man picture."
"You're not old! You're only what… 36?" Rikku asked, shaking her head. "And just look at all these people who came to wish you their best!" she waved at the mingling guests. Tidus and Wakka snickered, no longer holding on to Auron, but stationed nearby in case he tried to make a break for it.
Auron did take this moment to look around. It looked as though every blitzball team on Spira was present, whether they had been invited or not. Of course, it was a commonly known fact that blitzers flock to parties like vultures to carrion – it's impossible to keep them away. As soon as one hears the words 'free nog and candy' they all come swarming in.
Well, free nog anyway. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker and all that.
There was also a healthy dose of Al Bheds and Besaidians in the crowd, judging by the bright fabrics and numerous pairs of goggles. But what surprised Auron were some of the others – Yevonite monks arguing pleasantly with Guados about what Yevon really looked like, Ronsos downing punch and chuckling with blitzers, and was that Tromell talking to Luzzu? He almost felt flattered at the number of people here to celebrate his birthday, outcast scourge that he was.
Of course, the abject humiliation of having a chocobo on your head put quite a damper on happy-fuzzy-feelings.
Anyway, Lulu lit the (many) candles on the cake (well, 36 and one to grow by), and the lights dimmed as everyone focused on the Irate, Grumbling Birthday Guardian. Auron shuffled forward, blew the candles out with a fierce breath, and then glared at Rikku with the look of the long suffering. His eye, however, was twinkling, and Rikku was ecstatic that he seemed to be having a grudgingly good time. Or happily plotting her imminent death, whatever.
Point was, it was time for round two.
"And here to help us cut the cake is none other than Choccy himself!" she crowed, whistling shrilly. Auron looked like a big red nidhogg caught in headlights as a giant goofy chocobo waddled up to him among the clapping and jeers from the guests. He (briefly) toyed with the idea of punching the giant mascot out… but he decided not to on the grounds that that person inside must surely feel more miserable than him. A kindred spirit, so to speak.
Then he wondered if he should do it anyway, and put the poor person out of their misery.
During his musings, the chocobo had danced up to Auron and was grinning at him with those large, glassy eyes.
"Happy birthday!" it chirped to him excitedly before moving over towards Rikku. All Auron saw next was a flash of yellow as the mascot glomped her, and the look on her face told him that it had put its wings someplace it shouldn't have.
"Clasko! So help me…" she muttered before pushing him away. Auron's eyes widened in realization.
Clasko. The only person on Spira who would enjoy quite willingly dressing up as a chocobo. Suddenly it all made sense, and Auron was regretting his former decision to not punch him. But the regret was short lived as he suddenly found himself standing before the large chocobo cake, holding a dull plastic knife and being blinded by flashes from multiple sphere recorders.
"It's a good thing we gave him a plastic knife," Tidus murmured to Rikku, who nodded fervently. Clasko had one wing draped around Auron's shoulders, and Auron looked like he was contemplating just how much damage the meager weapon could inflict.
"Cake! Cake!" Rikku shouted, starting up the chant. The blitzers – as she had known they would – soon chanted with her. Auron grunted, then with some relish sliced the cake chocobo's head off, turned to the mascot chocobo and gave it a Look. Obviously, Clasko took the hint and bounced off towards Yuna.
"Hey, waitasecond…" Tidus grunted before going over to defend their summoner, who was far too nice to slap the overly-friendly bird.
Lulu had taken over cake-cutting duty, and was passing out the dessert. Rikku grinned wickedly as Auron took a small bite of cake, and deeming it edible, began to polish off the slice. Rikku inhaled her own, grinning at what she knew would come next.
"All right! Time for presents!" she cheered, grabbing a resigned Auron and dragging him off to the other side of the room, where a large yellow chocobo-throne awaited him. She plonked him down and starting hauling out gifts from where they'd been stacked haphazardly in the corner.
Auron perked up immediately… after all, who doesn't like presents?! He ripped through the paper of each gift Rikku handed him, a small smirk hidden behind his collar as he surveyed his horde.
Most of the gifts were fairly predictable – enough jars of sword polish that his Masamune would never go dull again, bottles of nog (the ones from the blitzers were unsurprisingly empty), a couple of new swords, and three glass eyes – one in a startling shade of green that was a gift from Rin. He grunted his thanks for every gift – excepting the empty nog bottles, at which he glared Bickson into tears – and then ripped into the next present.
Reaching the bottom of the stack, Auron sliced open the paper on one of the last presents, and instantly knew who the gift was from without reading the card. Who else would give – well, anyone? – 'The Proper Yevonite's Guide to Self-Sacrifice'?
"Thanks, Shelinda," he said unenthusiastically. The acolyte took no notice as she beamed at him.
"I'm just sorry I didn't have time to get you a puppy!" she told him in her soft voice. He blinked, wondering suspiciously why Rikku looked like she was about to snort punch out her nose.
"Um… darn?" was his only reply as Rikku shoved a large flat box in his lap.
"And now a present from Yuna!" she declared, beaming. Auron missed the look of confusion on Yuna's face, and the wink that Rikku sent her as he tore open the latest gift. He opened the box, pushed the paper aside, and gaped.
He held the strange gift up and tried to make sense of the weird, knitted thing. It was a deep red with bright yellow chocobos dancing across it. He shuddered as he tried to figure out what it was and failed miserably. A really really long sock? A bag? A…
"Oh look, it's a sword cozy!" Rikku said, clapping her hands together. Tidus and Yuna both snorted with barely concealed laughter. Auron was too horrified to notice.
"A what?" he asked, hoping he had misheard.
"A sword cozy… to keep your sword warm at night! She knitted it herself!" Rikku gushed, praising the large knitted sheath. Auron looked at Rikku suspiciously before glancing at Yuna. By this time, Yuna had managed to compose her features into something akin to puppyish hope.
"Do you like it, Sir Auron?" she asked him, feigning a slightly worried pout. Auron blanched, grumbling to himself as he put Masamune into the tacky creation and begged the sword's forgiveness in his head.
"Its great, Yuna," he replied in a monotone voice. All of his fellow guardians grinned.
"And now our gift to you!" Wakka announced, hauling a large box forward and setting it down before Auron.
"This is from your fellow guardians! Happy birthday!" Tidus waved at the gift, beaming.
A feeling of dread settled over Auron as he looked from face to face. Surely it couldn't be too awful. He reached to untie the ribbon. Surely Kimahri wouldn't be so cruel towards him. He pulled the bow apart. Surely Lulu and Wakka at least would be too fearful to face his wrath. He slipped his fingers under the lid. Surely… were those air holes punched through the packaging?!
Realizing too late what was inside, the package gave an almighty squawk and a bright yellow fluffy thing pounced on him. The crowd of guests laughed as Auron's new pet baby chocobo landed on his shoulder and squawked happily at his party hat, then tilted its head in confusion when the hat did not reply.
Auron, meanwhile, was glaring rather steadily at his fellow guardians, a rough and completely unenthusiastic "Thanks guys" barely making it past his collar. The others look at each other and beamed.
"We knew you'd like it!" Rikku said, patting him on the back.
"And what is its name?" he asked resignedly as the guests went back to their mingling. Rikku feigned surprise.
"Why, you get to name it yourself, of course!" she said, then reached in the box and pulled out a bright red leash. She deftly attached it to the collar about the little bird's neck, then handed the lead to Auron. "He's all yours. I expect you to walk him, feed him, and clean up after him. I am not going to take care of your pet, young man," she warned him, skipping away before he could retaliate or chop off her head. "I'm getting more cake!"
Auron looked at the chocobo. The chocobo crooned and looked back at him. Despite himself, Auron smirked a little – just a little! – behind his collar.
"Clasko!" he heard Lulu screech, and then both man and bird watched in glee as Thundaga streaked out of the sky and fried the overly-friendly mascot.
"About time someone got him," Auron muttered. The chocobo chirped in agreement, and Auron smirked. Perhaps chocobos weren't so bad after all.
End Notes: Next chapter… Romance is in the air in the Calm Lands! Rikku is annoyed, Auron feels violated, and Tidus is confused.
