Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill

Haley lets out a deep breath now that we're in my car. I'm driving with no idea of where we're going. Anywhere is better than being in Lucas' living room right now.

"So that was...intense," Sophie comments from the back seat. Haley turns around and looks at her accusingly. "Yeah, I tend to overhear some things. So what?"

We all laugh, and it feels good, being here with my daughter and one of my best friends, just laughing. As if nothing has changed. For a minute I even forget how much Lucas wants to strangle both Haley and me. But only for a minute.

"Look, I say we forget about all that stuff for the next couple of hours. Let's just have fun," I suggest and both girls nod in agreement.

"So, Haley, tell me about yourself," Sophie says. Haley looks surprised for a moment, and I instantly feel bad for not talking about her nearly as much as I should have. Of course I've told Sophie about her and Nathan, and she's seen pictures, but I didn't tell her that we've kept in touch.

"Well, I teach English at UNC, where we went to school. Nathan's been playing for the NBA since we graduated college, which would be about twelve years now. He started off playing for the Lakers, but then we moved back here when he got signed with the Bobcats. We live by the beach, we have a crazy five year old named Jamie and a rabbit named Chester," she says with a smile. I smile too, even though I already knew all of this. I'm so glad Haley and Nathan got the life they always wanted.

"Wow, you guys look like the perfect couple," Sophie's always been a hopeless romantic. "So. Who's Lindsey?"

"Sophie!" I shoot her a look through the rearview mirror but Haley just laughs.

"It's okay, I don't blame you for being curious. She's his fiance. She's a book editor, they met when she showed interest in publishing his first novel."

I look over at Haley in surprise but quickly turn my attention back to the road. "Wow. He finally wrote a novel? That's been his dream since like, forever."

"Yeah, he's been working on it for the past couple of years, when he finally pulled himself together and tried getting back on track," Haley shoots a look at me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to -- "

"That's so cool, he's an author? What's his book about?" Sophie sounds impressed, and I'm glad she can see firsthand how amazing Luke really is.

"You know, even I don't know. He wouldn't let anyone read it, not until it's published. It should be done in the next few months, actually."

I realize that I'm still driving around Tree Hill aimlessly, but I don't even mind it. I've missed Haley so much that I could be just about anywhere right now and still be glad to hear her talk and laugh.

"So tell me about your crazy times in high school," Sophie says, and I feel the lightbulb go off in my head. It's about time I stop being so touchy about my past. Sophie's my best friend and the most important person in my life, and I suddenly realize how much I want to let her in. I need to. She barely even knows the Brooke Davis from Tree Hill. That girl was so different than the woman I am today. I can't exactly say if it's a good different or bad, it's just different. I'm finally ready to let go of everything and take this trip for what it is: a trip through memory lane, back to the life I never knew I missed so much.

"Better yet, why don't we show you?" I smile and make a right turn at the stop sign, in the direction of Tree Hill High. Haley looks at me and I know she's proud of this giant step I'm taking. We pull into the empty parking lot, get out, and enter the building.

"I can't believe how long it's been," I'm almost breathless. Haley tells us she hasn't been here since graduation either. We walk through the hallways, stopping every so often in front of a class and telling Sophie stories about ourselves and our friends. Then we turn a corner and freeze. Sophie looks at us curiously.

"This was where..." Haley starts, but then stops. "Keith. And Jimmy."

I link my arm through Sophie's and try to explain without getting emotional. "There was a school shooting, our senior year of highschool. Peyton got shot in the leg, and Lucas' uncle Keith...he was killed."

Sophie lets out a gasp. I know she wasn't expecting this when she asked for high school stories. She was expecting wild parties, drunken nights, bad dates, basketball games. Not anything like this. None of us would have ever expected anything like this.

"I wish I was here," I'm surprised at how distant my own voice sounds. "I wish I was in here that day, Haley. I know that sounds awful but I can't stand thinking about how far I was from all of you, when we all needed each other the most. Lucas needed me and I wasn't there." Sophie is silent, stunned next to me.

"Brooke, don't say that. You have no idea what a relief it was to Lucas to know that you weren't in here. That you were safe somewhere. That's all that he would have wanted. And you helped him get through everything with Keith. That counts for something, you know."

I shake my head and walk down the hall, turning the corner. I know Sophie must be concerned, seeing me like this, but neither of them follow me. All I want is to be alone right now. I feel a breakdown coming on, a major one. So much for a relaxing week in paradise. I make my way into the gym and take a seat on the bleachers. I take several deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.

Sitting in this gym, everything starts rushing back. I can almost hear the basketball dribbling, the crowd cheering, Mouth announcing the game from the sidelines, Whitey yelling play-by-plays at the team. I can see myself, Haley, and Peyton in our cheer uniforms, pompoms in hand, laughing and cheering for our boys. I can see Karen and Keith out in the sea of faces, so blissful and in love. The final buzzer goes off, and all the cheerleaders run to the middle of the court to celebrate with our Ravens. It feels like another lifetime; I miss it so damn much. I knew these feelings were deep in me somewhere, but they were hidden away as I went through my busy life in New York. Now, between seeing Lucas and walking these halls, I feel it boiling up inside of me. What happened to me? How did I let fame and money and mostly just fear keep me away from my best friends? And why did it take something like Sophie switching our plane tickets for me to come back to them?

I hear the gym door open and look up to see Haley walking in. She takes a seat next to me and takes my hand in hers. Before she says anything, I pour my feelings out. Everything I was just thinking about and everything that I've been carrying with me for the past sixteen years. Talk about a girl with a lot of emotional baggage.

"Tutor mom, I am in over my head. I have been for the past sixteen years."

"Brooke, how can you say that? You have raised a beautiful, smart, strong young lady all by yourself. Clothes Over Bros is an international, high fashion brand that started with a sweatshirt in my living room. Sweetheart, you're living the dream. And you're kicking ass at it."

I smile at her efforts to comfort me, but I look down at my hands again. "I shouldn't have left Lucas when he needed me. Just like the shooting. All I ever did was run away. I was so selfish."

I can tell Haley's trying to choose her words carefully. After a moment, she gives my hand a gentle squeeze. "He loved you. And you saved him more than you might think. Look, I've lectured you enough in our e-mails. All I'm going to say at this point is that, it's been hard on Lucas and on you. But you'll pull through. You're a lot stronger than you think, Brooke."

I can't believe how easy it is for this girl to make me feel better. I instantly feel calmer. She's right; I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself and start making things right. I may even need more than a week here to do that, but I'm willing to stay longer if that's what it takes. I squeeze her hand back before pulling her into a much needed hug. Just then, her cell phone rings and we both groan.

AN: Okay, so I know these chapters have all been pretty emotional lately, and I promise things WILL start lightening up a little. You just have to get where Brooke's coming from and where she's at in all of this, hence the need for a chapter like this one. Anyway, please review!