Chapter 7 :
Master:
Jane and Maura lied there for a while neither of them willing to move scared that it would ruin that perfect moment.
"Do yo u think they'll ever go away?The one of my hands never did."
"Well the cuts on your hand were much deeper, don't worry they should disappear, it might take time but they will. If they don't you can still consider plastic surgery."
"No, if they do disappear on their own, I will keep them ."
"Aren't you afraid that you will never be able to fully recover if you see them every time you look in the mirror?"
"I don't need to see them to remember what he did to me. As long as they don't bother me, I think I will learn to live with them."
"They don't bother me at all. Can I check your back please ?"
"Sure, let me grab the cream." Jane replied suddenly sitting up grabbing the cream and was on Maura's night table along with a small spatula to apply it.
"Well, they don't look as deep. May I examine them more closely ?I'll be gentle." Maura shyly requested .
"I know, I trust you." Jane replied sitting on the edge of the bed her hands on her lap, fists closed.
So Maura as gently and delicately as she could started to examined Jane's wounds feeling that she was holding her breath.
"I'm going to apply some cream now, this might be a bit cold." Maura said as she applied some cream on the small wood spatula.
"I know." Jane nodded.
So Maura who was holding her tears, trying to be strong did what she wanted to do all along : she applied cream on Jane's wounds.
This small gesture might have appeared insignificant for an external witness but in was in fact crucial and probably the biggest move Jane had made towards Maura so far. By letting her see her wounds, examine them and put cream on them, Jane was literally exposing herself to her and to her imagination. It was the ultimate proof of trust for Jane, her way of saying : "I trust you to see what I no one ever saw or will ever see and I trust you to make it feel better."
Maura who was usually quite dexterous with her hands was suddenly shaking and Jane could feel it. She was profoundly moved by Jane's sudden trust and also by what she had in front of her.
After finishing up Maura sat there behind Jane, not knowing what to do. Jane had shared something important and intimate and she felt obliged to do the same.
But for now all she wanted was to just stay here for a few more moments, so she simply leaned over resting her forehead on Jane's back caressing her back.
As she was sliding her fingers on Jane's skin she could feel her trembling.
"You're all set, it was probably cold and burning but you didn't even flinch my good girl." Maura murmured kissing the back of Jane's neck.
As she heard those words Jane was suddenly taken by a violent flashback she couldn't control.
"See that wasn't so hard, was it?You're learning fast, my good girl." The man smiled as he zipped his pants and walked away leaving Jane on the floor naked unable to talk or even breath .
"No, don't call me that." Jane violently said jumping out of bed and punching the wall as hard as she could on the way out.
"Jane…." Maura replied trying to keep her from leaving.
The 30 seconds it took Maura to react were enough for Jane to have disappeared. She spent half an hour looking everywhere in her house and was about to call Frost or Korsak when she noticed the door leading to the garage was opened.
When she entered the dark and confine space Jane was sitting in a corner, her legs lift up against her chest rocking back and forth.
"Jane, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" Maura replied kneeling in front of her.
Jane didn't replied, she continued to rock herself back and forth her look empty from any emotion. She was in a catatonic state and didn't even flinch when Maura took her hand to examined it.
"It doesn't look broken, but you need to put some disinfectant on it, Jane look at me." Maura breathed her hand on Jane's chin trying to make her look at her.
"It hurts." Jane murmured looking at Maura like she was calling for help.
"I'm here, I promise you're going to be alright." Maura replied kissing Jane's hand, her eyes burning from rushing tears that she had to fight once again.
"He…called me his good girl when I did something he liked, he made me do things, I did what he asked…" Jane cried out.
"I know sweetheart, you didn't have a choice he would have hurt you more, it was your survivor's instinct. You did what you had to do to survive." Maura said stroking Jane's hear pulling her against her chest hoping that her heart beats would calm her down.
"Will you ever force me to do things to you or to myself?"
"Oh Jane, of course not, I love you, I would never ask you to do anything you don't want to do. "
"But I would do anything you ask me to, I'll be good to you if you promise not to leave me please, don't leave me I'm scared." Jane pleaded holding Maura so tight she could barely breath.
"Oh Jane what did he do to you?" Maura said to herself as she was gently rocking her hoping she would just fall asleep.
As troubled as Maura was she started to understand what Jane went through. That monster literally took her will and power of decision away, he made her his slave. Jane was so confused that she was willing to be Maura's slave so she wouldn't leave her. As crazy as it sounded she had just begged Maura to be her master, like all she could relate to and recognize as the way to do things was to be obedient …
She had lost track of reality, the flash back sent her back there with him and she couldn't even see that she was with Maura, safe.
So guys I know what you must be thinking : one step forward, two steps backwards...Don't worry Jane will get better, she's already better but some little things can trigger flashbacks and send her back there...
I hope you're not bored and that you don't mind that I'm a bit slow..I'm taking one step at the time...
