A/N: This chapter has the only "M" rated material in the story. It's not terribly graphic and is certainly not gratuitous, but here's your warning just in case as this "M" story has been rolling along without too much mature content 'til this point. One more chapter after this-the requisite "epilogue."
He'd been invited to the Burrow for Christmas, but he'd declined as politely and as insistently as possible. Weeks of hunting through old newspapers and clipping out news articles had made him half-mad. He had finally consulted Ron Weasley, who had given him a long, assessing look before agreeing to pitch in and help the effort. Ron had spent a lot of time in Harry's home, and remembered many of the books that housed his collections.
With Harry and the children gone to the Burrow, and McGonagall's assistance in getting into Harry's quarters, Severus spent Christmas morning arranging books on a smaller bookshelf beside the fireplace. He had added a book that he doubted Harry had had before—"Catching the Elusive Snitch"—and filled it with the best articles about Harry—including his interview with the Quibbler in his 5th year.
With the books housed on their shelves, he then left the children's gifts under the small tree that Harry had set up in the sitting area. The child's potions kit, filled with real ingredients and a beginner's cauldron, would probably make Harry nervous, but Severus knew that Albus would love it. For James there was a set of child-sized Griffindor Quidditch robes and for nearly four-year-old Lily, a tabby kitten that was at least half kneazle.
He played Wizard's Chess with Flitwick after Christmas dinner, then shared a drink with staff members in the lounge before retiring to his quarters with a bottle of brandy and a good book. He had changed into his sleeping attire, adding the wine-colored robe Minerva had given him for Christmas, and finished nearly a quarter of the brandy when he was surprised by a knock on his door.
Curious, he rose to open it and found Harry standing there, dressed in Muggle clothing including a ridiculous green jumper with a gold "H" on the chest. He was alone, and he was carrying a large envelope.
Severus knew within a minute that he hadn't been up to his rooms.
"Happy Christmas, Severus," he said, Severus opened the door and stepped back to allow him to enter.
A small ball of nerves tightened in Severus' gut.
"Happy Christmas, Harry," he returned. He led them to the small sitting area before his fire.
"I'm having brandy," he said, letting the statement stand for an offer.
Harry nodded his head. "That would be good. Thank-you."
Severus filled a glass half-full and handed it to his visitor, then refilled his own glass and sat back down beside his book.
"I didn't expect to see you back so soon," started Severus.
"Oh." Harry looked slightly uncomfortable. He took a drink of the brandy, closing his eyes as he swallowed. "I'm not back for long—left the kids at the Burrow, in fact. But I wanted to bring you something while it was still Christmas." He leaned forward from the sofa and handed the envelope to Severus. Severus could not help but notice that his hand shook slightly as he held out the offering.
Severus took the envelope, looking curiously at Harry then back at the document in his hand. It was plain and unmarked, the flap tucked in, not sealed. He opened the flap and extracted three sheets of parchment.
The seal told him immediately they were from the Ministry.
He read the first, a lump already forming in his throat. An official letter of exoneration for his part in the death of Albus Dumbledore. His hand was shaking when he finished it, and he took another swallow of brandy. The letter was dated November 1st.
He managed to place the letter on the small table beside his chair though his hand was shaking so much he had some trouble. He glanced up at Harry before starting on the second document. The look on Harry's face was unreadable. If Severus had had to guess, he would have said the young man looked terrified.
The second letter was a letter of exemption. Severus T. Snape was to be exempted from any future registration or retribution program against former Death Eaters. "In recognition of his contributions to the final defeat of Lord Voldemort and his loyal followers…" He tried to put the second letter with the first on the table, but it drifted to the floor as he considered the last.
"Harry….this is too much…"
Harry shook his head.
"That last one was rather a surprise. We petitioned years ago and it just showed up last week."
Severus looked again at the letter. The Ministry of Magic was awarding Severus Snape the Order of Merlin, first class, for bravery and deeds during the final campaign….
The fist clenching in his gut twisted. He fought to maintain his composure.
"Harry, I…." He looked up at his visitor, then, knowing full well that his emotions were as unguarded as they had ever been. "I don't know how to thank you. I…don't know what to say even…"
Harry stood up and came over closer to Severus and crouched in front of his chair. He took the last paper from Severus' still shaking hand and laid it with the other on the table. He then took each of Severus' hands in one of his own and held them. Severus felt Harry's fingers smooth over his, felt Harry's thumb tracing circles on his palm.
"You deserve this. And we wanted to thank you for it. You've saved my life again this year. You've been more than a friend to me, and more than an uncle to the children…."
The lump in his throat would not leave. He was hyper-aware of Harry's hands on his, of the heat in those hands. Desire began to well up within him. Instinct made him resort to diversionary tactics.
"I left your gift in your room," he managed to say as he continued to watch Harry's thumbs trace patterns on his roughened palms.
A curious look glanced over Harry's face. He squeezed Severus' hands one last time then stood, wobbling a bit until he got his bad leg sorted out.
"Come with me, then," he said. "You'll want to see me open it, won't you?"
"I'm dressed for bed, Harry…"
Harry shook his head. "As Hermione would say, are you a wizard or what, Severus?" He pulled out his wand and waved it, casting a silent spell that transformed Severus' sleep pants and robe into trousers and a respectable dark green Weasley jumper.
Five minutes later, they were at Harry's door.
"How did you..?" began Harry as he gave the password to get in.
"Minerva," answered Severus and Harry smiled.
There was no telltale package on the table and the ones under the tree were clearly for the children. The kitten mewled from its perch on the sofa and stretched its back. Harry looked around the apartment quickly then back at Severus who had remained standing by the door. Severus nodded in the direction of the bookshelves.
Harry's gaze moved over to the bookcase and an indecipherable look passed over his face as he walked over to the wall and pressed his hand out to graze along the spines of the tomes.
"My books," he said. Severus thought there was something odd or forced about his reaction, and understood that Harry didn't know yet that there was more to the books than their covers.
He turned toward Severus, a grin on his face. "Hermione helped?" he asked.
"A bit," answered Severus. "She knew some of the titles better."
Harry turned back to the books then back again to Severus. "This is unbelievable, Severus. But how did…?"
Severus smiled. "The day Albus was ill and Poppy made me babysit you. I had a chance to study your library while you were sleeping."
Harry's face froze. He slowly turned back to the books, reached up, and removed "Standing Tall with the Giants." He opened it to the front pages and finding the familiar envelope there, closed it again and reached for a second book. "Arthur," he whispered, placing "All Things Muggle" on top of "Standing Tall."
"I am not promising that I found all the titles. I had to make some guesses. And as for the contents…I limited my search to the common British Wizarding sources…"
But Harry did not seem to be listening. He had reached up for another book. As he fingered their covers and opened them, he called them by name instead of title. "Neville… Fred & George… Hermione… Dumbledore… Sirius…. Remus…"
"I made a list to cross-reference them for you," explained Severus, his nervousness showing as Harry continued. "In case I was wrong with some of the titles…"
"Severus…" Harry was holding "Most Potente Potions" now. He opened it to check for the envelope, closed it again and replaced it carefully on the shelf.
And then he was walking toward Severus, limping slightly, as always, but walking with a purpose of mind and determination that seemed unlike the Harry Severus knew of late. He stopped in front of Severus, reached up to place one hand on his shoulder, the other around the back of his neck and then he was kissing him, warm, moist breath ghosting over his neck, kissing him first with insistent lips, then with determined tongue, pushing into his mouth and dancing over his teeth, tasting, caressing. The hand on his neck tightened as Severus forgot his surprise and kissed him back, knowing only pleasure, wanting only Harry. His hands had already moved on their own to rest on Harry's narrow hips and as Harry deepened the kiss, he brought them around Harry's back, pulling him closer. But as Harry moved his lips down to the hollow of Severus' neck, as Severus found his hands tangled in Harry's hair, a voice…a quite unexpected voice…called out from the kitchen.
"Harry? You there?"
"Ron…" mumbled Harry, pulling back from Severus only slightly to mouth the word before moving his lips back to the corner of Severus' mouth.
"Are you there, mate? Mum's asking where you got off to. Is it alright to tell her?"
"Go 'way Ron!" called out Harry with a half-laugh as he pushed a still-startled Severus against the wall. "And don't come in here unless you want to see Severus in a Weasley jumper."
Severus was staring with abject horror at Harry.
"They know?" he hissed. He turned tables on Harry and whirled them around so that now Harry was pressed against the wall with Severus' hands against his, pinning them to the wall beside his head.
A laugh from the kitchen, the sound of a cabinet opening.
"OK, then. I'm taking the scotch with me. You coming back tonight?"
Severus found Harry's eyes locked with his own, a question in them, and perhaps a plea. The corner of his mouth twitched.
"No, Ron…I don't think so," he called out hoarsely as Severus' hand snaked under his jumper and traced up his stomach. "Tell Molly…oh…I'll be back for the kids in the morning…"
"Hermione sends her love…to both of you," Ron called out and with a final laugh and a roar of flames in the kitchen floo he was gone.
"You have some explaining to do, Mr. Potter." Severus' voice was low in Harry's ear as he continued to run his hand over Harry's stomach and chest, wrenching a moan out of the younger man.
"Later," groaned Harry as he tried to grind into his would-be lover.
"Who knows where you are, Harry?" he asked, his lips just touching Harry's earlobe. Harry moaned again and tried to free his hands but Severus bore down even harder. "Who?"
"Ron…and Hermione. That's all…"
"And what exactly do they know?" Severus' voice had dropped a notch. He nuzzled a soft expanse of neck as Harry dropped his head back against the wall.
"Hermione's always known…." whispered Harry as he finally freed a hand and dove under Severus' jumper, winding his hand around and across his back, smoothing over pale skin.
But Severus had lifted his head and was staring at his captive. Harry took the chance and freed his other hand, wrapping it again into the Potion Master's hair.
"And Ron figured it out after the fire," added Harry, very softly, as he drew his startled lover down for another kiss.
Severus' mind reeled as he let Harry explore his mouth, responding without thinking, working his hands up under the green jumper and drawing him close again.
"Why so long?" breathed Severus as Harry's hands crept under the waistband of his trousers, caressing, kneading the soft flesh.
"You weren't exactly jumping me," breathed Harry.
"Duly noted," said Severus as he grasped the bottom of Harry's jumper and pulled it over his head, dropped it on the floor, then moved his hands to the button of Harry's trousers. "You needed time…" He wavered then, only a second, regarding the harsh scar rising above the waistband of Harry's jeans, but the pause was long enough for Harry to notice.
"I told you they were ugly," he said softly as his hands moved up under Severus' jumper again, grazing over the old raised scars on his lover's back.
But Severus had fallen gracefully to his knees, one arm around Harry's thighs as the other hand traced the long scar and was replaced by lips pressing open-mouthed kisses on the delicate skin beside it, between his navel and the hollow of his hip. Harry shivered and seemed to melt back against the wall, a soft moan escaping his lips. Severus embraced him with both hands, pressing his face against the warmth of Harry's stomach, rubbing against the bulge in his trousers with a possessive air. Reflexively, Harry thrust forward then let his knees buckle, sliding down against the wall until he was sitting on the floor. Green and black eyes regarded each other heatedly for seconds before Harry launched himself at Severus, knocking him backwards.
And Severus remembered. Remembered the feel of smooth skin beneath his hands. The fall of heavy hair. The weight on him was more than he remembered, the hair longer, the need even more pressing because it was need suppressed for years. He groaned, clutched Harry's hips and arched up just as Harry pressed down and bit lightly at the base of his neck.
"I want you," breathed Severus into Harry's hair. His hands moved around the younger man's hips to clutch his arse and pull him in even closer. He moaned, unable to swallow the sound, and made an attempt to roll Harry over but the man dug in his knees and kept him in place, moving his mouth from lips to neck to ear, pressing kisses against raised scars and smooth skin. Severus responded by thrusting upward again, the weight upon him satisfying, but wanting to feel skin on skin all the way down. He fumbled between them for the button on Harry's jeans, unfastening it more by chance than by skill.
"It's just like I remember," breathed Harry into his ear. That night, the week before the trial. The night Severus had bloodied his hand punching the wall and Harry had tried to make him stop, sliding between the wall and Severus, but he'd ended up hitting Harry as well, hitting him first, then falling against him, sobbing as Harry held him, Harry's murmurs of comfort morphing into moans as Severus' tears dried and his mouth, buried in the crook of Harry's neck, tasted his skin for the first time then slid up to capture an earlobe before lips met lips and the urgent need to feel, to feel something besides pain and loss and fear overtook them both.
"It's better," breathed Severus, as Harry's mouth moved lower, his breath hot and moist against the soft skin of Severus' belly.
"Yeah, no Voldemort," laughed Harry. "And no horcruxes, no prophesies, no trial…" He tongued Severus' navel and sighed, laying his head against the warm belly. "And no regrets…never any regrets…."
