*spoilers* From here on out, we're at the season finale and beyond. *spoilers* This chapter starts off with a piece of writing from the journal, and the start of Oliver being in a very bad spot. It takes place well after the events of this chapter. My train of thought is Oliver remembering the events from some location. Plus, I wanted to make sure to keep the journal active in the story. I hope you enjoy this. Thanks for reading.

I'm broken. Shattered. I can't be fixed. Felicity tried, but I got scared. Terrified. I ran. I broke my promise to her. My promise to not shut everyone out. To not put myself back on an island. To not be alone. I've been the cause of so much pain. I failed. I'm all alone again. I should have never come home from Lian Yu. I've burned so many bridges that I don't even think Felicity will try to save me. I'm a lost cause that needs to be forgotten. I wish I could forget her. The memory of her haunts me worse than the memory of Laurel. I shouldn't hope for her to come save me again. I don't deserve to be saved.


Tommy. Oliver tried to get Tommy out of CNRI, but the building started to cave in. Tears flowed from Oliver's eyes. Adrenaline was the only thing fueling his broken body as he climbed out of CNRI and into the back alley where his motorcycle was. Laurel was safe, he thought. His brain was shutting down. The vibration of his cell snapped him out of it. Diggle was safe. It was a text from Carly that Diggle made it to her house. Oliver realized that it had been an hour since he had last heard from Felicity. His heart raced and his emotions took over. I can't lose anyone else tonight. Not her.

The chaos of the Glades was a blur as he sped passed heading towards Verdant. He practically jumped off of his motorcycle and ran to the side door to the foundry. "FELICITY!" Oliver screamed as he attempted to open the door. Something was blocking it. Oliver gathered what little strength he had left and pushed the door open. He climbed in, and then locked the door behind him.

The foundry had stayed in tact fairly well. Some random steel bars down, like the one across the door, and some concrete dust over the tables. But no Felicity. Oliver panicked. "Felicity, answer me!" He called out as he began frantically searching the rooms of the foundry downstairs. No sign of her. The tears returned to Oliver's eyes as his mind raced over the possible scenarios. Did someone get her? Did she go out and try to find him and Diggle? Is she pinned under something somewhere in the Glades?

"Felicity, please answer me," Oliver begged. "Please." He couldn't fight it anymore. Flashbacks of the night pounded through his brain. The island. He was shattering. "Felicity, please be here." He pleaded with the empty room, hoping she'd appear. "I can't see another friend die tonight." Oliver said as he started punching the concrete pillar closest to him, near the stairs. He couldn't stop himself. He wanted to kill something. He wanted to hurt. Emotions scared him. Five years on an island taught him to push them back. "Save me..."

His mind was dancing between Lian Yu and reality and imagination. A hand grasped the arm that was not punching the pillar. "Oliver!" He reacted, grabbing the person around the throat.

"Oliver, come back to me." The person choked out, as their small hands clawed at his.

He felt the pressure on his fingers. "Oliver. Come back to me." They said again. He shook his head and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Oliver saw Felicity's neck in his hands. Instantly he released his grasp and started backing up from her. Not again. She matched his steps. "Oliver." She kept whispering his name. Her clothes were different. Work out clothes. She had changed out of her dress. "Oliver." He squeezed his eyes tightly. "You are safe now." She was close enough to grab his hand again.

Oliver looked down at his hand. She was squeezing it harder than she ever had. He stopped and just looked at her. "He is dead," his voice cracked.

"I know," she whispered, her own tears slowly rolling down her cheeks.

"I can't..." Oliver said, giving up. He grabbed her so tightly that it took her breath away, pulling her against his chest. Felicity hugged him back. Pain shot through his body from his injuries. He didn't break the hug. Oliver's strength gave away, and he collapse to the floor. Felicity followed, holding him tightly. Oliver sobbed uncontrollably in her grasp.


Felicity bit her bottom lip. She had to stop crying. Like now. Oliver was literally breaking in her arms. Verdant had survived the earthquake. She'd spent the last hour surveying the damage to the club as well as finding information on all of their loved ones and friends. When Oliver came back, she had been upstairs. This is not how she wanted her first real hug with Oliver to be, but she wasn't going to let go of him.

Felicity changed her grip to have her arms around his neck. Oliver kept his arms rightly around her torso like he was afraid she'd fade away. He had his head resting on her shoulder. Felicity gently pulled back his hood. "Look at me Oliver," she whispered. He didn't move. She put one hand on either side of his head and slowly lifted it. His bluish green eyes were red from his crying. "I'm okay. Nerves are a bit shot, but I'm physically okay." Felicity wait for some type of reply, but none came. He looked through her off into oblivion. "I have been trying to find out what I can about everyone, do you want to know?" He nodded his head softly. "Just stay with me, Oliver, okay?"

"Okay," he whispered, still clinging to her.

"Laurel is safe and at the hospital. Her father is with her." Felicity thought Oliver would want to hear about her first, and Oliver's wince caught her by surprised. Now is not the time to ask, Felicity, she thought.

"Thea made it home. I double checked with Walter. Thea is safe." Oliver relaxed a little.

"Diggle is safe. He'll be in the hospital for a few days. Carly is with him." Oliver nodded.

Felicity's voice caught in her throat. She felt her eyes betraying her want to not cry in front of him. "Tommy's..." She felt Oliver starting to shake, "body was recovered from CNRI. Lance made sure of it." Tears ran down both their cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Oliver." Felicity whispered as she kissed his forehead and hugged him tightly again. He dropped his head back down on her shoulder. Felicity held him until he grew silent.


Oliver couldn't cry anymore. He had lost track of how long he had been holding Felicity. She was the only thing keeping him here. She was reality. He focused on her touch to keep him from completely checking out. When he grew silent, she slowly pushed away. "No..." Oliver choked out. I'll fall apart. You are holding me together.

Before he could pull her back into his chest, she saw the blood on her tank top. "You are bleeding, Oliver!" He had forgot about the stab wound. "I know you aren't going to let me get you to the hospital, so please let me check it."

The sight of the blood on her shirt scared him. "It's not your blood right?"

"No." She grabbed his hands. "I changed into these clothes before I went to check the damage to the club. Heels don't make for good earthquake shoes. This is your blood." She put her hand over the wound on the left side of his chest. "I need to get your hood off. How bad are you wounded?"

"Pretty bad." He kept his eyes focused on her. "Tie me up."

Her eyes showed her surprise. "Huh?"

"A man in pain can not be trusted. Last time I was this injured, I was already unconscious when you helped Diggle take care of me. I do not want to hurt you again tonight, Felicity. Just do it." Oliver snapped.

"I will," She nodded calmly.

Oliver kept his eyes on her as she gathered what she needed from around the foundry. A strip of thick leather to tie his good hand to the table. The medical cart. Bottles of water. Towels. She sat back down in front of him and pushed her glasses back up. "How are you so calm, Felicity?"

"A couple shots of vodka and adrenaline. You need me right now." The image of her taking a swig of vodka was an interesting distraction as she unzipped his hood. She looked up at him as she slid his good arm out.

"Tie it up now." Oliver gritted. Felicity tied it as tight as she could to the metal table leg. Please don't let me hurt her.

"Are you ready?" She asked. Oliver could only nod. "Look at me, Oliver," and she pulled his hood off his left arm. He didn't want to scream, but he couldn't help it. His eyes watered as the pain shot through his body. "Look at me, Oliver!" Felicity yelled back. He focused back on her. He hadn't hurt her. Good. "I'm going to cut your t-shirt off to limit moving your arm anymore than we have to."

Oliver watched her work. Months ago, Felicity Smoak was squeamish at the sight of blood, but not anymore. I changed her. She changed because of me. I don't want her to change. Oliver's brain wanted to shut off and check out of reality. "Felicity, I'm scared. I'm fading. I'm so tired. Talk to me please." Oliver whispered.

When Felicity looked up, she was crying again, "Stay with me, Oliver." She had his shirt off. "What do you want me to talk about?"

"Anything." I just need your voice to keep my demons from taking over.

She pour some water into a container of gauze and began to clean his wound. "You would rather ride on your motorcycle, rather than in a car."

"Why do you say that?"

"The freedom." She looked into his eyes. "You spent five years on an island. The car feels closed off and confined. It makes you nervous every time you are in one for too long."

She was right again. "What else have you noticed?"

"You aren't sure how to touch people. Rarely are you the first one to initiate contact unless it's a fight. I don't know if it's because you think you don't deserve comfort or if you just aren't sure how to go about it." Felicity starred into his eyes. "It's like you think you'll break us."

Oliver did not reply and tried to keep his face steady. He looked down at his wound, "No stitches needed. Good." It had stopped bleeding, thankfully. He did not want to have to make Felicity do that.

"I'm going to disinfect this, and I know it is going to hurt." Felicity prepared him. "Ready? I'll be quick."

Oliver's jaw clenched tightly shut as the solution hit both wounds. Felicity kept her word and was quick. Before he could really focus again, she had bound the entry and exit wounds bandaged. "Oliver." He looked over at her. "I'm going to untie you now, okay?" Oliver felt himself nod. The leather strap fell to the floor.

He just sat there. "What now?"

"You need to get some rest. You could have died tonight." The thought of sleep sent him into a panic, and he knew his eyes told Felicity that.

"I won't let them take you." Felicity whispered. "I'll be right back."

Oliver watched her walk around the foundry again. She switched off what lights were still working. Grabbed her tablet and phone. She sat those on the table next to the sofa. When she came back to him, she held out her hand, "Come on." Oliver grabbed her hand and let her lead him to the sofa. She sat him down and began to unlace his boots. Oliver reached out and touched her blonde hair that was falling out of her pony tail. He stopped thinking awhile ago and just reacting. Felicity laid Oliver down on the sofa and covered him with a blanket. She squeezed his hand tightly. Oliver sighed. "I'm scared, Felicity."

"Close your eyes." Felicity laid down next to him.

Oliver felt his body relax at her warmth. He wrapped his arms around her, as she laid her head on his chest. "Thank you, Felicity." Oliver slurred as his exhaustion overtook him.


It took Felicity longer to fall asleep. Her brain would not shut off. She'd once had a dream like this. A very, very different situation of a dream. She pushed that thought away. Right now, her best friend needed her. He had a love, and it wasn't her. She'd made peace with that. She thought. Felicity kept her ear over Oliver's heart to make sure he kept breathing. He had lost a lot of blood, and with how busy they were lately, he hadn't restocked the blood supply in the foundry. "Don't die on me, Oliver. Hold on." Felicity whispered. In his sleep, Oliver tightened his grasp around her. That eased Felicity's brain a little and sleep followed shortly after.