A/N: Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated. I really have no excuse. The vote for who should come through the door was a tie, so I wrote both Aqualad and Starfire, and this is how it ended up. I hope you like it.
Chapter Seven: Letting Go
Starfire is standing in the doorway with her mouth open. My stomach tightens. Worse, Aqualad is standing behind her. It doesn't matter that it isn't Robin. They'll tell him, unless I can convince them otherwise. Of all the Titans, these two are some of the least likely to take the news to Robin. Even least likely, though, isn't a good chance.
I reach out, to pull them into the room so I can try to explain. There has to be some way I can make them understand. Starfire shakes her head,
"If Robin were against us, I would love him still."
She smiles at me and walks away. Aqualad hits the button to close the door. I look down at the dark carpet beneath my feet, realizing again how wrong this is, what I'm doing with X.
"Raven," He says slowly, "Maybe you'd like to explain this?"
Closing my eyes, I pull myself together. By the time I look up, my face is composed. Even the confusion, even something almost like pain in his dark eyes cannot sway me.
"I have the right to make my own choices."
I can tell that is not what he expected me to say. I can tell, with a stab of guilt, that my tone hurt him. He draws himself up, taller than either of us.
"He is against everything we stand for."
Behind me, X shakes his head.
"I'm not as bad as you think I am."
"You stay out of this!" Aqualad snaps.
I understand why he's so angry. What I don't understand is why he isn't angry with me. He should be. He has every right to be.
His eyes fix on mine. He can only communicate telepathically with marine life, but he has the focus of a telepath and his thoughts are easy to catch.
Why?
There is more than one question in that single word.
Why? Why him? Why this? What do you think you're doing?
I don't know. I don't know why him. What I'm doing is wrong.
Because I cannot help it.
He stares at me for a long moment. Just stares, his wide, inhuman eyes caught in mine.
"Could I talk to him, then?" He says at last. "Alone?"
I study his face. He doesn't look like he wants to fight. Hands on my back push me gently toward the door.
"Go," X whispers in my ear. "I'll be fine."
Aqualad is already moving forward as I step out into the hall and close the door. I go up onto the roof.
It is a quite evening. The sun is sliding into the sea, bathing the city in blue and flaring in the glass of the windows facing the bay. I sink cross-legged to the floor, closing my eyes. A light breeze swirls around me. I resist the urge to go back and listen to their conversation. I'm sure Aqualad has a good reason for wanting to speak with X alone.
"Azerath, Metrion, Zinthos."
Aqualad isn't going to start a fight.
"Azerath, Metrion, Zinthos."
I really need to meditate.
"Azerath, Metrion, Zinthos."
Deep, slow breaths.
"Azerath, Metrion, Zinthos."
Breath in…Breathe out
"Azerath, Metrion, Zinthos…"
( )
It is dark by the time a hand on my shoulder pulls me from meditation. Aqualad helps me to my feet, though it isn't necessary. His hands are warm. It has grown chill since I came up here. X is nowhere in sight. Aqualad is silent for a long time. The only sound is the distant song of the waves breaking on the shore far below us.
"He really likes you, Raven."
I look up at him. We are standing close enough that I have to tilt my head back to meet his eyes.
"Is that what you wanted to talk to him about?"
He nods.
"And you trust him, even though he's a thief?"
He sighs.
"I trust him not to hurt you. I know what happened last time, Raven, and I'm not letting this be a repeat."
"You didn't tell him, did you?"
What would he think of me, if he knew?
"No. Of course not."
Aqualad smiles sadly.
"I would never do that to you."
I nod.
"Garth-"
I rarely call him by his real name. It is a tribute to our friendship that I even know it at all. We are alike, he and I, in many ways. I do not want him to answer this question as a Titan, though maybe I should. I want him to answer me as a friend.
"Garth, is this so wrong, what I'm doing?"
He is silent for a long time before he shakes his head. His hand is a reassuring weight on my shoulder
"Sometimes, Raven, following your heart is more important than following the rules."
"Rules are made to be broken," X adds, appearing beside us.
Aqualad shakes his head.
"Although I have to question your taste, Raven. What is it you see in him?"
"Sometimes I ask myself the same question."
X, despite the mask, manages to look hurt.
"It's my charm, of course."
He looks down at himself.
"And my amazing body."
The grin is evident in his voice. I almost smile. Aqualad looks disapproving.
"I think not. You're much too thin."
He gestures at himself.
"This is an amazing body."
Boys.
"Azar spare me from the egos of men in spandex," I mumble, mostly to myself.
They both look at me.
"You know you love the way I look in spandex," X says happily.
Aqualad chuckles.
"I should be going or the others will worry."
He gives me a brief hug and goes to the door. X's arms slide around me as he disappears.
"Now do you believe me?"
I nod, leaning against him.
"We shouldn't be up here on the roof, where anyone can see us."
"What, not planning on anyone else finding out?" X teases.
"No," I say firmly as I transport us to my room. "Not anytime soon."
We sit down on the bed, facing each other. He brushes a gloved hand across my cheek.
"This is difficult for you."
I look down.
"Robin and I have been through a lot together. What would he think of me if he knew I was going out with a villain? Any villain would be bad, but you're at the top of Robin's list. Only Slade would be a worse choice."
Red X is silent, looking at me. He reaches out and pulls me close, sliding his fingers through my hair. I relax against him. It has been a very long day and I feel secure in his arms. The logical part of my brain berates me again, telling me that I shouldn't feel safe with him. But Aqualad said that I could trust him. My eyes slide shut.
"I could stop stealing," He whispers.
