Here I sit in an empty waiting room. The doctor had referred me to an abortion clinic that had a free appointment.

I'm sorry, little one. If the circumstances were different then my opinion about all of this would be very different but I can't put both of us at risk. I'll bear your pain for you.

"Miss Ogawa?" Looking up, I saw a thin woman with ivory skin and brunette hair that had been tightly scraped back into a neat bun. Her features looked tired and full of sorrow. I guess working in a place like this can take it's toll. I bet she was once full of energy and joy. "Please follow me."

The walk down the narrow corridor was long and boring. Neither of us wanted-or even knew how- to break the awkward silence. There was no conversation to start and a joke would be viewed as disrespectful.

***

After a series of check-ups, scans, background checks and lectures, I left the building with 4 pills in a small bottle. I'd had to take one in there and there was no turning back now. Within the next few days I would have a miscarriage and it will all be over. The chicken's way out but I felt unusually brave doing it. This chicken was too afraid of the fox to trust it with it's eggs.

It was just turning six when I looked up at the clock tower in the town centre. Hisoka didn't mind me being out as long as I got back for midnight so I started walking to Haruhi's house using the address and directions she had given me.

Three swift knocks to Haruhi's door and seconds later she had opened it. What I didn't expect was the whole host club sitting inside. Just what I needed when I felt on the verge of tears.

"Eri-chan! What a surprise. Why are you here?" Honey was the first to pipe up.

"I...I just..." My voice trembled no matter how hard I tried to steady it. My eyes filled with unvoluntary tears. Why was this so hard? I chose my child's destiny. On my way here I'd passed so many happy couples pushing prams and holding toddler's hands. Why did I care so much?

"Guys can you leave? We need to talk just us girls." The guys left reluctantly. And when the last one went through the door I broke down, my knees buckling and hitting the floor. "I guess you went through with it then."

"Haruhi, I feel so miserable. People passed me buy with children and I envied them. I kept thinking how much God must hate me to put me through all the sorrow I've suffered." Words ran out of my mouth in flooded to match my tears. I knew I must look a mess but I couldn't hold all these emotions in any more. I'd been bottling them up since my parent's death to keep my twin strong because I felt I owed him something but now...now I owe him nothing. He owes me everything. My messed life, my stolen virginity, my broken heart, my shattered soul. Everything that had gone wrong was his fault.

And I hated him for it.