WARNING: In the flashbacks we have the afterwards of the accident, so the child death thing will be really strong here. Also, mentions to the miscarriage again.
P.S.: All medical information in here is as real as possible, just of course, not Sarah's miracle awakening from coma. Am I a medical geek? A huge Grey's Anatomy fan? Or just someone who had to face lots of med classes only to get a teaching degree? All of it, lol.
Robert and Isabelle couldn't wait for an ambulance, but none of them were feeling good enough to drive either, so Ruby took them to the hospital in her bright red car. It was just around eight when they arrived and doctor Whale took Sarah in alongside his new assistant, Ariel and it took him only a few minutes to come back to the waiting room. Ruby had already left to help Granny tying up the dinner and Gold was alone with Belle who was impatiently toying with the handle of her purse. Only a small sight of Whale and she was up on her feet again, eager to know any news about their girl; Gold however needed a longer moment to stand up with the help of his cane.
"Sarah is not in coma again," Whale said and both of them were able to breathe properly again. "She just fainted."
"Oh, thank God," Belle sighed in relief. "But why did this happen?"
"I'm not sure yet, we are making a few more exams," he answered taking a quick look at the tablet he was holding. "You can see her once we are done."
They thanked him and Whale disappeared in the corridor and Belle hugged herself as she watched him leave. It was only then that Robert realised she was still wearing the same dress Ruby had gifted her with and it had no sleeves and was rather short, ending just before her knees. He thought himself an idiot to not have noticed until now that she must have been trembling all the time.
"Are you cold?"
"A little bit, yes..." Belle admitted and he took off his jacket, placing it around her shoulders and receiving a brief but grateful smile from her before it faded and she whispered: "I'm afraid."
"I know, but she is going to be alright. Sarah survived coma, she can survive whatever decease is taking her."
Opening his arms for Belle, he let her nestle on his chest in what he thought to be an instinctive gest. She needed comfort, he wasn't the right person to offer it and probably the last one she would like to, but he was the only one she had right now.
"Let's just hope," Belle murmured and allowed him to lead her back to their seats.
It was going to be a long night, but as long as it ended-up well, neither of them wouldn't mind spending hours and hours awake.
Seven Months Ago.
She woke up feeling hazy and sleepy, too numb to be just awakening in a normal day at her own bed beside her loving husband and that was how reality hit her hard. Belle was laid of her back, arms resting at each side of her body an insistent beeping resounding in the walls, her body felt twice as heavy as it did before and her head ached. Turning her head to the other side, she saw a grumpy nurse taking notes.
"My children?" Belle tried to ask but her voice sounded low and hoarse.
She coughed a couple of times, causing the nurse to look up, leaving the medical records, in which she was working, aside.
"Mrs. Gold, it is so good to see you awake," the woman attempted to smile, but it was a very fail attempt. "Do you know where you are? The name of the place you were born?"
"Do I look like a fool?" Belle answered harshly. "This is Storybrooke's freaking hospital, now tell me what happened to my children."
In other days she wouldn't have treated that poor woman so badly but her worry was interfering in her behaviour. Belle remembered everything perfectly, from the moment the car started to spin unstoppably in the road, by the moment she yelled at David Nolan to safe her children and leave her behind. Obviously, they all had made it to the hospital, so they should have some information and right now, she needed it.
Belle tried to sit up but groaned with a sharp pain that surged from her abdomen, which made her remember about her own wounds and the child she most certainly lost. Tears came to her face, as Belle let herself fall back to the pillows and the nurse touched her shoulder empathically.
"Please, Mrs. Gold, calm down, "she begged, looking genuinely worried too. "You've been through a very delicate surgery, you lost lots of blood and there were permanent damages. You lost the baby you were expecting, but even if it was due to the accident, it would have happened anyway, because you were going through an ectopic pregnancy."
"Excuse me?" Belle furrowed at the new term.
"It means the baby hadn't settled on your womb when it should've. The mass of cells was trapped on your right tube which cause the loss of it. I'm afraid the other has been damaged in the accident and is dysfunctional by now, so I'm truly sorry to say you probably will never conceive again."
Slowly, her eyes slid shut. It didn't bring her any comfort to know it wouldn't have been a successful pregnancy even if anything had happened and hearing the words "mass of cells" made Belle want to jump to the nurse's neck and strangle her. It was a baby, no matter how little it was. A life had been lost, they hadn't removed a cancer. She hated medicine sometimes. And she hated the fact she was never going to have the chance of having another child anymore, but couldn't give much a thought about it now, not when she still had two precious little ones to care about.
"I want to see my children," she told the nurse, throwing the sheets that covered her away and managing to sit up successfully this time, even though it caused her a horrible pain.
"I don't think this is the right thing to do now."
"Well, you don't get to decide it, I do," Belle answered pulling herself up to her feet and sliding to the wheelchair before she could fall. "Take me to them."
The nurse's lips tightened as she reached for the records again, when she turned around again, Belle could see that her name was Gabrielle Smith. She would never forget it, because that woman was the responsible for telling her the worse news of her life.
"Mrs. Gold, you should prepare yourself," Ms. Smith said, snorting heavily. "It was a very serious accident. Your son, Baden wasn't wearing a belt, he was thrown out of the car."
Of course, Belle already knew it, she had seen it with her own eyes, but it didn't yet make sense to her.
"Is he alright?"
"He had an internal bleeding that we managed to stop, but he hit his head really badly on the fall," there was a pause, a really long pause in which Belle swore her heart stopped in anticipation. "He was brain dead when he arrived two days ago. Last night the rest of his body gave up."
Still, the words meant no much to her for long, long seconds. Maybe her mind didn't want to make sense out of it, because she knew the pain would eventually come, but Belle stayed there, staring at the nurse with a limp face. Then, she started to shake and tears started to fill her eyes as the silence helped her to understand. His brain died, his heart gave up. He was dead. Her boy, her beloved Baden was gone.
The memories came in a flash: the first time she held him, just a toddler sucking his own finger, the day he called her his mama after his teacher saying his mother was there to pick him. Belle had been stunned by how quickly children could get attached to people and accept realities, Baden never had a mother, so when someone presented him the chance of having one, he embraced it gratefully. From that day and own, she was mama, mummy or simply ma all the time and she couldn't be happier. One day, Belle was simply a librarian dating the mysterious pawnbroker and in the next one she was taking a little boy to the park and buying him gifts.
People say your life chances once you feel your baby moving within your womb for the very first time, hers did when Baden Gold giggled at her from his father's arms and stretched himself into her direction, silently asking to be hold. Now, it was all over and she couldn't quite accept it.
"I want to see him," Belle demanded, taking away the clip on her finger that plugged her to one of the machines and looking up at the nurse. "Please, he is my boy."
It was probably what made the nurse sigh loudly and push her wheelchair through the white corridors of the hospital, but when they reached for the metal door and Belle saw that Gold was coming from the opposite direction, accompanied by another doctor, she understood they would eventually have to face it anything, if now or then it didn't truly mattered. She reached for his hand when he approached and Belle noticed there was a gesso covering one of his legs.
"Robert," she mumbled in a broken voice. "Did they tell you?"
He nodded wordlessly, eyes fixed in her face. It was like the moment they got married and they looked at each other knowing they had a new responsibility, but this time it was all too sad and heart-breaking to have a beautiful meaning. They were in this together just like they were in anything else for live, but none of them wanted to go on with this and see what waited for them behind that metal door. Time was needed, but their companions couldn't quite understand it and pushed their chairs inside.
Victor Whale, one of the towns most known doctor was there, talking to a redhead, but he turned around when he heard the door been open and his face became expressionless as he walked towards the table in the centre of the room and uncovered the small body above it.
"Mr. Gold, Mrs. Gold, I'm really sorry."
But no condolences could be really heard by now. Robert and Isabelle's eyes were fixed on Bae's pale face, eyelids closed and a bit more protuberant than it would have been before. It was one of the effects of the brain dying first, Belle had read once. Until now she had stuck to medical terms that only made sense for her in books, however once Bae was laid in front of her and she could see the reality with her own eyes it all became real and made her shoulders shake as started to sob. He wasn't moving. He would never move again.
"No," she heard Robert murmuring beside her. "No, please no."
With some effort he pulled herself up to her feet, feeling the jolts of pain take her breath way, but she managed to slid to the metal table, taking a seat beside her son and touching his cold face.
"Bae… My sweet, darling Baden," she wept, lifting him up on her arms and hiding her face on his hair. "No!"
Her scream was a painful and pitiful thing to hear, she was crying, holding a dead boy in her arms and all everybody could do was to watch, because of them understood her pain. Gold was still sat on his chair, silent tears falling from his eyes, getting more and more constant at each second. Whale took a deep breath and approached Belle, laying a hand on her shoulder.
"Mrs. Gold you can't - "
"Get your hands off me," she yelled at him. "I want my son! My Bae!"
"Isabelle - " he tried again.
"No," the brunette retorted. "He was supposed to be going to a party. He asked me to take him to the movies! He is just a child!"
She was getting hysterical and he gently tried to pull Baden's body away from her, but Belle acted like a fierce lioness protecting her puppies, she wouldn't let go and the hospital couldn't allow her to keep in contact with a deceased person when she had just gone through a surgery. The doctor summoned the other two and pointed at Belle.
"Take her out and give her some medicines to calm her down," Whale instructed.
There was a quick battle in which Belle fought to not be separated from Bae but ended-up being dragged away by Robert's doctor as she screamed repeatedly: "I don't need your fucking medicines I need my son!"
"Mrs. Gold..." Whale trailed off in a weary voice.
"Where is Sarah?" Belle asked with a sob. "Is she dead too?"
He shook his head, but by the wrinkles that appeared in his brow she knew nothing good was about to come and, oh, what she wouldn't give to be the one thrown out of the car to certain death in that moment.
"She is in coma," he answered.
Then, she felt something jabbing her arm and everything went dark.
Present days.
Exams took a long time to get ready, it was no surprise for anyone, so Gold and Belle had made themselves comfortable near Sarah in the emergency room. She was awake when they first entered there, a bit confused on why she was back to that place, but once they explained her the doctors thought she could be sick and needed to know what was making her faint, she was pretty understandable and fell asleep in her mother's arms. But it had been hours ago.
Robert had allowed himself to take a nap on the chair beside Sarah's bed, in which Belle was curled up with her, however he woke up after no much time and checked his phone to see there were a thousand and one missing calls from Ruby Lucas, but didn't give much a thought to it, he had no news for her and Belle would eventually make the call herself. He sighed and fixed his eyes on what was left of his family, sleeping on that hospital bed. Gold heard steps coming from the hallway and glanced over his shoulder to see Whale walking towards him.
"Excuse me, can we talk outside for a moment?"
He nodded to the doctor and got a hold of his cane, standing up with some difficulty and shaking Belle's shoulder to wake her up. Her nose wrinkled beautifully and she whimpered before opening her eyes.
"Sweetheart," Robert murmured, brushing the hair away from her face. "The doctors have news."
Whale was waiting for them in one of the corridors away from the patients and he had his "bad news face" on, which made Gold feel out of breath. He had been hoping and praying – even thought it was a really out of faith thing from his part – ever since he saw his daughter laying still in Ruby's arms, and now he knew it all was for nothing. Something as already happening and he doubted they could stop that. And, God, he couldn't lose another child.
"So what Sarah have is a deep anaemia. That's probably due to the time she spent in coma receiving all those kinds of medicines," Whale begun, looking between them as if he was making sure both were still fine. "We need to start a treatment soon or it can turn into a leukaemia."
"And what shall be done?" Gold immediately questioned.
"The most recommended treatment, the faster and more efficient uses stem cells," he explained. "We usually ask the family for identical sample, because it can take us years to find one that matches Sarah, but well, it is out of consideration in here, so we will start with more meds and try to find matching cells to use in her."
Glancing at Belle, he could see that she had her eyes closed and was nodding slowly. He knew what she was thinking, f it wasn't for the things that happened in that accident or the way she had been hurt, then maybe they could have a chance to save their daughter for sure. Gold wasn't an idiot, he knew stem cells could only be find at the beginning of a life and an identical sample required the same genetic material as Sarah. It was going to be a rocky road to find a donor compatible to her.
"There is nothing we can do to help?" Belle asked, hopelessly.
"Did you keep the blood of Sarah's umbilical cord stocked somewhere?" the doctor inquired. "Because that would be a life-saver."
Once upon a time he remembered hearing about clinics that stocked those kind of things, but who could ever imagine you would need stem cells to any sort of treatment? Only a few people in this world needed this stuff and they could never guess Sarah would be one of those.
"No," his wife shook her head. "We never thought it could be of much use."
"Well then, I'll prescribe her the right medicine and you can take her home," Whale said, lips tightened as he looked for a pen in his coat's pockets. "I'll keep in contact about the cells."
They nodded, hearing him curse over the fact he had lost another pen, before making his way to the main counter to ask the attendant for one. Robert turned around to look at Belle and saw that she was visibly shaking, a hand pressed firmly to her throat.
"Are you alright?"
"I'm trying not to throw up," she confessed.
He quickly disappeared on the hallway and came back a few seconds later with a plastic cup in his hands, offering it to her and helping Belle to sit as he cradled her shoulders in his arms. It was a too-intimate gest to a basically divorced couple, but she never sent him any papers to sign and didn't ask people to use her maiden name in any occasion, so he thought that maybe it was alright to give her some comfort.
"Drink some water it will be good for you," he advised and she lifted the cup to her lips, drinking eagerly.
Belle had never spoken about her weekly sections with Archie, although he knew she kept going there, because all the trauma had affected her deeply and sometimes he wondered if she would ever be the old Belle again. Crying the way she was doing now, had never been her thing.
"Sarah will be alright, won't she?"
"Yes, my love," Gold guaranteed, although he too needed some reassurance. "I promise she will."
The doctor came back a few moments later with the prescription and he took her and a still sleepy Sarah to the library's apartment. Gold then, worked like the father he once was, sending Belle to take a bath while he cleaned the make-up and the glitter from Sarah's face and changed her fairy outfit for a pair of pyjamas, he tucked her in bed and was just about to leave when Belle appeared in the room, wearing a huge t-shirt and a pair of shorts. She slid under the covers of the bed and tapped the empty space by her side.
"Robert, can you stay with me tonight?"
He wanted to say no, to confess it would only break him even more if he spent the night cuddling her knowing they had no future, but her voice was a pleading he couldn't deny anything to, so he took off his jacket, tie, waistcoat and shoes and laid by her side, allowing Belle to tuck herself under his chin, getting comfortable before falling asleep.
The night had been a true hell for him. Gold hadn't been this close from his wife for six months now, he had a lot to think given Sarah's new condition and all he could to was try to control himself and not enjoy too much the warmth of a woman's body beside his. He was afraid of falling asleep and accidentally having a wet dream about Belle, which wouldn't be a surprise to happen this days, but he didn't want to shame himself, so he kept awake instead, watching the beauty sleep and wondering how he could have been so lucky for her to have wanted him one day.
It wasn't the case anymore of course. She was sad, needed comfort and he was there to hold her when she needed, but he was pretty sure once Belle woke up she would expel him from her apartment just like she did the day Moe entered there without permission. He had to admit that he missed her, though. She was the love of his life and he wished he hadn't being such a bastard to pull her away the way he did. Gold knew she would have continued to fight for them if it wasn't for the things he said and, if today she didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore, then it was his own fault.
And as a big bastard as he was, he couldn't help but remembering the amazing years he had spent by Belle's side during that night. Life had once been magical for them, but today it was only a weird black and white path they didn't want to be facing.
When she eventually woke up, around six in the morning, Belle offered him coffee and Robert had a nice breakfast by her side before excusing himself to work. Not that he was really planning on staying much time open like he did every Sunday after Baden's death, today actually, he needed a drink stronger than the expresso Belle gave him. He made his way to the shop feeling exhausted enough to not notice the man standing in front of his door at first.
"Mr. Gold, I was waiting for you," detective Rogers said with that stupid smile of his.
"I told you to get away from me," Gold remarked finding his keys and opening the shop's door. "I don't want to have anything to do with this case, I have my own problems."
"But - "
Rogers was interrupted by the sound of a car's door being rudly closed and looked away from Gold to see a little blonde girl, about ten years old rushing to his side.
"Papa!"
"Tilly, I thought I've told you to say in the car."
"Mummy is calling you again," the girl explained lifting up a cell, "should I turn the phone off?"
"Good idea, now go back," Rogers insisted.
Rolling her eyes, the girl finally did as he said. He couldn't even count how many times Bae did this same thing, rolling his eyes like he thought the whole world was a silly place. Gold would do anything to see him doing it now and if it wasn't for that one job he agreed to do for Regina - and not exactly for her, but for the whole town's sake - he would still have his son there with him.
"Let me warn you about something, detective," Gold said, against his better judgment. "If you love your child, get the hell away from this town, because seven months ago I had a beautiful, strong boy and now, because of this case he is dead."
The other man's eyes got wide and he sensed that Rogers was about to say something, however Gold didn't give him the chance, he entered his shop and slammed the door shut behind himself. He went to behind the counter and opened the safe where he kept a good scotch and a few other things, finding a glass and opening the lid when a bang came from the backroom and Robert turned around, startled.
"Who is there?"
He wasn't really expecting the curtains to be pulled away to reveal Jefferson Madden, in fact he thought a cat might have broken in through that gap on the window he always forgot to fix, however there was only one person in that town despite of Belle who had his shop keys. His fucking best friend.
"Hey, I was looking for you," Jefferson said with his usual large smile. "Sorry I didn't make it to Sarah's birthday, Grace has a flu, but I've got her a present."
Madden put a sparkly purple box on the counter, but Gold merely snorted at it, because he truly wanted to be alone right now and Jefferson was ruining his intentions to drink until he passed out.
"Thanks, I'll get it to her tomorrow," he answered, hoping the guy would leave, which he obviously didn't.
If there was one insistent person in Storybrooke, it was certainly Jefferson. The reason they were friends was probably because they were very alike, bad childhood, a thing for sarcasm, hate for most of the town, lots of money and an unconditional love for their wives and children. Belle had always enjoyed hanging out with him and Alice, but it had been quite a while since he saw Madden.
Not that he hadn't received quite a lot of messages, phone calls and some visits from time to time, but Gold didn't want to see anyone after Baden's death. He had accepted company during the funeral, but it was only because it was supposed to be short and quick moments of condolence. Then, he preferred to deal with his pain all by himself, which was why he felt angry at himself for not just going home instead of coming to the shop, as Jefferson had started to pace around with no intentions to leave.
"You need to stop opening this place at Sundays," Madden suggested. "The whole Storybrooke is closed."
Sighing deeply, Gold leaned against his cane impatiently.
"Jefferson, why did you come here?"
"Ruby said that Sarah fainted," he answered.
Of course, she did. A damned secret couldn't be kept in that town. Not that he didn't know Ruby had probably told him about that because she was worried and knew that Jefferson was one of the only few people capable of talking some sense into him, since Belle wasn't able to do it at the moment, but it didn't made him feel any less irritated.
"Anaemia," Robert explained. "Another thing we didn't need to face."
He took the bottle of scotch in hands again and started to pour himself a drink before Jefferson's hand stopped him. Gold arched an eyebrow at him, wondering how he could dare to put himself between him and his scotch, but the expression in Madden's face was so serious that he truly caught the preoccupation in there.
"It's ten in the morning, you are not drinking," Jefferson stated. "Come on, you are going home with me."
"I don't want to get a flu," Gold grumbled, watching as he picked the bottle and closed the lid, throwing the half-full glass on the trash can.
"You are not," he guaranteed. "Alice will be upstairs with Grace all the time and you and I will have some fun with playing chess."
"Jefferson, playing chess is not fun."
Madden furrowed as if utterly disagreeing with it. They used to go out for drinks, play billiards and just talk in general, but as Gold was having this little problem with alcohol, Jefferson obviously wouldn't that him to The Rabbit Hole or any other place like that.
"Alice wouldn't like if I took you to the arcade," Jefferson pondered. "They got some dancers there."
"My child is sick, I don't want to go out," Robert insisted.
"Sarah is strong, we both know it and you won't help with anything if you keep locked here drinking forever," he replied firmly, gesticulating towards the door. "Stop being stupid and come along."
Gold had a choice, he could go or he could stay, but he did followed Jefferson out and not because it was what he truly wanted to do, but because it was what he needed to do to be a better father to Sarah.
It had been ages since Belle felt so safe as she did in Robert's arms in that night, she slept peacefully even after such bad news. She only asked him to stay because she didn't trust herself to not have the biggest anxiety attack she did in her whole life if she stayed alone. Belle felt useless. Sarah needed stem cells and she could be able to provide it for her body still worked like it should. It all was so pointless that she kept having her period every single month but she couldn't actually conceive any more children.
She felt stupid too. Belle had read about stocking umbilical cord's blood and she hadn't given much attention to it, so now all it was left for her was to pray that somewhere out in this world a child would have similar genetic material to Sarah and could save her illness to evolving to a leukaemia.
Her breakfast with Gold had been peaceful, almost like the ones they used to share before, but he left all too soon before she could even attempt to ask him about what was happening between them in the day prior before Sarah fainted. Then, she was left to prepare something for her daughter to eat before she woke up. Sarah came to the living room yawing and rubbing at her eyes. Belle served some sandwiches for her and she started to eat while her mother washed the dishes.
"Mama," Sarah called from her seat by the counter.
"What is it, sweetheart?" Belle inquired, approaching the little girl and touching her forehead to check if she wasn't warm with fever. "Are you feeling alright?"
"Yeah," the little girl waved her head positively, drawing patters on her plate using some of the jam that had fallen from her sandwich. "Last night Bae told me we need to believe in miracles. He said everything will be fine in the end."
Belle smiled at her, but her heart was pounding furiously inside her chest. She truly thought Sarah's dreams were just dreams, but the words coming out of her mouth made her shiver, just as if they were a prediction.
"Your brother had always been a faithful person," she murmured, petting Sarah's hair.
"I believe in him."
And oh, she wished she could have the same faith.
